Recreating Harley Quinn’s PINK’ PUDDIN’ from Magnolia Bakery!

People pursue different things. Off the top of my head, I can think of the pursuit of happiness, the American dream, a higher salary, you know all those things. I pursue promotional tie-ins. Yesterday on a drive down the Garden State Parkway, I was reflecting on this and thinking how basically my entire existence has been defined by this chase. It’s something that’s always been in me. Baseball ignites passion in a lot of guys, while others love hunting and fishing, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s just not in me. Driving to Manhattan like a maniac at 10:00pm on a weeknight in a torrential rainstorm merely to nab a couple of cardboard Birds of Prey crowns at a select Burger King location that’s jazzed up to promote the film – now THAT is my shit. The level of motivation you have to have for that kind of thing is pretty intense. That fire lead me to do something I wouldn’t ordinarily do: BAKE! And that baking lead me to document it on my website, something that I rarely get motivated to do. So here it is, please marvel at my madness for minutia.

Looking back, Birds of Prey had a proper theatrical run before this current quarantine climate. While it wasn’t as lucrative as it should have been, it received a ton of positivity from fans and critics. I saw it twice in theaters and it was easily in my top 3 DC movies thus far. I’ve obviously got a huge soft spot for Harley Quinn, so there’s that, but it’s still a bombastic, colorful, and frenetically fun film and that can’t be denied. No complaints from me in that area, especially since it was released early to digital an VOD. I was ecstatic to be watching it at home way sooner that I thought I’d be. Although, there was one missing piece for me in the promotional machine for the movie.

A quite legendary bakery in New York City, Magnolia, renowned for their cupcakes, was quietly offering an officially endorsed Harley Quinn themed dessert. I found out about this news late as I watched Margot Robbie get presented with it on a late night talk show that I DVR’d and watched a few days too late. SON OF A B! By the time I called Magnolia to see if any of their locations were still offering this delight, I was outright denied. The promotion seemed to have lasted maybe 2 weeks or possibly even less than that.

Their specialty banana pudding recipe was altered ever so slightly and branded with the Birds of Prey logo. In honor of Joker’s ex-squeeze, they even renamed it PINK PUDDIN’! Once I heard the lady on the phone from Magnolia tell me “NO, we stopped serving that,” it was naturally my mission in life to right the wrong that has clearly occurred. How could I have missed out on this? ME…the guy with Harley Quinn on his website header! My mission in life since early February became even clearer and not even the world shutting down could stop me from accomplishing it.

To qualify me as a “baker” would be an absolute farce. Truthfully, I do know my way around a kitchen, although I rarely put those skills into practice. In this case, I called myself on the Batphone and I sprang into action. If you saw me during this blitz of baking, the control and chutzpah on display was pretty remarkable considering I used my stove maybe 5 times in 15 years. My plan was to recreate Magnolia’s specialty banana “Pink Pudding’.” Banana pudding + pink cake crumbles + other nonsense = heaven? I didn’t even bother researching a copycat recipe which is what I’ve done for certain meals in the past. I felt compelled to just guess and wing it and whip this up myself using only THE FORCE a.k.a my intuition. How hard could it be to make banana pudding?

WARNING: I try my best to eat as healthy as I can in any situation, but in this case I went with all the standard ingredients. Ordinarily, I would opt for the healthier options. It’s probably super easy to make a vegan version or just a version that health conscious people don’t mind eating. This right here is a sugar coma waiting to happen, so be warned!

WHAT YOU NEED: Milk, Eggs, Butter (or oil), bananas, cake mix, sprinkles, a couple of colors of icing, instant pudding, measuring cup, large mixing bowls, electric mixer, cake pan, paper dessert cups with lid.

STEP 1:

I picked up banana cream instant pudding. It’s absurdly easy to make. To be honest, I haven’t made pudding since I was a kid with my mom in the kitchen. You throw the mix into a bowl with milk and whisk it for a few minutes and your pudding magically appears in the bowl. If all things in life were as easy as making pudding, we’d live in constant euphoria.

STEP 2:

I’m 99% sure there’s actual bananas in this dessert and it was important to me that I had at least some semblance of fruit in this otherwise it would be literally 100% garbage for you. I bought some of those monster bananas you see in the produce section that were clearly injected with BANE venom. I sliced these babies up real nice and threw them directly into the pudding. Mixed it up, covered the bowl in plastic wrap and threw it in the fridge while I worked on the other stuff.

STEP 3:

Bake a cake! First, pre-heat your oven to the temp. that the box tells you to and then move onto the cake mix. I bought the pink cake because PINK is in the title and the colors are important. The Harley “caution tape” costume in Birds of Prey is the inspiration here in my view, so the more vibrant the better. In this case, I started to add my own spin. If the cake mix you buy calls for oil, that’s fine, but if it calls for butter, make sure the butter is softened and not hard as a rock. That is a key so your cake isn’t lumpy. Nobody wants lumpy cake. In a mixing bowl, throw in some water, your cake mix, eggs, and butter (or oil). This is where you blend it all together until it’s smooth with an electric mixer. Some of you have fancy Kitchen-Aid contraptions, but an electric hand mixer is all you need.

STEP 4:

Once your cake mix is all nice and blended, ensure your pan is greased and floured and then pour the pink goo evenly into the pan (I used a 13×9 pan.) I tried to make sure that the pink sludge (SLIME – it’s a river of slime!) covered all the real estate on the bottom of the pan. Get this baby into the oven. Follow the suggested time range on the back of the box. My cake cooked a little over 30 minutes which was slightly longer than directed. When you remove the cake, stick a knife or toothpick into the cake and when you take it out, if there’s batter lingering on it, it needs more time. If it comes out clean, remove the cake and place it somewhere to completely cool off (away from the hot oven.)

STEP 5:

When the cake is fully cooled off (I left it overnight) you can begin the icing process. To replicate the vibrant, multicolored Harley costume with pinks and blues and yellows etc, I suggest picking up at least 3 colors of icing and fun sprinkles. Pink and yellow were my main colors, but I also used cream cheese icing since I read somewhere that Magnolia uses that in their banana pudding. Next, I separated the cake into 3 sections and iced them accordingly. If the cake crumbles at any point, it’s fine, you’re going to need it to do that anyway. When you are all good and iced, pretend you’re Tinkerbell and sprinkle the Pixie Dust all over the cake.

STEP 6:

Take one of your paper dessert cups and begin to form your PINK PUDDIN’. This is not a science by any means, especially since I have absolutely no clue how this is actually made. To me, that’s what makes this great, each dessert cup is a work of art, it’s like Joker fixing the paintings in the Flugelheim Art Museum. Throw a little puddin’ in to start at the bottom, and then throw in a small piece of cake over in this corner, and on that corner make sure there’s some more pudding but ensure there’s an actual banana included, then take a small chunk from another section of the cake to get that multicolored appearance. While you are forming this, use a spoon to mash it together a little bit, all while attempting to keep the colors separated. Once you are reaching the top of the cup, use a spatula or any similar utensil to flatten off the excess and then close it up with the lid and into the fridge it goes until you are ready to enjoy it.

WRAP-UP

I went to the next level to try to make this as accurate as possible, even going to the extent of printing out the actual labels Magnolia used. I used a graphics program to isolate the sticker from a picture I found on Instagram. Then I had to order printer ink because I never use my printer. It was covered in dust! Printed those babies out and taped them right onto the top of the container.  I have to say, this dessert was ridiculously delicious. I know a lot of people hate bananas and anything remotely banana-flavored, but this is a must try. The standout for me was the cake, once the cake sits in the container in the fridge it starts to absorb the flavors of the icing and the pudding and it’s just all so wonderful. It’s a very sweet and rich dessert and I have a feeling it was a pretty close stand-in for the real thing, even though I have no backing to say that. Even if it wasn’t close, getting shut out of a Birds of Prey promotional food tie-in motivated me enough to “do a thing.” I will always have this experience to carry with me now and I was able to share it with you. It’s amazing how getting told NO can make you do some absolutely WILD shit…like turning on your oven!

Battling For Metropolis…In My Backyard!

Good things come to those who wait, right? Obviously, that’s not guaranteed, but judging from what I’ve witnessed, it’s often proven true. Things I’ve only dreamed of as a kid have materialized. I’ve flexed with Hulk Hogan and I live in a world where there’s a Wonder Woman feature film. Life is good. In many respects, it keeps getting better. How’s that, you ask? Read on! Continue reading Battling For Metropolis…In My Backyard!

BatDave and Buster: A NJ-Made Batman Fan Film

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As we enter the summer, I’m taking it easy over here at The Sexy Armpit. Meanwhile, over at the Bat-Blog, Tommy the bat-bloggin’ maniac, broke the story about a made in NJ bat-film hitting YouTube. Unlike The Sexy Armpit show, which was produced for basically nothing aside from personal time, this fan film had a budget of $400 bucks. Similar to many other fan-films floating around the Internet, this one was also a labor of love.

Here’s their plot synopsis: A regular guy from New Jersey and his loyal dog who both constantly try to emulate the crime-fighting ways of their childhood hero ‘The Batman’ find themselves drawn into a wacky manhunt for The Joker and a brutal fight to the death with the murderous Bane.

BatDave and Buster was written and filmed by a local bat-fan nicknamed Bat-Dave who appears on the Bat-Blog frequently and heads to many of the local NJ pop culture conventions. The film was directed and edited by BatDave’s friend Dennis Pellicano. As mentioned on their YouTube page, the cast is comprised entirely of “…friends, family members, fellow Batman fans, and talented regional cosplayers.” Clocking in at nearly a full hour, you can make some popcorn and add this to your next Bat-viewing marathon!

Before and After: Silent Bob The Goon

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Technically Bob The Goon came way before Silent Bob, so that rejected Wheel of Fortune clue doesn’t really work. But it is true that there is a connection between these two beloved Bobs – and it’s more than just their names!

Bob The Goon is a character created for the 1989 Batman movie. Played by Jersey City’s own Tracey Walter (who has appeared in TONS of films and TV shows), Bob The Goon was The Joker’s main lackey. Putting it more simply, he was Joker’s NUMBER ONE GUY!!!

5 years after Batman, in 1994, Kevin Smith’s alter ego Silent Bob debuted in his own film Clerks. Silent Bob is the quiet, chilled out partner of his friend stoner friend Jay (Jason Mewes) and they later go onto several more cinematic adventures together.

As recently revealed by Kevin Smith on his Fatman on Batman Podcast, Bob The Goon was actually an inspiration for Smith in creating the Silent Bob character. Episode #8 (available on iTunes) is all about The Dark Knight Rises and like all the rest of the episodes – it’s totally FREE! You can’t beat that, thanks Kevin!

It’s pretty awesome that we New Jersey fanboys can be proud that not only Kevin Smith is a local icon,  but Bob the Goon is as well. Read more about Joker’s #1 guy in this post.

Happy 73rd Birthday to Jack Nicholson!

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Happy Birthday to one of the greatest actors of our time and Jersey boy Jack Nicholson! Nicholson grew up in Neptune City, New Jersey and attended Manasquan High School. Jack was voted class clown by the class of 1954 which seems even more comical when you think about how 35 years later he would become one of pop culture’s most famous clowns, The Clown Prince of Crime, THE JOKER! Sure Heath Ledger gave a one of a kind performance in The Dark Knight, but Jack revolutionized the role in 1989’s Batman. If you mix Jack’s performance in one of my favorite films of all time, The Shining, with his turn as The Joker, you will likely arrive at something very close to Heath Ledger’s approach to The Joker character. Thank you Jack for all the superb, over the top, and ridiculously entertaining performances throughout your career!

Joker, Joy Buzzers, and Jersey

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I’ve just discovered that we actually are just a bunch of ball busters over here in Jersey. The man partly to blame for that is Soren Sorenson Adams.  You can thank his company, S.S Adams Co. for cheap gags such as the stink bomb, itching powder, and my personal favorite, the snake nut can! The S.S Adams Co. is also responsible for creating one of The Joker’s most memorable and ruthless pranks.

Adams was born in Denmark in 1879 and came to the United States at age four. His family moved to Perth Amboy, NJ where his father owned a bar. Sorensen was working as a salesman for a dye company when he discovered that the dyes he was selling had an ingredient that made people sneeze. Sorensen detected which additive created the effect and launched The Cachoo Sneezing Powder Company in Plainfield, NJ. In his Wikipedia entry, it actually claims that there was a “sneezing powder craze that swept the country.” Can you imagine walking around town and everyone is frantically snorting sneezing powder and sneezing like crazy everywhere you turn? That sounds gross. I wouldn’t walk out of the house without a motorcycle helmet on. I hate when people sneeze on me. What the f-ck is a “sneezing powder craze”? Was there actually a time when people thought getting sneezed on was so commonplace that they thought it was much weirder if they WEREN’T getting sneezed on? How did America end this craze is what I want to know. This is proof that Wikipedia is no Funk and Wagnalls.

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Antoine got a little hot under the collar!
Batman’s arch enemy The Joker should be indebted to Adams for providing him with one of his trademark lethal gags. The prototype to what would become known as the Joy Buzzer was designed in 1928. Then, in 1932, Adams copyrighted the final product and, unlike The Joker’s version, it wasn’t deadly. The Joy Buzzer brought S.S Adams Company huge success which lead them to move into a new factory in Neptune, NJ. In addition to the Joy Buzzer, Adams is said to have invented over 600 items, and patented around 40.  Adams has a long list of tricks and puzzles to his credit as well as other novelty items such as the squirting nickel, the money maker, and the bar bug in ice cube. Adams died in Asbury Park, NJ in 1963.
Go to http://csadams.com/ to read more about The S.S Adams Company.

Bob The Goon: Jersey’s Number One Guy!

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Henchmen, for some reason, were always available and willing to abet The Joker. There must’ve been a waiting list to become one of Joker’s indistinct thugs, but why? The job of Henchman didn’t bring glory or kudos, it didn’t get their name in the Gotham Globe, and it undoubtedly lead to their demise. Whether it was thug #1 or Yock and Boff, they won’t be remembered for any of their dirty deeds against Batman or Gotham City. The Joker was the one who got all the press, save for one exception, and he actually had a name. His name was Bob, and motherf-cker even had his own action figure. It was from Toy Biz, but still an action figure nonetheless.
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As if being known as a nondescript “henchman” was bad enough, Bob was known as ‘The Joker’s Goon,” or “Bob The Goon.” He was the highest level henchman The Joker had, hence “THEE GOON,” this guy wasn’t 2nd GOON or 6th GOON. That title was officially bestowed upon him when the Joker told Bob that he was his “Number One Guyyy.” Bob was a shabby man who looked as if he was freshly plucked from catching some zzz’s in a dumpster in a Crime Alley. Coming from those humble beginnings, having the Joker take him on as his henchman infused him with confidence. He felt like he could conquer the world, or at the very least, finally get his G.E.D. He was as loyal as they came, and he possessed a shimmer in his eye that showed us that a little part of him wished someday he could be half the criminal mastermind that The Joker is. He clung to that hope, even if it was all in vain.

When you’re down on your luck and you want some direction in your life, being the right hand to a super criminal like The Joker seems like an appealing and prestigious position. I’m almost positive The Joker didn’t offer any health benefits, and definitely no 401k. Perhaps dental? He did have one helluva smile. Love that Joker! In the case of Bob, The Joker granted him as much vacation time as he could ever possibly imagine when he blew him away point blank.

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All other goons and henchman owe Bob a huge debt of gratitude for being such a superior role model. Bob was an icon, a go getter, and when he did hire a prostitute, he treated her with respect. It’s a shame that Bob was never able to take advantage of his fame. If he lived, he may have been able to ride the lucrative personal appearance circuit. Who wouldn’t want a B&W 8×10 of Bob signed “Bob, The Joker’s One and Only Muthaf–kin’ Goon!”

Bob The Goon was portrayed by Tracey Walter in the 1989 Batman film. It’s no secret that Jack Nicholson is a Jersey boy, but Walter also hails from the Garden State. He was born in Jersey City, NJ, and according to his IMDB bio, he “was working in a car parts store in Jersey City when he stumbled upon acting…” Walter’s impressive resume includes appearances in over 150 popular films and TV shows.
For more on Bob’s Toy Biz action figure, check out Cool Toy Review.

College Humor’s Dark Knight 1960’s Version

Being such a hardcore fan of the campy ’60s Batman TV series, I normally would be disgruntled after watching a video that makes fun of the show, but I couldn’t help laughing at this one. College Humor strikes again with their version of The Dark Knight film done in ’60s TV series style. I would recast the guy who’s supposed to be Adam West though.

To The Jersey Shore, Robin!

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Many Jersey folks refer to the beach as “the shore,” it’s just something we do. Some people wear socks with sandles, we call the beach “the shore.” Some people still bring fanny packs fastened around their gut that’s hanging over their waaay too small seafoam green bathing trunks, while some middle aged women are parading around in front of other beach goers lacking the proper butt cheek coverage. You can tell when a woman isn’t from around here when she’s wearing what Paul Stanley refers to as “butt floss.” 

At the Jersey Shore, some people don’t give a crap if they kick sand in your face as they pass you. And then SOME PEOPLE BRING A MUTHAF–IN’ BATMAN TOWEL THAT THEY BOUGHT AT WALMART. (Me) So, I got news for you lousy people who have no common courtesy and kick sand around while walking: If you see a guy laying on a Batman towel, watch out because you might get a batarang flung at your ass. And nobody wants to see your gut, you beached whale.

Do you think I should soil this awesome rectangular piece of heavenly bat material by bringing it to the dirty Jersey Shore, or should I keep it sheltered in the linen closet at home as it anxiously awaits it’s chance to soak up the water particles off my squeaky clean body after I shower?
Summer is almost here so break out your bootleg of “Surf’s Up, Joker’s Under,” and as the Joker said…”Cowaboonga!”

Criss Angel Makes His “Believe” Show Disappear

Dear Criss,
This isn’t a letter hailing you for all your advances in the world of illusions. What you do on television is impressive but I can recall the days when success wasn’t so easy to come by for you. During my time working in radio you practically begged the various stations around NY/NJ to play your CD’s.  Back then you were lucky to be called an adequate, formulaic, and effeminate magic act with a fierce lisp who just happened to play some pretty heinous hard rock music.  But, there’s no need for us to harp on the past.  Like Colonel Sandurz said, “We’re at now, now.”  In fact, let’s talk about what I found in my inbox yesterday:

Exhibit A: a strategically written e-mail that your people sent out to anyone who purchased tickets to preview your Believe stage show in Vegas produced by Cirque Du Soleil.  The show was slated to start on September 12th but they just flat out cancelled the first several “preview” shows. Oops, sorry folks!  I’m glad they told us now you know, especially since my hotel and airfare are booked. Seeing Believe was the purpose of the trip. No apologies were offered for causing an inconvenience.  They just aren’t ready yet. What doesn’t make sense is that before purchasing tickets, warnings were abound explaining the nature of a preview show. We would be seeing merely a preview which might not have the kinks worked out yet. The fans ate the tickets up anyway. We could look past some minor flubs unless you’re accidentally revealing how you pull all your illusions off.
Since my expectations are usually set pretty low, I was just happy I got a refund with no hassle. Perhaps that was some sort of illusion as well?  Is the trick going to be telling us that you refunded us but it miraculously doesn’t show up on the credit card bill?  Wow, that’s really inventive. Almost as good as “Hey, got your ear!”  Thank God for that cause it never gets old!
I understand completely that I shouldn’t be holding you accountable personally, but the production crew.  Oh yeah, the production crew…the guys who apparently work their asses off around the clock getting this thing together. For some reason these unionized professional effects gurus who create the wondrous wizardry that will be presented in the show felt that they just couldn’t make their deadline.  Perhaps one too many lunch breaks at The Spearmint Rhino, huh fellas? I remember when I had a 50 page paper due my senior year of college and if it wasn’t in by the deadline I would receive a zero and have to take the course over again.  That was only one 3 credit course which probably cost a few hundred dollars to participate in.  I worked over 4 years to graduate college because I thought it might help my future.  It was completely voluntary.  This expert production company who’s getting paid literally millions of dollars, can’t make their deadline?  They’ll sure as hell still get paid regardless of how many “peons” they screw over.  
I don’t care about the refund, I actually wanted to see your show.  Now, the only way that can happen is if I plan a whole entire future trip to Las Vegas. As you and I know, money doesn’t grow on trees although the leaves on the trees in your mansion are made of hundred dollar bills.  Perhaps you could reach into those deep pockets of yours? You know, those swampy, smelly leather pants that you wear and finance my next trip out to Vegas to see your lame show that probably pales in comparison to say, a Broadway institution such as Phantom of the Opera.
Perhaps your little mind con, uhh, I mean mind freak isn’t translating to the stage as well as you thought it would? Do you think having a few more days might buy you the time to figure out how to cut that girl you’re banging into 3 pieces instead of 2, then float above her with industrial fans blowing your beautiful brown L’Oreal locks as your bare chest glistens for all the women in the audience to wet their panties?  I honestly don’t know if you can accomplish all that with just a few extra days to play with.  But think of it this way, it’s only a few days, but a TON of Vegas vacations are now ruined.  How does that motivate you?  Do you feel like Marty Moose? Clark Griswold wanted nothing more than to take his family to Wally World and the f’n park was CLOSED when they got there.  “Soorrry Folks!”  I thought paying astronomical amounts of money to see Bon Jovi was absurd, but it pales in comparison since his talent is monumentally more entertaining than any parlor trick.  I’d like an apology for screwing up my trip or perhaps even a 20% discount on tickets if we want to come to a future show?  F-that, you could’ve sent us all free Mindfreak T-shirts or something. I’m sure the women who got screwed over would love a pint of your sweat.  You don’t have to shell out anything for that, Lord knows you sweat enough.   I’m going to think twice about shelling out almost $200 a ticket for your show in the future let alone planning an entire vacation around it.
When my mind is clear and its doors are open for mesmerizing, your chicanery never fails to enthrall me. I have always been a “believer” until yesterday when my loyal status level has been downgraded to pending. Walking on water and floating in the air is impressive and that’s what made me believe that your stage show would be several shades of Unbelievable. As the story unfolds you’ve been disloyal to your “loyal and some of us won’t be experiencing your supposed fantastic and astonishing spectacle.
Now that a chunk of your fans have been unequivocally disappointed, are they expected to stand by idly and wait for your next “magic trick?”  Perhaps one of the world’s most beloved and chaotic characters, who coincidentally also knows magic, might show you a little trick he can do with a pencil.  You are one big M.F, and I don’t mean Mind Freak!  Oh and by the way Criss, will you also be refunding the money of all 12 of the people out there who bought your albums over the years?