Attack of the Morningside Monster – Film Review

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Recently I watched the 2014 independent horror/thriller Attack of the Morningside Monster and in this post I’ll provide you with my spoiler free thoughts on the film.

First, the synopsis. Set in the fictional small town of Morningside, New Jersey, we’re immediately introduced to an ominous figure in a black hooded cape whose about to apprehensively cut someone in half with an electric blade.

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After we’re acquainted with the central characters, a body is found in the woods. From there, the police force, Sheriff Tom Haulk (Robert Pralgo) and Deputy Klara Austin (Tiffany Shepis), begin to piece together what can only be described as a series of ritualistic murders in their quiet town.

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What’s stumping the cops is the symbol of a crossed out eye that’s left at the scene of each murder. Deputy Austin offers that it might be a gang sign similar to those she saw during her time working in the Bronx. The killer intentionally leaves this mark at the scene of his crimes in the vein of a ’60s Batman villain, which strikes me as silly. Why would the killer go out of their way to draw attention to themselves?

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With the assistance of a university professor, Sheriff Haulk deduces that the killer has stolen a rare Central American ceremonial mask and a tribal mace from their collection and the symbol is a ritualistic mark from this same tribe.

The killers mask itself is almost reminiscent of the Witch Doctor from Scooby-Doo:

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The movie had its quirks, quite a few of them actually. Here’s the biggest issue: I figured out the entire plot about 15 minutes in to the film.

The film gave too much away early on. Merely seeing the glimpse into the killers “lair” from the onset reveals that they’re in some kind of basement or unfinished area of a house. What the killer is doing to their prey, (removing their body parts and putting them into a bowl), combined with other glaring details, made it easy to figure out the rest of the movie.

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There’s a lot of time spent on creating dramatic scenes to divert the viewers attention when there’s really no mystery about who the killer is. If you’ve seen a decent amount of horror or mysteries, you will figured out the plot rather quickly.

More severe than the previous issues I had, is the peculiar drug angle of the film. In contrast with the bit in the summary on the back of the DVD regarding “deadly serious local drug runners,” their ring leader and his stereotypical goons are not easy to take seriously. The two street dealers who they supply are not written as if they are everyday weed dealers. In fact, you may know one or more people who buy or sell weed in your daily life and they are pretty much just like anyone else. In this film though, the girl Jamie talks about how she “really needs a hit,” as she looks all cracked out and addicted. Judging solely by the content of this film, with lines uttered by her brother like “I know where he grows it,” he’s definitely referring to smoking weed – a drug that only an extremely low percentage of users get addicted to.

Putting this whole notion over the top is the fact that after she exchanges the bag of weed with Mark (Nicholas Brendon) for his money, (with the typical “you got the money, you got the stuff?” Oh my Lord) she sweetens the deal for him, offering to orally stimulate him for another $20 bucks. BARGAIN. It seems to me that this film assumes that girls who smoke weed A) look and act like crack addicts B) are total whores. I don’t know who’s worse either, her brother/weed selling confidant, Haws, who’s constantly chewing on a match stick. Do you know anyone that does that? I’ll take back every criticism I have of this film if they can computer generate that shit right out of his mouth. Clearly, someone thought it was a good idea.

The Sheriff’s best friend from childhood, Mark has a wife with a terminal illness, so there’s no reason why he would have to go to crazy lengths to procure illegal street weed when he could easily have her signed up for medicinal marijuana. Why does he have to sneak around if his wife has a major medical reason to have it?

I realize how much painstaking work goes into making independent films and my critique of the movie is in no way an affront, since I respect the filmmakers and what they’ve created here. In fact, the writer of the film, Jayson Palmer, is a fellow Jersey guy. In an interview on the Whatever Works blog, he says that he is “…a Jersey boy, through and through. I was born in Dover and raised in Wharton, which is a small blue collar town in North, central Jersey. I have a lot of love for that small little town. Morningside is based on Wharton. Or at least the town how I remembered it growing up.” Palmer went on to mention that he “…wouldn’t be surprised if Morningside popped up now and then in some future project.”

The main cast was commendable, full of indie and b-movie veteran actors. Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s Xander, Nicholas Brendon, stars and co-produces the film. His agitated performance as Mark Matthews is easily the highlight of the film. Matthews is a school teacher caring for his wife who’s afflicted with cancer and he’s doing everything he can to help her, meanwhile trying keep his own life together. His lifelong best friend is Sheriff Haulk played by Robert Pralgo who provides an almost sickeningly sweet turn as the quintessential good cop. Let’s just say both of these characters have interesting twists which I won’t spoil. And not just the token hottie, we have Tiffany Shepis as the tough Deputy Austin working for the Sheriff.

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Even though the movie was filmed in The Peach State, the visuals of the town evoke the more rural areas of Jersey. Parts of Northwestern and Southwestern Jersey aren’t as city-like and overpopulated as what is typically associated on-screen with NJ. The filmmakers were careful to incorporate geographical authenticity. Morningside had all the nice little touches that I expect from a film set in Jersey. All the cars had Jersey license plates, Trenton was name dropped, and one of the guys in the woods sitting around with his friends by a fire even wore a hat that explicitly specified what state they were in! I love it.

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Will you enjoy Attack of the Morningside Monster? It depends. I tend to support independent films, but, in general, horror fanatics will likely feel neutral about it. The film would’ve benefited from trumping up the scares and dropping a good chunk of the drug dealer subplot. In fact, Mark’s wife’s cancer issue was better kept as a subplot as well even if that meant making major script alterations. At 93 minutes the movie is pretty lean, but there’s still moments where the movie is meandering. It’s described on the back of the DVD as a “race against time,” but it’s not as pulse pounding as it sounds.

The film is worth watching to see how it culminates. Too much is revealed early on to make the ending hit you in the gut, but it’s not without merit. The payoff was pretty satisfying and one of the more positive aspects of the movie. One of the reveals toward the end, after we find out the killer’s identity, had a slight Twilight Zone feel to it, although I wish the entire film had that same eerie quality.

Without a big scare or a cliffhanger at the end, Morningside succeeds in providing the viewer with the notion that there’s a slight possibility that we’ll see this killer again…maybe on Netflix? A sequel would be an outstanding way to highlight the masked Shaman killer, thereby creating a new low- budget horror franchise that would likely garner some buzz and thrive amongst the horror-con scene. Ultimately, without some major tweaking, it’s limited as a franchise. Technically, you’d be cheering the killer instead of fearing. There’s still some hope though, The Morningside Monster has built a nice back story for itself.

Aside from Jigsaw from SAW, it’s a challenge to incorporate cancer into horror films because I feel like horror is my escape from the real world. While watching horror movies, I prefer to turn off my brain and just have fun. Attack of the Morningside Monster became more of a horror-drama rather than a horror-thriller. If the sex scene and few moments of gore get cut out, I could totally see this on Lifetime during the Halloween season.

Attack of the Morningside Monster is available on Video on Demand and download from most of the major online providers. On DVD 1/20/15. The movie was produced by Blue Dusk Productions and Making Monster Productions. I was provided with a review copy of this film.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.83: The Ghosts of Christmas Eve

The holiday rock extravaganza that is the world renowned Trans-Siberian Orchestra left their mark here in New Jersey – Jersey City to be exact. The Ghosts of Christmas Eve, their made for TV concert special that originally aired on the Fox Family Channel on December 14, 1999, was filmed here in Jersey’s most famous movie house that opened 70 years prior in 1929.

As we’ve mentioned many times before here at The Sexy Armpit, the classic Loews Jersey theater, located in Journal Square, is one of our state treasures and it’s actually a star of this production in its own right. The beautifully shot special highlights glimpses of the theater’s cavernous ceilings, and the rich, finely detailed interior. It’s fitting that the concert is titled The Ghosts of Christmas Eve, because I wouldn’t be surprised if the Loews Jersey theater has some ghosts of its own.

It’s not just you average concert. What makes this stand out is the combination of the thunderous music with striking holiday visuals that help weave in the plot of a runaway girl who wishes she’ll be welcomed back into her home by her family. The story begins on Christmas Eve where we join the girl as she hides in an abandoned theater – the legendary Loews Theatre in Jersey City.

The TSO are incredible musicians and it translates into their concerts which often evoke a haunting quality, ultimately they’re very uplifting, but there are elements that conjure up memories and emotions, especially during the holidays. This spectacle may give you feelings of inspiration, forgiveness, and in this case, you may recall a lost loved one, like the runaway daughter whose story unfolds during the concert.

Ten songs are blasted through in just under 45 minutes, so there’s no time to be bored. Some of the highlights include “Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24,” “Joy to the World,” as well as several guest performances, two of which were Jewel and Michael Crawford. I’d forgotten how lovely Jewel is and her version of “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing” was equally as enchanting. Later on, perhaps the key moment in the special is a resounding performance of “O Holy Night,” from the former Phantom of the Opera, Michael Crawford. If that didn’t awaken the ghosts in the theater nothing else could.

The Ghosts of Christmas Eve is subtle yet bombastic, well crafted, and breathtaking. It will enhance your Christmas Spirit and it will also provide fare different than the typical stuff airing constantly on TV throughout December. It’s also perfect to play in the background while you’re putting decorations up or you have company over. Bonus if you have surround sound! You don’t have to be a huge TSO fan to fully enjoy this, but fans of rock music in general would get the most appreciation out of it, especially those from New Jersey. This special is still available on DVD.

10 Things I Love About Jersey Shore Shark Attack

Shark Week is coming. Matter of fact, a friggin’ Sharknado is scheduled to touch down tonight, on SyFy Channel. Luckily, this time it’s New York City that will be infiltrated by sharks, but rewind only a couple of summers and it was the Jersey Shore that was overrun by sharks in glorious Sy-Fy style. It was blood spattered, B-Movie bliss!

Preppy rich folk are trying to build a beach club spa and undersea drilling from the project winds up attracting a very rare species of CGI albino bull sharks, the natural non-tanned well known enemy of the shore faring orange gorilla guido. A Jersey Shore Shark Attack of epic proportions ensues.

While MTV’s Jersey Shore is a distant memory to many of us, clearly its impact still lingers. Jersey Shore was in its final season when Jersey Shore Shark Attack aired on SyFy Channel in the summer of 2012. Similar in spirit to 2010’s Piranha 3-D, another film with Jersey connections, JSSA garnered a better than expected 3 out of 10 stars on IMDB and 25% liked it on Rotten Tomatoes.

The title is a bit misleading because the movie has nothing to do with the actual shark attacks that happened along the Jersey Shore in 1916. If it bums you out and you were geared up for some historical progressive era carnage, you are S.O.L. there, but you’re in luck here because I’ve compiled 10 things I love about this movie. Here we go!

10. No actors from New Jersey appear in this production. This is not surprising. The closest we get is Staten Island’s Jeremy Luke who plays “The Complication” and sort of looks like a white Tracy Morgan. Staten Island is so close to New Jersey that it’s apparent why he was also cast in other Jersey related films like Don Jon and Jersey Boys. This guy is likable on screen and he’s definitely going to become a familiar face. You’ll enjoy his performance more than watching the real Situation.

9. Guy fishing in a canoe smoking a cigar catches a…New Jersey Turnpike sign. This sign is so iconic to me that it’s been part of my site logo for nearly 10 years. That wasn’t the only surprise this guy got, he caught the severed head of a guidette! Pulling body parts out of the water in Jersey is a weekly occurrence here, they aren’t embellishing.

8. Paulie Walnuts (Tony Sirico) plays boardwalk Tiki bar proprietor, Captain Sallie. Although he was born in Brooklyn, Sirico will always be associated with New Jersey thanks to The Sopranos.

7. WET T-SHIRT CONTEST. With Super Soakers.

6. The Warriors reference. “Preppies come out and pla–ay!” The Preppies think the Guidos are trash but they both have to grudgingly team up in this film. Ugh, how excruciating.

5. Jack Scalia rules. He’s like a Shakespearean actor. Who needs Anthony Hopkins when we have friggin’ J.Scal? My mom had one of those hunky pictures of him on our fridge in the ’80s so there’s that. Oh, and there was also one on the inside of our coffee mug cabinet.

4. Luring sharks with Protein bars, they might be onto something.

BJ: 
“You really think you’re gonna attract sharks with protein bars?” 
DONNIE: 
“Nothing’s gonna resist 25 grams of power packed peanut butter crunch!”
(he delivers this line like a pro-wrestler cutting a promo!)

3. Italian Stereotypes to the MAX er, um the MASSIMO! Bocce Ball! Grappa! Sopressata! Surprisingly, I don’t think there was one mention of a cannoli.

“Ya got 10 miles of beautiful white sandy beaches, blue sky, and what do you have to show for it? Wet T-shirt contests and funnel cake…”

2. ATHERTON! The brilliant William Atherton will help you’ll get a feel for the other side of the Jersey shore, the one that that you don’t often see depicted on TV – the yuppie rich folks who own yachts and mansions right on the beach. They wear boat shoes. You know them. Guidos don’t seem so annoying in comparison right? Atherton is the big pretentious a-hole from that crew, similar to Jerry Hathaway from Real Genius. This time, instead of turning off the protection grid like Walter Peck in Ghostbusters, he’s activating undersea drills that attract killer sharks in order to build his beach club.

1. Thank you Captain Obvious! This movie over-explains everything and I love every utterance. After a shark launched into the air and swallowed N’Sync’s “legendary” Joey Fatone whole, the actual Vinny from Jersey Shore yells “Joey Fatone just got eaten by a shark!” Or, how about the classic “Help me my foot is stuck,” when Nooki’s (knockoff Snooki) foot was stuck. Riveting! In the end, there’s even a celebratory fist pumping “Guido” chant to remind viewers that these guys are supposed to be guidos.

Leave It To Cleaver

 photo cleaversopranos_zps24bc81ba.jpgIf you were ever yearning for a direct to DVD mafia slasher movie within an HBO show, Cleaver is the way to go, especially because it might be the only one to fit that very specific category. As a huge fan of The Sopranos and a horror fanatic, I was amused when the two worlds began to merge in the 6th season.

 
Christopher Moltisanti wrote the film’s story which seems to mirror his own life. His ideas for the film were inspired by his tensions with his mob contemporaries and the possibility of an affair between his fiance Adriana and his boss Tony Soprano.
 
The premise of Cleaver revolves around a mafia killer who gets betrayed by his people and they kill him and cut him into pieces that they leave all over the city. The body parts come back together (possibly supernaturally) and he comes back to life to exact revenge on those who f*cked him over. Every slasher needs a memorable killer and in Cleaver it was The Butcher, who was aptly named for a movie originally titled Pork Store Killer. Sounds like an upcoming Asylum picture.
 
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Described in the show as “SAW meets Godfather II” or “The Ring Meets The Godfather,” the mob/slasher movie eventually got it’s own mockumentary which is included in The Sopranos complete series DVD set and posted above thanks to YouTube user bufflo. There’s also a cult following for the film which spawned memorabilia like t-shirts and mugs.
 
Horror fans not acquainted with The Sopranos would appreciate it because it never held back from showing explicit violence and gore. Some scenes in the series were pretty horrific at times, especially when Christopher’s movie project was getting the spotlight. After the series ended there were tons of rumors floating around about a Sopranos movie, but instead, a real Cleaver movie would’ve reached beyond just viewers of the show and into the massive horror audience all over the world. Are you reading this Michael Imperioli?

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments 73: The Bounty Hunter

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What I loved about the movie Hitch was Kevin James’ dance practice sequence. Unfortunately none of Kevin James comic relief was present in director Andy Tenant’s 2010 feature, The Bounty Hunter. With the supporting cast including the likes of comic actors such as Jason Sudeikis, Jeff Garlin, and Christine Baranski, it didn’t really make me laugh much. But luckily, it wasn’t as bad as Tenant’s 2008 movie, Fool’s Gold. But, since today is her birthday, I figured I’d post about a film starring Jennifer Aniston…and New Jersey!!!

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Butler and Aniston in front of the Taj Mahal’s main escalators

There’s wacky hijinks galore as the former Friend plays Nicole Hurley, a reporter who is targeted by her ex-husband and bounty hunter Milo Boyd (Gerard Butler.) Hurley jumped bail and Milo is pursuing her in order to gain a big pay day. In the mean time we’re supposed to be on the edge of our seats to see if all this hot and heavy action will cause them to rekindle their romance.

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A vibrant shot of The Atlantic City Expressway

Considering the abundance of New Jersey appearances, I still couldn’t bring myself to love this film. I definitely didn’t hate it either. It had some real potential to be a fun time, but it’s ulterior motive to be a rom-com is what keeps it from getting to the next level. It’s no surprise that I dozed off toward the end of the film, but I saw enough of it to make the assessment that it was steaming with mediocrity.

Butler does shine as Milo though. His snarky attitude and arrogant overtones work as a scoundrel, a Han Solo-type of guy. Butler brought Milo to life in a realistic way, but all gets weird when we see his macho bravado is all a front and he’s still actually in love with his ex-wife played by Jennifer Aniston. As Hurley, Aniston seems like she’d rather be sunbathing on some exotic beach getting photographed by hidden TMZ photographers. Even with that said, it’s hard not to like her…or LOVE her. Especially when she’s handcuffed to the bed. YUUUUP! That’s in the movie!

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The film would like the viewer to believe that Monmouth Park Racetrack is in Atlantic City

If you’re familiar with Jersey and you’ve seen the film, you probably noticed that the horse racing scene took place at Monmouth Park. The sequence pulled me out of the film because it was made to seem as if the race track was actually in Atlantic City and a line in the film confirms it. It makes more sense to the viewer, after all, but the filmmakers probably assumed most viewers had no idea that the Monmouth Park race track is over 80 miles away from Atlantic City. That’s easily overlooked.

Making up for any of the negatives here are some gorgeous shots of A.C. In fact, The Bounty Hunter contains probably the best modern-day footage of the Atlantic City shoreline in movies. Most of the films I’ve covered here at The Sexy Armpit that have depicted A.C are much older and America’s playground was clearly nowhere near as impressive as it is now. If only Jersey had nicer weather year-round, A.C would be as big of a travel destination as Las Vegas. Look out for scenes in the Taj Mahal, the White House Sub Shop, the boardwalk, the A.C Expressway, and numerous mentions of The Borgata.

Not Fade Away…Not Playing In A Theater Near You

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David Chase’s new film about a suburban New Jersey rock band in the 1960’s is currently in a limited release. It would seem that the chances of such a film rooted in the Garden State would be easy to catch at a local theater in Jersey, right? Nah. Why make it that easy for us? The film is already available for pre-order on Amazon so it looks like I’ll be waiting it out for a bit.

Something tells me HBO will eventually get a hold of this one and never let go. I’ll have it memorized by the end of the summer. But seriously, David Chase AND James Gandolfini together again? It’s a no brainer! Of course, a story of an aspiring rock band is far from The Sopranos. Despite a pretty shitty review on IMDB from reviewer, Clayton Davis, who claims it “doesn’t hold a candle to Cameron Crowe’s homage to music…” referring to Almost Famous, I’m still highly interested in seeing this.

*Although the film is set in New Jersey, much of it was filmed in Pearl River, NY.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.71: The Oranges

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Our featured writer N.J Holden is back and this time around 
he’s providing his thoughts on the 2011 film The Oranges
This is what happened when House and Gossip Girl visited The Oranges (Well, sorty of). With fall comes not only the changing of the leaves and temperature, but a crop of films, from the ones that litter the multiplexes like poppies on a bagel to the smaller fare that fly under the radar. The Oranges has just opened in limited release in theatres scattered about the Garden State, and one should think that New Jersey would be proud. An acclaimed cast led by everyone’s favorite angry doctor House and a semi-serious look at the middle aged would be cause for celebration. But aside from the cast, the film is probably the first pro-Jersey film NOT filmed in Jersey. As witnessed by the end credits, New York stands in for nearly the entire film save a fleeting glimpse of the Atlantic City Boardwalk and the nice hand-painted sign that welcomes the visitors to the Oranges. But regardless, one should find time to check out this rare oddity.

David and Paige (Hugh Laurie and Catherine Keener) and Terry and Cathy (Oliver Platt and Allison Janney) are neighbors on the same block in the NJ suburbs of the title, both well to do and constantly enthralled with the latest gadgets on the market. But when Nina, Terry and Cathy’s free-spirited, nomadic daughter, Nina (Gossip Girl Leighton Meester) returns home after a failed relationship, everyone’s happy existence is thrown into chaos. David and Paige’s daughter Vanessa (Alia Shawkat) is embittered by her sheltered life and fleeting dreams of being a designer and their son Toby (Adam Brody), who was thought to be a perfect fit for Nina, is conflicted when the free spirit instead finds a kinship and romance with the older, but miserable, David. What ensues is a comedic look at how marriages survive and wither as well as an insightful look into how happiness eludes people in favor of normalcy and comfort.

New Jersey (despite not being shot in NJ) is shown in an appeal not seen in a certain shore show or long-off-the-air Mafia cable drama. The Oranges is an idyllic, decorative suburb with manicured lawns and a Rockwell-esque appeal that demonstrates that the Garden State is far more beautiful than it is given credit for, and kudos to the production team for finding locations that fit the state without making it too much of a distraction. It is odd that the film, while nowhere near a big-budget noisemaker, could not be filmed at least in a nearby location such as Montclair or Verona, towns that could easily fill in for the Oranges. But the film survives due to the appeal and witty exchanges between the characters, and Meester actually does a lot to distance herself from the bitchy society girl on Girl and makes you feel for and against her devil-may-care character who is far from the typical whore found in such fare, just a girl falling into unfortunate situation after situation. Another standout is Keener, a wife trying to (and ultimately, in hilarious fashion) put on a brave smile while her happily framed life falls apart all around her.

So, instead of the usual fare that is soon quickly forgotten just as soon as it has arrived, give The Oranges a view, a great Jersey film that isn’t and wasn’t at the same time.

by N.J Holden

The Barrens: A Direct To DVD Dud?

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A film about a family camping in the Pine Barrens being stalked by The Jersey Devil? I’m in. I’m always in when it comes to that freak J.D!

The Barrens had a nice little buzz going for itself when it was first announced a while back. I’m not sure the path horror films take during their production, but the majority of them nowadays seem to go directly to dvd/blu-ray. I was under the impression that this one would actually get a theatrical release, especially with the nation’s bizarre love affair with everything New Jersey after the popularity of Jersey Shore.

As it turns out, there’s a very limited theatrical release going on, and as Bloody Disgusting reports, a site called TUGG is trying to get it played in more theaters. There’s a showing planned for the AMC/Loews in Cherry Hill, NJ, on 10/18. Read more about the limited release here. For the most part, this one is going straight to home video and V.O.D. It’s not a bad thing for me because then I can experience it for myself without hearing how terrible it might be and I won’t have it spoiled by articles or tweets. As it looks right now though, I won’t have to worry about negative feedback since reviews on IMDB are pretty positive at this point.

Hopefully this film will finally be a proper treatment of the Jersey Devil legend. It’s written and directed by Darren Bousman of the Saw films and Repo! The Genetic Opera so that’s encouraging I suppose. Judging by the early reviews it’s more of a psychological thriller than a true horror film, which appeals to me immensely. I prefer movies like The Shining and Psycho over those full of cheap effects and explicit, in your face gore.

As I mentioned previously here, The Barrens was filmed in Canada rather than in Jersey, most likely to keep production costs down. Such was the case with 2009’s Carny starring Lou Diamond Phillips. If you’re wondering if you should check that movie out, I give you my opinion at this linkThe Barrens stars’ Stephen Moyer of True Blood and Mia Kirshner and hits stores and On Demand on October 9th.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.67: I Wanna Hold Your Hand

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I Wanna Hold Your Hand: Protests, Police, Prostitutes, and PAUL!!!

Some DVDs linger on my “must watch list,” but for one reason or another keep getting passed up in favor of repeat viewings of Mr. Mom and Nightmare on Elm Street. Those things happen. I’m rendered powerless when I turn on the TV and see Psycho on, but when there’s a hundred movies that I’ve been meaning to watch for years and I still haven’t followed through, then that’s a problem. Recently, I finally watched one that has literally been on my list for more than 5 years.

Talk about underrated! I hereby add 1978’s I Wanna Hold Your Hand to the most underrated comedies ever. While growing up I never even knew about this film. It didn’t really play on TV all that much and it didn’t make a ton of money at the box office either. Considering all the movies that have gone unnoticed in theaters and eventually became legendary on VHS and DVD, by rights this should be one of them, but it’s not. As we take a closer look you can be baffled along with me as to why I Wanna Hold Your Hand doesn’t always show up on those lists of classic rock and roll comedies.

There’s several reasons why you’ll want to check this movie out. What’s most noteworthy is that the film was written and directed by Robert Zemeckis and get this – it was produced by Steven Spielberg! If they aren’t the movie Mega Powers, I don’t know who is! Secondly, my notion of the film before I watched it was that it was probably some sort of Beatles biopic like a more straight laced version of Spinal Tap. That couldn’t have been further from the truth. The Beatles merely serve as the catalyst for the teenage characters to get to the Beatles legendary performance on the Ed Sullivan Show. Remember when Clark Griswold said “Getting there is half the fun, you know that!” Well that is definitely the case and the Beatles take a back seat to all the craziness that happens along the way.

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I Wanna Hold Your Hand has more in common with a teen period piece like American Graffiti than a straight up rock and roll film. It’s a time capsule of Beatlemania. Naturally it will have more of an effect on you if you lived through the ’60s, but that didn’t phase me one bit. The cast is fantastic and it includes Nancy Allen who makes out hardcore with Paul McCartney’s bass, the late Wendie Jo Sperber in her film debut (you may remember her from Bosom Buddies and as Mary McFly’s sister in Back to the Future) in her funniest role, Marc Mclure (Marty McFly’s brother), and Eddie Deezen who played the geek Eugene in the Grease films.

In 1999, the KISS version of this film was released as Detroit Rock City. That’s not an exaggeration. DRC is one of my favorites, but I couldn’t believe how much that film borrowed from I Wanna Hold Your Hand. Oh, and last but not least…the film opens in Maplewood, New Jersey! 

Great Geek Gorge #1

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Geeks need their gratification. Just as the wise men brought baby Jesus gifts, and ancient peeps sacrificed stuff up to the Gods, in the case of geeks the world over, they also need to be indulged or they get a little cranky. Here’s a little rundown of stuff that has satisfied my voracious geek appetite. In this first installment you’ll read about things I’ve added to my collection lately, things I’d like to add to my collection, things I’ve recently received as gifts, food I’ve chowed down on, and events I’m planning to attend.

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1. My 2nd favorite film of the Marvel franchise is Thor. My future mom-in-law got me this awesome Thor Pez dispenser! I have a small collection of Pez dispensers and this one fits in nicely beside Captain Jack Sparrow, Darth Vader, and The Incredible Hulk.

2. For my birthday my Dad got me the entire collection of The Muppet Show on DVD! Watching these shows is going to bring back so many memories!

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3. Who doesn’t like stuffing their face once in a while? The absolute BEST place to do that in New Jersey is at Harrah’s Resort Waterfront buffet in Atlantic City. That is where you will find The Absolute Greatest Brownies of All Time (among other delicious offerings.)

4. This might fall into the “why the hell did you buy that” category, but I’ve actually been following the production of The Witches of Oz for a long time. I tried watching it and it really isn’t that good, but as a fan of Wizard of Oz and Return to Oz, I thought I might like this. Until the upcoming 3-D production of Dorothy of Oz comes out in a few years, I’ll take what I can get. Clearly it shouldn’t even be mentioned in the same paragraph as those previous films since it’s on the level of The Asylum productions, but alas, I took a chance on it anyway. If you’re thinking of checking this out, take into consideration that I saw Wicked on Broadway and didn’t enjoy that either.

5. The Batman Files. When this ultimate book of Batman first came out it was priced at upwards of $100 dollars at some book stores. I’ve splurged more cash on sillier things, but for some reason I was hesitant on picking this book up. It was wise to wait because, as always, there was a pretty hefty price drop on the book. I got the book at less than half price. If you’re interested – type it into Google shopping. Well worth it for hardcore Batman fans.

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6. You know how people say “There’s no such thing as bad pizza?” Well, I feel the same way about Doritos. Even the lamest gimmick Doritos, like the mystery flavor a few years back, were fine by me. I can’t really get behind Doritos Jacked though. The whole idea behind them negates what Doritos are all about. They made these chips harder to create more of a crunch, but I’d rather not break my teeth, thank you. And even though they amped up the amount of Dorito dust on these suckers, the actual chip is twice the size of a normal Dorito chip. They are more like the size of a restaurant style Tortilla chip. You need to take a few bites of one chip rather than stuff a whole chip in your mouth. Bah. Whatever. If you’re going to try them, I suggest the Smoky Chipotle BBQ flavor if you’re into that type of thing.

7. Mighty Man and Yukk. One of my favorite cartoons of my childhood. The concept is completely insane. This dudes dog is so ugly that the dog has to wear a doghouse on his head and the the dude shrinks down to a super tiny size and becomes a superhero. Totally ridiculous, but I love it and have been looking for it literally forever. Found a collection of every episode on DVD taped off of Boomerang. I’ll take what I can get considering there hasn’t been an official release.

8. Finally my friends in one of my favorite bands The Dirty Pearls are celebrating the release of their debut full length album at the Gramercy Theatre in New York City on May 5th! The Dirty Pearls will be performing along with Star Killer and other special guests! If you don’t have plans for Cinco De Mayo or you are tired of the typically mobbed parties at the local Jose Tejas. GET YOUR TICKETS HERE: http://thegramercytheatre.com/event/000048677B6062DE