The Avaricious Elephant & The Splendorous Sonic Drive-In

Lucy Elephant Sonic Drive In
I spent the weekend in Atlantic City and Wildwood or “The Wildwoods” as they’re apparently also known as, and I felt the need to report back to you with an account of my experiences.

She’s an icon and she always has people going inside her. No, I’m not talking about Tera Patrick, it’s Lucy the Elephant! For years, I’ve meant to visit this local oddity, but I suppose visiting an inanimate 65-foot elephant doesn’t take precedence over seeing Motley Crue or watching old episodes of Super Powers Team: Galactic Guardians (A man needs to have priorities). While heading home on the Garden State Parkway, I thought “Why not stop in Margate and see Lucy the Elephant?” Not the greatest idea of mine, believe it or not.
After taking the Margate exit, I awoke the voice of William Daniels by firing up my Knight Rider GPS, and he informed us that there would be a toll road in our future. Confused, I wondered why there would be ANOTHER toll since we already exited the Parkway? We began to see signs for a toll coming up as we drove through a swampy dock area. After rolling over a short bridge we officially entered Margate City and we were greeted by a toll exchange that only had room for 3 or 4 cars to go through at a time. I couldn’t believe we were getting soaked for ANOTHER toll! Usually on the Garden State Parkway the toll fees range from $0.50 to $1.00, but this toll was $1.50! Forget appalled, I was downrightsupermuthaf-cking PISSED!!!
Once we arrived at Lucy’s chill zone, the sight of her was exactly what I expected. If you’ve seen pictures of Lucy then that’s all you’ll ever really need. A tour of Lucy’s innards is available, but I assure you it’s nothing like Body Wars. Go ahead and have your girl take silly pictures of you standing under Lucy’s bunghole, it’s all fun and games until 2 1/2 minutes later when you realize you’ve exhausted all activities with the wood and tin behemoth. When it’s time to go, make sure you scrounge up as much change from your pockets as you can, because you’ll have to cough up that $1.50 toll when LEAVING Margate also! The balls on these people! The country is in a terrible economic crisis and they’re charging $3.00 to enter and leave a town to see a f-cking elephant?!?! It’s not like we’re going to get to interact with an animatronic Snuffleupagus!
That $3.00 could have gone to much better use at Sonic.
Rio Grande, NJ’s Sonic Drive-In was the absolute best fast food experience I ever had the pleasure of enjoying. You might think that’s an embellishment because my Sonic cherry has been popped so recently, but it’s every bit as good as their commercials make it seem. For years, Sonic has advertised in the Tri-State area via TV commercials, magazine ads, and billboards, but there’s only one or two locations in New Jersey, and they are not around the corner. We noticed a Sonic billboard while driving into Wildwood and vowed to finally eat there on the way home.
At first, we didn’t realize that Sonic was exclusively a drive in. I figured it was just part of the gimmick and that there must be an option to sit inside and eat, but that’s not the case. When I noticed the patio furniture we opted to sit outside since it was sunny and cool. Did I mention that it was only 10:00 AM? This meal had to serve as my breakfast, lunch, and keep me fueled for the entire monotonous drive home. I ordered a cheeseburger, fries, and a Watermelon Creamslush. All were superb and exceeded my expectations in the taste and quality department.
I shouldn’t have, but my curiosity forced me to check out the nutritional information that’s published on the Sonic website. How could they do this to me? I might as well blow up right now like Violet Beauregarde in Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory. I’d really love to have a Sonic closer to where I live because I’d be there everyday trying a new Creamslush. I know it’s for the better, otherwise they would need a crane to remove me from my bedroom.
If you’re also a Sonic Drive-In virgin, then you might want to take a trip to their Howell, NJ or Hasbrouck Heights, NJ locations to experience it for yourself.

I’m Michael Knight with The Knight Rider GPS by Mio

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I never said I wasn’t a big dork. After all, I’d have to be one to purchase a nearly $300 dollar Knight Rider Portable GPS for my car in order to pretend that I’m driving around like Michael Knight in KITT. I was excited to see the FedEx girl on Saturday afternoon. Not for the obvious reasons, but because she had my Knight Rider GPS by Mio.

I can’t find many flaws with the Knight Rider GPS. I have it set to a personalized greeting “Hello Jay, where would you like to go today?” delivered in the original KITT voice of William Daniels! So far the directions have been accurate although I haven’t had an opportunity to use it while driving somewhere that I’ve never been to before. That’s the real test that will determine if it’s worth the money. A feature that comes in handy aside from directions is that it highlights any restaurants, gas stations, and other points of interest. I’m a GPS novice so I’m still fairly enthusiastic about the product, but I know before long I’ll probably want to throw it out the window while I’m doing 70 mph down the smelly New Jersey Turnpike.

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The GPS module is small, sleek, and lightweight. The red KITT flashing lights pulse when William Daniels is directing you on where to turn. You won’t need to buy any accessories either! It comes fully equipped with a touchscreen, mounting system, rechargeable battery, lighter adapter, and USB cable.

The only minor annoyance is the many warning screens you receive, but I’d imagine that’s the same on other GPS systems. The GPS will tell you constantly that you may encounter toll roads on your route even if you know for a fact that you won’t drive on any! It’ll also warn you not to interface with the GPS while driving. BOO! With all the stuff I see people doing while driving such as reading books, doing their makeup, and trying to dial their cell phones, touching a screen in front of you doesn’t seem like such a crime. Isn’t this device helping me fight crime? By having it tell me not to use it while driving might interfere with me nabbing a criminal mastermind.

I do recommend the Knight Rider GPS especially if you were a fan of the original Knight Rider TV show. This is a pretty amazing and functional collectible. Check out the video and review courtesy of Knight Rider Online:
http://knightrideronline.com/news/2008/06/mio_knight_rider_gps_has_voice.php

Then check out the official Mio site for the GPS here:
http://www.knightridergps.com/

The premiere of the new Knight Rider series airs tonight on NBC but it’s also featured online if you can’t wait!
http://www.nbc.com/Knight_Rider/