The Purple Stuff Podcast’s 2nd Halloween Minisode is now available! In this episode, we decided to document our trip to the dine-in movie theater. Obviously, we wanted to see something spooky and Annabelle Creation was the perfect choice. I’m a big fan of the films in The Conjuring universe, although Matt hasn’t really seen them. In this abbreviated episode we run down the details of the trailers we saw, the food we ordered, and maybe even a little bit about the movie too! We hope you enjoy this fun little installment of The Purple Stuff Podcast. You can subscribe to us on iTunes and if you want to support the show, leave us a positive review on there! Thanks for reading and listening!
Is it possible? A horror anthology comic set in a New Jersey movie theater? That requires a really obnoxious fugetaboutit! Words cannot express how close to my heart the mere thought of that comic is. Old movie theaters, The Garden State, and sexy fishnet stocking-clad movie usherettes comprise Velvet Rope and there’s no way I can go wrong with it.
Since it was a based in New Jersey, I’ve owned Mark Poulton’s (Savage Hawkman, Avengelyne) Horror Anthology from Arcana Comics, Velvet Rope since it was released, but now is a perfect time to spotlight it because our fellow NJ’er, Poulton, and the Underbelly crew have created actual movie pitch trailers for the book to show the Arcana bigwigs the potential of making it into a feature film!
The anthology’s frame tale features a phantom movie theater, a possibly demonic (and hot) theater usherette, and an unsuspecting dude who’s just trying to get his horror movie marathon on. Oh, and adding to the pot, it’s freaking Halloween night, 2008!
Out of the roughly 10 stories contained within the book, there were a few that should definitely be included if a film ever gets made. First is Poulton’s own story, Baker’s Dozen, a deliciously sick yarn about beef jerky that takes place just outside Atlantic City and recalled classic late night Tales From the Crypt episodes. Continue reading NJ-Set Velvet Rope Horror Anthology Gets Trailer Treatment
In case you missed this news, hot off the heels of a fun Nerd Lunch Halloween special with guest Dinosaur Dracula, I’m back again with Jeeg and Pax for an EXTRA HELPING of the podcast where we discuss all the intricacies of the legendary film KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park! We had a great time with this one so definitely check it out right here, or on iTunes!
Shark Week is coming. Matter of fact, a friggin’ Sharknado is scheduled to touch down tonight, on SyFy Channel. Luckily, this time it’s New York City that will be infiltrated by sharks, but rewind only a couple of summers and it was the Jersey Shore that was overrun by sharks in glorious Sy-Fy style. It was blood spattered, B-Movie bliss!
Preppy rich folk are trying to build a beach club spa and undersea drilling from the project winds up attracting a very rare species of CGI albino bull sharks, the natural non-tanned well known enemy of the shore faring orange gorilla guido. A Jersey Shore Shark Attack of epic proportions ensues.
While MTV’s Jersey Shore is a distant memory to many of us, clearly its impact still lingers. Jersey Shore was in its final season when Jersey Shore Shark Attack aired on SyFy Channel in the summer of 2012. Similar in spirit to 2010’s Piranha 3-D, another film with Jersey connections, JSSA garnered a better than expected 3 out of 10 stars on IMDB and 25% liked it on Rotten Tomatoes.
The title is a bit misleading because the movie has nothing to do with the actual shark attacks that happened along the Jersey Shore in 1916. If it bums you out and you were geared up for some historical progressive era carnage, you are S.O.L. there, but you’re in luck here because I’ve compiled 10 things I love about this movie. Here we go!
10. No actors from New Jersey appear in this production. This is not surprising. The closest we get is Staten Island’s Jeremy Luke who plays “The Complication” and sort of looks like a white Tracy Morgan. Staten Island is so close to New Jersey that it’s apparent why he was also cast in other Jersey related films like Don Jon and Jersey Boys. This guy is likable on screen and he’s definitely going to become a familiar face. You’ll enjoy his performance more than watching the real Situation.
9. Guy fishing in a canoe smoking a cigar catches a…New Jersey Turnpike sign. This sign is so iconic to me that it’s been part of my site logo for nearly 10 years. That wasn’t the only surprise this guy got, he caught the severed head of a guidette! Pulling body parts out of the water in Jersey is a weekly occurrence here, they aren’t embellishing.
8. Paulie Walnuts (Tony Sirico) plays boardwalk Tiki bar proprietor, Captain Sallie. Although he was born in Brooklyn, Sirico will always be associated with New Jersey thanks to The Sopranos.
7. WET T-SHIRT CONTEST. With Super Soakers.
6. The Warriors reference. “Preppies come out and pla–ay!” The Preppies think the Guidos are trash but they both have to grudgingly team up in this film. Ugh, how excruciating.
5. Jack Scalia rules. He’s like a Shakespearean actor. Who needs Anthony Hopkins when we have friggin’ J.Scal? My mom had one of those hunky pictures of him on our fridge in the ’80s so there’s that. Oh, and there was also one on the inside of our coffee mug cabinet.
4. Luring sharks with Protein bars, they might be onto something.
(he delivers this line like a pro-wrestler cutting a promo!)
3. Italian Stereotypes to the MAX er, um the MASSIMO! Bocce Ball! Grappa! Sopressata! Surprisingly, I don’t think there was one mention of a cannoli.
2. ATHERTON! The brilliant William Atherton will help you’ll get a feel for the other side of the Jersey shore, the one that that you don’t often see depicted on TV – the yuppie rich folks who own yachts and mansions right on the beach. They wear boat shoes. You know them. Guidos don’t seem so annoying in comparison right? Atherton is the big pretentious a-hole from that crew, similar to Jerry Hathaway from Real Genius. This time, instead of turning off the protection grid like Walter Peck in Ghostbusters, he’s activating undersea drills that attract killer sharks in order to build his beach club.
1. Thank you Captain Obvious! This movie over-explains everything and I love every utterance. After a shark launched into the air and swallowed N’Sync’s “legendary” Joey Fatone whole, the actual Vinny from Jersey Shore yells “Joey Fatone just got eaten by a shark!” Or, how about the classic “Help me my foot is stuck,” when Nooki’s (knockoff Snooki) foot was stuck. Riveting! In the end, there’s even a celebratory fist pumping “Guido” chant to remind viewers that these guys are supposed to be guidos.
As I tweeted like a madman last night during the Super Bowl, I noticed a lot of people wondering how Kurt Russell got roped into cutting an intro promo for the game. Miss Sexy Armpit was curious as well. I didn’t find it to be such a stretch since Kurt Russell played badass dudes in movies like Big Trouble in Little China and Escape from New York among others. The Super Bowl producers probably thought it was appropriate for an action film icon like him to pump viewers up for the game.
Although Russell is always welcome in my book, viewers in Jersey were already excited, since the Bowl itself took place in New Jersey, not New York as the media would lead you to believe. Coincidentally, as I’m sure you’re aware, Kurt Russell played Snake Plissken in Escape From New York, and he also escaped L.A in 1996, but did you know that he was also faced with trying to Escape From New Jersey? And no, he wasn’t trying to squeeze onto a mobbed train out of Secaucus after the Super Bowl.
New Jersey Indepenedent Filmmaker Chris Notarile (You might remember us mentioning Chris here at The Sexy Armpit during the 2012 Halloween countdown for his fan-film horror prequels) created a web series/fan film that pays tribute to the Escape films and Jersey at the same time. The effects and vibe of the production is top notch and if you’re a fan of Kurt Russell and dig the Escape From… films, you will enjoy this. The first part is posted above and subsequent installments can be found at at the Blinky Productions YouTube page. There’s even a great nod to Jack Burton in Big Trouble in Little China. Well done!
There’s always been some crossover between the icons of rock, punk, and metal into Hollywood. Lots of musicians and lead singers have appeared in multiple TV shows and films. Here’s a few rock stars who have dabbled in acting (and some who still do): Alice Cooper, Mick Jagger, David Bowie, Debbie Harry, Meatloaf, Henry Rollins, Courtney Love, you get the picture. The Misfits probably didn’t even come to your mind as I was rattling off that list. Well, I take that back. It probably did because it’s the subject of this whole post as indicated by the title and the introduction.
There may be no Golden Globe awards in their future, but that was never their mission. Once the mid-’90s rolled around, the public and Hollywood were realizing the impact that Misfits have had on music and pop culture. Their logo was everywhere, even nearly twenty years later at that point. Not only did their music still sound hard edged and haunting, but they were such a visual band that it just made sense to get them into films. It was about time to exploit them to the next generation of kids with their brand new, young lead singer Michale Graves. Their first appearance right around that time in 1995 was in the movie, Animal Room, about a former drug user (Nail Patrick Harris) in a drug rehab program at his high school gets tormented by a bully (Matthew Lillard).
Animal Room was the debut film of NJ-born and raised writer and director Craig Singer. If you’re a long time Sexy Armpit reader, you might remember when we talked about one of his later films, Dark Ride which, as I look back at it, I was probably way too harsh on that movie. Perhaps I’ll go back and watch it this Halloween season. Back to Animal Room – it was billed as a drama and science fiction film and according to Wikipedia, it was a “modernized version of A Clockwork Orange.” The movie was filmed in Asbury Park and Glen Rock, NJ. Here’s a pretty badass scene from Animal Room starring The Misfits which also winds up being surprisingly grisly:
Next up for The Misfits was a quick scene in the Insane Clown Posse movie, Big Money Hustlas in 2000. It’s a pretty whimsical scene and not one you’d expect to see the ghoulish Misfits show up in, but that makes it even more surreal and memorable. The movie stars Harland Williams who appears in this scene which takes place in a Donut Hut, a diner situation whose logo combines Pizza Hut and Dunkin’ Donuts. Here The Misfits are seen enjoying a few cups of Joe and chucking a donut at a cop. Punk cred still in tact.
In, Bruiser, the 2000 DVD thriller directed by George A. Romero, a man always getting shit on by people awakens on day to find that his face is now a blank, white mask. Note that the bullying theme was also present in the previously mentioned, Animal Room. Maybe we need to call WWE and let their Be A Star campaign Superstars talk to these bullies.
The Misfits were always known for being punk outcasts, but I have no objections to seeing them sneakily appear in a few movie cameos. None of these were big movies by any stretch, so you can’t accuse them of selling out to do these films. If they appeared in Soul Plane, we might all think a little differently about their career decisions, wouldn’t we?
The Misfits’ history of kicking ass has far surpassed any punk grading system that people might hold them to, and their brand has risen above the divisive fan base including those who are Danzig loyalists and the true Fiend Club members who still appreciate the band today still as macabre looking and monster movie loving as ever.
I’m already doing the hustle for American Hustle. All I can say is HOLY SHIT I NEED TO SEE THIS MOVIE. Is it Christian Bale’s already killer performance that’s grabbing me? Is it the Zeppelin music bed that does it? Is it Amy Adams and Jennifer Lawrence looking HOT? All of the above actually. The Jersey aspect is merely icing on the cake. Clearly hyperbole, but I am obsessed with this movie already.
“The Story of a con artist and his partner in crime, who were forced to work with a federal agent to turn the tables on other cons, mobsters, and politicians – namely, the volatile mayor of impoverished Camden, New Jersey.”
Directed by David O. Russell (Silver Linings Playbook) and featuring a tremendous ensemble cast including the aforementioned actors, as well as Brad Cooper, Louis C.K and Jeremy Renner, American Hustle may be the movie of the year. It hits theaters in December and I wouldn’t be surprised if it gets a few Oscar noms. Jennifer Lawrence for best hair, Amy Adams for hottest bathing attire, and Christian Bale for best Welch man doing a Bronx accent.
One of the first comments on YouTube under this trailer insists that this is going to be one of those movies that casts a bunch of great actors, but the movie turns out to be crap. There’s always a possibility of that, but this was after he pleaded to get Amy Adams naked in a movie. Whoa there buddy…that’s Princess Giselle AND Lois Lane you’re talking about here! She’s no Lindsay Lohan who’s desperately displaying her stuff to the entire world in The Canyons in hopes of resurrecting her career. Adams is on a whole other level and she just seems to be climbing higher with each role she takes on.
If you’ve seen David O. Russell’s previous films, you know you’re in for a treat. If you aren’t familiar with his films, at the very least, check out The Fighter, an amazing film that truly showcases Christian Bale’s depth as an actor. More recently though, Silver Linings Playbook is possibly the most finely acted film I’ve seen in years. As many directors tend to do, Russell likes to cast his usual team of actors in his films. In this case, it’s combining key cast members from both Silver Linings and The Fighter which can only equal good things.
There’s wacky hijinks galore as the former Friend plays Nicole Hurley, a reporter who is targeted by her ex-husband and bounty hunter Milo Boyd (Gerard Butler.) Hurley jumped bail and Milo is pursuing her in order to gain a big pay day. In the mean time we’re supposed to be on the edge of our seats to see if all this hot and heavy action will cause them to rekindle their romance.
Considering the abundance of New Jersey appearances, I still couldn’t bring myself to love this film. I definitely didn’t hate it either. It had some real potential to be a fun time, but it’s ulterior motive to be a rom-com is what keeps it from getting to the next level. It’s no surprise that I dozed off toward the end of the film, but I saw enough of it to make the assessment that it was steaming with mediocrity.
Butler does shine as Milo though. His snarky attitude and arrogant overtones work as a scoundrel, a Han Solo-type of guy. Butler brought Milo to life in a realistic way, but all gets weird when we see his macho bravado is all a front and he’s still actually in love with his ex-wife played by Jennifer Aniston. As Hurley, Aniston seems like she’d rather be sunbathing on some exotic beach getting photographed by hidden TMZ photographers. Even with that said, it’s hard not to like her…or LOVE her. Especially when she’s handcuffed to the bed. YUUUUP! That’s in the movie!
If you’re familiar with Jersey and you’ve seen the film, you probably noticed that the horse racing scene took place at Monmouth Park. The sequence pulled me out of the film because it was made to seem as if the race track was actually in Atlantic City and a line in the film confirms it. It makes more sense to the viewer, after all, but the filmmakers probably assumed most viewers had no idea that the Monmouth Park race track is over 80 miles away from Atlantic City. That’s easily overlooked.
Making up for any of the negatives here are some gorgeous shots of A.C. In fact, The Bounty Hunter contains probably the best modern-day footage of the Atlantic City shoreline in movies. Most of the films I’ve covered here at The Sexy Armpit that have depicted A.C are much older and America’s playground was clearly nowhere near as impressive as it is now. If only Jersey had nicer weather year-round, A.C would be as big of a travel destination as Las Vegas. Look out for scenes in the Taj Mahal, the White House Sub Shop, the boardwalk, the A.C Expressway, and numerous mentions of The Borgata.
David Chase’s new film about a suburban New Jersey rock band in the 1960’s is currently in a limited release. It would seem that the chances of such a film rooted in the Garden State would be easy to catch at a local theater in Jersey, right? Nah. Why make it that easy for us? The film is already available for pre-order on Amazon so it looks like I’ll be waiting it out for a bit.
Something tells me HBO will eventually get a hold of this one and never let go. I’ll have it memorized by the end of the summer. But seriously, David Chase AND James Gandolfini together again? It’s a no brainer! Of course, a story of an aspiring rock band is far from The Sopranos. Despite a pretty shitty review on IMDB from reviewer, Clayton Davis, who claims it “doesn’t hold a candle to Cameron Crowe’s homage to music…” referring to Almost Famous, I’m still highly interested in seeing this.
*Although the film is set in New Jersey, much of it was filmed in Pearl River, NY.
David and Paige (Hugh Laurie and Catherine Keener) and Terry and Cathy (Oliver Platt and Allison Janney) are neighbors on the same block in the NJ suburbs of the title, both well to do and constantly enthralled with the latest gadgets on the market. But when Nina, Terry and Cathy’s free-spirited, nomadic daughter, Nina (Gossip Girl Leighton Meester) returns home after a failed relationship, everyone’s happy existence is thrown into chaos. David and Paige’s daughter Vanessa (Alia Shawkat) is embittered by her sheltered life and fleeting dreams of being a designer and their son Toby (Adam Brody), who was thought to be a perfect fit for Nina, is conflicted when the free spirit instead finds a kinship and romance with the older, but miserable, David. What ensues is a comedic look at how marriages survive and wither as well as an insightful look into how happiness eludes people in favor of normalcy and comfort.
New Jersey (despite not being shot in NJ) is shown in an appeal not seen in a certain shore show or long-off-the-air Mafia cable drama. The Oranges is an idyllic, decorative suburb with manicured lawns and a Rockwell-esque appeal that demonstrates that the Garden State is far more beautiful than it is given credit for, and kudos to the production team for finding locations that fit the state without making it too much of a distraction. It is odd that the film, while nowhere near a big-budget noisemaker, could not be filmed at least in a nearby location such as Montclair or Verona, towns that could easily fill in for the Oranges. But the film survives due to the appeal and witty exchanges between the characters, and Meester actually does a lot to distance herself from the bitchy society girl on Girl and makes you feel for and against her devil-may-care character who is far from the typical whore found in such fare, just a girl falling into unfortunate situation after situation. Another standout is Keener, a wife trying to (and ultimately, in hilarious fashion) put on a brave smile while her happily framed life falls apart all around her.
So, instead of the usual fare that is soon quickly forgotten just as soon as it has arrived, give The Oranges a view, a great Jersey film that isn’t and wasn’t at the same time.
by N.J Holden