Nocturna Mission #4

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As part of my 4th Nocturna Mission, let’s take a look at Detective Comics #547 from February, 1985. 
This issue’s cover is yet another classic Batman comic book cover. The background color, even though faded in this scan, is very eye catching in contrast with the light blue and white Batman logo. The blood orange background color makes this issue seem like a great companion to the earlier installment, Detective Comics #543, which shares a similiar background color.
My curiosity surged as I wondered why Batman would be revealing his secret identity to Commissioner Gordon and Harvey Bullock. Even more of a conundrum was the gang’s response of “You?!?” Settle down kids…It wasn’t Lance Bass under that cowl, but there was a Batman imposter like there’s been many times before.

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In this panel we learn that Nocturna has a penthouse. I can’t help but make the adult magazine comparison and hope that one day Penthouse realizes the goldmine that is Cosplay. Get some hot skanky broads to dress up as some super hero chicks and villains. Perhaps one of them can be a certain ghostly white mistress of the night? Do it Bob! I SWARE you’ll be seeing sales in the range of the Vanessa Williams issue.
“Finding Nocturna and Jason was a nasty surprise” Now, if that’s not the kinkiest thing Batman’s ever said! Here we see Nocturna cheating on Batman with that rotten, no good, weasly Jason Todd. They weren’t just messing around either! That was some good ol’ S&M they’re getting into, they were bound and tied to chairs! I wonder how many seconds later “The Gimp” entered the room?

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Oh Crap. You know it’s the ’80s when Batman’s rocking a finely manicured goatee…oh wait…it’s not really Batman, it’s actually Anton Knight/Night-Slayer, Natalia Knight’s bro. Natalia looks just as savvy as Batman and Robin on those grappling hooks, but her legs are way hotter. If you glance at this panel really fast it looks like Robin is out on patrol with Elvira. I could do without Nocturna’s queer choice of ballet slippers though. 

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According to this panel Batman apparently starred in some late ’70s Blaxploitation films. That Batman is Baadasss! Either that or he’s actually motivational speaker Tony Robbins when he was rockin’ that insane goatee.  He encouraged it to grow and it did…and you can do the same! All you have to do is persevere. 
In the top left of this next panel, Nocturna’s showing off her serious set of moves moves specifically the superkick or “sweet chin music,” that she blatantly stole from Shawn Michaels. Better yet, this is action that should’ve showed up in the Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe game if the game developers had any clue as to what the people really wanted:

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If Nocturna was in that damn video game I would’ve bought it. If you’ve got some sort of code to make her magically appear, for the love of God please post it in the comments section. I’m sure many of you have already made her appear in the game taking on Kitana in a silky bathrobe wearing nothing underneath but a few dabs of that fancy fragrance Coco Chanel. I hear she doesn’t leave her penthouse without putting it on, but between you and me, I’m fairly certain that she buys the knockoff bottle from the mall kiosk. She claims you can’t tell the difference, but then again, she also wears cubic zirconia jewelery.
Whoa, whoa…”I know your every move intimately” ?? That’s borderline Luke/Leia makeout scene. You know what they say in Gotham City, nobody’s more of a player than Nocturna’s brother Night-SlayerThere she goes with the cheap costume jewelry again. Nocturna removes her plastic, yellow, star earring that she bought earlier that day at Claire’s in the lower level of the Gotham Center Mall (right near the women’s knockoff fragrance kiosk) and chucks it at her bro’s chestplate. Now take that cowl off Anton, you look ridiculous!

Nocturna Mission #3

It’s nearly impossible to keep track of the sizzling love affair between Batman and the Mistress of the Night, Nocturna. Seriously people! In our last post they were just fighting over a Robin costume at a Halloween store! And now these two crazy kids are passionately sucking face on the cover of Detective Comics #556 from way back in November of 1985!

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All I know is, if DC Comics ever released one of those Fabio type romance novels, then the cover would be exactly the same as the one on this issue! The cover art is truly fantastic with a very detailed version of the quintiessential ’80s Batman sticking his tongue down this goth bitch Nocturna’s throat. Makes me want to do it too. Good for him. Every guy has a fetish. At the time Batman was into thieving, underhanded goth chicks. 

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The skies are pouring with red rain and Nocturna’s babbling on about the night being “raped.” What the hell is going on? I’m convinced that this has to be the Anne Rice version of Batman. Then Jason Todd is having his little Oedipus complex with Nocturna. Heck, I probably would too, look at her cleavage! You know she’s sitting like that on purpose! And keep in mind BLOOD droplets are falling onto her ghostly white skin! It probably looked like a bomb pop when the red part started melting and dripping onto the white middle part. Yummy! Lick it up. It’s only right now!

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Look at the way her legs are wrapped around that rope! Makes me feel kinda funny. Hey Papparazzi…where are you when we need some Nocturna upskirts? Who gives a shit about Lindsay Lohan? Where are those damn photographers when we have some real business to take care of? We have a certified klepto-goth hybrid chick with a hot bod climbing a friggin’ rope with her dress flailing all over the place and no photographers to be found. Useless creeps!

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Whoa, wait a minute…was this Detective Comics or an episode of Passions? How does Batman even put up with her absurd rhetoric? Nocturna’s clearly only good for one thing: making out!

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Oh man, I could feel the melodrama sticking all over me like it was marshmallow filling in a chocolate pumpkin.

My First Nocturna Mission!

There’s not enough Nocturna on the Internet! I’ve expressed my passion for Nocturna and my desire to see her appear in the next Batman film on this site before, even though my efforts will no doubt be futile.

Now that Autumn is here, the sun has started to go down earlier each day. What better way to greet the night than with the sensual and gothic Batman villain and sexpot, Nocturna, Mistress of the Night? While she’s not the comedic sort like Elvira, they definitely evoke similar qualities in appearance. I’d imagine Nocturna is lighter on her feet than Elvira because she doesn’t have big hair. They’re both ultra pale. Elvira just likes to cake on the makeup, but Nocturna has a legitimate lack of skin pigment. I can’t really say if Nocturna ever wears nipple tassels that she spins around when flailing her boobs during dance numbers, but she does carry herself with quite a Dark Shadows type flair.

Noctura’s sexier than Poison Ivy, especially if you don’t like when Pam makes vines grow up your legs and then tries to hold you captive in her room full of killer cactus and Venus flytraps. (Not that she’s tried that kind of kinky thing on me or anything…) Now, goth chicks on the other hand are a lot of fun and unlike Poison Ivy, they don’t need to shoot you with darts full of love serum to turn you on. All it takes is some pale cleavage and jet black hair, and they’ve got you hooked…much like Bruce Wayne was when in the presence of Nocturna!

Today The Sexy Armpit will take a look at the covers and some panels from Detective Comics #530 and Batman #363. Please, all of you creatures of the night, join me in my Nocturna Mission! We’ll have more Nocturna to follow within the Halloween Countdown!

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