NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 74: Take Sesame Street To The Jersey Shore

jersey shore sesame street 2

Mash-ups in pop culture are inevitable no matter how blasphemous. If you grew up watching Sesame Street and The Muppet Show, then there’s a damn good chance you are furious over the mere idea of the Sesame Street gang getting mixed up with the cast of Jersey Shore. It’s like the apostles banding together to create one righteously badass boy band, it’s just something that’s never supposed to happen. But when t-shirt sales are involved, all bets are off!

For some reason I can see Bert and Ernie going tanning and doing laundry, but I doubt I’d catch them at the gym since they seem pretty doughy. Maybe The Situation and Pauly D. have inspired them to tone up for beach season or bathtub season in their case? Oscar seems to fit right in. He’s chillin’ in a trash can that has an “I Heart Jersey” sign on it, and I’m sure he’ll be quite happy since we’ve got a helluva lot of trash here in Jersey. They really should’ve got the Muppets in on this and asked Miss Piggy if she wanted to be Snooki.

jersey shore sesame street 1

In the t-shirt pictured above, It looks like Cookie Monster turned red from too much tanning and had a sex change. I always thought Cookie Monster was male but seeing him as Snooki Monster has me worried. I hope Cookie Monster didn’t go and have any weird Muppet operation. I realize it’s only a play on words but who knows, right? Do you have a direct line into Cookie Monster’s personal affairs? Does he tell you his innermost feelings? Maybe he was never comfortable as himself and he engorges himself with COOOOOOKIES to help alleviate his misery. Until you truly know Cookie Monster then don’t make any assumptions! If he wants to have an operation to become a pudgy, tanned guidette who eats pickles instead of cookies, then so be it. We love you either way Cookie Monster.

Susan Sarandon is October’s Garden State Playmate!

Susan Sarandon NJ

Can you imagine that much of the younger generation knows Susan Sarandon from SNL’s “Mother Lover” sketch? I wonder if those same kids would be surprised that she was also quite a hot little number back in her day. Back in her day started about 40 years ago in 1970’s Joe, her first film role. Since then, out of the long list of movies Susan Sarandon has starred in, her performance as the innocent, yet sexy Janet Weiss in 1975’s The Rocky Horror Picture Show is still one of her most memorable.

Susan Sarandon

Casting Sarandon in “Mother Lover” was fitting, since she definitely is a MILF. Are MILF’s allowed to be named Garden State Playmates, you ask? Of course they are! I also chose Susan Saradon to be October’s GSP because even though she was born in New York, she grew up in Edison, NJ and graduated from Edison High School.

Susan Sarandon

Sarandon has had many standout performances and coincidentally, one of her most notable is actually linked with New Jersey. Her role in 1980’s Atlantic City gained her an Academy Award nomination for Best Actress. Sarandon’s film choice is not always predictable or safe which is apparent when scanning her filmography. She’s starred in films such as The Hunger, The Witches of Eastwick, and Thelma and Louise. In the pop culture department, Sarandon starred as Queen Narissa, a badass witch in Disney’s Enchanted, as well as The Simpsons, the live action Speed Racer, and as a guest on Sesame Street.

As you can see, Susan Sarandon certainly has had an impressive career thus far, but she’s most notorious for her knockers, and you can admit it, we’re amongst friends here, you know you want to touch-a, touch-a, touch-a, touch them! So, here’s to you Susan Sarandon! Who the hell needs a lifetime achievement award when you have the honor of being October’s Garden State Playmate?!?!

Sesame Street’s Linda the Librarian

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Sesame Street turns 40 this year and The Sexy Armpit is joining the celebration! Sesame Street’s stake as “must see TV” for young children can be attributed to its fun, furry, and colorful Henson creations, but educational value, continuous innovation and a cast spanning all races has ascended the show to the highest level of quality children’s programming. I’m almost certain that YOU, yes I’m referring to YOU, watched Sesame Street as a child. Some kids were too scared of Muppets like Snuffleupagus or Oscar the Grouch, while others aspired to one day be Super Grover. I guess I was on a lower level of intellect since my sister and I were always more amused by the Yip Yip Martians than anything else on the show. Sesame Street’s educational clips featuring math problems and numbers were actually entertaining to me, but I can’t affirm their effectiveness since I’m miserable at Algebra and anything involving fractions.

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Linda Bove and The Fonz
from the Happy Days episode “Allison,” aired in 1980

Sure, we have to praise the Muppets that live on Sesame Street, but we can’t forget the actors who have starred on the show. Thanks to her Wikipedia entry and The Muppet Wiki, I learned more about Linda Bove who played Linda the Librarian. Bove has been one of the most recognized personalities who has brought national attention to the hearing impaired. Linda’s role as the Librarian is the longest recurring deaf character in the history of TV, appearing from 1972-2003. What’s even better is the fact that her Jersey roots are strong, she was born in Garfield, NJ and attended The Marie Katenbach School for the Deaf in Trenton, NJ. In a quote from Muppet Wiki, Linda mentioned that she tried to incorporate other facets of how a deaf person acts into her character instead of the mundane behaviors that the writers were concentrating on. The Sexy Armpit commends Bove for advancing the country’s often stereotypical perception of a deaf person.

The Avaricious Elephant & The Splendorous Sonic Drive-In

Lucy Elephant Sonic Drive In
I spent the weekend in Atlantic City and Wildwood or “The Wildwoods” as they’re apparently also known as, and I felt the need to report back to you with an account of my experiences.

She’s an icon and she always has people going inside her. No, I’m not talking about Tera Patrick, it’s Lucy the Elephant! For years, I’ve meant to visit this local oddity, but I suppose visiting an inanimate 65-foot elephant doesn’t take precedence over seeing Motley Crue or watching old episodes of Super Powers Team: Galactic Guardians (A man needs to have priorities). While heading home on the Garden State Parkway, I thought “Why not stop in Margate and see Lucy the Elephant?” Not the greatest idea of mine, believe it or not.
After taking the Margate exit, I awoke the voice of William Daniels by firing up my Knight Rider GPS, and he informed us that there would be a toll road in our future. Confused, I wondered why there would be ANOTHER toll since we already exited the Parkway? We began to see signs for a toll coming up as we drove through a swampy dock area. After rolling over a short bridge we officially entered Margate City and we were greeted by a toll exchange that only had room for 3 or 4 cars to go through at a time. I couldn’t believe we were getting soaked for ANOTHER toll! Usually on the Garden State Parkway the toll fees range from $0.50 to $1.00, but this toll was $1.50! Forget appalled, I was downrightsupermuthaf-cking PISSED!!!
Once we arrived at Lucy’s chill zone, the sight of her was exactly what I expected. If you’ve seen pictures of Lucy then that’s all you’ll ever really need. A tour of Lucy’s innards is available, but I assure you it’s nothing like Body Wars. Go ahead and have your girl take silly pictures of you standing under Lucy’s bunghole, it’s all fun and games until 2 1/2 minutes later when you realize you’ve exhausted all activities with the wood and tin behemoth. When it’s time to go, make sure you scrounge up as much change from your pockets as you can, because you’ll have to cough up that $1.50 toll when LEAVING Margate also! The balls on these people! The country is in a terrible economic crisis and they’re charging $3.00 to enter and leave a town to see a f-cking elephant?!?! It’s not like we’re going to get to interact with an animatronic Snuffleupagus!
That $3.00 could have gone to much better use at Sonic.
Rio Grande, NJ’s Sonic Drive-In was the absolute best fast food experience I ever had the pleasure of enjoying. You might think that’s an embellishment because my Sonic cherry has been popped so recently, but it’s every bit as good as their commercials make it seem. For years, Sonic has advertised in the Tri-State area via TV commercials, magazine ads, and billboards, but there’s only one or two locations in New Jersey, and they are not around the corner. We noticed a Sonic billboard while driving into Wildwood and vowed to finally eat there on the way home.
At first, we didn’t realize that Sonic was exclusively a drive in. I figured it was just part of the gimmick and that there must be an option to sit inside and eat, but that’s not the case. When I noticed the patio furniture we opted to sit outside since it was sunny and cool. Did I mention that it was only 10:00 AM? This meal had to serve as my breakfast, lunch, and keep me fueled for the entire monotonous drive home. I ordered a cheeseburger, fries, and a Watermelon Creamslush. All were superb and exceeded my expectations in the taste and quality department.
I shouldn’t have, but my curiosity forced me to check out the nutritional information that’s published on the Sonic website. How could they do this to me? I might as well blow up right now like Violet Beauregarde in Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory. I’d really love to have a Sonic closer to where I live because I’d be there everyday trying a new Creamslush. I know it’s for the better, otherwise they would need a crane to remove me from my bedroom.
If you’re also a Sonic Drive-In virgin, then you might want to take a trip to their Howell, NJ or Hasbrouck Heights, NJ locations to experience it for yourself.

The Sexy Armpit is Brought To You By The Number 11

What’s your favorite number? Do you even have a favorite number? Is it completely lame to have a favorite number? Does this topic even garner enough attention to require a full post devoted to it? I’m sure it will once I tell you that the number 11 has been exiled. I know what your thinking right now. “C’mon Jay, are you that fresh out of ideas that you couldn’t come up with your usual geeky or perverse material?” The survey says: We’ll have plenty of time for the usual stuff, but for now keep in mind how much we revered numbers back in our Sesame Street days:

I bet the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the number “11” is the terrorist attacks of 9/11/01. Not only was the date 9/11 but one of the hijacked planes was American Airlines flight 11. On the anniversary of 9/11 it’s certainly not a proper time to be discussing vulgar tirades in movies, why I want to bang Janine Melnitz, and other useless crap that makes me such a geek. I’d like to get serious for a moment and recognize the number 11 for all its positive accomplishments. The number 11 has held much significance in my life and with that kind of service I hate to see it being cast out as a tragic, unlucky number. As you’ll read in this article 11 is not all bad, and it sure as hell isn’t the loneliest number.

You’ll hear a lot of people say their lucky number is 7. Not only do 7 and 11 share the moniker of a famous convenience store but they also have other similarities. Even though the attack on Pearl Harbor happened on 12/7/41, you don’t see people treating the number 7 like Dr. Richard Kimble, do you? It’s number prejudice! 11/11 is veterans day and it symbolized the end of WW1. So next time you roll up to get a Big Gulp or a Slurpee, take a moment to contemplate the long and storied relationship of numbers 7 and 11.

The world of rock music also has several ties to the number 11. Perhaps the most well known is Spinal Tap who can turn their amps “up to 11” even though others only go to 10. Since then, “Turn it up to 11” has become a rock cliché. My birthday falls on 3/11 and an easy way to get people to remember it is to think of the band 311. They got their name from an indecent exposure ticket issued by the Omaha Police Department which had the code 3.11 on it. Motley Crue founder and rock icon Nikki Sixx heads up Eleven Seven Music, (another instance of the classic 7-11 pairing) a record label that features Crue, Buckcherry, and Marion Raven. On their album Move Along, The All American Rejects feature a song titled 11:11. At some point I’m sure you’ve heard someone (usually a girl) say “it’s 11:11 make a wish.” Then you went on to wish for one night alone with Angelina Jolie instead of the sloppy mess who told you to make the wish.

Recently, after I told my boss that there are all these coincidences regarding my favorite number he immediately thought of 9/11. “You need to change that number” he warned me. I’m not known to be superstitious or reject honest, innocent numerals so I will continue praising the awesome number 11. Through the years of having anniversaries on the date and the number 11 etched on my basketball and track jerseys how can I abandon it now? You expect me to wrap the number in bloody towels and throw it in the trash? No way! I’m hoping it will help me out since I’m off to Las Vegas in a couple of days and 11 is no stranger to sin city. In Blackjack, the ace can be counted as 1 or 11, whichever benefits the player. Also, the 1960 heist film Oceans 11 featuring the Rat Pack and it’s 2001 remake are both considered to be 2 of the best Vegas films of all time. Will 11 be my lucky number in Vegas?

Wikipedia has an exhaustive entry on the meaning of the number 11 and its references in pop culture. Here are a few that are included in that entry and some others as well:

– There’s eleven players per team on the field during an NFL football game. The New York Giants are the only team to retire a #11 jersey.

– The first manned spacecraft to land on the moon was Apollo 11

– The average adult male heart weighs 11 ounces

– The eleventh hour is known as a time of urgency

Ben Hur, Titanic, and Lord of the Rings have each won 11 Academy Awards.

– Mash and Cheers both ran for 11 seasons

**During an “11” Google search I found a page that is just asinine. The site is called “Joy Greetings” but features a picture of the twin towers ablaze. It lists all the numeral coincidences surrounding 9/11. This struck me as ridiculous since there’s no “joy” to be had when thinking of that day and how it relates to being a “greeting” is beyond me. Somewhere the person that runs that site is raking in a ton of money from traffic revenue.