Dino Drac and I are back for another Halloween minisode! These have been a lot of fun so we bring you another installment of our aural lust for Halloween. In this episode we check out Dollar General and my old decrepit K-Mart. What we bring home may not exactly be considered “treasure” to most, but it brought us some more early signs of the season. We hope you enjoy this one! You can check it out on iTunes and Stitcher and be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! Thanks for listening and reading!
12 PM EASTERN TIME FRIDAY 8/18/2017
In this video I show off The Sexy Armpit & Cryptocurium’s exclusive limited edition Sammi Curr sculpture. We are so pumped to bring this to you. There will be 31 of them up for pre-order tomorrow 8/18 at Noon Eastern time, so don’t miss out!
It’s Christmas time and someone left a mystery present under my tree. If you want to know more…WATCH THE VIDEO!
Whenever I put together videos, they always seem to hit me at the absolute last minute. That’s what happened with the latest installment of The Sexy Armpit show. A total surprise Christmas gift arrived and it was imperative for me to document it with a video. There’s like a 99.7% chance that it’s about Sammi Curr, so you guessed it, it’s all about Rock’s Chosen Warrior, Sammi Curr!
It’s called, A VERY SAMMI CURRISTMAS, because you know how I love word play. In the video, Sludgey and I spotlight my Trick or Treat collection, discuss what we want for Christmas, and there’s even an interview with Art Director and friend, Tyler Ham. We had fun throwing this episode together and we hope it brings you some holiday cheer, even if it arrived at the eleventh hour. Give it a watch and let us know if you dug it by giving us a thumbs up. Thanks for stopping by The Sexy Armpit!
Also a big thanks to Tyler Ham whose exploits you can check out at TylerHam.com
We wish you a very Merry Curristmas!
This Trick or Treat t-shirt I got a few years ago was created in the style of a vintage tour t-shirt. More specifically, Sammi Curr’s 1986 “Songs in the Key of Death Tour.” The back reveals all of his fictional tour dates. Most impressive is the fact that he makes a stop at the Meadowlands Arena, which back then was known as Brendan Byrne Arena and presently Izod Center, 2 nights before playing his triumphant concert at Lakeridge High School in North Carolina. Naturally, Sammi took mischief night off to go egg some houses. The man needs to get some rest once in a while!
Trick or Treat has been one of my favorite horror movies since I was young. I watch it religiously every October, usually multiple times. I’ve discussed it several times here at The Sexy Armpit, and although there are only a few minor connections to The Garden State in the film, it’s a film that doesn’t ever get enough credit. This is why I try to bring it up as often as possible at the blog and in my everyday life. If you can’t fathom the appeal of Sammi Curr, you should feel his wrath! Stand up and be counted!
Before Trick R‘ Treat hit horror freaks like a ton of bricks made out of candy corn, 1986’s Trick OR Treat satisfied my Halloween movie watching tradition. This highly misinterpreted film was perfectly in line with 2 of my favorite things ever with the initials H.M: heavy metal and horror movies. If you just never bothered to watch it because you read bad reviews, you can’t take a film that stars Skippy Handelman seriously, or you’re just too young and it was before your time…NOW IS THE TIME for Trick Or Treat! One person’s cheesy movie is another person’s annual classic.
Once October rolls around I fire up my Halloween playlist which includes all kinds of spooky songs and hard rock tunes from horror movies. Fastway’s soundtrack is the nucleus of the film and if you enjoy hard rock from the ’80s, you’ll dig these songs. What makes this soundtrack better than so many others is that the lyrics and music fit the plot so well it’s almost eerie. At first listen, you might think it’s pretty generic hard rock from that era, but it’s way more than that once you get into the movie. The Halloween atmosphere is definitely in full effect when you start blasting songs like “Trick or Treat” and “Stand Up.”
I’ve already watched Trick or Treat once this month and I plan on at least one more viewing. With each viewing I notice another little detail that I may not have noticed before. This time, the dark comedy really hit me. Many people think it’s just a straight up horror movie, and that’s partly true, but there’s a few really funny scenes too. Now, I’m not joking with you here…it’s also a serious social commentary on heavy metal in the ’80s.
Back then, many parents were blaming heavy metal musicians for their children’s suicides or arson. Bad stuff was going on and parent groups and the government were actually trying to blame heavy metal musicians like Twisted Sister and Judas Priest among others. This was complete bullshit of course, but when you see the scene where rock God Sammi Curr was on the stand defending his music, it’s not far from how that all went down. Perhaps this film is more relevant now that we can look back at it and remember that heavy metal artists were looked at like Satanists. If you’re parents didn’t know anything about KISS, then just their posters would’ve given parents anxiety attacks knowing that’s the band their kid is obsessing over.
As you know, I can’t leave you without sneaking in a New Jersey tie-in! When you hit the 47 minute mark on the DVD of Trick Or Treat listen up for actor Marc Price’s audibly prominent New Jersey accent as he delivers a line in response to his mom’s question: “…Aspirin, and some soup.”
When you hear the term “Man on a Mission,” I’m 99.9% sure that the former WWF trio of Mabel, Oscar, and Mo doesn’t spring immediately to your mind. A man on a mission is ME when I’m in the grocery store, or any store for that matter.
“I have no respect for people with no shopping agenda”
Shannon Hamilton (Ben Affleck) “The Asshole from Fashionable Male” – Mallrats
I’d hate to fall into the category of a person who is respected by Shannon from Mallrats, but, yes I usually have a shopping agenda. I don’t quite live in a bustling city like Manhattan, but the traffic and headaches here are sometimes just as easy to come by. Going to some of the grocery stores and superstores like Target and Wal-Mart drives me nuts. It’s rarely a pleasant experience even though I’d like it to be. On one occasion, I drove to Wal-Mart for a poster frame and then realized there’s no good parking spots, carts are banging into cars, and when I finally got a spot, someone tried starting shit with me saying it was their spot. This isn’t even the holidays!
Once in the store, I become the Terminator and set my infrared sights to pinpoint exactly what I came to get. Oh, who am I kidding? I get sidetracked so easily. Seeing Batman Underoos stops me in my tracks. I think if I had the money I’d just buy anything with my favorite characters on it. After spending an hour and probably somewhere in the range of $100, I realize I need to get the fuck out or suffer more monetary and mental damage. I’m sure I also had some irreparable damage to my ear drums considering it’s so damn loud in these stores with all of the screaming, crying, whiny kids. I love kids, truthfully, but they go ballistic if you don’t tell them you’ll buy them every thing in the store.
Even when I’m at a higher level store like Wegmans, difficulties still hinder me from shopping with ease. When the hell are grocery stores going to hire a traffic cop and build shopping cart highways? So many people have no idea how to handle a shopping cart. Some folks are actual adults and senior citizens believe it or not! You’d think they’d be experts at handling themselves in a store after shopping for 40 some odd years. People don’t move when they see others trying to get through, and certain people think that NO ONE IS EVER BEHIND THEM! Go a little bit faster people! You don’t have to run the New York City Marathon or anything, but damn, not everyone is retired and taking leisurely strolls through stores “just to see what pops out at them.” Remember, get out of my way…I’m on a mission!
When I actually made my way through all the congestion and literally cursed my way through the fresh baked bread line, I finally attempted check out. This part is the biggest joke ever. Not only have I actually seen a person almost get kicked out of the store because they went to the 10 items or less line with well over 10 items, but a middle aged angry woman cut in front of me in line and then yelled at me saying “I was next…you can’t cut in front of me!” Just get me out of this hellish place! These people are out of their minds. I just need to buy my Marshmallow Monsters, and a couple of friggin’ chocolate pumpkins and get my ass out of here!
A few days ago I finally decided to try Hershey’s milk chocolate covered marshmallow pumpkin. I think I had a brainfart because when I got home I realized I thought I bought the Reese’s pumpkins, but I was happy I didn’t…at least my health was. These Hershey’s pumpkins aren’t that bad for you so you won’t feel too guilty indulging. Even us “adults” need to relish in some Halloween candy once in a while. I haven’t trick or treated in about 16 years so this will have to suffice. Making it through the store excursions alive was scary enough.
I tore open the package to see a hunk of chocolate that did not resemble a pumpkin, more like a half a fig covered in chocolate. It didn’t matter though, because once my teeth ripped into the soft marshmallow center I was sold. The pumpkin was tasty, I must say. The marshmallow filling was actually quite smooth and more on the creamy side. It wasn’t that styrofoamy type of marshmallow you get in a Moon Pie or Scooter Pie, this had substance. The texture and taste was pretty close to that of Fluff.
If you are the type of person who watches what they eat, then I highly recommend the Hershey’s marshmallow pumpkin as treat for Halloween. I didn’t see a dark chocolate version in the store, which I would’ve rather had but with 3.5 grams of fat and NO cholesterol, you won’t feel too guilty.
Hand made Marshmallow Pals are my new best friends! I don’t remember seeing a package of “hand made” candy in a long time. I picked these up at a $5 Below store, who always seem to have tons of candy. As it turns out, there was several different varieties of “hand made” candy in the store but the Marshmallow Pals really caught my eye. They had that special something. At first glance I knew these were going to be mine. Inside the individually wrapped packages were Frankenstein, Dracula, The Witch, and we’ll call him Mr. Pumpkin. They were all happy to finally get a breath of fresh air after spending so much time wrapped in their cellophane.
They looked so appetizing, especially Dracula and Frankenstein for some reason. I was impressed by the details like the semi-hard icing that made up the hair on the witch and Drac, Frankie’s bolts, and the pumpkin’s vine. Admiring those details didn’t last very long since I beheaded all of them! The Marshmallow Pals basically tasted like Peeps but these seemed a bit sweeter, possibly from the aforementioned hard icing.
Sorry I ate you my little mavericky Marshmallow Pals! And now that I can’t hear, I have no money, and my eyes are crossing thanks to all the bright lights and cool shit…it’s finally time to go home and enjoy the rest of my booty.
Boy did I despise high school and everything about it. I wasn’t quite the outcast that Eddie Weinbauer was (played by Marc Price so brilliantly in Trick or Treat) but in my mind that’s exactly who I would’ve rather been than one of the popular kids or the overachievers. Outcasts aren’t usually the ones who are at the bottom of the food chain in high school, it’s the ones in the middle who don’t understand why everyone needs to be categorized. Throughout my teenage years I walked around with an air of angst. It’s not the most encouraging revelation that you need to adjust to the system and comply to the social norms when you just want to do it your own way. All this really means is that if you want to put on makeup, ripped leather pants, and rock out without anyone telling you that you don’t belong than there’s only one man who can be your saviour:
Reasons why Sammi Curr is Rock’s Chosen Warrior
He WILL rule the Apocalypse. I always had big aspirations in life, but I have zero confidence that Rock will ever choose me as it’s warrior. Instead, I’m probably a shoe in to be one of rock’s great listeners. It actually seems redundant since there’s no one else in the entire universe, except for maybe Darkseid, who could rule the Apocalypse besides Sammi Curr.
One of his biggest fans will always be known to millions as Skippy Handleman, not Ragman. Marc Price will always be known as Skippy, the Keaton’s neighbor, even though his best role was playing outcast Eddie Weinbauer in Trick or Treat. The cool, popular guys are always playing tricks on him and making fun of him so he vows to “nail them.” He’s a Walkman listening, jean jacket wearing, metal kid who’s got a crush on a cute girl named Leslie. She doesn’t even know he exists until he gets locked out of the locker room naked and she feels bad for him. She winds up saving him from drowning at a pool party. Recently, Eddie is back on the market and ready to take on the ladies! Eddie likes to write letters to Sammi Curr, listen to the latest metal, and spends most of his time brooding underneath the stairwell of Lakeridge High School.
Sammi’s not afraid to go on a tirade and “stand up” to the government. The government has labelled rock music “rock pornography” and an investigation is underway. Sammi defends himself to the Senate: “What I am saying here is you cannot legislate morality or music or people’s minds or we’ll bring you down man…WE WILL BRING YOU DOWN!” Dee Snider would be proud!
Curr was banned from playing a concert at his old high school due to his onstage antics being deemed too obscene. You don’t see Jon Bon Jovi getting banned from his old high school. He could probably fuck a goat on stage while he’s singing This Ain’t a Love Song and he’d get a standing ov. I think public forgiveness is based on attractiveness. The public will forgive you if you are good looking. You can go murder your impregnated wife and women will still say “What a shame that he’s such a murdering bastard because he’s a good looking guy.” Yeah, so Scott Peterson was apparently a hunk but we totally outcast and ban Sammi Curr from going back to his high school for french kissing a snake, biting it in two, then drinking its blood on stage. I wouldn’t even deem that indecent, to me that’s endearing! Who doesn’t love themselves some sacrificial snake juice once in a while? C’mon, let’s be honest it’s nothing these overdeveloped high school kids haven’t seen before! F-YOU LAKERIDGE HIGH!
As Billy Joel said, “Only the Good Die Young.” As reported on Eyewitness News, Curr died at the young age of 38 years old in a hotel fire. The amount of hotels he probably trashed and girls he fucked probably eclipses that of any emo band or homosexual brother trio in existence combined…ever.
He will not think twice about holding one of his insane satanic yoga festivals right in your bedroom. Let me tell you, Sammi brings the f’n party! While he’s doing his deep breathing exercises he’ll make you do calisthenics all over the place. You’ll be so hot from the workout that you’ll feel like you’re on fire! The Sammi Curr Satanic Yoga Experience workout DVD is available at finer store’s everywhere such as A&S, Alexander’s, and Bradlees.
He looked badass on the cover of Hit Parader – Even though Hit Parader was derided by various members of the rock and metal community, it was still one of the higher profile metal mags on the shelves. At the time, I always preferred Metal Edge since it was an easier read, informative, and in touch with its audience.
He comes up with witty, lighthearted album names. Arguably the best album in Curr’s discography is playfully titled “Tortures Too Kind.”
Records secret backmasked messages on his records. Many bands have been accused of including backmasked subliminal messages in their recordings such as The Beatles, Zeppelin, Judas Priest, and Slayer, so Curr’s joined an exclusive club.
Scares mothers all over the country. I never minded my father listening to KISS with me, but my mother generally disliked hard rock music. Sammi Curr seems like Satan incarnate when you’re on a strict diet of Rod Stewart, Barbara Streisand, and Dion Demucci.
And he even enrages OZZY! Ozzy gets fired up as his paradoxical evangelist Rev. Aaron Gilstrom. Here’s some of his wisdom about weeding out heavy metal music: “This could kick you off into becoming an absolute pervert!” “What happened to the good old simple love song? ‘I love you’ that’s a good word to use…” “It’s just absolutely sick and bizarre and I’m going to do my utmost best to try and stop it now!”
He can murder people through the TV! Curr even eradicates the “prince of f’n darkness” Ozzy Osbourne with the flick of his wrist! This power is not limited to reaching into the TV, but he can pull them out as well. His superhuman strength allows him to hoist his victims high into the air.
Curr records cassettes that make girls get naked, masturbate, and get killed by a huge slimy demon. That must be some tape! Can I get a copy of that tape? Except for the last part of course! Forget about The Ring, audio casettes were committing murder years before VHS. The victim here was some Lori Loughlin wannabe.
Shoots lightning bolts from his guitar. The next day, Ace Frehley sued for trademark infringement. Naturally, Curr can also harness electricity and shoots it from his fingers as well. He’s in good company with fellow harnessers such as Emperor Palpatine and even Doc Brown who managed to figure out a method of harnessing 1.21 jig watts of electricity. An amazing feat. Oh, and just a warning…you may need to make a trip to Best Buy because he WILL ruin your stereo!
He’s the Jerry Rice of hard rock and heavy metal. Not only can Sammi rock out and shred a solo on his guitar, but he’s also the best wide receiver ever…of guitars that is! Curr can catch a hail Mary guitar pass without even looking!
His onstage spins and jumps rival David Lee Roth’s. Sammi can even do a freakin’ cartwheel while holding his microphone. I bet his prowess can be credited to the late Tony Fields who was a well known choreographer and Solid Gold dancer. I wonder if Sammi Curr is at peace with the fact that he once starred in A Chorus Line?
Legend has it that Sammi beat the shit out of Blackie Lawless to secure the role that was rightfully his, that of Sammi Curr. No one could play Sammi better than Sammi, except possibly Tony Fields!
In a development that rocked Eddie Weinbauer’s world, several months after his death it was revealed that Curr did not record any of the songs he is known for. Unfortunately, just like Milli Vanilli, he lypsynched all of his concerts. Curr’s persuasive manner (read: will shoot you with electricity) convinced Fastway to record songs that he would claim as his own without any monetary retribution. I can’t comment on the accusation that there were any kickbacks to NUKE, the radio DJ from WZLP, but if Gene $immon$ had anything to do with it, I’m sure he was generously compensated.
Sammi kills fuzzy, innocent bears! Douche!
Back in the days when “fan mail” actually existed, more specifically, when people actually wrote letters, one Eddie Weinbauer incessantly wrote letters to his idol and rock saviour Sammi Curr. If you’ve never heard of Sammi Curr you need to watch Trick or Treat, an ’80s classic of the horror rock genre. Sammi is an icon of metal and don’t let people tell you he’s a fictional character because Sammi lives within all of your household appliances, especially your stereos. But for some reason, the best way to reach him is through his record label.
If you’re interested in sending fan mail to Sammi, first you’ll need to try and come up with something thought provoking and interesting enough to say to him in order to stand out from the millions of other notes, letters, and boxes of used lingerie that Sammi receives on a daily basis. Let your own personality shine through! When you’re done licking the envelope seductively, spray a spritz of your favorite cologne on the flap, Sammi may enjoy that. Then say a prayer that he actually gets it. Now you’ll have to fill out the front of the envelope.
Oh yes, you wanted the address of Sammi Curr at his record label:
C/O Waste City Records
Hoboken, N.J 07030
It’s no wonder that a record label named “Waste City” makes its residence in New Jersey of all places.
Next, you may want to skip and whistle or walk nervously fast to your nearest mailbox. For Eddie, he can expect the letter to take at least a few days to reach it’s destination. All signs point to Eddie living in a suburb of North Carolina, considering the credits stated that the movie was filmed there and the license plate in the movie told me so. I guess the really cool stuff happens everywhere other than where I live because I’ve never had a heavy metal icon come back from the dead, burned face and all, and torment me with subliminal messages before. Perhaps if I send him a letter asking him to come to MY town, that may do the trick. Or treat?
Notice the price of the stamp on the letter is $0.22 cents in 1986! Presently the price of a U.S postage stamp is $0.42 cents!