The Sopranos Slot Machines!

One would think that The Sopranos slot machines would be a mandatory fixture at ALL of the Atlantic City casinos, right? Actually we’ve got everything from Star Wars and Elvis to Deal or No Deal and Playboy in A.C, but finding a Sopranos slot machine is about as likely as finding Paulie and Christopher when they were lost in the Pine Barrens. It was exciting to finally see these elusive slot machines over 2,000 miles away from Atlantic City…in Las Vegas! Doesn’t make much sense does it? I thought The Sopranos had a fierce sense of loyalty? I hope the Sopranos slots become more prevalent in Jersey. But if the cliche is true, then they’ll probably “stay in Vegas.” Check out some footage I shot of The Sopranos Slot Machines:

Ashley Tisdale is January’s Garden State Playmate!

No these ladies haven’t been featured in Playboy, but if they are a) hot, and b) from New Jersey, live in the state, or have lived in the state at one time, then they’ll be featured in this new column here at The Armpit called “Garden State Playmates.” GSP spotlights well known female personalities including actresses, musicians, models, porn stars, and whoever else I deem deserving of this exalted honor. 


Congratulations to the first ever GSP, Ashley Tisdale! Considering the fact that many of my readers have children who like Ashley Tisdale, let’s not make this weird O.K? Here’s some facts about Ashley thanks to the assist from Wikipedia:
– Ashley was born in Monmouth County, NJ and grew up in a ritzy part of Ocean Township.
– Her Grandfather created Ginsu knives and she’s also related to “Set it, and forget it!” Ron Popeil. That’s most likely where they had the money to live in Ocean Township.
– She appeared in over 100 commercials as a child. Can you say “showbiz mom” ???

– In the High School Musical series, the name of Tisdale’s character is Sharpay Evans. I don’t know about you but that name makes me want to puke.
– Had a small role in Richard Kelly’s awesome film, Donnie Darko.
– She is the face of Degree Girl deodorant, and hopefully she uses it liberally. She’s got to keep those armpits sexy if she wants to keep her title of GSP.
– Has her own “Ashley Doll” made by Huckleberry Toys:

– Claimed that her nose job was a necessary health precaution due to a deviated septum that was interfering with her breathing. Ashley told People magazine that she wanted to be honest with her fans. If she really was being honest she could’ve said that she hated her nose and she would be more successful if she had her nose fixed.
– In ’08, Tisdale ranked #6 on Forbes list of the “10 Top Paid Tweens” with $5.5 million earned. She also ranked #17 on Forbes list of “Highest Earners under 30” which is a list that, shockingly, I was left off of.
– As far as I know, Tisdale has not followed in the footsteps of her High School Musical co-star Vanessa Hudgens, who snapped naked photos of herself in a cheap stunt to boost her career. Perhaps a strategic career move like that would benefit her? What do you think? Would dirty pics of Ashley Tisdale sink Vanessa Hudgens battleship? Does anyone even care about Vanessa Hudgens?

MEME: 20 Men I Admire

Darius Whiteplume from one of my favorite blogs, Adventures in Nerdliness gave me the hot tag on this one. The Dino Lounge started the meme and Retrospace aided and abetted. I’m supposed to tag some other bloggers now:

The sexy and sassy Christine Sixx of Hell on High Heels
Beauty and the Robeast
The Surfing Pizza
Automatic Daddy

I went totally overboard. According to the title of this borderline fruitily titled meme, it’s intended to be limited to 20 men I admire, but once I started thinking about who I’d like to put on the list I wound up coming up with so many more. They aren’t listed in any specific order.

1) My Dad – He put up with all my bullshit for so many years. He’s taken me to countless wrestling events, KISS concerts, and cheesy movies. He’s supported me, shared in my enthisaism about stuff he probably really doesn’t care about, and always makes sure I have enough food in my fridge. When I was a kid the stuff he did seperated him from my friends dads and other father’s I came in contact with because he would go the extra mile. Every Friday night he’d bring me home a Super hero toy or an LJN wrestling figure and after dinner he’d spend the rest of the night playing action figures with me. On Saturday mornings he would even go so far as to be skeletor with the evil side of the power sword to my He-Man. The best times I shared with my dad were the times when we’d go on a trek to the comic book store, and then I’d help him pick up some groceries. It was simple but we’d talk about everything from The Beatles to the art of pool chlorination and filtration. My Dad is the man. Like Will Ferrel says at his wedding in Old School “…I love you Dad!”

2) Hugh Hefner – Sure it’s nice to have sex with thousands of the most beautiful women on earth at your whim, but there’s another aspect of Hugh that I respect even more and that’s his career. He completed his mission…OK well YES, he did complete his “mission” several thousand times but as far as journalism goes, Hugh is a legend. He transformed a periodical that was deemed pornographic and lewd into not only a worldwide multimillion dollar company, but what people forget is that Playboy is a serious magazine. It’s the pinnacle. I don’t write that to be tongue in cheek, I mean it in the way that Edgar Frog told Sam in The Lost Boys that Batman #14 “…is a serious book man.” Any aspiring journalist would shave their eyebrows and punch themselves in their ball sack for a chance to have even a minor blurb published in Playboy. Tons of men and women read the magazine. It features original fiction, serious news articles, and the BEST interviews you will read ANYWHERE on the planet; they’re better than any interview you’ll see on television or radio. Hugh has lived the life every man has dreamed of, and he’s lived the life every aspiring journalist has dreamed of to infinity.

3) Butch Walker – Butch had his 15 minutes of fame, or should I say 45 minutes of fame in the bands Southgang, Marvelous 3, and The Floyd’s. After going solo several years later he created his own independent label to release his music so he doesn’t have to deal with typical record label bullshit. Butch’s music has never received the accolades it deserves but he keeps doing what he’s the best at. He can write hit songs, play multiple instruments, and perfectly produce music. He’s in control of his own music which means his brilliant music can now be released from his brain to Pro Tools straight to his fans. Butch is also an highly sought after producer and has worked on albums with Avril Lavigne, Pink, The Donnas, All American Rejects ugh…Fall Out Boy, and literally a slew of others.

4) Kevin Smith The goal I had since I was about 8 years old was to become a film director. Once I got past filming a feature about a teen with alcohol addiction, and several years of backyard wrestling events, I moved on to making actual no-budget films. The majority of the shorts and features were comedic but I also made a thriller. During this time, Jersey guy Kevin Smith was hitting big with Clerks, and Mallrats and he reinforced my crazy idea. I thought maybe my aspirations weren’t as ridiculous as they sounded. Smith worked with a low budget on most of his films, put his friends in his films, and created his own View Askewniverse. My friends and family began to think I had more of a shot. Almost 15 years since Clerks, Kevin Smith is only getting better. If you haven’t seen Zack & Miri Make a Porno then GET IT! It’s hysterical! It hits stores on 2/3/09.

5) Johnny Depp – the best person to exist in the universe. I appreciate all of his performances: Jack Sparrow, Ichabod Crane, Cry-Baby, Glen Lantz, Edward Scissorhands, Willy Wonka…etc.

6) Rob Zombie underneath his badass rock star disguise, he’s really a geeky horror movie lover. I’m anxiously awaiting his films Tyrannosaurus Rex and Halloween 2 and the White Zombie box set.

7) Slash – A couple of years after I stopped pretending I was Alex P. Keaton and Marty McFly, I began to go into “Saul Hudson” mode. I would put my GNR t-shirt on, (which I still have) and throw a black t-shirt over my head and pretended it was his hair. I didn’t have a top hat, but cut me some slack…I was 7. While everyone loved Axl and wanted to slink around like he did, I wanted to be the “guitarist with mystique” = Slash. You should definitely read his book if you are at all interested in hard rock from the ’80s.

8) Andy Samberg – Any sketch or digital short or musical piece he’s involved with usually amuses me to no end. Samberg’s Hot Rod gets frequent airtime on my iPod Classic.

9) James Franco – To say James Franco is talented and versatile is an understatement. He is a star. He’s the type of person that I admire because he’s just a laid back kind of guy. He’s hysterical in Pineapple Express, on SNL, and his skits on Funny or Die yet he can be very serious in films like Milk, James Dean, and the Spider Man series.

10) Sebastian Bach – When promoting his starring role in Broadway’s Jekyll and Hyde Sebastian always said he went “from Skid Row to Saville Row.” After Skid Row kicked him out or they broke up, Bach went out on his own. I consider his latest CD Angel Down one of the best hard rock/metal records in the past several years. I saw his performance in Jekyll and Hyde 3 times and it was literally enthralling. If you felt that Heath Ledger embodied the Joker in The Dark Knight, then you would definitely agree that Bach lost himself in the dual role. Bach even won CMT’s Country music competition “Gone Country.” Bach has a big enough name and such a superior voice that he calls the shots in his career. He doesn’t need Skid Row at all. I could care less if he acts like a big dork, he’s a real guy, a major fanboy, and he also lives in Jersey!

11) Seth Mcfarlane – a master of two of my favorite things: animation and voice acting.

12) Barack Obama – no matter your ethnicity or political party, Barack exhibits a natural demeanor, intelligence, and superior speaking skills that may help him go down in history as one of our great presidents.

13) Danny Devito – He’s f’n hysterical whether I’m watching Taxi or Always Sunny. Maybe not so much Tim Burton’s Penguin but I’ll forgive him on that one. Devito is from Neptune, New Jersey.

14) Jon Stewart – All news broadcasts should be cancelled and every channel should simulcast the daily show. It”s like Mary Poppins, a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down. Stewarts humor and cool attitude make news more palatable. You can learn about the serious issues in the world while laughing your ass off.

15) Bobby Ewing – I’m not sure if fictional characters are allowed in this list but who cares?Bobby Ewing (Patrick Duffy) from Dallas was the classic good guy. He was smart, physically fit, and fiercely loving to his family. As perfect as he seemed, I always appreciated that his character was never without flaws. Bobby was a loose canon and would knock a guy out if he looked at him the wrong way. Most of all, he scored Pam who was super sexy fine.

16) Peter Billingsley – He went from shooting his eye out and wearing a pink bunny suit to producing, directing, and acting in a bunch of big hit movies. You’ll probably be watching him for 24 hours every year on Christmas for the rest of your life.

17) Lorne Michaels – Genius producer and former writer of SNL, (among other movies and television shows).

18) Brian De Palma – In a way, I consider Jersey guy De Palma a revivalist filmmaker. I appreciate his suspenseful tension build ups and how he creates an eerie atmosphere in some of his films. Rather than turn his back on us, he embraces his Jersey roots unlike so many others who “went Hollywood.”

19) Nikki Sixx – The epitome of rock star. He did so many drugs that he died for several seconds, came back, and rocked even harder. He wrote his own book and started several side projects such as Sixx A.M. Sixx has his own clothing line and has scored hot chicks like Donna D’errico and presently Kat Von D.

20) Ted McGinley – The most underrated actor ever. I wish Ted McGinley started to get leading roles in major motion pictures. Just like Tarantino revived Travolta’s career, I plan on morphing Ted into a phoenix.

21) Walt Disney – Disregarding the cash machine that Disney films and theme parks have become, Walt’s original vision was that of childlike wonder. A personal touch was always given by Walt when he used to introduce his own TV shows. He made you feel like you knew him personally. It’s truly amazing how his dream is still being carried out today. I doubt Disney will ever be the company it once was, but Walt’s genius and creativity will resonate forever.

22) Quentin Tarantino – I can’t say I live and die by his films, and I wouldn’t consider him an idol or anything, but I admire Tarantino for his “this is my film and I’m going to make it exactly the way I want it” attitude. Regardless of the fact that he makes films that may not be box office hits, he makes the movies HE WANTS TO SEE. That’s every filmmakers dream. His style and trademarks are borrowed from other eras but when you’re watching one of his films you know it’s Tarantino.

23) Jeff Hardy – It seems to be the time for hardcore fans to finally get their shot at the real deal. Jeff and his brother Matt grew up as hardcore wrestling fans. They wrestled non stop in their yard, cut promos, and filmed themselves. Once they made it to the big time it took several years for them to finally gain the respect they deserve. Jeff is presently the WWE champ and his brother is the ECW champ. From fans to backyard wrestlers to jobbers to WWE champs. It’s the new kind of “Do it yourself” fame. Hard work and dedication actually do pay off.

24) Dane Cook – Same goes for Dane Cook. I got to see him several years before anyone knew his name. Myspace didn’t even exist at the time. He promoted himself and he was in touch with his fans. He gave Hollywood and the media no option but to take notice of him. Through relentlessly touring comedy clubs all over the country and furiously gaining friends on Myspace, Dane carved his own place in comedy history.

25) David Robinson – One of my first real life heroes. David Robinson was a different type of player. He spoke eloquently, he was extremely intelligent, humble, and a standout center for the San Antonio Spurs. He wasn’t a cocky jerk on the court and he was very passionate about his family and religion. It seemed like David could’ve succeeded at anything. He’s retired now, but for many years he was a major role model of mine and even though I shot hoops every day of my life, I would never be a quarter as good as the admiral.

26) Howard Stern – The most influential personality in my entire life. When I was a kid, I would stay up late to watch the channel 9 show and used to record the radio broadcast when I was at school. He was a true inspiration for a radio geek like me.

27) Vince McMahon – The mad genius of the wrestling business. Think what you want about him, but know that the majority of people in the country would have no idea what WWF was if it wasn’t for Vince, his father’s vision, and his partnership with Terry Bollea in the early ’80s.

28) Gene Simmons – I know it’s the most unpopular answer since everyone thinks he’s such a heel but if you think about it, he’s pretty much one of the coolest guys on the planet. His character of the Demon has permeated every facet of pop culture. Should we really fault a guy for his maniacal business savvy? If people keep buying, he’ll keep selling. Don’t you think we’re the culprits?

29) William Zabka – You know him to show “No Mercy.” He’s been called Johnny Lawrence, Greg Tolan, Chas, and Jack from European Vacation. Zabka’s one of the most notorious jerk in all of movies, perhaps only 2nd to Spader.

Others that would’ve made the list if I the title was 50 Men I Admire: Will Ferrel, Michael J Fox, Frank Lloyd Wright, George Carlin, Judd Apatow, Michael Keaton, Mickey Rourke,Bruce Springsteen, Sylvester Stallone, Stanley Kubrick, Bruce Willis

Elvira’s Superstition Ride

A BIG thank you to Jamdin at Moongem Comics for keeping me entertained this Halloween season with his killer Elvira posts all throughout the month! For me Elvira always =’s good times.

I’m a yearly Six Flags season pass holder and this season I made it to Great Adventure only a handful of times. Every time I go it seems like there’s over an hour wait on all of my favorite rides! What the hell is that crap? There’s only one way around that and I refuse to give them MORE money to buy a Flash Pass. If they are free at Disney World, they should be free in Jackson, N.J. Despite those disappointments, I still get a season pass and try to make it to Fright Fest even though it doesn’t feel half as fun as it used to. I wonder if it’s just that I’m getting older or if it’s actually getting suckier?

One attraction that I still refer to as the Mach 1 Adventure (cause I’m old school) transforms into the Elvira Superstition ride during Fright Fest. Every time I pass the big Elvira banner I get excited and it’s the one attraction I hope Great Adventure will offer during Fright Fest each year. Elvira is the one true icon of Halloween aside from all the classic movie monsters and killers and the thought of her fills me with the Halloween spirit. Elvira to Halloween is basically what Santa Claus is to Christmas, or better yet…some really hot playboy playmate dressed as one of Santa’s sexy helpers.

Superstition is a fun attraction, although I wish your coaster car wound up rolling into the Haunted House at the end and getting to see the interior more in depth. This You Tube video features Elvira’s ride in its entirety. First you’ll see the pre-show video, and then the ride! Buckle up.

OK So, The Invisible Man, Frankenstein, and Dracula walk into a Diner…

Aren’t you sick of hearing that old joke “I read Playboy for the articles?” I’m sure as hell sick of it! If you’ve ever looked at Playboy, then you know it’s fine journalism is actually what sets it apart from any other “adult” magazine. As far as I’m concerned, if you’re a journalist, writing for Playboy is the pinnacle of success. In the world of adult periodicals, in Playboy you’ll not only find classy women sans clothes, excellent movie and product reviews, but also some of the most playful, smart, and vibrant illustrations. Here’s to adopting the new cliche “Playboy: I look at it for the illustrations!”



The October 2006 issue of Playboy featured a parody of Edward Hopper’s 1942 painting Nighthawks. This version replaces the folks in the diner with Universal Monsters. Nighthawks is a widely parodied painting and it’s concept was used for another iconic pop culture piece of wall art, “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” by Gottfried Helnwein, which depicted Humphrey Bogart, Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, and Elvis Presley sitting in the diner. Savor this illustration because there aren’t many times you’ll be able to scope out a rare moment like this where The Invisible Man, Frankenstein, and Dracula are enjoying a cup o’ Joe together! What do you think they’re discussing?


There’s alot more to come here at The Sexy Armpit’s Halloween Hangout! Within the coming weeks we’ll have a couple of horror film reviews, another haunted house visit, a big contest, and my mission continues to put more Nocturna on the Internet!

At the kickoff of the Halloween Countdown, John Rozum and Wonderful Wonderblog printed “THE” list of blogs participating in this years Halloween festivities. I’m truly mesmerized by the photos, videos, and stories that these bloggers are sharing with all of us! It’s challenging to keep up with all the amazing stuff people are putting up but it’s worth your time to check these sites out. I don’t think there’s another time of the year that this kind of hard work and effort is put into blogging. Halloween really incites our imaginations and conjures up candy sacks full of nostalgia. Art by Bubba Shelby has the complete list on his sidebar and while you’re over there enter his “Face the Question” contest where you’ll be responsible for drawing a new face for The Question! I can’t even draw and I’m thinking of entering, so if any of you have artistic abilities you should enter as well!

Here’s the list:

All Eyes and Ears
Armagideon Time
The Armchair Chef
Art by Bubba Shelby
Azathoth’s Abode on the Plateau of Leng:The Dungeon
Branded in the 80s
Comic Coverage
Creepy Los Angeles
Dave Lowe Design!
Distinctly Jamaican Sounds
Diversions of the Groovy Kind
Dr. K’s 100-Page Super Spectacular
Dr. Squid’s Smorgasbord of Terror!
Drunken Severed Head
Franklin Mint
Geek Orthodox
Halloween Addict
Halloween in the Time of Cholera
The Hallowe’en Tree
Harvey’s Midnight Hour
The Holiday Queen
Horror Host Graveyard
The Horrors of it All
House of Wax
Mark Harvey’s World
Mike Segretto
Monster Crazy
Monster Memories
Monster Rally
Monsters and More
Moongem Comics
Mostly Ghostly
Music from the Monster Movies 1950-1969
Musty TV
Music You (Possibly) Won’t Hear Anywhere Else
Neato Coolville
Negative Pleasure
Nostalgia Factory
A Nostalgic Halloween
Oh the Horror
Orange and Black
Para Abnormal
Plaid Stallions
Plastic Pumpkins
Pumpkin Hollow
Random Acts of Geekery
The Sexy Armpit
Skull a Day
Sweet Skulls
Tales to Astonish
13 Visions
Trixie’s Treats
Universal Horror Sounds
Vinnie Ratolle’s Records
Weird Hollow
Wonderful Wonderblog
X Entertainment