I’m far from a wine drinker, but I’m totally a sucker for gimmicks. For those of us who aren’t into wine, Chianti or Pinot Noir doesn’t mean a damn thing, but show me a variety of fruit flavors and I might just fall for it. The liquor store at the local Wegman’s had a display of Jersey Wine which is made from Jersey grown grapes, or in this case blueberries. Out of the various flavors and varieties staring back at me, I went for the blueberry since it was a flavor of wine that I’ve never tasted. I’ve had cherry and several others, but they’re all too sweet for me nowadays. Not sure why I thought blueberry would be any different, but I wanted to support the local wine company.
After bringing the bottle home, we let it chill in the fridge for a few days since that’s what the label instructs. Last night it was time for the taste test. In the back of my mind I knew it wasn’t going to be a life changing experience, but I figured it was worth a shot. It was merely a coincidence that Miss Sexy Armpit had a new glass that she wanted to christen. What better way for her to taste this fruity concoction than in this hand painted Jersey Girl wine glass by Lolita that her mom found at Macy’s!
On my first sip, the blueberry flavor was prominent, but so was the sweetness. The taste wasn’t overly sweet, but it was still a few levels too sweet for my liking. It lacked any bite which was nice, but drinking one small glass was quite enough for me. The fruit flavor would be good for a mixed drink, but the problem is that blueberry is a novelty flavor and isn’t used much in mixed drinks, or elsewhere, so I don’t see it taking the world by storm. It’s probably best used as an after dinner drink. If you enjoy blueberry and prefer your wine sweet, then I recommend this, but otherwise I’d pick up one of their more mainstream varieties. If you want something with more kick, another alternative is to buy the Jersey Wine Chianti and make the Jersey Girls drink that’s painted on the bottom of the wine glass:
Coal is some HOT shit. Instead, I got some cool shit for Christmas. Every year I’m very appreciative of the gifts people give me, the time and effort they put into choosing, buying, and wrapping them, and this year is no different. As usual, the holidays passed by so fast, and now I finally have the chance to look back at some of my gifts.
Usually it’s hard to even think of ideas to tell the people in my life who aren’t sure what to get me for Christmas. But it should actually be pretty easy come to think of it. I’ve liked comics, Batman, WWE/WWF, music, movies, KISS, SNL, Disney, and horror movies since I was a little kid so there’s a wide range of stuff to choose from right there. You can’t go wrong with a person who has a lot of interests.
Oh, and of course there’s my little obsession with the toxic sludge flooded state I call home. As highlighted here on The Sexy Armpit, pretty much anything Jersey related will also do the trick. To avoid having to do the previous rundown every time someone asks me for ideas, I usually just ask for some Tinker Toys…and iTunes and Amazon gift cards. The ‘Pit Crew picked out some really great ones this year. Let’s take a look at some of them:
If there’s ever a point where I admit something, I go all the way. Have you ever had a hard time admitting you were wrong and delivered one of those very weak, lame apologies? Well, I’m not like that at all, I go big with it.
Even though I had not seen the a cappella group STRAIGHT NO CHASER until this post, I was convinced that I A) Wouldn’t have a good time at an a Capella concert 2) There was no way these guys were anywhere near as amazing as their glowing reviews that I was being bombarded by. After seeing them at Harrah’s in Atlantic City, I was so blown away that I told everyone who urged me to see them how wrong I was and how it was probably in the top 10 best musical performances I’ve ever seen live in a concert setting. That’s a serious statement since the number of live concerts, cover bands, and other groups I’ve seen is probably in the thousands by now…seriously.
One aspects of Straight No Chaser’s performance that I thought was cool is how they discuss places and times in history, and basically how they effected the music they are performing. As they moved into Beach Boys territory it brought to mind the shores of California, but they turned it on it’s head! Sure, hopping in your woody and running down to the beach with your long board was popular in the ’60s on the WEST COAST, but what shore is most popular right now? That’s right…THE JERSEY SHORE! Somehow, even though they are a bunch of guys from Indiana, their supreme creativity and harmonization skills managed to incorporate a New Jersey theme into The Beach Boys classic “Surfer Girl.” The clip is posted above so you can see for yourself. I took my own video but I was further away so YouTube user DaisyKary came through with the video.
Check out Straight No Chaser’s official site where you can get CD’s, Merch, Tour Dates at
Thanks to Christine on Twitter (@LovedeAcappela) for keeping on my ass about getting this follow up post published!
LYRICS by ERIC PORTMAN
I know dis place, where the water’s sorta greener
slow, deep and hard, condoms floating in da water
pounding Jager bombs, smashing underneath the boardwalk
whores break dey necks, while dey checkin out my biceps
*you could travel the world, but nothing comes close to the jersey coast, you can party like us, we’ll smashing in the back of your moms beemer. ohhhhhhhhhh
**Jersey girls are so forgettable, mini skirts poof hair on top, herpes so bad they gunna melt your Popsicles. ohhhhhhhh
raw dawgin on da beach, f*ckin sand in my speedos
I’m pissing in my sleep , Bon Jovi on da stereo
spray tanned, toned, but heavy…
Is there someone out there who really always wanted a Jersey Girl t-shirt that parodied the Coca-Cola Classic logo? I’d sincerely love to know how many women across the country had this one at the top of their Christmas wish lists last year. Actually, I take that back because there are quite a few collectors of Coca-Cola paraphernalia who would probably hurl me out of the way to get to the rack of these babies. I would imagine that if you are a female obsessed with Coca-Cola, and hail from New Jersey, this mashed up tee is a divine offering.
Poor little Harriet was such a cute little unicorn. She had white fur and a lavender mane. Her horn sparkled pink and yellow. She was there for Jersey Girl throughout her young, vulnerable years. As time went on and Jersey Girl had her first beer, Harriet the Unicorn grew lonely and felt shunned. Jersey Girl’s world, which was once full of wonder and amazement, was now composed of 50 cent drafts and endless happy hours. Calling her a whore would be out of line, even though her mouth’s favorite pastime was chugging $2 dollar long necks. Instead of playing beauty parlor with her little girlfriends, Jersey Girl’s friends grew up to be in charge of holding her hair back when she had to make a routine trip to the vomitorium.
This parody of the classic Corona logo is odd for a few reasons. First, there is a Jersey Shore reference. Think about how the marketability of anything “Jersey Shore” related has skyrocketed ten fold thanks to the MTV reality show. I also find it odd that this tee was not created in a baby tee style for a girl, as opposed to a regular male t-shirt style. I doubt a guy would walk around wearing this, unless he does all his clothes shopping in Shop-Rite. Would you wear this?