Battling For Metropolis…In My Backyard!

Good things come to those who wait, right? Obviously, that’s not guaranteed, but judging from what I’ve witnessed, it’s often proven true. Things I’ve only dreamed of as a kid have materialized. I’ve flexed with Hulk Hogan and I live in a world where there’s a Wonder Woman feature film. Life is good. In many respects, it keeps getting better. How’s that, you ask? Read on! Continue reading Battling For Metropolis…In My Backyard!

Getting Those Great Adventure Vibes!


Ever since I was in my teens I had a season pass to Six Flags Great Adventure. I can’t say that every friend of mine was as hell bent on constantly spending their summer days incessantly riding some batshit crazy roller coaster of fury, but there always seemed to be a select few who were brave enough. Brave enough not only for the thrill rides, but also to voluntarily take the trip with me. Some of my friends still tell stories about our trips there ’til this day.

Maybe they reminisce about those crazy times because life was pretty simple then. Aside from the shore and malls, there wasn’t a ton of stuff to do in suburbia. We went swimming in our pools, hung out playing board games, went to the movies, all the standard fare. Compared to that stuff, not living too far away from Great Adventure was like holding a key to an action packed alternate dimension. I’ve written about Great Adventure plenty of times here at The Sexy Armpit, and if you’re from the Tri-State area, you know all about its allure, especially when you’re a teenager. Even if you had to get a little crew of friends together and get dropped off by someone’s parents, the whole experience still made me feel like a wild, reckless adult. A trip with me to Six Flags never lacked controversy, that’s for sure.

A season pass to G.A was like having a VIP laminate to a concert. Once I got my license, that season pass got used anywhere from 10-15 times in a season. That was back when having fun and filling up my summer days with cool shit was basically my job. With the ability to drive my friends and I down there came the opportunity to elevate these excursions to Ferris Bueller levels. I blasted music in the car, exceeded the speed limit by at least…9 miles per hour, and maybe we didn’t eat pancreas, but we inhaled Quick Check subs and chugged Mountain Dew in the parking lot (right before nausea inducing rolling coasters.) It was a tradition for me to get us into a few scrapes on the way down there, and there was usually the inevitable “disagreement” with a line cutter or some other miscreant.


Some people reminisce about high school. Me? I’ve been reflecting on all the years I’ve been going to G.A. and it’s incredible how many memories I have at this place. Comparatively, I’m proud of what I accomplished in high school, but I wasn’t a fan of it at all. I always wanted to be somewhere else. I knew I was going through the motions. A testament to that is the fact that I met most of my closest friends that I still talk to way before high school. A ton of people go to high school reunions, some gossip about people they graduated with, and some never really let go of that period of their lives. To me, those 4 years can’t hold even the tiniest birthday candle to the immense amount of time I spent through the years at Six Flags Great Adventure. It might sound preposterous, but it’s been part of my entire life. It served as a backdrop for long summer hangouts with friends, and as the pinnacle of romance for a 17 year old kid with a driver’s license and a bring a friend free pass. If you can’t relate to that, I guess you’ve never tried to impress a girl by taking her on The Skyway? Now that’s class! Sure you could tell a girl you were picking her up in an actual CAR, a licensed road vehicle, but when you offer the opportunity to take a leisurely flying wicker seat ride, that gained you a day or two of her adoration. That is, at least until she revealed that she secretly had eyes for a guy on the intramural football team who laughs at all your jokes in 5th period, plus she didn’t really want to hear you gush about what kind of impact A Lonely Place of Dying had on your life. But that’s a whole other 19 paragraph post, isn’t it?

Do you remember the names of all your teachers from high school? I don’t, save for a select few. Did you have a moment from your prom that still gives you the butterflies? I don’t. But, I can tell you that I get choked up just thinking about how I’ll never get to ride The Great American Scream Machine ever again. Of course, I should be more than satisfied that I’ve ridden it literally hundreds of times in its entire 20 year existence. Now that Nitro has turned 15, I’m already worrying that I won’t know how to cope if it ever leaves us. Scream Machine and Nitro are my favorite coasters of all time and I’ve probably spent more time on them than I’ve spent with most of my relatives and that’s saying something since they each last a little over 2 minutes.

Mind you, it wasn’t all “More Flags, More Fun.” A lot of it, the parts we ignore for posterity, kind of sucked – and still do! Take for instance, the often blistering heat, sunburn, sweat, agitation, fatigue, and hunger. Long ride lines were never a good scene, but they usually indicated that the ride was worthwhile. A big chunk of time was spent hanging on the steel railing and saying dumb things with your friends or trying to make our with your then-love interest. It’s easy to suck up those negatives to be enthralled by repeated whip-lashings for 35 seconds, but damn, each one of those seconds makes us feel like all life as we know it could stop instantly and we’d all have abnormally huge smiles with rippling cheeks permanently plastered on our faces. What could be more fun? It makes some people drool. Others vomit. Come to think of it, those peeps probably don’t revere all this nonsense as highly as I do.

By now, you’ve gathered what Great Adventure symbolizes to me. My affinity for the park hasn’t changed, but my trips to Great Adventure have. They aren’t as dangerous. They don’t involve near death experiences on the New Jersey Turnpike (well, most of the time) and they’re a heck of a lot shorter. As an example, I’ll leave you with a summary of our latest Great Adventure excursion.


Miss Sexy Armpit and I made our way down to Jackson, NJ after work one night last week. Considering they close at 9pm, that didn’t leave us much time. By the time we got down there we had a solid 2 hours and we didn’t plan on wasting it. Traditionally, as long as we get to ride Nitro, we’re happy campers, but this time we rode their newest roller coaster, The Joker! At first, it seemed like it wasn’t running. This was a possibility since the ride broke down shortly after it opened and many riders got stuck. I assumed it was just stopped for repairs, but as we got closer, the ride was indeed operating, so we were in luck. I had every intention of riding it, although Miss Sexy Armpit needed a bit of coercing. She wasn’t fond of the idea that the coaster cars themselves spin around while the coaster was running. This could be extremely vomit inducing for some people. She relented and we hopped right on. The ride turned out to be pretty tame – almost more of a wild Ferris wheel gone haywire. I laughed maniacally the entire time like Cesar Romero, so I can see why they named it, The Joker. We were glad we rode it, although, much like The Dark Knight Coaster, it’s not on my must-ride list.


Number one on my absolute must-ride list is Nitro. The lines were pretty much non-existent this late in the day, so we got right on without a long wait. After that, I convinced Miss Sexy Armpit to stay on for one more ride. Even though we technically only went on 2 rides, we accomplished our mission.

Then, as always, I checked the DC Hall of Justice store. I’ve mentioned this place before, but to reiterate, this is the ultimate gem of a store that DC Comics fans might want to consider buying admission to the park just to gain access to this shop. It’s not a gigantic store by any means, but it’s about the closest answer to the DC Super Hero section of the old Warner Brothers store in the mall that we may ever have. I didn’t pick anything up this time, mostly because I had something else in mind that I was hoping to find on the way out.


Last stop was the Main Street Market. For regulars, this is the first shop you see after you make your way through the metal detectors (yes the park has excellent security.) I was asked if I needed help finding anything and in my best Lando Calrissian voice I said, “As a matter of fact you can…” Then, I explained that I had heard about a few Great Adventure t-shirts that had just been released with the vintage logo on them. He had no clue what I was talking about. The poor kid looked at me like I just posed him a question that Einstein couldn’t figure out. Finally, Miss Sexy Armpit dumbed it down for him, “it has like…a rainbow with stars…” “OHHH YEAHHH!” then it dawned on him that we weren’t complete psycho nutjobs after all and actually perfectly normal customers towing the Great Adventure retro t-shirt line.

Before we even got to the park, I had it in the back of my head that I absolutely HAD to get this shirt. Thanks to Miss Sexy Armpit for getting it for me. I’ve always had a major soft spot for the old Great Adventure logo, and years back, I even made a Sexy Armpit parody of it. (Below you can save the Sexy Armpit/Great Adventure iPhone Wallpaper) Perhaps even more coincidentally, I’ve been scoping out actual vintage Great Adventure tees on eBay for such a long time: Check out this ridiculous old post.

What does this all mean? I really don’t know, but maybe it’s just my way of telling you that you should get out of your house and go to your nearest amusement park this summer and maximize your fun! Thanks for reading!

Follow me on Twitter @SexyArmpit and Instagram @SexyArmpit



New Jersey: Future Home of The World’s Largest Theme Park? by Mike Fireball

(Image credit: Six Flags Great Adventure)
Our guest post today is from a friend of The Sexy Armpit and former Progressive Boink writer Mike Fireball! Even though he moved out of Jersey and down to Florida, he still knows quite a thing or two about the Garden State…and theme parks! In this post he’ll tell us all about the exciting developments happening at Six Flags Great Adventure in Jackson NJ. Take it away Mike!

Quick! Guess where the biggest theme park in the entire world is.
If you guessed Florida — and of course you did — you are correct.
For now. Because by next summer, that honor will belong to the Garden State.
Last week, Six Flags Great Adventure announced plans to overhaul the Wild Safari area next door, converting it from a separate, extra-cost experience to an attraction inside the main park.
With the addition of the new “Safari Off Road Adventure” in 2013, Great Adventure will more than triple in size, effectively making it about 10 acres larger than the current largest theme park in the world, Disney’s Animal Kingdom in Florida.
“Safari Off Road Adventure will take you on the most intense, up-close animal experience of your life. First you will enter the amazing, fictional world of the Wilds Family, who have traveled the globe to bring the most interesting and exotic creatures to their home in Jackson, New Jersey. Once through the rustic loading station filled with artifacts from the Wilds’ global journeys, you will hop onto a rugged, open-air, Safari vehicle with 34 other explorers to begin your wild adventure.
“Skilled, informed drivers will drive you off-road and up close to the animals as they splash through ponds, climb hills, cross bridges and venture over rugged terrain.”
The expected title change is a bit bittersweet for me, as I moved from New Jersey to Florida 5 years ago, and have grown to love living in the Orlando area. But if Disney had to get beaten in the largest theme park department, I’m glad it’s a familiar place. Even if it’s the same place that shut down the Great American Scream Machine to make way for a stupid Green Lantern roller coaster.
Of course, it took a safari ride to beat Animal Kingdom. If you’ve ever been on the Kilimanjaro Safaris ride at the Disney park, it’s no wonder it’s the current largest single theme park in the world. It’s a 22-minute-long drive through what looks and feels like a vast African outback.
And just like Kilimanjaro Safaris, another big change coming to the new Safari Off Road Adventure ride is that private vehicles will no longer be allowed in the area. Guests will instead be driven by a tour guide.
It’s a smart move by Great Adventure, and one that will certainly make a lot of folks happy about not having to pay extra to pet a giraffe.
So enjoy your status as the soon-to-be home of the world’s largest theme park, New Jersey. But don’t get too comfy; you probably won’t be sitting in that seat for too long. Disney’s Animal Kingdom has its own plans to expand, with construction set for a new area based on the movie “Avatar” is set to start next year. By Eywa, the Mouse will have his revenge.

Mike Fireball

Thanks to Mike for the guest post! Check him out at his Tumblr where he posts about pop culture, nostalgia, and all kinds of cool stuff: and on Twitter

BATMAN: THE RIDE at Six Flags Great Adventure

I’m sure Batman’s life is dangerous and exciting, much like the roller coaster created in his honor. How exactly does the caped crime fighting lifestyle translate into a steel corkscrewing thrill ride? Let’s take a look at Batman: The Ride at one of my favorite places to go in New Jersey, Six Flags Great Adventure in Jackson.

When Batmania hit with Tim Burton’s 1989 Bat-film, the Bat-symbol was slapped onto everything you could imagine for the next couple of years, including roller coasters in various Six Flags Theme Parks around the country. At the time, Warner Brothers wanted to start competing with Disney theme parks so they started utilizing their DC Comics characters to compete. Batman was the first to be exploited.

The first rollout of Batman: The Ride opened at Six Flags Great America in Chicago in May of 1992 to coincide with the release of Batman Returns a month later. It wasn’t until the next year (May 1993) that the ride opened at Great Adventure. Back when the ride debuted in New Jersey I don’t think I realized that the ride already existed elsewhere. When I was a kid it seemed as if the only Six Flags park was located off exit 7A on the NJ Turnpike, even though that clearly wasn’t the case.
The 1989 movie Batmobile is parked out in front of the entrance to the ride which has always been a highlight for me. At its peak, the ride queue was usually fully packed as it extended through the mock up of Gotham City Park. For most of the the early to mid ’90s I used to wait 2 hours to get on the ride!
Once you get into the loading area Alfred is heard over the speakers telling everyone they have entered the batcave. The bat-costume is on display as well. When the 2 minute ride starts to roll, the unexpected happens: the floor of your car drops out leaving your feet dangling! The ride is one of my favorites and the nonstop thrills it contains are still effective even if you’ve been on the ride a hundred times. Even at almost 20 years old, this old bat still kicks. Of course, I should watch my words because I said that about The Great American Scream Machine and the Green Lantern Coaster replaced it.
Since it felt like there was a constant flurry of Batman stuff happening previously, 1993 felt like a fairly thin year for Batman events. Although, in hindsight, two Batman related events were better than none. At least for the Jersey folks we had the debut of Batman: The Ride at Great Adventure and the release of Batman Mask of the Phantasm later in the year.
Six Flags tried to make lightning strike several times with more Batman related rides, but we’ll get to them in the coming days here at The Sexy Armpit. Do you have fond memories of Batman: The Ride? Do you still enjoy the ride? Let us know in the comments!

Who Needs Jurassic Park? We’ve Got Field Station: Dinosaurs!

Without owning a time-traveling DeLorean, taking a trip to Field Station: Dinosaurs is the easiest way to go back to the Mesozoic Period. I think it’s safe to say that most of us were fascinated by dinosaurs at one time in our lives and many of us still are, including myself. When I read about a new dinosaur-themed park opening up in Secaucus, NJ, I couldn’t wait to go and mingle with my old pals Hadrosaurus and T-Rex.
You already know T-Rex, but you may not know that Hadrosaurus is the official dinosaur of New Jersey. Haddy roamed around Jersey during the late Cretaceous period and has made his return to the Garden State at Field Station Dinosaur. In addition to Haddy, the attraction boasts over 30 life sized roaring dinosaurs, including the largest animatronic dinosaur ever made, the Argentinosaurus which is 90 feet long! It’s quite a site to see.

Field Station Dinosaurs

Last weekend I scooped up my niece and nephew and headed to Field Station. We all had a fun time and the kids waltzed right into workshops and got involved in the various little activities going on. The kids both sat front and center and interacted in a seminar about avian dinosaurs and my niece also got a dinosaur tattoo. Aside from the towering animatronic dinosaurs, Field Station offers dinosaur meet and greets, fossil digs, shows and games. With all that stuff it’s easy to forget your kids are actually doing something educational.

Field Station is closest thing we’ll have to Jurassic Park in New Jersey. It’s very cool concept and it’s awesome that it’s so close to home. At some point I’d like to see the park expand to include a dark ride and possibly other theme park attractions. According to their website, the park closes down on November 11th and these additions would keep them open through the winter months. I’d really hate to see this park go extinct.

If you have kids and live in the NY/NJ/PA area I highly recommend making a day of Field Station. The walk through park isn’t anywhere near as scary as the Dinosaur! ride at Disney’s Animal Kingdom, so the kids won’t be petrified. Plus, you can even go on a rainy summer day and avoid crowds because the park is still open and free ponchos are provided.
Their official websites offers discounted admission:
Laurel Hill Park, One Dinosaur Way
Secaucus, NJ 07094

SkyScreamer Comes to Six Flags Great Adventure!

When you’ve gone on completely insane rides and coasters, it’s hard to top them.  Last season, Six Flags Great Adventure in Jackson NJ added the brand new Green Lantern coaster, and in comparison, it makes the new for 2012 SkyScreamer look like a kiddie ride. It may look like tame at first, but here I’ll bring up a few points why SkyScreamer may become a new classic at the park.

What SkyScreamer has going for it is that it’s like an old fashioned amusement park ride on steroids. This amped up classic will spin you around at 40 mph, 24 stories up in the air. Plus, adding a ride like SkyScreamer will switch up the pace a little bit. Your brain becomes like pudding after going on Green Lantern, Bizarro, and then El Toro consecutively. SkyScreamer will be like the sorbet that clears your palette before your time in the park gets even more crazy. 

It’s a necessity to have rides that are accessible to everyone, even those who don’t go to Great Adventure for the coasters, wait…are there any of those people? Actually, a lot of people I know don’t like rides at all, but they may be coerced to go on a ride that’s less berserk than some of the coasters. The ride will reside in Fantasy Forest, so that might make it a ride the entire family will want to go on together. We already have our season passes so I can’t wait to give it a spin. You can take a whirl around on SkyScreamer for yourself when Great Adventure opens for the season on April 5th!

Six Flags Great Adventure Official SkyScreamer Page:

Six Flags Great Adventure: Fright Fest 20th Anniversary

Six Flags Fright Fest

Amusement parks are generally associated with summer, but for me they are more of a fall tradition. The crisp, cool air in October makes it a perfect time for rides and roller coasters while strolling leisurely around the park with your special someone. What’s also good is that you won’t get swamp ass or heat stroke from walking around in mid summer in the blazing Jersey heat. But those aren’t the only reasons of course, the main attraction for many of us in New Jersey is FRIGHT FEST at Six Flags Great Adventure.

Fright Fest is celebrating it’s 20th year and as old as it makes me sound, I’ve been going there way longer than Fright Fest existed! So I’m not a kid anymore, but as I was saying, amusement parks, especially haunted ones, have always been a part of Halloween time for me. Nothing beats the ability to go on thrill rides on a cool, starry autumn night. Six Flags Great Adventure’s Fright Fest captures this feeling perfectly thanks to their team of actors adorned with amazing masks, makeup, and costumes who go lurking around the park creeping everyone out. While this sounds like a blast to me, it’s not for everyone. It’s simple, if you don’t like being scared then don’t go. For families worried about their kids being scared there are plenty of Ghoul-Free zones designated for the faint of heart.

We kicked off October with a trip to Fright Fest. Miss Sexy Armpit gets scared when I start clapping abruptly when the Giants score, so naturally she wouldn’t be able to handle actual scares in something called a TERROR TRAIL. “Which hayride do you want to go on?” I asked her. Of course she replied with “the least scary one.” She got her wish because we wound up on Haunted Wagon Tales, the children’s haunted hayride, listening to songs like “The Addams Family” and “The Flying Purple People Eater,” while waving like dorks to friendly versions of Frankenstein, Dracula, and a so not scary swamp monster. When we answered riddles correctly such as “Who did Frankenstein take to the prom? His GHOUL friend,” then our hayride guide tossed us free candy. Would I have preferred to walk through one of the scarier terror trails? Yes, but it was one of those October nights that I love so much that it didn’t even bother me.

Fright Fest 2011 Six Flags Great Adventure 

This year’s Fright Fest attractions include terror trails, haunted hayrides, and live shows. Here’s the list: The Haunted Heist, Project XI Mortuary Manor, The Demented Forest, Dead Man’s Party, Escape from the Asylum, Hypnosteria, Fright Fest Freakshow, and The Ghoulmaster’s Ghosts and more. One of the coolest and possibly most underrated part of Fright Fest is the Dead and Local Music Showcase where local rock bands take the stage throughout the night. A couple of years back we had the chance to see an awesome KISS tribute band, and last year Sludgey’s favorite band SCARLET CARSON played as well!

The iconic fountain that you see when you first walk into the park is spraying red water indicating that you’ll have a bloody good time. If you’re planning your Halloween related events, then make sure you round up your friends or significant other and feel the thrills and chills of Fright Fest at Six Flags Great Adventure!

Visit the Official Six Flags Great Adventure FRIGHT FEST website:

A Little Bit of Jersey in Disney World

photo from 2719 Hyperion

Since I just returned from a trip to Disney World, this is a perfect time to take a look at a very random Disney/Jersey connection. I found it a few months back while absorbing the posts of the 2719 Hyperion blog which deals in all facets of Disney. In one of their Vintage Snapshot posts by Jeffrey Pepper in June 2011, an old photo of a crate reveals that The Sexy Armpit wasn’t the only bit of Jersey in Walt Disney World.

If you aren’t familiar with the Imagineers, they are the bright folks who design the attractions and use psychology to formulate minute details around the Disney theme parks that make the experience so awesome. Occasionally, as Jeff Pepper mentions in his post Vintage Snapshot! – Early Crate Parkeology, the Imagineers like to label random items around the park with Disney references and even little inside jokes. As if there aren’t enough Hidden Mickey’s and other secrets to search for around the park, crates are apparently another popular item to look out for.
The photo above, provided by 2719 Hyperion, shows two crates on the Jungle Cruise circa 1972. Visible in the photo are two addresses written on each crate. The crate on the left says it belongs to Leon Okerman who has an Orange, NJ street address – one that doesn’t even exist on Google maps. I can’t really make out what it says under the address except for the word PAINT in all uppercase letters. The crate on the right is for R.H Jeschke and has an Atlanta GA address that doesn’t exist either. 2719 Hyperion posed the question as to whether this was actually another one of the Imagineers inside jokes or did these two people actually exist? Just another little mystery in Disney World! 

Batman Six Flags 2008 Coupon Book

Batman Six Flags 2008 Coupon Book

Here’s a Six Flags Great Adventure coupon book from 2008 that I scanned to show you. It combines 2 of my favorites: Batman and Six Flags Great Adventure. Of course, animation is also one of my obsessions as well and that’s also represented with Six Flags occasional mascot, Bugs Bunny. I prefer Bugs over the bald, dancing, “more flags, more fun” guy.

Wolverine Riding Green Lantern?

hugh Jackman Green Lantern 2
Photo Courtesy of Six Flags Great Adventure

Don’t worry, the perverse post title does not mean I’ll be showing some weird super hero porn. This news is rated G. Meaning G for Green Lantern! I just found out that Hugh Jackman a.k.a Wolverine showed up at Six Flags Great Adventure last night to ride the new Green Lantern Coaster! Talk about crossing the streams! Check out these photos courtesy of Six Flags from this monumental Marvel vs. DC moment that happened right here in New Jersey. Who knows, maybe Jackman will stop in again when he’s promoting that silly boxing robots movie.

Hugh Jackman Green Lantern
Photo Courtesy of Six Flags Great Adventure