New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol. 27: Anger Management

Trenton
Jack Nicholson should never retire from acting. In the case that he does feel like hanging up that devilish, 10 mile wide smile of his and quit the acting biz, then I’d absolutely love for him to begin offering anger management therapy for all of us enraged, pent up, people from Jersey. I could deal without stopping my car in the middle of a bridge and singing “I Feel Pretty” from West Side Story, but perhaps since Jack’s a fellow Jersey guy, he’d be able to offer me some insight. The deep breath and count to 10 thing just ain’t cuttin’ it. I’ll settle for just watching the DVD of Anger Management, which proves to be an amusing distraction, albeit, one that can only momentarily remedy my agitation.

Premiering to mixed reviews, I feel that Anger Management succeeds thanks to its fine cast including Sandler, Nicholson, the ever sexy Marisa Tomei, Woody Harrelson, Kevin Nealon, John Turturro, Luis Guzman and a host of awesome cameos. To top it off, they even managed to throw in a reference to New Jersey! In this scene, Andrew (Allen Covert), a well endowed douchebag who’s crazy about Marisa Tomei, is enjoying a drink with her as Dave (Sandler) walks into the bar:
Trenton,new jersey,Marisa Tomei,Jack Nicholson,Adam Sandler
DAVE: “…Not that crowded here tonight, you would think it would be packed.”
ANDREW: “Actually, I rented the place out. I just figured it would be more fun if it was just us Brown alumni. Where did you go to college again, Dave?”
DAVE:Trenton Community College.”
While there are several colleges in Trenton, such as Mercer County Community College and Thomas Edison State College, there is no actual school named Trenton Community College. Before changing its name to The College of New Jersey and moving to Ewing, NJ, it was named Trenton State College.
I identified with this film, because all Dave (Sandler) needed to do to avoid getting wrapped up in anger therapy was know how to keep his mouth shut. To the surprise of no one, that is something that Jersey people have an insanely hard time doing. Growing up, all I heard from teachers, and on TV was that we need to “express ourselves,” and “speak our minds,” because after all, “you are entitled to your opinion!” Then the minute we open our mouths to do that we’re automatically accused of being rabble-rousers. Who am I kidding? I wouldn’t take an anger management class if Jack Nicholson was teaching it in full Joker makeup and costume. Well, that’s a blatant lie and a total exaggeration. But not having some sort of edge or chip on your shoulder sort of seems like you might as well be spayed or neutered.
Nicholson grew up in Neptune City, NJ and attended Manasquan High School so it would be a fine way to give back to the community. I could see Jack now in his slyest demeanor…
JACK: “Does anyone have any questions about today’s lesson?”
STUDENT: “Yeah I do…what about that time you were on a murderous bloodthirsty rampage holding an axe and trying to kill the innocent Shelly Duvall? You seemed really fucking incensed! What was that all about?”
JACK: “Acting my good man…merely some fine acting. NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Most Romantic Moments Heard on my iPod Part 2

Valentine’s Day is one of the cheesiest days of the year. Boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives are supposed to be good to their significant others all year round, but for the past oh…let’s say 200 years, thanks to Valentine’s Day, we’re only contractually obligated to be nice once a year. I look at V-day simply as an unecessary occasion where men have to buy overpriced flowers and candy for their lady.

If you love someone, you should profess your love often, and in a variety of different ways. One way is to make a playlist on your lovers iPod or go old school and make them an actual mix CD. For hints on some of the best musical expressions of love, here’s part 2 of the most romantic songs heard on my iPod. If you are a completist and would like to read the first installment, then click here!

I want you, in a vinyl suit, I want you bad
The Offspring – I Want You Bad
I know you’re hungry I can see it in your eyes
She’s lookin at me like I’m a side of fries
I wanna take your chubby ass back to my place
And squirt my baby gravy all over your face
Steel Panther – Fat Girl

She took a lightsaber to my heart
And she picked my brain with a pocket knife
Marvelous 3 – Cold as Hell

You got a body like the devil and you smell like sex
I can tell you’re trouble but I’m still obsessed
Because you know you’re so hot, I want to get you alone
So hot, I wanna get you stoned
So hot, I don’t want to be your friend
I want to fuck you like I’m never gonna see you again
Kid Rock – So Hott

She calls and I come runnin’ back, I call, she never calls me back
What’s wrong with me I’m so addicted to you…
and you’re such a dick to me
Lit – Addicted

Don’t come hangin’ around my door

Don’t wanna see your face no more
I don’t need your war machines
I don’t need your ghetto scenes
The Guess Who – American Woman

The plaster’s gettin’ harder and my love is perfection
A token of my love for her collection

And my love is the plaster
And yeah, shes the collector
She wants me all the time to inject her

KISS – Plaster Caster

Put your hand in my pocket
Grab onto my rocket
KISS – Take Me

You know I thug ’em, fuck ’em, love ’em, leave ’em
Cause I don’t fuckin’ need ’em
Jay Z – Big Pimpin’

I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I knew I’d miss her
So I had to keep her
She’s buried right in my backyard
Guns N Roses – I Used To Love Her

Girls Don’t Like Boys, Girls Like Cars And Money
Boys Will Laugh At Girls When They’re Not Funny
Good Charlotte – Boys and Girls

Need your love 1,2,3
Stop starin’ at my D cup

Don’t waste time, just give it to me
C’mon baby, just feel me up
The Donnas – Take It Off

Hey! You’re a crazy bitch,

but you fuck so good I’m on top of it.
When I dream I’m doing you all night,
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on.
Buckcherry – Crazy Bitch

You say you’re cried a thousand rivers
And now you’re swimming for the shore
You left me drowning in my tears
And you won’t save me anymore
Bon Jovi – I’ll Be There For You

You let me violate you, You let me desecrate you, You let me penetrate you
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
Nine Inch Nails – Closer

She dashed by me in painted on jeans
And all heads turned ’cause she was the dream
In the blink of an eye I knew her number and her name
Ah she said I was the tiger she wanted to tame
Billy Ocean – Carribbean Queen
I hope she’ll say, “Hey me and you should hit the hay!”
I asked her out she said, “No way!”
The Beastie Boys – Girls

One more thing before you go
would you please give me my records back
My Bloody Valentine, The Pixies, Cheap Trick and Back In Black
You can keep the dog we bought but you can’t go near the Standard Bar
Don’t hang around, don’t call my friends, They won’t know who you are!

American Hi-Fi – The Breakup Song

I don’t drink tea
Or white chablis
I sit around and watch tv
Don’t send flowers
Or take showers
But I’ll be there to pull your weeds

Alice Cooper – Fantasy Man

I know you’d like to thank your shit don’t stank
But lean a little bit closer
See that roses really smell like poo-oo-ooo
Yeah, roses really smell like poo-oo-ooo
Caroline! See she’s the reason for the word “bitch”
I hope she’s speeding on the way to the club
Trying to hurry up to get to some
Baller or singer or somebody like that
And try to put on her makeup in the mirror
And crash, crash, crash.. into a ditch! (Just Playing!)
Outkast – Roses

But it all was bullshit.
It was a goddam joke.
And when I think of you Linda,
I hope you fucking choke.
Adam Sandler – Somebody Kill Me Please

I try to love you but sometimes it’s just a pain in the ass
RATT – I Want a Woman

Sexy Armpit Excursion: The Water Club, Atlantic City N.J

For the big Dark Knight weekend we had the pleasure of staying at The Water Club at the Borgata in Atlantic City. When I first walked in I noticed how grandiose the design was. It’s huge, but sparsely decorated, which I enjoy. I’m a fan of big open spaces and super high ceilings what can I say? The folks at the front desk tended to our every need. They even asked if they could make dinner reservations for us, and we actually took them up on their offer. We went to Wolfgang Puck’s American Grille in the Borgata. You would think I’m the Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase with all this, but I’m far from it! I had the Almond Crusted Salmon with Horseradish Potato Puree and red wine reduction. That’s just a fancy schmancy way of saying Salmon topped with Almonds and mashed potatoes. As you could imagine, the presentation of the entrée was excellent and the meal was superb.
When we got into our room I saw an interactive plasma hanging on the wall that welcomed us by name. It had all of the visitor info and check out info as well. The room was decorated in beige and brown earth tones. I expected no less than a Cisco IP phone on the desk and leather pillows against the headboard. The room featured the most comfortable bed and pillows which were as good if not better than the Borgata’s.
As if you haven’t had enough Batman already, I had an Adam West sighting on the trip. This time he wasn’t in person, he was starring in a Password slot machine game. In other Batman news it’ll be Joker week at Eclectorama! Go check it out and continue on your high from The Dark Knight! I also had to basically beat a couple of guys off the new Indiana Jones (pictured below) machines with a stick to get to play one for 5 minutes. And lose most of my money in the process. We also got comp tickets to see a live version of The Wedding Singer. This was a show on Broadway but now it’s over at Harrah’s Resort until the end of August. There’s no big name actors in it but I thought it would be fun to see since I am a fan of the movie and a total ’80s freak. The transition from screen to stage wasn’t an easy one for The Wedding Singer. There plenty of ’80s references and a few really good one liners but it almost seemed like it was better off as a movie. The play is made up of original songs written for the stage show which all fell short and were not catchy at all. Two songs from the film appeared such as the humorous delivery of “Somebody Kill Me Please,” which wound up getting alot of laughs because of the way the actor playing Robbie actually “sang” the song instead of screamed it ala angry Adam Sandler. The other was “I Want To Grow Old With You.” If you plan on seeing this show, I warn you of the abomination that is the guy who played the Billy Idol impersonator. His part was “Billy Idol impersonator” and he wasn’t convincing at all…but the Tina Turner impersonator on the other hand, went over big! It’s worth seeing only if you got a comp ticket offer like we did.