Top 10 Best Posts of 2012

2012 was a tough year, but some good stuff actually happened too. Here’s a countdown of the top 10 best posts of 2012 from The Sexy Armpit. HAPPY NEW YEAR and we wish you all the best in 2013.

10. Jersey Shore recently aired it’s final episode and just when you thought your TV was going to have some relief from having to display New Jersey based reality shows, we got TOY HUNTER! Travel Channel’s Toy Hunter is awesome for geeks and toy collectors, but also for a guy like me obsessed with his home state of NJ. Host and toy guru Jordan Hembrough is from Jersey and many of the episodes are filmed in various locations throughout the state! Love this frigging show.

9. One of my comedy idols in one of my favorite films ever mentions Atlantic City

8. Gotham City, NJ – More Evidence!

7. Remember when Madonna was the hottest thing going in not just the country, but basically around the entire globe? I do, but you may not since it feels like it was eons ago. Her frequent idiocy as of late seems due to a case of sour grapes. Move on Madonna. Artists like Lady Gaga and Katy Perry have taken over, let them have their turn now. Just for a moment, I’ll take you back to the days when Madonna was the biggest star on the planet. And in my 35mm camera.

6. With Paul McCartney recently rocking out with the remaining members of Nirvana, it brings to mind Robert Zemeckis’ 1978 Beatles comedy I Wanna Hold Your Hand.

5. Eerie, Indiana or Eerie NJ?

4. Chiller Theatre Convention – Fall Recap

3. Mark Wahlberg scored big with Ted, but if you haven’t seen The Fighter, it’s a tremendous film. Check it out on Netflix when you can. It’s based off true events and one of the fights featured takes place in Atlantic City. Read more about it here.

2. Anne Hathaway – Garden State Playmate

1. What’s Captain America doing in Paramus, NJ?

Top 10 Best Sexy Armpit Moments of 2011

Plenty of sights brag about their amazing accomplishments. It’s pretty damn easy to kiss your own ass. Almost weekly I come across a post that states something to the effect of “We are celebrating a bajillion hits! YAY FOR US!” The Sexy Armpit does indeed celebrate it’s yearly birthday, but other than that we try to keep the boasting to a minimum because it gets annoying. On the other hand though, I do toot my own horn because blogging doesn’t yield many benefits. Aside from a degree of personal satisfaction, and the occasional media review copy, blogging is simply a lot of work. With that said, allow me to repay myself for all that hard work as I steal a few minutes of your time exploiting the BEST Sexy Armpit moments of 2011! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

10. Showered With Deb and Hilly! – OK So I didn’t actually take a shower with them, it was more like I showered them…with my adoration. The Chiller Theatre Convention in Spring 2011 featured Judie Aronson and Suzanne Snyder (the girls from Weird Science) and as I stood sandwiched in between these ladies, for the first time in my life I didn’t feel like a total dick.

9. My Kick Buttowski Halloween Costume! – Every year for Halloween I have to feel some sort of inspiration or else I won’t dress up. This year I became my favorite child daredevil from the Disney XD cartoon Kick Buttowski.

8. The Sexy Armpit Turns 8 Years Old! – It sounds like a really long time to be blogging but I’ve actually been running websites since the year 2000 which at one time would sound futuristic, but now just makes me a relic! Can you say Geocities?

7. Appeared On The Nerd Lunch Podcast! – It was definitely cool to be a guest on Nerd Lunch. Being on their podcast was a lot different than my former career in rock radio and then doing some podcasting of my own, but it was still a blast!

6. Interviewed By Geof At The Man Cave! – I was able to hang with my friends Geof and Dan at Monster Mania this year and they filmed an interview with me for The Man Cave. I had a lot of fun and it was very cool that they asked me to be on!

5. Oh Yeah, I Wrote Some More Articles – If you liked The Wrestler you should read this. If you were a fan of Macho Man Randy Savage you should read this. If you bought tickets to see Sammi Curr back in the day, read this. Fans of Transformers should read this while fans of G.I Joe might want to read this and this. Finally, if you’re going to take part in the All-Valley Karate tournament, then you might be interested in this.

4. New and Improved Sexy Armpit T-Shirts! – I bought a few for myself! They are available now on Red Bubble right HERE!

3. Interviewed on Star Ledger Live on NJ.com! – Brian Donohue’s online video show is part of The Star Ledger and NJ.com and he invited me on to talk about my article Gotham City, NJ? to coincide with the filming of The Dark Knight Rises in Newark.

2. Premiered Two Sexy Armpit Shorts For Our YouTube Channel! Watch Get Sludgey to The Starland and The Sexy Armpit Halloween Special 2011.

1. The Sexy Armpit Got Its Own Theme Song! – Our friends, NJ’s retro inspired rockers Lipstick and Cigarettes whipped up the perfect theme song for our upcoming YouTube series! This list has a lot of cool entries, but like my friend Lori said, “…there’s nothing cooler than having your own theme song!” Click the link to watch the band perform it live!

Best of The Sexy Armpit 2009

New Jersey

There were many amazing moments for The Sexy Armpit in 2009. I was able to cover events like The New York Comic-Con, the eXXXotica expo, The Perfect Age of Rock ‘n’ Roll, (an amazing film that I hope you will all be able to see very soon), as well as Rock of Ages, the only musical on Broadway worth seeing more than once. Moreover, possibly the most enduring effect that this blog has had on my life is meeting and starting friendships with a ton of awesome people who are not only in New Jersey, but literally all over the world. I know how risky it is becoming friends with a guy from Jersey, you wouldn’t want to get caught up in any underworld riff raff, so as the Golden Girls theme song states, “Thank you for being a friend!”

I continued some of the recurring columns that I enjoy posting regularly, and I also premiered a couple of new ones too. To read the installments of my recurring columns, just click on the icons on the right sidebar. There’s NJ’s Great Pop Culture Moments, Nocturna Mission, NJ T-Shirt Tuesday, Classic WWF/WWE Event Cards from New Jersey, and the best of all… The Garden State Playmates!

There’s no Dick here. No Carson Daly either. Just a Sexy Armpit wishing you a happy and healthy new year. The only ball dropping in New Jersey is watching the NY Giants and the NJ Nets drop the ball this season. I also want to thank each and every person who have visited this blog. Whether you’re a fan and have read it extensively or just skimmed through a few posts out of curiosity, I appreciate it. As 2009 comes to an end, here’s a list of the 25 best posts from 2009 as voted by me. These are the ones that are most worthy of reading if you haven’t checked them out already.

The Sexy Armpit covers the New York Comic Con 2009! Part 1 and Part 2

Someone Will Get This Tonight…

meat,summer sausage,gift basket
Is this classy, or what? This is how we do it in Jersey.

I’m basically a hermit, so asking me to go to your gift swapping party is almost like asking me to venture into the massive crowd in Times Square on New Year’s Eve. I wouldn’t say I have a case of social anxiety, but I’m definitely the polar opposite of Randal Graves in Clerks, who hates people but loves gatherings.
What you see above is The Sexy Armpit’s “Beat The Meat” gift basket, and one unsuspecting guest will tear open a ghetto looking package wrapped in A Christmas Story paper, only to see that this is their gift. I’m seriously hoping some random middle aged woman with a reindeer sweater winds up being the recipient of this, the ultimate gift basket.
The BTM gift basket’s versatility proves to be the mark of just how amazing this gift really is. If a dude is lucky enough to pick the number and rip into this one, he’ll most likely be ecstatic. If a chick opens this, she’ll most likely say “Oh my gawd…I’ve been meaning to buy a meat tenduhryza!” (That’s apparently how we talk here in Jersey) and be genuinely excited to have another kitchen utensil to add to their collection. But then there’s other girls who will nonchalantly mumble a raunchy comment about how they could take the entire summer sausage with no problems, and then, naturally, saying “I’m just kidding!…” but they aren’t. If an older woman gets the basket, they’ll most likely be fairly disgusted at how smutty of an idea this was and whoever came up with it should burn in hell, even in this time of joy and peace. Ahh well, they’ll make the sign of the cross and then it’ll be done with, all the while remembering fondly their college days when they were able to take 2 of those summer sausages with ease. If an older guy gets the BTM gift basket, without hesitation, he’ll be making his way to the DVD player as soon as the other people start concentrating on the next person opening their gift. After that, he’s in the bathroom doing himself dirty. Finally, I just hope there’s no kids opening presents tonight, but their parents have probably been meaning to give them “the talk,” and they’ll be seeing it sooner or later anyway.
So, if you go to any gift swapping parties this year, remember to give the gift of meat and breasts this holiday season with The Sexy Armpit’s “Beat The Meat” gift basket.

The Sexy Armpit’s BEST posts of 2007

I hope you all enjoyed your holidays! I’m back from a fairly long hiatus from blogging. I can’t say it was a nice restful break either because the holidays usually stress me out. The traffic and people’s shitty attitudes really piss me off, but heck…they’re over! Now that it’s the last day of 2007, I figured I’d throw up a list of what I consider THE SEXY ARMPIT’S BEST OF 2007 as voted by Scarlett Johannson….nah shit I wish! As voted by ME! Thank you for reading and commenting. Happy New Year! There’s way more to come in ’08 and I look forward to putting up some of the most whacked out stuff yet. And now heeeere’s my top 10 posts of ’07.

10. Questionable Best Buy Ad – this is one of the “Must Read” posts from this site. Even if you don’t find it funny it really shows how ridiculous store ads sometimes are.

9. The Joe Francis Complex 

8. Night Walk – a long, but inspired account of thoughts running through my head during a walk through town at night.

7. Too Hard on the Two Coreys – in defense of the ’80s duo.

6. Knockoffs in Disguise – A sorry excuse for a Transformer.

5. CRUSH! A Sexy Armpit tribute – dedicated to the late pro wrestler Crush.

4. Illustrious Art found at Hooters? – It wasn’t a Picasso, I can tell you that much.

3. Tomes and Talismans – Turned out to be one of the most popular posts on this blog.

2. Getting High With Mr. Sketch – My love letter to scents.

1. Janine, She’s My Queen! – A risque love poem to fine ass Janine Melnitz.

A Very Vital Billy Idol Christmas

How the Pam Anderson/Kid Rock split is at the top of all the news updates is beyond me. At this point I’m curious to know who still cares about that storyline unless you are a hardcore Kid Rock or Pam Anderson fan. (who are you people???)

Now onto what should be at the forefront of the news, my recent purchases.

First, I was in the grocery store to get a cold beverage because I was parched. There I found the always satisfying Vitamin Water. Keep in mind that I have tasted every flavor that has existed except the one that I found on Friday. Vital-T is supposed to taste like Lemon Iced Tea, but it unfortunately tastes like Pledge, or Pine Sol. It’s really awful in comparison with the other flavors. The great part of Vitamin Water is that unlike other beverages it’s low in sugar, has vitamins, and a light feel to it. This Vital-T had a syrupy aftertaste and it just wasn’t all that refreshing. You can try it for yourself and let me know what you think.

My second purchase was the pièce de resistance. And no, it wasn’t a portable DVD player for $13 dollars. Why are they still such a hot commodity? While some people were clamoring for the sales on the big ticket items and the sought after stuff like PS3 and Wii, I’m always keeping an eye out for that little known gem of an item. One that will make my eyes glow and make me belt out Fah who for-aze! Dah who dor-aze! Welcome Christmas, Come this way! Ok well, I didn’t quite sing in the middle of Best Buy but I pretty much geeked out when my eyes locked on this cd like Maverick can lock a mig 28. The cover of the CD had a picture of a very familiar bleach blonde rocker. And no, I didn’t geek out for “Poison your Egg Nogg: A VERY Bret Michaelsy Christmas.” It was one of the most badass rockers from my childhood…BILLY IDOL! It was none other than the “Billy Idol, Happy Holidays” CD! I couldn’t believe what I saw because I usually never let stuff like that slip by my radar but for some reason I hadn’t heard about this one. I’m sure it will become a perennial favorite like his “Yellin’ at the Christmas Tree” track from Devil’s Playground. On New Year’s Eve if you listen closely you may be able to hear the faint tones of “Auld Lang Syne” coming from my Ipod sung by the one and only BILLY IDOL!