Zombie Pinups and Boneless Chicken Wings

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Monster Mania Con
Crowne Plaza: Cherry Hill, NJ
3/13/15

Still in awe of The House of Fun, we arrived at our destination.

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As soon as we we entered the lobby, we ran into Chad from Horror Movie BBQ. If you don’t know Chad, he’s a towering, jovial dude, who, if I remember correctly, took a small private plane and landed in Lumberton airfield and backpacked about 13 miles to get to Monster Mania. Ok that may be a slight embellishment, but the story of how he traveled there was quite intricate, and seemed a lot more complicated than my mind was able to process at the moment he was explaining it to me. We’d run into Chad again later in the evening, but by that point, my brain was like oatmeal, and my stomach was full of mediocre fries and moderately enjoyable boneless chicken wings.

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When I was a kid I would go to every surrounding video store searching for certain elusive WWF Supertapes. Now they are all on bootleg DVDs. Isn’t life grand?

We also met The Trash Man from Pop, Pop! It’s Trash Culture who told me about his MM scores in the dealer room. Speaking of dealer rooms, it was time to blow through them. As a collector of useless crap, I am driven by the ongoing search for that one golden item. I never know specifically what I’m looking for, but I’ll know when it calls out to me like how Beastmaster hears his ferrets bitch about being hungry.

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Before heading into the depths of the con, we stopped outside for some fresh air. With my t-shirt radar always ON, I noticed a guy behind me with an awesome Patrick Bateman American Psycho tee. I asked him if it was ok if I snapped a pic. He was cool with it. Thanks Dale!

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As suspected, nothing was jumping out at me. Then, toward the end of my tour around the con, I ran into the Gorgeous and Gory table. Jess Rajs and our friends at G&G have always been a staple at MM and Chiller as well as all the various horror and zombie events throughout the state. It’s always great to see them. Aside from their renowned zombie pinup calendar, this time around they had copies of their compilation book Gorgeous and Gory: The Zombie Pinup Collection. This book is now on my coffee table and it is every bit as incredibly beautiful as the cover dictates. To think of all the blood, sweat, and tears that went into this book is mind boggling. From the location scouting and makeup to the graphic design and actual printing of the book, this is truly the most Gorgeous, undead art you will ever see.

Impress your house guests with this swank coffee table book that’ll have them asking about your zombie fetish, and then your other fetishes while they’re on the subject. With this book they’ll loosen up right away once they realize that the hot models they’re drooling over within the pages are actually brain eating zombies from beyond the grave. Pick it up at their website or at Wizard World Philly in May!

The next day, we woke up shockingly not feeling like total ass. I didn’t have that nagging guilt that I spent too much money either. We were refreshed and ready to head to the next point of interest on my list. It was surprisingly warm, gray, and pouring rain outside, just the way I like it. This moody weather set the perfect stage. Come back soon to read about our next Monster Mania detour!

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 110: Great Adventure’s Fright Fest

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This year’s edition of Six Flags Fright Fest T-Shirt and Hoodie offerings
Amusement Parks and Halloween always make a great combination. Thrill rides in the chilled night air, and goofing around with your friends usually leads me to feel like there’s a horror movie plot being created in there somewhere. Whether there’s a killer lurking in the park or some supernatural entity is haunting one of the attractions, the Halloween season is prime time to head to your nearest amusement park and experience the fun of the season. We’re spoiled in Jersey because every year Six Flags Great Adventure becomes infested with ghosts, zombies, crazy clowns, and vampires for their annual Fright Fest celebration. Just remember to get there early. We didn’t.

Fright Fest is an annual thing for us, but we usually wind up getting on one ride if we’re lucky. The lines are super insane during Fright Fest, and the park is probably even more packed than it would be in the middle of the summer. Difference is, that it’s nicer to wait in lines and get on rides when it’s not a sweltering 97 degrees in the shade and over one hundred percent humidity.

Weather-wise, Saturday night was perfect. I was with a bunch of great people and even though we only made it on one ride, we had a blast. I’m sure it would’ve been more fun if the lines for the actual Fright Fest attractions weren’t as long. Even the average wait time for a roller coaster was an hour. While waiting in excruciatingly long lines, it helps to cling to the hope that the ride actually doesn’t break down before you make it to the last section of the line queue.

Fortunately, the ride we did decide to wait for went smoothly. Skull Mountain didn’t take that long to get through the line, probably because it’s one of the tamer rides, so we were patient. It fit into the Fright Fest theme as well. For an older, less face melting type of ride, this one still holds up after all these years. Think of it as Six Flag’s answer to Space Mountain only with a theme on the exterior that brings to mind The Goonies, King Kong, or a pirate movie.

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We were required to buy separate tickets for the haunted attractions, so we did that online at home to save a couple of bucks. Next we had to wait on another long line just to show them our print-outs to get a wristband for the haunts. This was just becoming an abysmal LINE FEST. Then we would have to wait on more laughable lines for each individual haunt. Fed up by this point, I started asking the lady a few questions about the attractions.

I was disappointed to learn that all of the attractions were walk through trails featuring live actors. I wasn’t hoping for dead actors, I was just hoping for a good old fashioned haunted house or dark ride type situation. They should mix it up and offer half walk throughs and at least one or two haunted houses that remind you of an old dark ride. I can’t tell you how many times Six Flags has sent me e-mails asking for feedback regarding my last visit to Fright Fest and I wrote them a hundred times that Fright Fest needs a good old fashioned, boardwalk style haunted house. It shouldn’t only be for Fright Fest either, it should be open year round for all of us psychos to enjoy.

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We played the boardwalk and carnival games they have in the Psycho Circus area.
Miss Sexy Armpit won me a Slimer plush! Dinosaur Dracula and Freddy in Space also won
Slimers as well only Dino Drac’s is darker shade of green than this one. I opted for the brighter one since it seemed like it was glowing like the real Slimer. The vintage melted plastic pumpkin decoration has absolutely nothing to do with Six Flags Great Adventure. Slimer is petrified of him though, and he should be, since he’s creepy as hell.

In the late ’70s, Great Adventure’s Haunted Castle was the type of attraction we needed until arsonists supposedly burned it down in ’84, killing eight teenagers trapped inside. Maybe they feel like it’s a curse if they build another one? I can’t say for sure, but maybe they fell that they aren’t experts at subtly, they prefer spending millions to create the fastest, most cheek rippling coasters the world has ever seen. Nothing wrong with that. The thing is, Great Adventure is already fully stocked with thrill rides and there’s a new one on the way for next season. Another thrill ride is superfluous, again, we need a damn haunted DARK RIDE. Attention to detail is preferred.

Keeping with the resoundingly positive note I am on, the graphic on this year’s Six Flags Great Adventure Fright Fest shirts and hoodies are AWESOME. They did get this part of the celebration correct. Apparel graphics are always a big part of the experience. You must be able to properly commemorate your visit and this year Six Flags came up with a couple of really cool looking designs. I couldn’t exit the park without snapping a few shots. America loves zombies…and paying lots of money to wait on never-ending lines apparently.

eBay Has Your NJ Zombie Hunting Permits

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You all better have your zombie hunting permits ready. It’s only a matter of weeks before literally all of New Jersey is taken over by zombies. I’m not kidding. In October we’re gonna have zombies down south in Atlantic City, and zombies up the Parkway in Asbury Park. Even though they are slow, they will begin to permeate neighborhoods. Considering the Guinness World Record for zombies will be broken this year, you better have your shit together. I listed the seller names of each one of these so you can look them up on eBay if you’re are so inclined.

If you’re seriously considering staying in Jersey when zombies roam the state, you might want to start getting prepared now. I’ve got you covered and did all the research for your ass. You’d think a local gun shop or even a town hall might be registering people for zombie hunting licenses, right? Actually no, in a surprising twist, eBay is your one stop shop for New Jersey zombie hunting permits. Once in a great while eBay does come through for something. I can’t guarantee they’re legit, but I can guarantee that you’ll seem either ever so slightly more skilled at killing zombies, or you’ll just look like a total dork with bullets whizzing passed your head. Who cares if they’re counterfeit anyway? What you really need is a badass gun, or enough guns to necessitate a rack if you catch my meaning.

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If you want to seem more official to the oncoming zombies, then you might want to opt for the “State of New Jersey Certified Zombie Hunter embroidered patch.” From at least several feet away this one will make you look like you’re a decorated soldier or P.O.W (Probably Obsessed w/ Walking Dead.) Good luck out there. In the end, the zombies don’t give a crap what kind of patches or permits you have on.

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NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 87: NJ Zombie Walk 2011

NJ Zombie Walk T-Shirt 2011
NJ Zombie Walk 2011 Survival Gear

Who says zombie’s aren’t stylish? If you plan on being part of the undead next weekend on the Asbury Park boardwalk for the NJ Zombie Walk, you can rock the official t-shirt to hide that pale decomposing body of yours. The front of the shirt shows the Paramount Theater all boarded up and about to get bombarded by zombies! With brilliant artwork by Jason English this shirt will stop all the zombies in their tracks and leave their jaws agape at its coolness. Proceeds go to help fund future NJ Zombie events. Check out www.NJZombieWalk.com and click on “Survival Gear” to pick up your own before they sell out! See you there!

  [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pr5oJJeniig?rel=0]

Gorgeous and Gory Zombie Pinup Calendar 2012

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You may remember seeing the girls from the NJ Zombie Walk at a table at Monster Mania, or you may have read about my meeting with their creative director and pinup model Jessica Rajs in this earlier Armpit post
Last October, the NJ Zombie walk set a Guiness record for the world’s largest gathering of zombies with well over 4,000 zombies on the Asbury Park boardwalk. Unfortunately, according to Wikipedia, Seattle and Dublin, Ireland are both claiming to have beaten our record. Who cares if they beat us? We’ve got zombie pinup models!
Celebrate your passion for zombies and hot pinup style models in the 2012 Gorgeous and Gory Calendar. Jessica was all sold out of last years calendar at Monster Mania, so you better snatch this one up before it sells out!
Catch the Gorgeous and Gory girls and pick up a calendar at upcoming zombie events in NJ:
in Asbury Park October 21st – 23rd, 2011
The Gorgeous and Gory Calendar Launch Party
Zombie bands and Burlesque!
Roxy & Dukes, Dunellen, NJ November 5th, 2011

MTV’s JERSEY GORE: Fist Pumping Zombie Guidos With Ripped Abs

Jersey Gore Pin
MTV’s Jersey Shore is about to jump the shark. The fourth season premieres tonight and it was all filmed in Italy. Oh, and Deena is now an official cast member which just means she’ll be stripping for any guy in Italy who pays attention to her. So, after spotting this JERSEY GORE pin at the last Monster Mania in Cherry Hill, I had an idea. This pin, which was for sale at the Bad Zombie/NJ Zombie Walk table, made me think of how much better the show would be if the cast all got turned into zombies.
The cast’s lame fights and corny, sappy romances would be elevated to a much more entertaining level if they were all part of the undead. I for one am frigging sick to death of all of Ronnie’s crying and whining about Sammie. F*ck that. If they were zombies I don’t think they’d really give a shit and I don’t think they’d do very much talking either so it’s a win-win. I’d love to see them all show up at a club down the shore with their jaws hanging open, eyeballs all white and glazed over, and their once artificially tanned bodies have decomposed into pale rotting flesh. No need for G.T.L anymore!
At the very least, I think it would be a great idea for the show to film a Halloween episode at the Asbury Park Zombie Walk since it’s a huge record setting deal. That would beat out an entire season’s worth of episodes from Italy. One question though, can walking corpses still maintain ridiculous abs?

Zombies + Rocky Horror = Killer Saturday Night!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8f84gmUQXc?rel=0]

Do you have plans on Saturday, and if so, do those plans involve transvestites, time warps, and zombies? There’s a good chance that they don’t so you should pencil in The Home of Happiness’ Rocky Horror ZOMBIE NIGHT at the Bellevue Theater in Montclair! New Jersey’s very own Home of Happiness Rocky Horror group is based out of Montclair, and if you ever planned on attending one of their shows but just didn’t get around to it, then Saturday night June 18th is the night you want to go! Zombies and Rocky Horror, yup, the forces have finally combined! There’s going to be a zombie costume contest, as well as themed costumes and dance numbers. It sounds like it’s going to be complete MADNESS! If you’re not convinced yet, the trailer posted above will seal the deal. The awesome preview video was created by Paul and Dana from The Home of Happiness.

If you do attend, please let me know how it was! As I previously mentioned, my Saturday night is all booked up so unfortunately I’m going to miss it. Vince McMahon’s got me by the balls again, but this time I’m corrupting my 6 year old nephew with WWE action!

RSVP on Facebook

Rocky Horror fans may also like this from The Sexy Archives:

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 22: The Home of Happiness

www.HomeofHappiness.com
www.NJRocky.com

Zombie Beach Party in Asbury Park!

Zombie Beach Party, Asbury Park

This isn’t your typical day at the beach. If you stay away from the Jersey Shore because parking it’s always packed with guidos, parking is a nightmare, and the sand always burns three layers of skin off of your feet, then you might try playing dead for a change. If you’re not a beach person and Frankie and Annette make you want to peel your skin off, you may make an exception for the retro themed Zombie Beach Party in Asbury Park, coming to you from the organizers of the NJ Zombie Walk (winners of the 2010 Guinness Record for Largest Gathering of Zombies in the World).

RSVP at their Facebook page
May 28th, 2011
12:00 PM – 5:00 PM
Asbury Park Boardwalk

Monsters, TNA, and PB & Jay

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SS SEXY ARMPIT CAPTAIN’s LOG
MISSION: BIRTHDAY WEEKEND
Saturday March 12, 2011

The Monster Mania Con was calling my name like Vader taunting Luke. The con fell on my birthday weekend so not going wasn’t an option. Cherry Hill NJ is a bit of a hike from Sexy Armpit Headquarters but when I woke up on Saturday morning I noticed the weather was sunny and pretty warm so I decided that a ride down the Turnpike for Monster Mania was the thing to do.

Once I got off at exit 4, I stopped for an iced coffee at D and D to recharge myself and then headed to the Crowne Plaza Hotel. Out of all the stars that were signing autographs over the weekend there weren’t any names that I was hardcore about getting to meet. Of course there were some hotties like Dina Meyer, Allison Barron, and Melinda Clarke, but this time around I was planning on just hanging out and having a good time.

Parking was atrocious as usual, they really need to do something about that. Once the summer installment of MM rolls around I don’t feel like walking 3 1/2 miles back to my car in the sweltering heat. Fortunately, I was able to nab a fairly close spot, but that was after 15 minutes of driving around. Inside I noticed the same scenes of previous MM cons, but that’s what’s cool about it. I thought to myself, “If only there was a place like this that you could go hang all the time, not just a couple of times a year.”

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I kept my spending to a minimum and made only a few purchases. 
One of them was something cool for Miss Sexy Armpit at the SourPuss Clothing table.

Jessica Rajs to The Sexy Armpit

I met a much cooler New Jersey version of Kat Von D, Jessica Rajs. Jess is the creative director from Bad Zombie, the creators of The New Jersey Zombie Walk. They not only organize the Zombie Walk but also sell some rad T-Shirts as well as a Pinup Calendar of some sexy and zombified local ladies. The Gorgeous and Gory Pinup Calendar is sold out, but each print was available for purchase along with other cool swag.

Finally the coolest moments of the con came when I ran into a few familiar faces. First, the question was posed what would happen if The Sexy Armpit was in The Man Cave? Two major players at the MM Con, Geof Capodanno of The Man Cave Blog and his friend and expert cameraman Dan Petrucci do it up in style with a hotel room, and not one igloo, but TWO M*THERF*CKING IGLOOS! What’s so cool about the Igloos you ask? They were filled with…BEER! So they were nice enough to invite a wandering Sexy Armpit up to their room for a brew and they also filmed a Man Cave Interview with me too! It sound so dirty but it really isn’t! It will probably be posted over there pretty soon so be on the lookout! It was a really fun time and I look forward to hanging out with the Man Cave crew again in the future. Thanks guys!

From there I also ran into John and his girlfriend from Freddy in Space (one of the best horror blogs out there) and had a minute to talk with them. And then I talked with none other than the writer and director of the awesome revenge film, JERSEY JUSTICE, John Charles Hunt! If you have a minute, check out The Sexy Armpit’s review of the film right here. By the end of the day I realized that socializing without any stringent agenda made the day way more fun. Without being rushed around and bleeding money out of my wallet I had a chance to really enjoy the experience.

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After the con it was time to rush back up the Turnpike for the TNA Wrestling show in Rahway NJ. In addition to “The Shore” spectacle made up of Robbie E., Cookie, and Angelina from Jersey Shore, most of the big TNA stars also appeared including Kurt Angle, AJ Styles, Jeff Hardy, Matt Morgan, and Beer Money. Velvet Sky was signing during intermission so it was my big chance to meet her. Getting a picture with Velvet Sky made me quite a happy man. The show’s fast paced ring action made the crowd electric. It was a great time and we met up with some friends after the show.

PBandJ Cake 2

What’s a birthday without a cool cake? Is that a giant peanut butter and jelly sandwich in this picture or a birthday cake masquerading as a giant peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I primed my girlfriend several months in advance that this was the cake I wanted for my birthday and she remembered. So we slapped some candles into that bad boy and dug in. Using the Cakewich Sandwich Style Cake Mold, who is getting a free plug right now, Miss Sexy Armpit took the time to concoct this delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwich cake. I know lots of people who despise peanut butter but obviously I am not one of them. PB and J has always been one of my favorite snacks, whether it’s between bread or on crackers, it’s simple and reminds me of being a kid. Gotta have some milk with it though! This cake was a fun, nostalgic, and a change of pace from your average butter cream birthday cake.

That brings the 2011 Birthday celebration to an end. Thanks for reading and I can only hope it’s just as exciting next year!

PB and J Cake 1

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 68: NJ Zombie Walk 2010

People are dead serious about zombies. All over the country zombie walks will take place on Halloween weekend, and you will be in danger unless you take the proper precautions. It may be wise to order yourself, your significant other, and your kids some protective tees which will make it clear to the zombies that you are NOT breakfast, but merely horrendous tasting innocent bystanders. The survival tee was cool last year, but this year there are 2 versions! The first is for men (or women who like to wear men’s t-shirts) and shows a male zombie ripping through a Garden State Parkway sign, and the second is a babydoll tee for women that features a female zombie tearing through a New Jersey Turnpike sign.

NJ Zombie T-Shirt
NJ Zombie Baby T-shirt

The last t-shirt is splattered with an exclusive bloodied New Jersey ZOMBIE license plate which is available with a $25 dollar donation. There’s a lot more to look at and purchase, so visit the official New Jersey Zombie Walk website where you can get all the info you need to join in the walk and get other awesome NJ Zombie merch. If you can swing it, try to make a donation because proceeds will go toward offsetting the cost of putting on the event. Their website explains that there are rental, permit, and insurance fees, so shell out the cash muthatruckas! The 3rd annual NJ Zombie Walk kicks off at Asbury Park Convention Hall on the afternoon of October 30th!