It’s that time of the year again! The weather starts cutting out the below zero temps and gives us that Spring feeling of being alive again. Although the Fall is by far my favorite season, Spring is second, but not because of blooming flowers…because of booming bodyslams! That’s right, its time to celebrate the WWE’s grandest event of the year, WrestleMania! Even if the last time you watched WWE was when Stone Cold Steve Austin was still the champ, you can still hop back on board at any time. Right now is the best time because WrestleMania is always a fun time. Hardcore fans dissect every event and suck the goodness out of everything, but this is one block of 4 hours each year that I dive completely into the pro-wrestling zone and enjoy it as if I were 5 years old again. It’s actually pretty refreshing, and maybe even more-so if you are not super into the WWE world. If you aren’t jaded to all of it you may even have more of a blast than many of us critical bastards! Regardless, here are 6 tips on maximizing your WrestleMania day:
Eliminate interruptions. You may be tempted to hop on Twitter or scroll through your Instagram feed during any lulls, but trust me, it can wait. You’ll have time during the Kid Rock promo so plan the social media breaks strategically. Many bands have banned cell phones at their concerts, so take a cue from The Misfits and enjoy WrestleMania as if it was the ’80s and early ’90s when you weren’t bogged down by the damn phone. I’m sure I will get texts during the show, but unless it’s an emergency, it can wait! When The Goddess is on TV, everything else gets put on hold.
2. Drink. Doesn’t have to be liquor. If you aren’t into that, get a lot of Root Beer or Mountain Dew on ice. You will need to have an excuse to run to the bathroom if a match starts to bore you out of your smoking skull. (that’s a Stone Cold reference if you didn’t catch it!)
3. Set up a comfortable viewing area, but not too comfortable! You want the pillows and blankets, but don’t accidentally promote a sleeping environment for you and your squad. This is a mistake. There’s plenty of time for that later on. If this is your first WWE event in a while, it will feel like it’s 17 hours.
4. Food! You can actually get winded just by living vicariously through watching these super athletes do what they do best so you will need nourishment. My advice is to balance out the crap with some good healthy stuff. Sounds boring, but you’ll thank me afterward! If you’re eating nothing but garbage all day and night, by the end of the event you’ll want to bust. You’ll feel like an alien is ripping out of your stomach. It’s worthwhile to cut up some fruits and veggies and drink water here and there. You have to pace yourself between all the Doritos and buffalo wings.
5. Treat the day like it’s a holiday. For me, WrestleMania has always been a holiday. To some, The Super Bowl is the big day, but for me this is monumental. Even if it winds up sucking, there’ so much excitement and enthusiasm on this day. The memories of Mania’s past come rushing back and you can enjoy them all day long if you have the WWE Network. With all great holidays, reminiscing is a major part of them and this is no different. You might wear an ugly sweater to a Christmas party, so be sure to wear your favorite Wrestler’s t-shirt or hat. I can’t forget this one, the music! We listen to Christmas carols during Christmas and spooky music during Halloween, so get your bluetooth speaker out and stream WWE music all day long, heck, all weekend long! And since you’re going to be up late and all pumped, think about taking the next day off. They won’t kill you.
6. LISTEN TO THE NEWEST EPISODE OF THE PURPLE STUFF PODCAST! The newest episode of The Purple Stuff Podcast is all about inconsequential aspects of all the WrestleManias so far. Matt from Dinosaur Dracula and I have compiled 10 pieces of minutiae that we find interesting enough to talk about for an hour. Topics include, The Undertaker’s outrageous act, A whacked out Piper’s Pit, The Mistress of the Dark, and the greatest pro wrestling entrance of all time! Check it out on iTunes, Stitcher, Podbean, and the Google Play store! Thanks for tuning in.
Now, let’s take you down to our broadcasting team of Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura…
For a guy who rarely likes to leave his condo I’ve sure been getting out a lot lately. I had a cool weekend and I’m here to tell you about it. Now’s a good time for a bathroom break because there won’t be another one until the end of the post!
JC Oddities Market, Cathedral Hall, Jersey City
Saturday marked the return of the JC Oddities Market at Cathedral Hall in Jersey City. I missed the last Oddities Market, so I made it a point to get there for this one. Plus, I needed to to fill my lifetime quota of attending an oddity flea market in an old church. Not only did I need to fill that very specific void, but with a long family history in Jersey City, I always look for any reason to venture there. Adding to that, my friend Bob Burke (the Glow Art champion of the world!) mentioned to me that he’d have a table there again. And to further reinforce my trip, the church is getting demolished at some point in the near future, so I’m glad I decided to go.
This macabre market was unlike anything I’d ever been to before. The old church (Saint Bridget’s) was adorned with string lights and a random, oversized Delia Deetz-style snake sculpture in the middle of the floor up near the altar. I felt like I was on the set of a late ‘90s low budget horror sequel. (Definitely a part 4 or later.) The middle of the church floor was lined with vendor tables and artists selling everything from records and artwork to taxidermy and homemade jewelry. If only OMC sang a song called “How Bazaar,” now would be the most appropriate time to have that pop in your head. Even after being to so many cons and flea markets, most of these vendors were brand new to me. The basement featured even more tables, so I surpassed my usual 15 minute zip-through for one of these things.
I also ran into my friend Nicole and her girlfriend. You may recall Nicole, fellow Jerseyan and horror fanatic, who way back in 2014, let me post a piece of her writing here at The Sexy Armpit. It was so great to meet her after being friends with her online for so long. Nicole has since changed her social media handles so you can now follow her at @allthedamnvamps on Twitter and @allthedamnvampires on IG.
As for pickups, going into this thing I’d say that tea wouldn’t be a thing that I would come home with…AT ALL. Oddly enough, Brutaliteas was on site and proved me completely wrong. They were giving out samples and making tea cooler than it ever was, one tiny ass sample cup at a time. The creative offerings from Brutalitieas are truly game changing. This Jersey couple crafts their own homemade teas and infuses them with a horror or hard rock twist i.e Back in Blackberry, Apricot for Destruction? C’MON! Those are a must buy merely on the wordplay alone. I tried a sample at their table and it was delicious and the aromas are amazing. I was sold. I bought 3 packs. It was so hard to decide from a slew of amazing themes. I narrowed it down to Screamsicle, The Detoxic Avenger (obviously had to get that one), and A Nightpear on Elm Street. I haven’t brewed them yet, but I will very soon. I’ll likely throw in some ice cubes because I’m an iced tea freak.
The benevolent Brutaliteas donates part of the proceeds from sales of the Detoxic Avenger (Lloyd Kaufman approved) to canine cancer. Courtney and Adam are a seriously wonderful couple and it was great to meet them. You can tell that they love what they’re doing because it shines through in their teas. And those PUNS! You can read about their story at their website.
Barcade is for getting buzzed and playing old video games. That was what I did the previous times I’ve been there. Although, I never thought I’d intentionally waltz into a Barcade for a late lunch without taking in an arcade game, but that’s exactly what happened. This time, I plopped myself down on a stool at the bar and ordered my usual drink and a…wait for it…veggie burger?!?! What?
Possibly a little known secret, Barcade’s veggie burger is badass! Equally as shocking, I’m a bit of a connoisseur of veggie burgers. I order veggie burgers almost anytime I can’t get eggplant parm. Spots like Barcade that make their own patties from original recipes in-house are the best. To order a veggie burger from a place that uses frozen patties is crazy because those could be made at home. If you’re into Veggie Burgers, get one next time you’re at Barcade. YUM! Tell me you don’t start getting hungry after reading the menu entry directly from their website:
Veggie Burger Deluxe
6 oz. fresh patty of beets, brown rice, and black beans topped with cheddar, lettuce, tomato, onion, pickles, mayo & spicy ketchup on a bun.
In between all this I literally just wandered around Jersey City basically all day. I kept running into the best eye candy for my Jersey obsession. I snapped some photos for posterity.
8-Bit Mystery Pin, The Monkey’s Paw Store
Saturday was a good mail day thanks to the arrival of the pin pictured above. Scooby Doo meets Jason Voorhees has always been a mash up I’ve desperately wanted to see come to fruition. We’ve come very close a few times going back to an episode of Robot Chicken, and then some artwork from artist Travis Falligant, then there was also the Mystery of Crystal Lake enamel pin by The Monkey’s Paw where Shag and Scoob had a run-in with Jason. I snatched that one up as soon as it was released, but not too long after, they started teasing this 8-bit styled sequel to their original pin. What makes these pins so incredible is that they both had a run of only 50 worldwide. It’s a total collector’s item for a guy like me who loves both Scooby-Doo and Friday the 13th.
On Sunday, we went to iPlay for an event that wound up getting cancelled. We had a couple of consolation drinks then walked through the arcade area where I found this beautiful DC Comics game. All the major characters were featured on the game. I was stoked to see their Bronze age versions represented so I had to share it here. I didn’t actually play the game, just stood there drooling over it and took a thousand photos of every panel as blatantly illustrated in the collage above. Now that I got that out of my system, maybe I’ll actually play it next time.
With 2 WWE events this weekend, (NXT Takeover and Backlash) I spent a lot of time on the WWE Network. I wound up unexpectedly re-binging CAMP WWE. To call it a binge is a bit of a stretch since the season only lasted 5 episodes. I’m sure watching them all again sounds pretty wild to even the most die-hard WWE fans, since almost everyone I’ve talked to about the show haven’t seemed too excited about it. The first time I watched it was about a day or so after the WWE premiered it on the network and I found it amusing, but wasn’t crazy for it. After a second helping, I’m finding myself loving it.
When you think about it, there hasn’t been a WWE animated show since Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘n’ Wrestling, which I loved as a kid (around 75 years ago.) Merely for that reason alone, it automatically gains major cool points in my book. Think about it for a second, a modern day WWE animated series is pretty monumental. Wrestling AND cartoons combined? Drink it in maaaan! Let’s not take it for granted.
There’s also the fact that it’s funny thanks to a ton of in-jokes for wrestling fans. It’s written and produced by lifelong wrestling fans and that translates to a show that doesn’t dumb anything down. I found myself having a blast with it way more this time. The summer camp backdrop is like built-in nostalgia and Mr. McMahon hamming it up is incredible. Some of the other highlights of the show feature The Undertaker becoming one with nature, A 7-year old Stone Cold Steve Austin getting tanked on beers at a bar, an amusing appearance by Goldust as Mr. McMahon’s personal assistant, the actual Lex Express bus blowing up, and a truly hysterical take on Bray Wyatt. Check it out if you haven’t yet!
Ice Cream at Jersey Freeze
Before we headed home to catch WWE Backlash, I abruptly screeched the car off Route 33 and into the Jersey Freeze parking lot for some ice cream. The last time I was here was at least 15 years ago, so it was about time to rectify that. I got a cone with peanut butter pie ice cream. It was so delicious. I’ve never had this flavor before so I asked the girl behind the counter what was in it. She had no idea so she asked one of her coworkers. Once she mentioned peanut butter ice cream, bits of pie crust, and peanut butter cups I was putty in her hands. If you’re in the area this summer, make a pit stop there! (or an ARMPIT STOP! <rimshot>)
Thanks for reading about my latest excursion! Hope to see you back here soon!
WrestleMania Weekend is upon us! Fans across the world wait all year for this epic event and it’s finally here. On my end, it’s become more of a multi-day celebration of watching old ppv’s, checking out the Hall of Fame and NXT Takeover. OH and drinking Tequila and eating way too damn much. What a blast! Let’s head down to ringside…
Me and Dinosaur Dracula wanted to present our love of the WWE once again on the Purple Stuff Podcast. Last year’s WWE show was a blast so we’re doing it again. This time, we’re counting down some of the most underrated and often overlooked WWE Theme songs of all time. These aren’t your typical entrance themes that usually get bandied around on top 50 lists. Matt and I have both brought some really “special” tunes. Yes, you might connect with the Ultimate Warrior’s theme, and I do too obviously, but something has to be said for the lesser WWE Superstars of yore.
The latest episode comes in time for you to enjoy it as part of your WrestleMania parties. Thank you for listening and reading! If you want to support our show you can subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts and spread the word! We’d love to hear some of your underrated classic theme songs below.
Let me catch you up on some of the cool shit that’s been going down in The Armpit of the Universe.
A couple of months back, I scored tickets to see NXT Live on February 19th, and I basically forced Dinosaur Dracula to come with me. I didn’t give him much of a choice at all – it was like, “Dude, I got tickets to NXT, don’t make plans that day.” Matt was on board for it and I was extra pumped. It wasn’t only momentous for the fact that I’d be seeing an NXT house show virtually in my backyard, but there was a little more to it. Continue reading NXT: Con. Hall Brawl in Asbury Park!
There was so much stuff. That’s what I’ll remember most about Halloween 2015. That and the fact that “‘ween” and “15” rhyme made this such a memorable season. Of course there was the Sexy Armpit Halloween Special AND this year marked the beginning of The Purple Stuff Podcast. Can we pile on anymore stuff?
Think about it, grocery stores had aisles of limited edition Halloween cereal and candy packed from floor to ceiling! We saw BK’s Halloween Whoppers, Krispy Kreme donuts, Pumpkin Spice Twinkies, and spooky 7-11 cups. What’s crazier is that I didn’t even name half the stuff you probably bought on a whim at Target! Starbucks even jumped into the game with their release of A FRIGGIN’ COUNT FRAPPULA FRAPPUCCINO…wha-what? There was just so much that the sheer amount of Halloween spirit was awe inspiring. It was like Christmas morning for Halloween lovers for like 2 months straight. While in the midst of the season it may have been hard to process all this, but after the fog juice clears, it’s easy to see that Halloween 2015 was completely nuts in all the right ways.
I’m not sure if I’m rationalizing this or not, but think about it: quantity was the underlying theme this year. I’ve already touched on the amount of food and snack gimmicks that we were bestowed with, but what about everything else? In terms of my own little universe, our Halloween Special was an anthology, so you wound up getting THREE mini stories in one episode. It was pretty epic for us. Premiering a couple of weeks after our special was the anthology Tales of Halloween, with more stories crammed into it than I thought was humanly possible. We also saw the arrival of the long anticipated graphic novel Trick ‘r Treat: Days of the Dead which tipped the scales at heavy 144 pages! I’m here to urge you to reflect back and marvel at just how colossal this Halloween really was. I for one am still basking in its glow.
We had so much of the good ol’ BOO and yes, we know about the green POO, but I’m certainly not complaining. Monster Cereals were back in such a big way that they had various types of boxes to collect. You could even build a freaking mansion out of some of them! I still cannot believe that I have a Monster Cereal Mansion in my living room, as Old Man Parker would say, “…it’s indescribably beautiful!”
This Halloween was awesome. I’m not merely listing all the crap that came out this season, but it’s important to mark this Halloween season as one that felt like it wasn’t a struggle to be a Halloween fan. When every company is slapping their products with limited edition labels and squirting them with pumpkin spice magic and ghost shapes, that is always accepted in my world. And while I’m on the subject of my world, last year for the masquerades I attended, I wore the same costume twice. This year, I somehow managed to conjure up 2 different costumes for the parties I went to. Double the work, but double the fun. Where are those More twins from The Final Chapter?
Here I am as the Kenner Grim Reaper Action Figure from the Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure line which I wore to the Trenton Artworks Carnival of Shadows Masquerade party. As the story typically goes, this costume was on my short list of ideas every Halloween, so it was awesome to finally get to do it. Of course, no one knew who I was supposed to be and I was 100% expecting that. I don’t create these costumes to get a rise out of people, if that was the case there’s so many obvious costume choices in the Spirit Halloween store that I could easily go out and buy. Nothing made me happier than to see friends on social media totally geek out at this. That’s why I enjoy participating in social media, because in my real life nobody sees the cool factor in dressing up as an obscure Kenner action figure. They’re missing out and they can go back to gawking at some HILARIOUS guy who bought the Caitlyn Jenner costume. “Hey Henry, can you believe how creative Todd is in that Caitlyn Jenner costume…oh he’s always the life of the party!”
On Halloween night, we played it low key, but still went out to a local establishment for a Halloween party. It wasn’t much of a Halloween party since about 60% of the joint was NOT in costume, unless everyone was dressed in that classic “Miserable, Middle-Aged Drunk” costume. I think Ben Cooper manufactured that at one point. Seriously, a Halloween party is not a Halloween party without the costumes. At least we know where not to go next year. The place had a couple of saving graces though. First, the ’80s cover band was pretty decent and their female lead singer was dressed as Big Bird, so yeah, that was surreal and right up my alley. Then, when I went to find the bathroom, I saw their elaborate Halloween decorations which I spent about 20 minutes Instagramming. No one knew where I was for a while. At one point, a twenty-something girl stopped me, grabbed my arms, stared at me and said to me in a very serious tone, “You are scarier than any of these Halloween decorations.” I chuckled like a big doof and said ‘Thanks, you look pretty scary yourself” which was a joke that I don’t think landed properly since she was in a Cinderella costume. She gave me a dirty look. It was fine nonetheless because, as I was walking into the bathroom, I heard a noise and looked back to see that she stumbled over her own feet, fell into the exit doors, and face-planted on the pavement outside. She was a little tipsy, but don’t worry, her friends were there to assist her. She was A-OK as she awaited her Pumpkin carriage and/or Uber.
On Halloween night I dressed up as Alice Cooper in a straight jacket, which is based off of a portion of his live concert spectacle. Miss Sexy Armpit did a badass job on my wig and makeup too. In comparison to previous costume help that I’ve enlisted her for, this one was pretty easy for her. I got a lot of compliments and it was fun to be Alice for a night, especially since it was another costume that I had been meaning to do for several years. Miss Sexy Armpit was WWE Superstar, and one of my personal favorites, Paige. I even noticed a guy in a Bubba Ray Dudley costume walk in and he and I immediately gravitated to each other because wrestling fans just do that. It’s like, “hey, you’re weird like me! let’s talk about pro-wrestling in public fairly audibly as if it’s a real sanctioned sport!” Later in the night they rolled back over with their new friend STING! It was a who’s who of the WWE.
I recall a few Halloween’s in recent memory where I almost felt guilty for celebrating as hardcore as I do, but this season, all the binging on Halloween was perfectly acceptable. It feels like Halloween is truly getting to a point that it demands more respect as a bonafide holiday. Usually, Halloween gets curb stomped by Christmas way too soon, but not this year. Thanksgiving and Christmas felt like they swooped in at a strangely appropriate time. Is this all just me? Am I officially taking crazy pills? I know I was taking Hallocor in the Halloween Special, so maybe I’m still on a bender? All I know is, I never give up on Halloween, it possesses me all year long.
I hope you enjoyed your Halloween season! Did you dress up in a cool costume? What was your favorite part of Halloween 2015? Leave us a comment! Thank you for reading and celebrating with us!
Relinquishing the Intercontinental Title sucks. It will truly be upsetting if Daniel Bryan’s story comes to an end this year. There’s times in WWE when you don’t really know if they have a surprise in the storyline up their sleeve or not, but Bryan’s latest injury is apparently legit enough to take him out of action, possibly forever. Daniel Bryan’s WWE career wasn’t as long as his fans would’ve hoped, but it was filled with some stellar moments. If it’s determined that his career is indeed being forced to end, he’s left a great legacy in the indies and WWE behind him.
Fortunately for his fans, Daniel Bryan is still fulfilling his meet and greet engagements (YES! YES! YES!) One of these opportunities comes on June 28th, 2015 at iPlay America in Freehold, NJ. iPlay has become a recurring venue for WWE Superstar Meet and Greets and I think that’s awesome. I couldn’t think of a better place to meet these guys – it’s a freaking indoor amusement park! Tickets are mostly sold out, (NO! NO! NO!) but there are some left for parents who are accompanying their children.
WWE Superstar Seth Rollins recently called out the soon to be former host of The Daily Show, Jon Stewart. The Money in the Bank winner declared that he could be Stewart’s replacement and actually make the show watchable.
After Stewart cut his own rebuttal, Rollins ambushed him on one of his recent shows by making it seem like he was beamed in via satellite when he was actually right there in the studio. WWE has now confirmed that Stewart will appear on Raw tonight, live from The Prudential Center in Newark to possibly confront Rollins. Will they settle their gripe at WrestleMania? Doubtful that Stewart would actually take a bump, so it’s likely he will be in the corner of Rollins’ opponent at WrestleMania. Right now, it looks like Rollins will be facing “The Viper” Randy Orton.
Although he was born in New York, Jon Stewart’s family moved to Lawrenceville, NJ, where he lived for many years. When thinking of the path to becoming a household name in stand-up comedy and Television, it’s easy to forget the odd jobs one takes on the way to the top. Before satirizing the news on The Daily Show, appearing in movies, and a possible appearance at this year’s WrestleMania, Stewart held various jobs in Jersey, including working as a contingency planner for the NJ Department of Human Services and a bartender at the famous City Gardens night club in Trenton. Stewart is also a big Bruce Springsteen fan, naturally.
With the summer installment of Monster Mania in the history books, the countdown to Halloween is fast-approaching. Although it’s a horror convention, my mind never associates it with the onset of the Halloween season. Not sure why, but when you think about it, in merely a matter of days, Dinosaur Dracula will be signaling to all that the countdown is on. Halloween is right around the corner, yet this is still a summer event, one that’s ripe for escorting the sweltering season directly out the door without passing go. Good riddance to you summer, I say. Oh, I suppose you want to know more about Monster Mania? OK, I’ll give you all I can remember.
Let me get this out from the get-go: we didn’t get drunk with the Joker and Freddy Krueger like we did that other time, but once again, the forces of Dinosaur Dracula, Freddy in Space, and The Sexy Armpit came together and had quite an interesting time to say the least. It’s a scene not for the faint of heart. You’d probably like to know all about our sordid Monster Mania tales from this time around, but we’ve got to keep some decorum here, plus, details are fuzzy. Put it this way, there was a lot of liquor and VHS tapes involved. And Tom Bryce’s pretzels. It was a veritable Shit Pretzel Fest.
As I mentioned, it’s a little foggy, but the bits of this event that I do remember include buying a Princess Bride poster AND more monumentally, meeting Rowdy Roddy Piper. With the Hot Rod in New Jersey, how could I miss the chance to meet one of my favorite WWE Legends of all time?
I think I must’ve gained a lifetime membership to the club. You know that club, Those Who’ve Met Hulk Hogan and Rowdy Roddy Piper Within a Matter of Days From Each Other Club. It’s not the kind of braggable anecdote as say, being in the mile high club, but it’s a tidbit that’ll most certainly be engraved in my headstone.
While waiting on line I noticed Piper was smiling and taking his time to talk with every one of his fans. Fortunately, Matt (@DinosaurDracula) arrived, grabbed my phone and snapped over 20 photos to make damn sure we commemorated this historic meeting of the minds. It was a nearly impossible task to narrow it down, but here are the top 10 best photos of Hot Rod and I from our impromptu photo shoot. Some of the shots are different, yet so completely the same.
As they were swiping through these photos on my phone, a few of my friends and family members asked what I talked to Piper about. Seeing 20+ photos of he and I prompted one of my friends to ask “how long was he talking to you for?” No joke, it had to be at least 35 minutes. There were “BULLSHIT” chants coming from the people in line behind me. To be clear, we didn’t talk wrestling, we didn’t talk They Live, and we damn suredidn’t talk politics. But he did offer me a recipe. It’s just like good old Hot Rod, recipes are so typical of him. You can see how good he is with a blender in that episode of Legends House. Piper vs. The Blender, a feud that can only be rivaled by Hogan/Piper.
The blur was actually present in the room. It eventually dissipated, but, at first, it was like The Mist.
“Hey Hot Rod! How exciting it is to meet you!”
“Hey, thank you man, what’s your name?”
“Jay, I love that shirt!”
(I’m wearing the Panther shirt that Roddy wore to the ring in the early ’80s.)
“It’s classic! I’m about 6 tequilas in, so excuse me if I sound like it.”
“Ohhhohoo, so you want to be a big shot don’t ya?”
“Well, not really, I just wanted to get drunk with my friends.”
“Now that you mention it, you are lookin’ a little bit under the weather, You know what, I know exactly what you need. It’s what I used to make when I was oh, knee high to a grasshopper.”
“Specifically, what kind of concoction are you going to supply me with the recipe for, Roddy? Not that raw egg in the blender gimmick that Hulk gave Mean Gene I hope!”
(Just when he thought he had all the answers, I obviously changed the questions.)
“Now, don’t insult me kid or I’ll crack your head with a coconut, trust me you’ll want to listen to the information I’m about to lay out for you.”
“I’m all ears, Hot Rod.”
“Do you remember once upon a time when that little meatball Rachel Ray’s cooking show was a hot commodity? Well it can’t touch Mixology with Rowdy Roddy!“
“I’m confused, are you saying you’re changing the name of Piper’s Pit?”
“Listen up, stop your lips from yapping for one minute. If you want to be big time, you’re gonna have one of these with me”
Piper proceeds to instruct me on how to concoct a Hot Roddy.
“Ever hear your grandmother talk about drinking a Hot Toddy when she was sick? Well, this is what I call a Hot Roddy.”
“I assume it can cure what ails ya…or ails me. After all the drinking and partying at Monster Mania so far, this is just what I needed. Some kind of an elixir to rejuvenate me.”
“You’re damn right, and remember Jay, this drink ain’t FOR EVERYBODY, but if you want a banana have a banana, us, we gonna have ourselves a Hot Roddy.”
Oh no, what?
Oh no…who is that taking our picture? Please don’t tell me it’s that damn motherf*ckin’ Dino Drac, that sonofabitch! OK, OK, that’s enough pictures, you know where you can stick those VHS tapes! This is the last picture and then get that photographer the hell out of here!
I have come here to show you at least 10 photos and kick ass, and I’m all out of photos.
CM Punk once said: “…I have zero faith in Hulk Hogan as a man who’s what…60 years old and tries to dress like he’s 18 and he lives on the Jersey Shore…” While I can’t agree on the faith in the Hulkster part, I sort of agree that Hulk has been looking a little bit Jersey as of late. Or maybe some of us here in NJ have tried to look like him? The horde of Hulkamaniacs on line for Hulk Hogan Uncut at iPlay America in Freehold on August 2nd, 2014 were all donning their red and yellow while some wore black and white N.W.O t-shirts. Since today is the Hulkster’s birthday and there will be a bash for him on WWE Monday Night Raw tonight, let’s look back at the Hulk Hogan Uncut event I attended at iPlay last weekend.
Hulk was usually billed from Venice Beach, and later, Hollywood. California may have some beautiful weather and states like Hawaii and Colorado may have the happiest people in the country, but New Jersey has definitely got to be king of the quirk. If you believe what you see on TV, you probably think all we’re good for is fist pumping guidos at Jersey Shore clubs, but I’m here to tell you, it isn’t all like that. Where else can you run into perhaps the greatest professional wrestling icons of all time, go to a KISS and Def Leppard concert, and stroll around a Punk Rock Flea Market all in one weekend? Last weekend was surely a jam packed pop-culture filled experience and it all kicked off in huge way: a meet and greet with the immortal Hulk Hogan!
To me, nothing beats a weekend where I have absolutely nothing planned. It’s not that it makes me feel like the weekend is full of possibilities, it’s more that I know I can settle in for a couple of days of doing absolutely nothing and kicking ass at it. Many of us claim to be the best lazy f*ckers around, but daddy says I’m the best at it. That was my Vacation tribute.
Winning the championship of couch laying was not in the cards for me. I actually had stuff to do. I felt like it may have been too much, but it was fun stuff, so how I could I complain? It’s one thing if I had to go to some banquet hall and get dressed up for a family function, but it’s quite another that I was slated to go to a nearby cavernous indoor arcade to meet my childhood wrestling hero.
We made our way down Route 9 toward iPlay America in Freehold for Uncut with Hulk Hogan. The event included a Q&A session followed by a meet and greet for fans. I’d passed on two meet and greets with the Hulkster in previous years, but I felt like this was the one that I couldn’t miss. I already had tickets to see KISS later that night with Miss Sexy Armpit, so why not complicate the day even more and tack on another thing for us to do? Fortunately it was on the way down to Atlantic City and the timing worked out perfectly, so it was meant to be.
Accompanied by Jimmy “Mouth of the South” Hart, The Hulkster answered questions submitted by the fans and offered insight into some of his biggest career milestones. If you’re a fan and have seen WWE’s Hulk Hogan DVD collections, you’ve seen and heard much of the content here, but they did leak the fact that Hogan would appear on Raw in two weeks, which is tonight. That little spoiler was definitely an exclusive for us before it was officially announced by WWE.
The Hulkster was genuinely happy to meet with everyone. He flexed and smiled for photos with each fan and when it came time for The Sexy Armpit, I didn’t pull any punches, brother. First he said “Sweet shirt, brother!” in regards to my Thunderlips t-shirt from Barber Shop Window which is a parody of the classic Hulkamania t-shirt, but with the name of his Rocky III character in the same font. I blasted a “Thanks Hulk!” in reply, then I immediately asked him if we could do one of his iconic poses, one of my favorites from his ring celebrations at the conclusion of his matches. If Hulk said no, my second option would’ve been the Rip’Em hand gesture from No Holds Barred. Surprisingly I didn’t see anyone do that, where’s the love for NHB people?
I’m glad we took part in this event because Hulk was very cool. Often, meeting celebrities turns out to be a big letdown. After my very brief exchange with Hulk, I raked his back and then hightailed my ass out of there. I’m kidding of course, I raked his eyes.
This awesome experience all went down at iPlay America, which is a fantastic place for kids as well as adults. It’s basically an indoor amusement park with an arcade and an upscale Atlantic City casino atmosphere. If you’re in the ti-state area, it’s well worth it to pack the kids into the car and make the trip to Freehold, NJ.
I don’t even think the staff of iPlay had any idea of the onslaught of people that showed up to Hulk Hogan Uncut. I’ve read a few articles about this event floating around that basically referred to this as having “a nice little turnout.” That is a total understatement. I don’t have an accurate head count but a shit ton of people showed up to see Hulk and I’m almost positive that it was completely sold out. It’s not surprising either, considering all the exposure Hulk has been getting since returning to WWE TV this year.
In this case “…and today is his birthday” doesn’t refer to Jason Voorhees, but the Hulkster. Yes, today IS his birthday and Jimmy Hart’s spoiler that Hogan would be on Raw tonight was accurate, but what they didn’t mention is that there are rumors swirling of a possible N.W.O reunion tonight. Tune in tonight, brothers!
Hulk Hogan UNCUT is a special event coming to iPlay America in Freehold on Saturday, August 2nd, 2014.
New Jersey has had it’s share of Hulk Hogan moments, but this one will give fans a rare opportunity to be a part of a Q&A with the Hulkster as well as a meet and greet. I would’ve found out about this one too late if it weren’t for my sister shooting me a text about it. So, thanks to the Sexy Armpit’s sister, BROTHER! See what I did there?
For a guy who grew up a little Hulkamaniac, I’m pretty pumped to be a part of this intimate event with one of the greatest and most charismatic professional wrestlers of all time, WWE Hall of Famer, Hulk Hogan.
I checked iPlay America out back in the fall with Dinosaur Dracula and although we only had the chance to play a few games, this place is like an Atlantic City casino, minus the actual gambling and cigarette smoke. There’s video games, rides, food and live events all within such a cool atmosphere. In the few years it’s been open, iPlay has quickly become a destination for concerts, comedy, UFC events, and other celebrity appearances.