eXXXotica 2014 Video Review

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKMApgvMnjg?rel=0]

The video posted above took a lot longer than expected. It took a couple of weeks to compile the footage for my eXXXotica review and edit it all up with the voice over and now it’s finally done. It felt like it took forever because I wound up sitting at my computer editing every night and dozing off! That’s what happens when you have to work a day job and wake up super early to begin the long commute. Things have been pretty busy around here and may only get busier in the next month or so, but I will always return and begin posting again. It may take me a few extra days to churn stuff like this out, but I’m usually always working on something for the site in one way or another. I hope you enjoy the video especially if you’ve never been to an eXXXotica expo, this will hopefully give you some insight to what it’s like to be at one. I appreciate you stopping by! Follow us on Twitter @sexyarmpit

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.54: Hatchet

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Samuel Barrat a.k.a Shapiro Driver’s License in HATCHET

In Hatchet (2006), the character of the pseudo filmmaker scumbag Shapiro (Joel Murray) was somewhat of a genius if you ask me! Shapiro went around with a video camera recording hot “Girls Gone Wild” type exploits of Misty and Jenna who frequently flashed their goods to the camera.

Shapiro convinced airhead girls that he was a film producer so he could amass his own little porn collection. He was basically a hornball whose name really wasn’t Shapiro after all. There’s nothing worse than a guy who goes around calling himself a filmmaker when he’s actually never worked on an actual film before, but I guess I can let it slide since low budget porn does actually count.

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“So he really didn’t work for Bayou Beavers?” – Misty

In this quick scene, Ben (Joel Moore) finds Shapiro’s wallet. Inside there was an American Excess credit card, $10 bucks, a condom, and a couple of business cards. Ben also pulls out his drivers license to discover that he’s really Samuel Barrat from Newark NJ! He must have been pretty desperate for girls to film if he had to travel all the way down to New Orleans. We also find out that Barrat is a senior marketing manager for Whitman Diagnostics located in Hoboken, NJ. Of course, that was before Victor Crowley made him a headless marketing manager.

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Northeastern areas of NJ have the (201) area code

eXXXotica NJ 2010 Coming This Weekend!

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The Exxxotica convention 2010 comes to The New Jersey Expo Center in Edison, New Jersey November 5th through the 7th! On top of getting to meet your favorite adult film stars, you’ll be able to take part in sexy seminars, watch fashion shows, take part in games and contests, and there’s even an auto and bike show this year! This is the biggest event the adult film industry has to offer in the NY/NJ area, and The Sexy Armpit personally extends our thanks for holding the event right here in New Jersey! For more information, tickets, and directions go to www.exxxoticaexpo.com. LADIES are FREE on Friday!

Here are only some of the stars appearing: Andy San Dimas, Amy Fisher, Gina Lynn, Jersey’s own Joanna Angel and a host of Burning Angel girls, Ron Jeremy, Sunny Leone, Michelle “Bombshell” McGee, Faye Reagan, Jesse Jane, Jenna Haze, Alexis Texas, Tori Black, and Teagen Presley.

Last year eXXXotica was a blast and if you weren’t there, check out the video I made:

Taryn Thomas is January’s Garden State Playmate!

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Porn mirrors pop culture. Porn doesn’t just provide a diversion for legions of horny people, and dictates what home video format we’ll be purchasing for the next 10 years, but also grabs its influences from what’s hot on TV and in the movies. Joining the ranks of porn parodies like Casabangca, Edward Penishands, and Muffy the Vampire Layer, is Jersey Shore XXX starring Jersey born adult film actress Taryn Thomas.

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Taryn Thomas, the dirtiest girl in porn, will be playing Snooki in the upcoming adult version of MTV’s New Jersey based reality show. Even though it may be a departure from her role in Evil Angels Vault of Whores and The Cream Team 2, Taryn’s bountiful skills will easily make any guy she’s in a scene with rise to the occasion.

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Seeking to have more creative control over her projects, Taryn grabbed the shaft by the balls and started her own production company called Taryn It Up Entertainment. I admire her gusto and of course…her busto. Rimshot! In addition to her extensive work in the adult film industry, Taryn has studied cosmetology, has a pharmacy technician license, and even went to real estate school! That is what I call versatile. After she bangs you six ways from Sunday she’ll do your guyliner, prescribe you some allergy meds, and then bring you to a snazzy open house. What a girl!

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After discussing her Jersey roots at the eXXXotica convention in Edison, NJ

If you’re like Paul Rudd’s character, David, in 40 Year Old Virgin, and you have a compilation like Boner Jamz ’03, adding Jersey Shore XXX to Boner Jamz 2010 is a must! Check out the trailer:

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eXXXotica 2009 at The NJ Expo Hall in Edison, NJ

In case you weren’t able to be at Exxxotica this year I’ve captured my experience and edited it into a montage for you. Much of the footage was taken hours before the place became mobbed.

The 2nd annual Exxxotica convention took place on Friday September 25th and The Sexy Armpit was lucky enough to be there sandwiched between all the vibrators, ceramic dongs, and of course tons of adult film stars! It was my first Exxxotica convention and I was honestly impressed with the reverence it paid to an industry constantly faced with adversity. Censorship in the United States relegates anything, even semi explicit material, into the taboo category. You could imagaine the crusade that it took the organizers of the Exxxotica convention to actually bring it to the public. After getting ousted from Secaucus, New Jersey, whether they liked it or not, Edison, New Jersey became home to Exxxotica 2009. Now for my blow by blow account.

Whether you’re into Comic Books, Star Wars, Buffy, or even Twilight, there’s an expo hall somewhere in the country hosting a convention for your pastime. If your pastime is sex and adult films, don’t you feel left out? It’s not so bad if you live on the west coast, especially Los Angeles and Vegas since running into a porn star is way more likely there. Exxxotica also brings their show to Miami so it’s only logical to hold another leg of the convention only miles away from New York City. It’s about damn time that a sexpo not just for industry folk came to the Northeast. The opportunity to rub implants or elbows with girls (or guys) you’ve only fantasized about on the computer or in magazines is pretty special regardless your views on sex. If people can dress up as a Klingon, go to a Trek convention, and stand on line for Nimoys autograph, then why the hell not have a sex convention where you meet tons of your favorite porn stars and have the chance to preview and purchase the latest sex products?

You don’t have to be a sex addict to enjoy this convention. The NJ Expo Hall transformed into a pink playground of sexual fantasies. The eye candy sent me into overload. Girls dressed in sexy pink and black lingerie roamed the floor posing for pictures and flirting with the attendees. It was no different than taking pictures with a guy in a Captain America costume at the Marvel comics kiosk at the NY Comic Con. When I wasn’t distracted by all the hot ass, I was scoping out the scene for my favorite porn stars. From Jenna Haze to the girls from Burning Angel, everyone was at Exxxotica.

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Next year make sure you get 2 tickets, and bring your boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s the best time you’ll ever have in Edison, New Jersey.

EXXXOTICA NY comes to The NJ Expo Center 9/25 – 9/27!!!

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EXXXOTICA, the biggest and best adult event and consumer show will be coming to the New Jersey Expo Center in Edison, NJ. Last year the people of Secaucus wouldn’t allow such a “smutty” event in their fair city. Yep, the Meadowlands Expo Center dropped the butt plugs on this one. Luckily, Edison picked up the butt plugs and will be ramming them into the NJ Expo Center in just a few weeks. The Sexy Armpit.com will be in attendance at the 2nd annual EXXXOTICA expo and so should you!
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Over 100 of your favorite Porn stars, Suicide Girls, Burning Angel Girls, and more will be at EXXXOTICA. It’s a who’s who of the adult entertainment industry and there’s much fun to be had. To add to your spontaneous combustion after you read the list of appearances, there will be adult products featured, stage shows, seminars, meet and greets, live performances, and Q&A panels. I’m sure by Saturday night, you’ll be ready to POP THAT COOCHIE because 2 Live Crew will be in the house performing 2 sets for all in attendance! If you miss out on 2 Live Crew, don’t worry because there’s also going to be DJ’s spinning music, the Ms. Exxxotica competition, fashion shows, sexy game shows, and tons more.

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Unlike the intimate experiences you share with your laptop, EXXXOTICA gives you the opportunity to meet the girls you lust after face to face, and in the flesh! Here’s a SMALL sample of the stars appearing at EXXXOTICA: Tera Patrick, Sasha Grey, Jenna Haze, Joanna Angel, Bree Olson, Eva Angelina, Teagen Presley, Kayden Kross, Ron Jeremy, Sean Michaels, Seka, and Tabitha Stevens. There’s so many more so check out the complete list at the official site.
For ticket information click here. Oh and FREE F’N PARKING!!! WOOO-HOOO!!!
eXXXotica NY
September 25th – 27th
NJ Expo Center
97 Sunfield Avenue
Edison, NJ 08837

Why You Need Kevin Smith’s Zack and Miri Make a Porno on DVD & Blu-ray

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Kevin Smith’s Zack and Miri Make a Porno is available today on DVD and Blu-Ray. I fought the treacherously slippery roads and 3-4 inches of snow and headed to Best Buy to pick up my copy. It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard about this film, if you read The Sexy Armpit, and even somewhat enjoy it, then I’m positive you’ll like this film. If for some insane reason you haven’t seen it and still need to be convinced, see it for these reasons:
5) Katie Morgan is nude. Very nude. Oh and Traci Lords is C3PO! (see above)
4) Craig Robinson is hysterical. “Han Solo ain’t never had no sex with Princess Leia in the Star War!”
3) Elizabeth Banks is hot. If you don’t believe me…watch Wet Hot American Summer.
2) See what happens when Brandon Routh (Superman) and Justin Long drink one too many cosmos. Together they provide one of the most classic pieces of banter out of all of Kevin Smith’s films. That’s quite a remark considering such classic quotable competition from the likes of Clerks, Mallrats, and Chasing Amy.
1) The moment depicted in the screen shot above. They plan on making a Star Wars PORN! If you’re sick and tired of the ridiculously delayed homage to Star Wars, Fanboys, then these Star Wars porn scenes will more than tide you over.

Wonder if Wonder Woman Spits or Swallows? Wonder No More…

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I had no idea that Wonder Woman was such a filthy, whorish, slutbag. Sitting comically on a shelf at the nearest Five Below, Wonder Woman takes the form of some sort of bath foam. For that extra shot of perversity, Wonder Woman squirts, spurts, and regurgitates “crazy foam” in a completely blatant display of nerdcore porn. This isn’t the first time we’ve seen foamy soaps done superhero style, but in this case, we can place Wonder Woman “Crazy Foam” at the top of the peak of all children’s bath foam canisters. In a glaring contrast, I’m pulling for the KISS camp to license a Gene Simmons can that spews red shave gel. It may actually make me look forward to shaving and unlike this Wonder Woman can, it would be highly appropriate.

Don’t you wonder who over at DC Comics was responsible for the Wonder Woman Crazy Foam Canister getting a huge green AUTHORIZED stamp? While drunk at the DC licensing party, I wonder if some of the hornier employees approved the proposal for a Fleshlight “Wonder Woman’s Mouth” special edition. Some lonely guys out there would probably kill for one. Picture Princess Diana’s head on this canister about 10 times the size and I think you’ll be in business. Notice she has a big hole shot through the back of her head?

Here’s the trailer for DC Comic’s upcoming Wonder Woman Animated movie: