PURPLE STUFF PODCAST: ICE CREAM EDITION

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Pursuit of maintaining childlike wonder requires excitement, even for the simplest things. Submitted for your approval: ICE CREAM.

The newest episode of The Purple Stuff Podcast is a big one. It’s all about some of the most outstanding ice cream and frozen treats. You need not be an expert on every single offering in your grocer’s freezer or every single Good Humor variation displayed on the side of your neighborhood ice cream truck to enjoy this one. Once you start thinking about your favorite frozen treats from throughout your life, the floodgates open. This is what happened to Matt and I in this episode. There were so many great ones that we had to try to squeeze them all in!

There’s a brain freezing treat awaiting everyone who listens to this one. Maybe you dig Italian ices? Maybe you are a soft serve type of person? Or you may be a fan of one of the more obscure ice pops that was only sold in one section of the world in 1991? No matter what, it’s pretty safe to say that everyone has a special spot for some kind of frozen treat so this one celebrates that. Memories of hot summer days chasing down the ice cream truck will rush back into your mind. Remember when you would eat a colored ice cream pop and your mouth, lips, and tongue all turned that color? Fortunate for us, the summer is almost here so we are celebrating that feeling by digging deep into our memories and telling you all about a slew of our ultimate Ice Cream entries.

In this episode we will touch on everything from shark pops to alien cakes to great balls of ice cream. It’s a creamy and delicious audio compendium of our favorite frozen treats. Please subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play Music or Podbean, OR you can check it out at the link above!

GREAT GEEK GORGE #3

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1. After the first sneak preview episode of Green Lantern The Animated Series premiered, I admit that I wasn’t sold on it. It only took another episode or two before I was completely hooked. Considering I’m one of the few supporters of the feature film with Ryan Reynolds you would think I just accept whatever DC and WB regurgitates to me. That’s not the case at all, I am a life-long DC fan and I’m just glad other characters like GL are finally getting some damn exposure. I’ll take what I can get since fans like me have waited a lifetime to get movies and shows that don’t feature Batman and Superman. The GL animated series just keeps getting better with each show. Now I’ll get to my point: here’s a list of characters that I’d like to see action figures made of based on the GL animated series (in no particular order) – 1) Bleez 2) Aya and 3) Star Sapphire. (Notice they are all women, aside from a female robot.) I also want a Zilius Zox figure and I’m fully aware that there’s a DCU Action League Figure of him, but I fear if I get him I will want to start collecting all of them.

Carrot Cake Ice Cream2. Cake doesn’t really appeal to me all that much. The saying “Let them eat cake” falls on deaf ears in my world, that is unless it’s Carrot Cake! Carrot Cake has always been one of my favorite desserts and for some reason it seems so much more prevalent nowadays. I see it at the buffet at Harrah’s in Atlantic City and on menus all the time. It took a while, but Carrot Cake is finally getting it’s due. The mark of it’s official “arrival”on the dessert scene is that it now has it’s own ice cream from Blue Bunny. I have conflicting feelings about this. On one hand I lost my mind with excitement when I saw the commercial for Carrot Cake ice cream, but on the other hand I am pissed off beyond belief because it’s only available in stores more than 20 miles away. I really want to try it so I’ll probably be taking that ride soon! Check it out here at the Blue Bunny site. Next, I hope they have Sexy Armpit Cake flavor.

3. The less than stellar reviews are not going to keep me from going to see Dark Shadows at some point this weekend. I know Tim Burton seems to make the same movie every time and Johnny Depp is as over the top as ever, but that’s the sort of stuff I like. Nowadays Burton really seems like a one trick Pony and to an extent so does Depp, but ultimately what they create onscreen never fails to entertain and that’s really the point. A nice light gothic diversion will do the trick.

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4. Even though I’m a Jersey boy through and through, I’m going to be a super happy camper on Wednesday June 13th. At 9 PM that night, the continuation of DALLAS on TNT will premiere. If you think it’s just some old cheesy night time soap opera, think again. Naysayers probably never even watched it. It’s my favorite show of all time and I rewatched all the episodes on DVD as they were released. When I was a kid, DALLAS was event television. Life stopped when DALLAS was on. From the early reviews posted on Ultimate Dallas, it may be just as awesome as it used to be. If you’re a female reading this and you are going to check it out, there’s Josh Henderson and Jesse Metcalf for you to look at and for the dudes, there’s Jordana Brewster and Julie Gonzalo to drool over. Everybody wins. Plus, there’s lots of cameos from original cast members…now that calls for a bourbon and branch!

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5. I’m a sucker for Roller Derby and coming up on June 9th at Asbury Park Convention Hall, The Jersey Shore Roller Girls have a bout referred to as DERBY WARS! It’s like Star Wars, but with Roller Derby. Actually, it’s not just an excuse to use the Star Wars font on their poster, they are actually having real live Stormtroopers at this bout! At this event you’ll see the Murder Beach Militia take on the Right Coast Rollers. It’s a really fun night out and the girls hang and take pictures with everyone after the bout. For more information go to www.JerseyShoreRollerGirls.net.

Shamrock Shakedown Giveaway!

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2 FREE Shamrock Shake cards that have been provided by McDonald’s will go out to 2 Random winners!
TO ENTER:
subject: SHAMROCK
If you are chosen we will reach out to you for your mailing address
WINNERS ANNOUNCED ON 3/7/12

Many folks in New Jersey are pissed off that the St. Patrick’s Day parade in Hoboken is cancelled this year. Things usually get pretty out of hand so the city is taking a break from it. I don’t get involved in parades because they bore the shit out of me. Drinking tons of beer is of course fun, but not with thousands of other drunken boozers roaming the streets and getting behind the wheel. Aside from eating a bowl of me Lucky Charms, I have other plans this St.Patrick’s Day.

I don’t really participate in the yearly resurgence of corned beef and cabbage, but I need MINT in my life constantly. Usually the one time of year that everything becomes MINT is in March because St. Patrick’s Day turns everything green and green often means MINT! There’s no better mint offering than mint ice cream! And since I’m obsessed with using straws, The Shamrock Shake is like a magic pot of gold for me.

In addition to consistently bringing back the McRib, McDonald’s has been keeping it real with their classic Shamrock Shake as well. The best part: they are now available nationwide, not just in select mystery locations. Just as I write this, as the Irish say, I’m really gummin’ for a Shamrock Shake. The only thing that would make the shake experience even better is if McD’s was offering this green delicacy in  Uncle O’Grimacey collector cups! Now, REMEMBER, you only have until MARCH 25th before the Shamrock Shakes disappear, so get your arses to McD’s to enjoy one!

Blue Jersey and Boardwalk Ice Cream Sundaes

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From The Ice Cream Bar at the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City
The above sundaes are offered at the new Ice Cream Bar at Taj Mahal in Atlantic City. Blue Jersey is inspired by the fact that Jersey is known for its blueberries, but there’s just too damn many blueberry things involved in that sundae. You have to be an absolute blueberry freak to order that. The second one is The Boardwalk sundae which sounds way too sweet to me but would probably appeal to a tween who is obsessed with Katy Perry. Being that it’s inspired by the boardwalk they forgot to throw in muffin tops, fried Oreos, and drizzle on some Ron Ron juice. 
I’m not trying to say I’m Martha Stewart or Good Housekeeping or anything, but one of the most fun things as a kid was when my parents let us make our own sundaes at home. On rare occasions my parents set my sister and I up with all the toppings on the kitchen table and let us go to town making our own ice cream monstrosities. Mine was usually more gross and ridiculous than my sisters was, and I never wound up finishing it, but the fun was in the process. My sisters was always logical and neat while mine was just a mess of everything available and it looked like something Scooby and Shaggy would devour after they inadvertently solved a mystery. This makes me wonder, what would be your perfect custom made ice cream sundae?

Etymology of The Chipwich

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Pictured on the right is LaMotta next to a Chipwich Stand

It’s sad to hear of the recent death of Richard LaMotta, inventor of The Chipwich. His unique approach to selling the frozen treat on a cart in New York City in 1982 took the simple premise of the traditional hot dog stand to another level. The Chipwiches became such hot sellers that his 2 Chipwich plants, one in Queens, NY, and one in Lodi, NJ were churning out 200,000 a day! Prior to its boom in popularity and LaMotta’s truly passionate marketing of his new concept, he lacked a name for it.

While LaMotta was half owner of The Sweet Tooth ice cream parlor in Englewood, NJ, he held a contest to come up with a name for the ice cream sandwich. For Anne Dermansky, a mother from the surrounding area, Chipwich was the first idea to pop in her head. She quickly wrote it down, credited her daughter, and submitted it. Not only did Dermansky’s daughter Julie win the contest, but she was gifted a one year supply of Chipwiches, and a $10,000 Scholarship which she used to help pay her tuition to Tulane University. According to an article on North Jersey.com, Dermanksy explained that LaMotta never missed a scholarship payment to Julie and they received them like clockwork, even when the company experienced financial hardship.

Also check out The official Chipwich Site, Just My Show’s Post about The Chipwich,
as well as an Article from NY Times and North Jersey.com

WIN A Klondike Bar and Michael Ian Black’s Book My Custom Van!

Michael Ian Black and Klondike Giveaway

In this post we hope you’ll learn a few life lessons like how to double knot your shoelaces, how to unscrew a cap from a 2-liter soda bottle, and how to enter to win a Klondike Bar, and as if that wasn’t sweet enough, we’ll throw in a copy of Michael Ian Black’s book, My Custom Van And 52 other Mind-Blowing Essays That Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face!!! Michael Ian Black grew up in New Jersey and isn’t afraid to admit it:

My Custom Van
page 223 of My Custom Van as Black discusses Doritos

Here at The Sexy Armpit, the esteemed humorist Michael Ian Black is held in very high regard, and so are Klondike Bars. Smooshing the two of them together might be heavenly, yet kind of weird when you think about it. Black would probably get really cold and fairly sticky, not to mention that he probably won’t taste anywhere near as good as the thicker, chocolaty Klondike Bar does, (sorry ’bout that Michael). Plus, we’d have to shrink Black down so he wouldn’t be inordinately larger than the ice cream filled Klondike Bar.

The good people at Klondike have not only provided us with a coupon for a FREE Klondike Bar product but also a fine collection of entertaining “man on the street” sketches starring Michael Ian Black! What would you do-oo-oo for a Klondike Bar? It turns out, you don’t have to do all that much! Who needs an overly complicated giveaway anyhow? All you have to do to enter is view the set of 5 videos and tell us which one you like the best. The winner will be chosen at random and announced right here at The Sexy Armpit. Deadline to enter is 9/1/09.

To watch the videos go here: www.klondikebar.com/mancave and click on the TV set, then e-mail sexyarmpit@comcast.net which one you like the best.

While serving as Klondike’s man on the street, Black resides in “the library of treats” where he concocts cold, delicious Klontinis while being waited on by cute snack girls. It’s a life we can all envy. In case you haven’t heard about it, you can watch Michael Ian Black’s latest comedic exploits in Michael and Michael Have Issues, Wednesdays on Comedy Central.

As for Klondike Bars, they’re still cold chillin’ in the freezer section of the supermarket, but I wasn’t aware of the various flavors they’re now offering. My upcoming mission is to try the Oreo Cookies and Cream, Dark Chocolate, and Reese’s varieties of the Klondike Bar. If you’re trying to watch your girlish figure, then I suggest you pick up a pack of the no sugar added or 100 calorie versions. You can follow @The_Klondikebar on Twitter.

Buzz F’n Aldrin’s “Rocket Experience”

In honor of the 40th anniversary of Apollo 11 landing on the moon, I present to you Buzz Aldrin’s “Rocket Experience” rap, straight from FunnyorDie.com! At first, Aldrin’s rap skills may seem rudimentary, but after a couple of listens and a hefty helping of freeze dried ice cream, you’ll come to respect his skillz. Assisting Aldrin on his “Rocket Experience,” were Qunicy Jones, Snoop Dogg, Talib Kweli, and Soulja Boy.

Buzz Aldrin is from Montclair, New Jersey and attended Montclair High School! Thanks for reppin’ Jersey on the motherf’n MOON, Buzz!

http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf

Peculiar Food Habits

Most of us have our little food quirks. What better a day to discuss these eccentricities than on Thanksgiving? After you’re finished jamming the various courses into your stomach, please share with us some of your favorite weird, wacky food combos!
Some people I know can’t eat a meal if the food on their plate touches the other food. For instance if the broccoli hits the mashed potatoes in even the slightest way, or the potatoes got onto the steak they’ll freak the F out. Might as well throw the entire plate of food out! C’MON! I don’t mind if the food on my plate gets intermingled because of that old cliche “It all goes to the same place.” 
There’s also the folks that are obsessed with certain combinations of food. It’s not like they are just throwing different food or drinks together for the hell of it either. These are the type of people who have been creating these specific concoctions for their entire lives. Look at how popular Iced Tea & Lemonade has become! Shit, my Dad even created his own drink in the ’80s called Pep-Tea. Of course it sounded like some sort of gastric medication but I laughed my ass off after he purposely poured the remaining liquid at the bottom of a Pepsi bottle into his half full glass of iced tea. “Hey Jay, It’s Pep-Tea!” It was a one of a kind moment because he was genuinely proud of his comical creation. If it wasn’t violating tons of copyrights and infringing on trademarks, he would’ve marketed that shit. When I was a kid, while eating lunch at his house, my friend Greg dipped pretzels into strawberry ice cream. He asked if I wanted to try it and I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it, it just came completely out of left field to me. That reminds me of the outrageous practice of dipping french fries into a Wendy’s Frosty. That just seems like the work of Satan to me. Have you ever done that? As gross as I can get, I still won’t cross that line.
I have an abundant amount of food habits as well, but most of them consist of combining my food into a sort of witches brew. If I happen to be eating meatloaf and mashed potatoes I usually just mash the meat and some ketchup into the mashed potatoes into something similar to what KFC now sells as a “Famous Bowl.” In this instance, I feel like they’re pulling the old “let’s put water in bottles and sell it!” scheme. If someone ever told me that my cauldron of ketchup infused meaty mashed potatoes actually looked good, then I may have had a great idea on my hands. Of course, not one person ever said “Hey, that looks good!” or “I do that with meatloaf too!” I do the same thing if I’m eating Oreos which is super rare. I think it just seems more efficient rather than twisting the Oreo open and wasting time licking the creme. After that I’d have to dunk and wait until the cookie gets mushy, so I bypass all that and go for the gusto.  I’ll get a glass or a bowl of milk and just let the Oreos chill in there for a bit and then just eat them all soggy with a spoon as if it’s Oreo soup. Uh-oh…Oreo soup, get on it Nabisco!
There are also people that eat stuff that I just think is totally weird. Recently at work, I overheard a guy talking about how he enjoys eating pigs feet. He claims they taste “just like a juicy piece of steak.” The same guy says pickled eggs are great also. To me, these are fairly disgusting things to be putting in or around my mouth. Today especially, you’ll notice some of your friends or relatives eating the actual bones of turkey or chicken, and eating the marrow. Total barbarians!
Another whacked out concoction I’ve dabbled in occasionally when I was younger is Milk and Pepsi. At the time I had no idea that it was a favorite of Laverne’s from Laverne & Shirley. I used to watch reruns of it when I was very young but I never made the connection. My mother pointed it out one day and she got a kick out of it. Years later this lead me to try making a creamsicle type drink by mixing orange soda with milk. It may sound disgusting to some, but it’s actually pretty good. I’m actually not a straight milk drinker unless there’s some sort of dessert involved. I’ll never understand the Milk with Dinner abomination. Forget about coffee with lunch or dinner, that’s out of the question. Coffee is for breakfast or after a meal only!
It’s possible that I’m just lazy when it comes to food or I actually like tasting all the leftovers together at the same time. Sometimes I’ll take 3 different leftovers and throw them into one bowl, mix it all up, microwave it, and then throw some sauce on it (BBQ, ketchup, honey mustard etc). The less work I have to do to eat the better. I’m not passed throwing everything into a blender and drinking my meal either. My friend Steve used to make fun of my odd blending obsession by asking me “What are you drinking…a Meat smoothie?” I would never take part in ingesting something that disgusting, but if we can get closer to becoming the Jetsons in this world I’d be happy. I’d like to pop a “lunch” pill with all the important nutrients, vitamins, and protein my body needs to be operating at an optimum level. Think of how easy food shopping would become! We could probably just have a few bottles of tablets shipped to us.
Happy Thanksgiving! Let us know some of your weird food habits:

Upstate Farms Intense Mint Chip and Orange Scream Milk

I don’t scream for ice cream, I sort of give a half-assed whimper. Considering all the junk food and candy that I talk about here at the Armpit, I’m actually not a big fan dessert or candy. If I have to choose a dessert, I enjoy simple stuff like milk and cookies. Not surprisingly, chocolate chip cookies are one of my favorites, and if they’re homemade I like them even more. But when you’re dealing with a strange guy like me, it can never be that easy. Milk and cookies aren’t much work to whip up, but not in my case. I like my chocolate chip cookies homemade, and WITHOUT the chocolate chips! To me they just interfere with my favorite part of the cookie.

Amongst my profusion of hangups, quirks, and pet peeves, I also loathe the chips of chocolate in Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream. The funny part is, I’m not a chocolate hater, it’s just that the chips ultimately get in the way of my enjoyment of the dessert. The chips in mint chocolate chip ice cream always get stuck in my teeth and it’s super annoying. I’d like to enjoy the chocolate but I can’t because it makes a pit stop in my molars and doesn’t come out until I brush my teeth. If I could just get the pastel green mint ice cream sans the chocolate chips, I’d be a pig in shit. The only way I could take it to the next level is if I had mint (remember: no chocolate chips) in “soft ice cream” form rather than “hard.” 
When I was a kid I remember telling my sister that I liked letting my ice cream turn into “soup.” Once my ice cream liquefied I would just drink it right out of the bowl. Drinkable ice cream was my favorite, and still is. I even like to let my ICEE’s and Slurpee’s melt so I could get the prime flavor of the syrup without the minuscule ice pellets getting in the way and freezing my brain. To sum up what you’ve just read: I like my Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream melted and without chocolate chips in it.

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On my weekly trip to Wegman’s, I was waiting in line to check out but got distracted by a plastic bottle of green liquid in a refrigerated section near the exit. Wegman’s has an extra dairy section at the front of the store for convenience, in case you don’t feel like running all the way to the back of the store just to grab a gallon of milk. I grabbed the “Intense” Mint Chip flavor by Upstate Farms immediately as if I was the only person who knew this treasure was on the shelf! 

Aside from name dropping their own brand name about 62 times, (Intense!) the label on the back of the bottle describes the drink as “…a creamy and indulgent drink…” Then the label goes on to say “This is the drink of choice for the mint chip ice cream lover on the go.” It’s fairly awesome that they’re actually marketing a drink to a group of people known as “mint chip ice cream lovers.” I never realized I was part of that demographic, but I like it! The Intense Mint Chip contains the typical benefits of milk such as vitamins and protein, but unfortunately has 35 MG’s of cholesterol in case you’d rather not have a heart attack.

Intense Mint Chip is the type of drink you want to sip on a crisp moonlit night while you’re rolling down the highway as the street lights are streaking past you like your in light speed and the stereo is blasting Laura Branigan’s “Self Control.” It doesn’t matter that you’re sipping milk…you still feel really cool. Trust me.

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Considering how exalted the Mint Chip flavor is, the Orange Scream can’t come close to its greatness. Think of the Intense Orange Scream as the sub par sequel, or the redheaded stepchild of the Intense milk family. Upstate Farms falls short with their Orange Scream, which is yet another failed attempt at creating the classic orange cream flavor. (Sunkist also failed recently with their miserable orange cream float.) One of the major strikes against Orange Scream is that it substitutes what’s supposed to be a nondescript “cream” flavor for a strong vanilla flavor. The cream shouldn’t necessarily be defined as “vanilla” because then it has the chance to overpower the orange flavor. The vanilla flavor may be forgiven if it isn’t a true “vanilla bean” flavor since a regular “no frills” vanilla would work better. There’s an exact balance of orange and cream flavor that needs to be perfected to achieve orange cream paradise. On a positive note, unlike the mint chip, the orange scream is creamy yet still low fat. Its label is pretty exciting or should I say…INTENSE! Even though I didn’t enjoy their Orange Scream formula, I have to hand it to Upstate Farms just for their sheer variety of offerings such as Chocolate, Strawberry, Vanilla, Cookies and Cream, and Mocha Java. Now all us Star Wars fans need is an “Intense Blue: A New Hope Special Edition Milk.” I hear it’s going to be high in midichlorians. Come on, where’s the freakin marketing people now? Can I get some kickbacks for that?