NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 2

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Our first selection this week is another offering from Solid Threads‘ New Jersey collection. The front of the shirt states “I’m From New Jersey but I Don’t Like Bon Jovi,” and the back makes it crystal clear: “I LOVE HIM.” Believe it or not, there’s many Bon Jovi haters here in Jersey. I consider myself a big fan, but if they don’t start cranking out some old school rock records I may lose my Faith in the band! What’s with the silly country music? Give it up already guys! Just play “In and Out of Love” over and over again and we’ll be straight.
Our 2nd and 3rd T-shirts come from Dirty Jerseys who exclusively offer New Jersey tees that are pretty friggin’ funny. The shirt on the top right riffs on the Garden State Parkway logo claiming “It’s My Way or the Parkway.” This shirt truly combines the old saying “My Way or the Highway” with the “F— off” Jersey attitude all wrapped into the immediately recognizable GSP logo. The next one I chose from Dirty Jersey’s says “I Blew My Load in Atlantic City.” The innuendos can’t get anymore blatant than that one! This shirt is hysterical and TRUE because people are blowing their loads in the casino AND with hookers up in the hotel rooms!

Brooke Hogan’s 21st Birthday in New Jersey

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Is Atlantic City hurting that bad? They’ve stooped to dropping the atomic leg drop on Brooke Hogan in order to convince her to celebrate her 21st birthday at Harrah’s Resort. How many people dropping nickels into machines in Atlantic City are interested in VH1’s Brooke Knows Best? How many of their kids are even interested in that show? VH1 is a station that prides themselves on Bret Michaels being their golden boy. Are young girls watching Daisy of Love and Charm School with their 40-something moms? I hope not or this country has gone down the tubes completely.

I don’t think I’m out of line in saying that Brooke Hogan is NOT a draw in any way. Now, Paris Hilton on the other hand, despite her bevy of haters, IS a traditional draw in Atlantic City. Hmm, let’s weigh in: Brooke is the uninteresting daughter of the O.J Simpson co-conspirator Hulk Hogan and Paris Hilton is best known for being a media whore and a lame sex tape actress. Just based on the sex tape alone I’d have to go with hosting Paris’ bday instead. Somehow I think Brooke would be more successful if she just broke down and decided to become a WWE Diva. It’s her destiny. Or she could just make a lame sex tape.

Let’s hope Brooke’s brother Nick isn’t driving her to Harrah’s from the airport or else everyone on the Garden State Parkway is in big trouble. Oh and BTW, please keep her whack job mother Linda faaarrrr away from NJ.

May 9th at Harrah’s Casino & Resort
With a bargain basement admission price of a mere $25 bucks!!!

New Jersey has the Worst Drivers in the Country!

At least we don’t have to wonder anymore if we were being needlessly persecuted. It’s for real. New Jersey has the WORST DRIVERS in the United States! According to a GMAC Insurance survey, which by the way was unscientific, New Jersey came in LAST PLACE with a mind boggling score of 69.9! With a score like that it’s no wonder what people are thinking of while driving of instead of the road. I feel like this epiphany has added to the solidification of New Jersey as possibly the most retarded state in the country. Thanks to all the morons on the roads in N.J, we all have to pay the highest car insurance rates in the country. A word to the mutants who took this incriminating survey: STOP taking these damn surveys because it’ll only show your stupidity and make NJ look worse! And for the honor of Grayskull please stop driving like an ass or take the f’n train! 69.9…leave it to N.J!

EZ-Pass Thief on the loose!

From The Sexy Armpit Police blogger: Occasional cruddy, toxic waste infested locales aren’t the only thing New Jersey is known for. Many of you aren’t aware of a more prevalent problem plaguing N.J than garbage and radioactivity. It’s the fruitless thievery committed by inept, third-rate criminals.
Around 12:36 am this morning in the vicinity of a suburban N.J community (which will remain nameless) an innocent woman’s car was viciously broken into. The neighborhood was
serene as it’s citizens were in repose awaiting another hard, honest day of work.
After the ruckus occurred dogs at the residence of the victim began to bark, waking the family up. The thief left the car door and trunk open and must’ve ran away. After notifying authorities and thoroughly examining the car inside and out, it was discovered that the only item stolen was an EZpass tag. There are still several states that don’t have EZ-Pass. For those that aren’t familiar, EZ-Pass is a transponder you put in your car that lets you glide through tolls on highways without stopping to pay. You receive a bill in the mail detailing your account activity. What the thief didn’t think of is that the owner can easily report the EZ-Pass tag stolen and order a new tag. If the pass still works after that then I’d be surprised. Come to think of it, there’s really nothing lucrative or beneficial to gain from stealing one of these tags. If the thief raced to their nearby car they might have hopped onto the Garden State Parkway or N.J Turnpike and scammed the poor woman out of at most, a few dollars, if that. A typical parkway toll is $0.35!

So far I have failed to mention that there was a Sirius satellite radio system in the car and one of those nifty spring-loaded telescoping umbrellas. Wouldn’t you have snatched the Sirius and the cool umbrella? Bet your ass! Maybe even the whole entire car? The EZ-pass would be the last thing anyone would want to steal, right? In it’s defense, EZ-Pass is a great invention and it allows you to coast through tolls while others are waiting from Joe P. Nocoins to find the change he dropped while ordering that Big Mac he was inhaling while driving. What self respecting thief steals an EZ-pass? One from Jersey, obviously.
Surprisingly, Blue Jersey.com actually had a short post about EZ-Pass crime:

Butch + Stone Pony = Good Time

After having minor surgery to my lower back on Monday April 2nd I hopped onto the Garden State Parkway and headed south. It was time to go to the Stone Pony for the Butch Walker and the Let’s-Go-Out-Tonites show. It was a cold, foggy night down the shore but I had a feeling what was in store for me in the next few hours. That special Asbury feeling was present although it’s weird to see half the town under construction. I actually prefer the dilapidated buildings and ruins because it reminds me of Jersey’s version of ancient Rome. I admit that I do look forward to the day that Asbury Park regains it’s prominence.
As always there were annoying people I overheard on line who were discussing that Butch somehow has done special shows only for them and how much they love Butch because they liked him for X amount of years, and they saw him X amount of times. Oh man, it kills me to be on line with some of these people. They complained that the doors weren’t opened yet and it was too cold out. They even asked Butch if he can get them to open the doors as he stepped out of his tourbus for a minute to get a water. Leave the freakin‘ guy alone, Jeez! Is he the f’n doorman? Through the utter disgust I was experiencing, I kept in mind that Butch puts on an awesome show so I kept freezing my ass off waiting in line, being pelted with sporadic drops of rain, and standing through 2 opening acts…yeah that was all great.
The first opening act, Rocket, from L.A were actually pretty enjoyable. They are an all girl band that seemed like a mixture of The Go-Go’s, The Ramones, and The New York Dolls. They appear very youthful and had tons of energy. The lead singer, Lauren Rocket (all their last names are Rocket), equipped with a red keytar, seemed like a Lindsay Lohan on Courtney Love’s crack. Pretty cool stuff. The next band up was The Honorary Title who merely deserve the title of “honorary,” rather than an actual title. It took them like 9 hours to setup their equipment and do their sound check. They were bland and their music did not leave an impression on me. You can hear some emo, The Killers, and U2 influences in their music. Most of their set list was pretty slow and somber but I prefer upbeat.
Butch blasted through a ton of fan favorites from his Marvelous 3 days as well as a bunch of songs from his latest album, “The Rise and Fall of Butch Walker and the Let’s Go-Out-Tonites.” Butch apologized to the Stone Pony staff and to anyone else for seeming too cliche before ripping into a big mother cover of Bruce’s Born to Run. The place exploded for Butch and his ballistic assault of “Light’s Out” during the finale. Then he ran into the crowd and sparked the audience into a frenzy. Butch Walker turned a dreary, cold Monday in the ruins of Asbury Park, feel like a Friday night in a legendary shore town.