It’s been so blazingly hot here in New Jersey that my writing powers were slowly depleting until I found some inspiration from a package of mints. I found these Ice Breakers Sugar Free Lemon Iced Tea flavored mints while on line at the grocery store. Iced Tea has always been my favorite beverage…that is…whenever I run out of everclear.
As far as I know, Fresca, prune juice, and Kaopectate are NOT the official drinks of suburbia. I would say the reigning king of libations in suburbia especially in the’80s was Kool-Aid, but in my household it was most definitely Iced Tea. If anyone ranging from a friend to a washing machine repair man walked into my house, my mom offered them iced tea as if they were homeless and hadn’t had any liquid pass through their bodies in a decade. Of course the hospitality never ended there but as it pertains to this article, if we compared the scenario to a religious ceremony iced tea was the liquid of the Gods. To the shock and outrage of many people, I’m not a big fan of bread which renders me “staff of life deficient,” so I must compensate with plenty of Iced Tea.
As for gum, I don’t chew Ice Breakers that often because I don’t really need little mint crystals in my gum. I do enjoy mints and seeing this fine product hit the shelves only made me realize there’s a lack of beverage flavored mints. Although, when the revolution of drink based breath fresheners does commence, I pray mints all over the world model their flavors off of these. Then take cover because mouth explosions will take place everywhere.
These Lemon Iced Tea mints bear a surprisingly accurate taste to the real thing. Plus, any product that boasts “Ultimate Mouth Freshening” must be pretty damn effective. I think part of me really enjoyed these because they aren’t just a run of the mill mint with a typical flavor. I commend Ice Breakers for taking a chance on a cool new flavor while keeping them sugar free. It also doesn’t hurt that they remind me of the old style certs. Has anyone tried these yet?
After reading some random posts here at The Sexy Armpit, my boss grew concerned about my mental health. I informed him that I was absolutely fine and in my right mind. I assured him that my often inane compositions were no indication of my prowess as his employee. “Don’t worry, ALL guys in their late 20’s are obsessed with Lori Loughlin, Janine Melnitz, and Clamp Champ.” He didn’t buy my testimony.
The next day a copy of the latest issue of Men’s Health magazine was on my desk when I got to work. My bosses little secret mission to cure my crazy failed! It only got me more fired up! My rage blew steam out of my ears as I thumbed over to an article under the column “MALEGRAMS: GUY LIST 18 Things a Grown Man Should Never Have.” Here’s a list with only one entry…One thing a men’s magazine should never do: INSULT THEIR AUDIENCE. I guess they overlooked the fact that a huge percentage of their readership comes from the behemothic amount of males in this country who collect vintage glasses. F–K YOU MEN’S HEALTH! THE SEXY ARMPIT SAYS SUCK IT!
Hamburglar glasses have made millions of mouths happy, including mine. Think back to when you were a kid and you were at your friend’s house and you got to choose which glass you wanted to drink your Kool-Aid out of, He-Man or Return of the Jedi. Tough choice, but those were the types of decisions I took pride in making as a child. That was alot more fun than home improvements, car repairs, doctors appointments, etc. My collection of vintage glasses and mugs include everything from Super Heroes to The Flintstones and ALL of them bring back memories for me. Do you have a favorite glass or mug? Do you think just because you’re older you need to part with it? Is a glass like a woobie? Should Men’s Health be deciding what kind of crap we keep on our bedroom shelves?
An article I read yesterday claims that taking multi-vitamins can cause prostate cancer. Well whaddya know? A supplement that was supposedly meant to improve our health is now detrimental to us? Next thing you know we’ll probably be told to immediately cease the ingestion of water into our bodies because it’s toxic or something. “This just in, STOP DRINKING WATER!” NO WAIT…DRINK MORE WATER! It’s the healthiest thing for your body! All of these contradictory health reports are enough to make your eyes cross. Everyday in the news there is another claim about what you should or shouldn’t do in order to maintain your health. With all of these conflicting stories there seems to be no right or wrong answer. The best bet is to keep a good balance and not to drive yourself crazy reading and watching every bit of news regarding your health. While you might save yourself in one way by learning about something you should cut back on, you’ll be making yourself paranoid in the process and deteioriorating the one thing that you need more than anything…YOUR MIND!
As an example, I was always curious about the health benefits of beer. Some articles will tell you it’s excellent for your body to have beer occasionally because of the B vitamins and the positive effect it has on your blood pressure and heart. Another article will tell you that the alcohol will help trigger cancer and the carbohydrates will give you a big fat pot belly. Wine has always been touted for it’s antioxidants although it’s extremely high in sugar. What’s the deal? Can we live? I don’t even want to hear what they say about Kool-Aid. Are there no pleasures in life anymore? There is a light at the end of the tunnel! Frequent masturbation may ward off prostate cancer, although I hear it also causes vision impairment.