Trenton Punk Rock Flea Market Yields a Terrifying Trinket!

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Trenton’s Punk Rock Flea Market has endless vendor tables selling everything ranging from original art and toys to random knickknacks and vinyl record collections. On Sunday August 3rd, we were on our way back from Atlantic City for the KISS show and I’m glad we decided to stop into this array of randomness. Read on to see what I came home with!

The PRFM takes place inside the nationally registered historic Roebling Machine Shop, which was built in 1890 and is dusty, sort of decrepit, and chock full of charm. There’s no better place for this type of event, unless there’s another available historic machine shop in New Jersey that’s twice the size and offers air conditioning. Doubt it. It was quite steamy in this place, and the incredible turnout of people only made it feel warmer. I felt like Janosz Poha in Ghosbusters 2, only I was drippingz with sweat, not goo, but judging by the photo below, you can see why we toughed it out.

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Attracting a ton of people into Trenton who may not normally venture into the city, the PRFM has become a hotbed for people to buy and sell STUFF. I had a blast just gazing around at aisles upon aisles of it all… the stuff that is. As enticing as it was, and with Monster Mania coming up in matter of weeks, I promised myself I would keep my purchases to a minimum. Thankfully, I stuck to my guns.

Out of all the old records, posters, jewelry, comics, and toys, the only thing my eyes locked onto was a small Dracula figure. I was mesmerized by it for a few seconds, but instead of being overzealous, I waited on it because I had no idea what I’d find at the rest of the tables. What if I blew my minimal amount of cash on this small Dracula figure and then had nothing left if I ran into the Holy Grail item to end all Punk Rock Flea Markets?

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The Art of Bob Burke!

It was right around this moment that I actually stopped in my tracks as I noticed one table full of glow in the dark canvases of horror art. What really got me was the homemade Halloween 3 TV setup behind their table! Talk about eye candy! My eyes were salivating over all these amazing pieces that were based on everything I like including Joker, Orko, Skeletor, Frankenstein, Fright Night, Dark Helmet, Jack Torrance, The Misfits, and Cobra. Every character and movie I’ve ever liked was here at this table and it was INSANE. Who is this mysterious incandescent artist you ask? His name is Bob Burke and he’s without question one of the coolest artists I’ve ever met.

 My new glowing Halloween 3 art by Bob Burke!

I couldn’t leave without this beautiful Halloween 3 piece. It will be perfect hanging in my place just in time for Halloween and beyond! Check out Bob Burke’s Facebook page and give him a LIKE! and Follow him on Instagram http://instagram.com/bobburkeart

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Without forgetting my little vampire figurine from earlier, I kept him in the back of my mind as we made our way to the rest of the vendor tables. Miss Sexy Armpit picked up an NJ tank top from True Jersey, and she also got me the Jersey Batman T-shirt that I’ve had my eye on for a long time. Thanks to Miss Sexy Armpit for adding to my massive t-shirt collection! I’ll get a lot of wear out of it that’s for sure. True Jersey is a shop that I usually just hand my bank account number over to every time I see them at an event like this. When I pass their setup at Monster Mania I’ll have to put my head down and move along or else I’ll go bankrupt!

At this point we were getting a little antsy from the heat and we needed some food. Headed toward the front, I navigated over to the vendor that had the little old vampire guy. He was still there waiting for me. I inspected him further and noticed he was dusty, and far from mint condition. I also saw that he had a button and a battery compartment in the bottom, but he wasn’t working. “How much for this?” I asked the young girl behind the table. “I’m asking $10.” Seemed a bit steep of a price for a small figure with dead batteries that was in shabby condition, yet I had exactly $10 dollars left. Typically, I would’ve asked to go a little bit lower, and the girl even offered to go lower, but with two fives in my hand, I just felt it was meant to be. I exchanged the cash for the Drac and we swiftly made our way toward the exit.

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from Instagram.com/sexyarmpit

Just before leaving, I ran into Robert Bruce who you may know from AMC’s Comic Book Men. I busted his chops because he still has my heli-pad from my Kenner Hall of Justice that I got from him a while back. While bullshitting, he gave me the inside scoop that, the week before, Comic Book Men had been filming a show guest starring KISS when they were in the area playing a show at the PNC Bank Arts Center in Holmdel, NJ. Shh…exclusive info for the 4th season!

There were about 5 or 6 different food trucks and the lines for each one were pretty intense. We got tired of waiting, and it was hot and humid out, so Miss Sexy Armpit suggested we try this little restaurant adjacent to the machine shop. Our impatient asses walked a few steps over to Mario’s Bar & Grill. Despite missing out on the food truck cuisine, we went home happy and with full stomachs.

There were some Mexican entrees featured in the menu, and although I didn’t see them listed I asked the waitress if they had empanadas. She said they aren’t on the menu, but they could certainly make them for me. So the secret super special unlisted empanadas were a GO! They were delicious and the entire bill for the both of us cost less than $20 dollars.

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Photo on the Left from eBay and photo on the right via Monster In My Pocket Wikia

Immediately after getting back home I had to consult with eBay and a Google image search to find out more about this unusually creepy looking Dracula figure. Most likely, there are many toy crazed maniacs out there who recognized this guy in .2 milliseconds, but I hadn’t the slightest clue what line he was from. The girl who sold it to me mentioned it was a Monster in My Pocket, but I thought that was odd because all I remembered about that line was that the figures were all M.U.S.C.L.E sized and each one was painted a different bright color. This guy was more detailed and had a different look than the Monster in My Pockets that I recall, and those crazy sinister eyes!

My reservations about her accuracy were debunked as soon as the Google Image search results returned (Approximately 0.41 seconds, in case you’re keeping track). He wasn’t Dracula technically, he was simply “Vampire,” and was indeed part of a 1992 offshoot series of Monster in My Pocket called Super Scary Howlers. This series of 4 figures featured Vampire, Wolfman, Swamp Beast, and Monster, each with eerie light up eyes and scary monstrous sounds!

Of course, I wish I had the packaging, but even if I did buy it Mint on Card, I probably would’ve taken it out, no matter how sacrilegious that sounds.

No idea how I missed this one when it was out, but according to at least a couple of sites that I perused, this line has become pretty rare, and a working set is even harder to come by. Presently, there’s a Mint on Card Vampire going for $44 dollars on eBay, which is obviously much more than what I spent on this loose version. Even better, a loose complete set of 4 is selling for $175 U.S dollars on eBay. That said, I’m already looking into financing my Master’s Degree in Ufology based solely off of what I make from selling this guy. Shit, I’m totally not serious about selling him. Way serious about the Ufology though.

This was an unexpectedly cool pickup! If you were wondering, I placed an order for LR batteries on Amazon so I can check to see if this baby works. If it does, he will be my official buddy for the 2014 Halloween season. Keep you posted on Twitter: @sexyarmpit.

Let’s break it down in case there’s a pop quiz. I brought home a glowing piece of Halloween 3 art from my favorite shot in the film, a Batman style Jersey t-shirt, got the inside scoop on an upcoming Comic Book Men episode, and have added a 22-year old light up Vampire figure to my collection. As you can see, the Trenton Punk Rock Flea Market was an overwhelming success, and if you can get there, I totally recommend going to the next one!

Halloween Plaques

I found these Halloween Plaques at the local 5 Below store and couldn’t pass them up. They have sort of an ’80s retro vibe to them and remind me of the decorations my parents would hang around the house back then. Even though I don’t really have anywhere to hang them, they looked too cool and they were only $2 bucks! I figured I’d scan them in and doll up the blog for Halloween. What do you think?

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Pirate Skull Plaque

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 28: Cold Hearts’ Secret Stash

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I know what you’re thinking…again with Cold Hearts?!?! Well, first of all, this atrocious Twilight saga seems to have ripped off the 10 year old Cold Hearts, at least a little. But more importantly, how could I resist bringing it up again when the film depicts a group of over animated frat guys who hang out on the Jersey boardwalk? It’s ripe for ripping. Luckily, one of the guys just happened to have worn a Jersey appropriate t-shirt in one scene.

Danny (played by Cherry Hill born actor Stink Fisher), is clearly the muscle of the crew, and proudly wears a Jay and Silent Bob’s Secret Stash T-Shirt. It’s not officially known whether this specific shirt was chosen because it was sheer enough to accentuate his ridiculously huge shoulders or it was just what they had lying around in wardrobe. Danny looks like he could have went the full duration of an Iron Man match with Hercules Hernandez. Note to Chaz’s Jersey vampire crew: Don’t f-ck with Danny. Another member of the group, Kevin, is played by writer and director of the film, Robert A. Masciantonio. He keeps with the Kevin Smith tribute and dons a View Askew Vulgarians hockey jersey in this scene.

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The holiday shopping blitz will officially be underway in just a couple of days. It’s a great time to mention that The Secret Stash online store is having a Merry Christmas sale and you can get action figures, signed comics, DVDs, books, and of course T-SHIRTS! These are the latest editions of the Secret Stash shirts on sale for the Blunt-Light special price of $8 bucks! If you don’t want to order online, then just head to Red Bank, NJ and visit Jay and Silent Bob’s Secret Stash in person.
You can also purchase the Cold Hearts DVD here at this link.

F-ck Twilight, We’ve Got Cold Hearts!

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Here’s my Cold Hearts “Twilight style” one sheet
Fast forwarding through a VHS tape was such an annoying chore. Depending on the speed of your fast forward feature, it was easy to go way passed your intended spot. It was much like when Lone Star and Barf went plaid in Spaceballs. Even though both rewinding and fast forwarding rarely took very long, they were both still a nuisance. In comparison, scanning through a DVD is a heavenly pleasure. In fact, I’m fairly certain that the scan feature on DVD’s was invented for movies like 1999’s vampire flick, Cold Hearts.

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You know what that Twilight movie doesn’t have? THE MOTHERF-CKING PINK RANGER!!! Wouldn’t you think that combining the mighty and morphin’ Amy Jo Johnson with a completely weird and random cameo by Fred Norris of The Howard Stern Show would immediately spell runaway success? Well, it’s a topsy turvy world and by some strange anachronism, Cold Hearts will forever be known as a much lamer, low budget Lost Boys. At least Cold Hearts didn’t send Amy Jo Johnson’s career into the crapper, she went on to play Keri Russell’s best friend on Felicity, dropping her bloodsucking role like a bad habit.
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IMDB states that Cold Hearts was filmed in Ocean City, NJ
With all the Twilight New Moon hoopla, now is a perfect time to discuss this Jersey vampire movie. In some small way, my entire purpose for blogging is to prove to the rest of the world that the state of New Jersey is more than just guidos, overweight whistling through their nose mafia types, and pork roll sandwiches. Occasionally, I have to temporarily abort my mission. There are times when even I, a hardcore fan and supporter of the state that I live in, cannot condone the atrocity that is Cold Hearts.
Many of you might say, why rip into Cold Hearts? Why kick the undervamps while they are down? I say, if you are an up and coming filmmaker like Robert Masciantonio, why not head into the biz with a film that you are proud of, not this piece of Jersey trash. With just a little ingenuity, and naturally a shitload more cash, this movie could have gained a huge cult following at the very least. I do support and give credit to those artists who put in a valiant effort, but in this case, my heart is stone. The film is dated, the dialogue is cheesy, and the acting is terrible. Several of the actors including Christian Campbell, who played John-Luke, deliver their lines as if they were nervously giving a speech in freshman public speaking class.
Viktoria, the constantly ruminating main character, seems ripe for a guest role on the CW’s Vampire Diaries. She’s dealing with a major life issue at how underwhelming it has been to live the vampire life: “I thought it’d be like Peter Pan, but ya know, with sharp teeth or something.” But Viktoria is facing a bigger problem, she’s a vampire and she’s all out of blood, she’s so lost without it. Plenty of contemplative shots of Viktoria (Marisa Ryan) make it painfully obvious that she likes to smoke cigarettes and think a lot, usually while wearing her sunglasses at inappropriate times, like at night. Corey Hart she is not, but her character does spell her name with a K for that extra dash of mysteriousness. In her time off of pondering her thoughts, and gazing into the ocean, Viktoria enjoys hanging out with her best friends on the boardwalk. One of them is the offensively token gay latino guy named Darius (Jon Huertas), and the other is Alicia played by the only actor in the film who is semi interesting to watch, Amy Jo Johnson.
The squeaky clean yet secretive, Seth, comes to town and leaves Viktoria smitten. Little does she know that her new crush has a vendetta against her angry ex-boyfriend Charles (Christopher Wiehl), who is basically the really poor mans Kiefer Sutherland, and I mean that man is really poor. They call him Chaz because he thinks he’s cool. Remember when Charles in Charge became his alter ego Chaz? Now HE was badass, unlike this particular Chaz who sets out to kill Viktoria.

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We find out that Seth is actually a werewolf. It intends to be a huge reveal, but the surprise was let out more like a queef. If you watch this film and you don’t predict that Seth is a werewolf in the first 10 minutes of the film, then you need to go back for remedial horror classes for zero credit. There’s a bit of a showdown between werewolf Seth and vampire Charles. I’m beginning to think that Stephenie Meyer, author of the Twilight novels, had too many nights getting stoned, eating Cheez-Its, and watching her Special Edition DVD of the Best Feature Film winner at the ’99 Atlantic City Film Festival, Cold Hearts.

Robert Masciantonio, writer and director of this mess, touts his working relationship with Kevin Smith on his IMDB profile. In the immortal words of Christian Bale “Ohhhh GOOOOD for you…” I also learned that Masciantonio briefly worked for an indy wrestling company based out of New Jersey. After watching Cold Hearts I wonder if they’d be willing to give him his job back? I bet he missed his calling as the next great Grand Wizard of indy wrestling.

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Fred Norris spouts sage-like advice and douchebag Seth misses Philly
The Philly born Masciantonio based his film in Atlantic City in order to stealthily aggravate the Jersey/Philly grudge. Some of the screw twisting involves a line from the clean cut, jeans model, and unsuspecting werewolf guy, Seth (Robert Floyd), who tells himself out loud that “all things being equal, I’d rather be in Philly.” Of course, the pot smoking vampire scumbags who hang out at the boardwalk are the Jersey guys and the Secret Stash T-Shirt wearing Silent Bob worshipping band of frat fools are the Philly guys. What’s worse is that Chaz’s band of thugs actually refer to themselves as “his horsemen,” while Seth’s new group of friends refer to them as “the lost boys back there.”

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Where are the Frog Brothers when we really need them?
Check out “R.P” who frequently reminds us that he’s wearing goggles
Thanks to IMDB, I found four super lame tag lines that were used for this film:
1) Eternity’s a Bitch
2) Not everything is as it appears
3) Eternity Bites
4) We are all cold hearted sons of bitches
What’s that? You have a brain and you absolutely cannot believe that they actually used such asinine tag lines? I’m usually the one to rush to the defense of everything that secretes out of my disgusting state, but in this instance I’m throwing Cold Hearts to the werewolves.

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Halloween House Display in Woodbridge, NJ

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On the ride home last night I swear I noticed Dracula on someones lawn. The Frog Brother in me told me that I needed to pull over and check it out. I wouldn’t want any blood sucking house invasions taking place in a nice town like this! When we pulled up to the house I let out a sigh of relief because the vampire wasn’t real, it was all part of a killer Halloween display that the good folks of the house have been putting up every year for the last 9 years!

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The display, which takes up their entire lawn, steps, and porch, includes Frankenstein, skeltons escaping from the ground, and glowing window characters. The setup was well done and exceptionally scary! One of the best things about Halloween and Christmas is that you never know what kinds of unbelievable decorations you’ll see when driving around. So many people put forth much effort into their lawn displays and they need to be appreciated!

Lost Boys: The Tribe: Movie Sucks, Corey Feldman Wins, and Film References Galore!

“Better late than never” movie sequels seem to be the latest trend in Hollywood. In the past couple of years we’ve had to deal with sequels to movies like Rocky, and Indiana Jones, both of which were 15 years tardy. It’s not to say these films aren’t without merit. Personally I get excited when a film gets released after its franchise has been missing from theaters for close to a score. You can imagine the hefty amount of anticipation that builds up. What if the movie sucks after this huge gap of time? All that anticipation morphs together into one huge glowing energy ball and launches itself out of my stomach and rips right through the movie screen. Well, not exactly but it would actually be better if the ball traveled to the movie studios and knocked these stupid film producers right on their asses. They have no sense sometimes.

Did you ever think you were going to see a sequel to Better off Dead? Probably not, right? Well 23 years after the film was in theaters is a better time than any I’d say. Why not a sequel to The Secret of My Success (1987) while we’re at it? Or Real Genius? Any movie is fair game. The big wigs in Hollywood are so asinine that they think a lame unrelated sequel to an old school franchise is automatically going to be successful. That unfortunately isn’t the case and I’ll speak for the greater population while I say that we’d all like some new and refreshing plots and engaging films. Did you ever think of how scared movie producers are to invest their money? A smart way to sell them an original script is by saying they could package their movie as “Wes Craven Presents” or as “The Lost Boys: The Tribe” like today’s shameful example. The film was 21 years too late but lucky for us it only sucked about 90 minutes of our time away from our lives. Shit, I almost became a vampire by watching it because it sucked so much life out of me. Oh yeah…and it just sucked in general.

I’m a loyal fan of the first Lost Boys, and seeing it in theaters when it was released really had an impact on me. I would say that regardless of how many Universal horror films and Dracula movies I watched as a kid, that The Lost Boys started my fascination with vampires. That’s a heavy load to carry…a load that smells like Frog juice (for those of you with a wet bar: mix raw egg, garlic, and holy water).

Lost Boys: The Tribe was a lame excuse for a sequel. It basically just used the name “Lost Boys” and the character of Edgar Frog played by Corey Feldman. The rest of it is “The O.C meets The Lost Boys.” The characters, especially the villains, get killed off quickly and we don’t even get much of a chance to love them or hate them. The introduction of Edgar Frog seems uneven in the film. Personally I think the script was written as a typical vampire film and then reworked after the producers lured The Feldster back in the mix. Well who cares, as long as Corey Feldman is back! He’s the man in this film and the highlight of the entire movie. He looks like he’s having a lot of fun playing Edgar Frog again and it’s a damn shame that he doesn’t have, at the very least, the success of his Goonies counterpart Sean Astin.

Speaking of The Goonies, utter suckyness aside, Lost Boys the Tribe spent a lot of time referencing a bunch of films. The blatant references became ridiculous at times. It seemed like the filmmakers wanted to name drop movies to be cool with the hipsters. You know those people…the ones who latch onto things way too late but they think they discovered something new.

Here’s a list of movie references from Lost Boys: The Tribe

10:12 Yes, The Tribe references…wait for it…The Lost Boys! There’s a short montage reminiscent of one in the original where various “strange” people around town are shown. This guy is clearly supposed to represent how Tim Cappello’s (greased up sax player singing “I Still Believe”) character would look 20 years later. The Tribe only wishes they had something as cool as a greased up WWE looking sax player singing that badass song. It would’ve worked wonders. If The Tribe is a hideous zit, then greasy Tim Cappello is the Clearasil.

13:23 “…Yes leave our address at the creepy Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer, it’s a good plan”
17:11 Besides Corey Feldman’s flawless performance, this reference is the films only saving grace: “You mean to say the two of you have never heard of The Goonies? You are in for a very serious treat.” Truer words were never spoken! Maybe 17 minutes into the film the DVD player actually just starts playing The Goonies instead and Lost Boys The Tribe was actually all a big joke! That’s marketing genius. Let’s sell more copies of The Goonies! I wonder if the same people who made Vice Versa and Trading Places feel like making “Edgar Frog meets Clark “Mouth” Devereaux?” If so then I’m offering to direct it.
18:48 “…ties the whole room together kinda like that rug in The Big Lebowski
1:00:39 You don’t get much more blatant than this: “Warriors! Come out to Play-ay!”
1:10:12 While it’s not really a movie, I had to throw it in: “That’s still something I can see on my Girls Gone Wild Box Set…”

All the movie references in the world wouldn’t have saved this piece of trash, even Haim’s bizarre appearance in an alternate ending. Please, someone important hire Corey Feldman so he can finally get his due! And get all of us who watched Lost Boys: The Tribe a mind wipe from that Haitian guy on Heroes so we won’t have to remember sitting through it.