Battling For Metropolis…In My Backyard!

Good things come to those who wait, right? Obviously, that’s not guaranteed, but judging from what I’ve witnessed, it’s often proven true. Things I’ve only dreamed of as a kid have materialized. I’ve flexed with Hulk Hogan and I live in a world where there’s a Wonder Woman feature film. Life is good. In many respects, it keeps getting better. How’s that, you ask? Read on! Continue reading Battling For Metropolis…In My Backyard!

WIN Tickets for Barnstorming The Bowery in NYC!

Barnstorming the Bowery is not just a concert, it’s really more of a music festival taking place on August 21st and it’s sure to be equally as entertaining as the name sounds. This jam packed night of music spawned from an innovative idea pulling together 7 local bands to make up one mammoth night in downtown New York City! On deck for this rock and roll party: The Dirty Pearls, Ten Ton Mojo, Mother, Killcode, J and the 9s, The Liza Colby Sound, and The Threads!

*What makes this show different? A lottery will take place throughout the night to determine the lineup of bands taking the stage! That’s some exciting shit right there! Who’s on first? I’m on the edge of my seat already! This approach adds an element of intrigue that you won’t get at any other concert!

This summer, why waste your time taking your significant other to the boardwalk to play a silly wheel game just to win a giant box of gum that’ll just lose its flavor in under a minute? Take your shot at winning tickets to Barnstorming the Bowery – right here…NOW!

WIN 2 tickets to see this massive merger of bands right here from The Sexy Armpit!

Contest Rules: 

All you have to do is correctly match each band to their song! It’s that simple. Send your answers to sexyarmpit@comcast.net and include your full name and the subject BOWERY. All correct answers will be pooled and a winner will be chosen at random. Winner will be notified by e-mail. Contest ends on 8/1 so get those answers in!

For more info and to purchase tickets head over to Ticketmaster:

August 21, 2014
Doors open at 7PM, show starts at 8PM
The Bowery Ballroom
6 Delancy St.
New York, NY

CM Punk Rescued at Jersey Shore: A Sexy Armpit News Brief

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If the wrestling news and rumor sites are accurate, it’s been reported that CM Punk is now officially a “former WWE Superstar.” I still have a slight amount of hope that it’s all part of storyline though. Whether Punk ever returns to the ring or not, he still deserves a vacation. His woman, WWE Diva AJ Lee, begged him to go to Wildwood this summer, and becoming a softy in his old age, Punk gave in. Ordinarily he wouldn’t be caught dead in Jersey, but the irony is that he WAS almost caught dead there. Watch the Sexy Armpit news brief above for all the details on this near fatal occurrence. Later in the news brief is a video montage of The Sexy Armpit and Dinosaur Dracula’s trip to the Wildwood boardwalk! Music by The Brigantines. See them live playing shows this summer! Listen to a Free track at their official site: www.thebrigantines.com

SUMMER KICKOFF 2014!

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Watch the 2014 Summer Kickoff Show with The Sexy Armpit and Idiot at Play. It’s filled with nonsense, and a few good ideas of how you can enhance your summer experience. Plus, summer reading recommendations including Last Exit in New Jersey, Exit Zero, and The Non-Linear Flow of the Universal Tides by Michael Gary Wirth. Music by Lipstick & Cigarettes, Lux Devil, and Kevin McLeod.

Guide For a Geeked Out Summer in New Jersey by The Sexy Armpit

Sometimes I find myself taking for granted the amount of cool events that happen here in New Jersey. I remember times when I used to wish that I lived in a place where more cool shit happens, but I really have nothing to complain about. Of course, it’s not like there’s celebrities walking down the street like in Hollywood, and it’s not like we have a night life like in Vegas or Miami, but if you’re a geek, we’ve sure as hell got you covered! What follows is a list of cool events and things to do in the Garden State from now until the end of the summer. Trust me, you won’t have a cruel summer if you let The Sexy Armpit show you how to sand the deck.

6/1, 6/2, 6/8, 6/9 New Jersey Renaissance Faire
I need not explain what a Renaissance Faire is, this is New Jersey’s version takes place in Borden town. http://www.njrenfaire.com/Home.html

6/2 Rocky Horror Picture Show
Live production at Asbury Lanes. http://www.asburylanes.com/schedule.htm

6/6 Roxy’s Gong Wild – Talent & Game Show
Have some cocktails and show off your talent in front of the judges to win big prizes. Roxy & Duke’s Roadhouse, Dunellen. http://www.roxyanddukes.com

6/6 An Evening with Actor Joey Pantoliano
If the line “Let’s kill each other over the pepperoni” is commonly bandied around on pizza night at your house, then you may want to attend an evening with Joey Pants at The Count Basie theater in Red Bank. http://www.countbasietheatre.org/calendar/show/show.asp?id=43248426

6/8, 6/9 Pirates Weekend
In case you didn’t get your fill of puffy sleeved shirts, or if you dig those shirts and you just like to grab some booty in them, head to the Pirates and Privateers Weekend in Berkley Township June 8th and 9th. http://www.bloodyhistorical.us/festival/

6/8 Billy Idol
It’s a nice day to see a Billy Idol concert. House of Blues in Atlantic City. http://www.houseofblues.com/venues/clubvenues/atlanticcity/

6/8 Legends of the Ring 16
A host of wrestling stars from past and present gather to meet fans for the longest running wrestling convention in the Northeast at the Crown Plaza in Monroe. Scheduled to appear: Sting, Edge, Dusty Rhodes and about 50 others! http://www.legendsofthering.com

6/11 Steve Schirippa
Soprano’s star signs his new book Big Daddy’s Rules at Bookends in Ridgewood. http://www.book-ends.com/

6/15 Zombie Bikini Carwash
“Get your car washed by the hottest bikini zombies you will ever see.” The Rail, Richland, NJ.

6/15 The Burlesquepades
Ice Capades + Burlesque at Asbury Lanes. http://www.asburylanes.com/schedule.htm

Delsea Drive-In Theatre
The Man of Steel and The Long Ranger are characters that have been around for quite a long time. They deserve some respect, so do it up old school for ’em. See these summer blockbusters in an actual original drive-in theatre. NJ’s only drive-in theatre was built in 1949, and since 2004, after a long hiatus, it’s been showing first run movies. http://www.delseadrive-in.com/nowplaying.php

6/18 Kings of the Mic Tour
The fact that L.L Cool J, Ice Cube, Public Enemy, De Le Soul are on a package tour makes me feel kinda weird…I mean OLD. These are rap and hip-hop legends so this is an easy way to check out all of them at once. Coming to NJPac in Newark. http://www.njpac.org/events/detail/authentic-hip-hop

6/19 George The Animal Steele
Steele signs his new book, Animal at Bookends in Ridgewood. http://www.book-ends.com/

6/21 Short Film Festival and Networking Reception
Submit your film or just come to watch and meet the filmmakers at the Union County Performing Arts Center in Rahway. Live Music, free food, and independent short films. http://www.rahwayfilmfest.com

7/5 WWE Live
The way things are going right now in the WWE, your cousin Ned’s backyard fireworks display might be just as fun as seeing WWE Live in Wildwood. http://www.wwe.com/events/all/all/all/all/all/3000/mi/page-6

7/14 Jersey Shore Comic Book Show
Comics. Buy some. Free admission. Guest Artists. Forked River, NJ. https://www.facebook.com/JerseyShoreComicBookShow

7/20 Alice Cooper
Uncle Alice haunts the House of Blues in A.C. http://www.houseofblues.com/venues/clubvenues/atlanticcity/

7/20 11th Annual NJ State Ice Cream Festival
Ice cream tastings, contests, vendors, games, rides, food, and entertainment. Downtown Toms River. http://www.downtowntomsriver.com/icecream/festival.htm

7/26 – 7/28 4th Annual Visionary Tattoo Arts Festival, Asbury Park
Tattoos, artists, vendors, etc. for more info and tickets go here: http://visionarytattoofest.com

8/16 – 8/18  Monster Mania Horror Con
With the latest news that the creators of the Monster Mania Convention will be opening a store in New Jersey, it’s taking away from the announcements of guests at the next Monster Mania Convention in Cherry Hill. At the con you’ll be able to meet Carrie Fisher, Malcolm McDowell, and the cast of SyFy’s Being Human to name a few. Check out their official site for more guest announcements. http://www.monstermania.net/MMC25_GUESTS.html

8/18 – 8/25 JAWS on the Beach
Shore Flicks will be screening my favorite film to watch in the summer, JAWS, at multiple locations for FREE! The film will be projected on a huge screen on the beach or at waterfronts all along the Jersey Shore. That’s how they roll. It’s like a drive-in, but without the cars. I saw Batman on the beach in Asbury a few summers ago and it was awesome, but the only problem is when it’s really windy the screen starts to flap around. Either way, nothing beats watching Jaws on the beach at night. It’s the Jersey Shore equivalent of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, expect Jaws isn’t wearing lingerie…or singing. Go here for the full listing of films Shore Flicks will be presenting this summer: https://www.facebook.com/ShoreFlicks

8/18 NJ Collector’s Convention
Pretend you are the Toy Hunter and buy some stuff to sell or find some giant sized action figure you can buy and hold onto until you die like I do, or simply check out the costume contest, vendor tables with comics, video games, and all kinds of other collectibles. Holiday Inn, Cherry Hill. http://www.newjerseycollectorscon.com

Arcades and Nerf Battle Arenas
Get out of the heat and into an arcade. Spots like Yestercades, The Break, and the Silver Ball Museum offer a retro video gaming experience the way you remember it. Get into some adult style Nerf wars at the Airsoft Factory.

*If you would like me to list your event, or you think I should add one of interest, please contact me via twitter @sexyarmpit or e-mail sexyarmpit@comcast.net.

Ad Jerseum 9: Coca Cola in Wildwood

Ad Jerseum: So much Jersey advertising it’ll make you vomit!

During last year’s trip down to Wildwood, NJ, I snapped pics of Coca Cola ads specially made for Wildwood. All you need to do is walk up and down the boardwalk for merely a few seconds before you get the feeling that the Coca Cola company may actually own the entire city of Wildwood.

soda,jersey shore,wildwood
Banner ads hung from every light pole, and every single soda machine and beverage freezer was plastered with Coca Cola ads. I haven’t been down there yet this year, but I’ll wager that they rolled out a whole new ad campaign. Last year’s ads had a cool retro sensibility that I think Coca Cola should use more often.
soda,jersey shore,wildwood
This ad lacks the vintage look of the previous banner, but gains a girl in a bikini. If you look at her right boob, you’ll notice that the ad began peeling off. I found it on the side of a refrigerator in a convenience store on the boardwalk. Hopefully I’ll make it down to Wildwood this summer to see if all the ocean water was replaced with Coca Cola. 
*Not only does Coca Cola have several bottling facilities in the southern NJ area, but Maywood NJ is home to The Stepan Company which produces the non-narcotic cocoa leaf extract used in the soda.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 6: Wet Hot American Summer

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You get a F for today if you’ve never seen Wet Hot American Summer. Shame on you! It’s an f’n classic! The summer camp comedy set in 1981, is chock full of comedians you love. You actually get an F-minus if you’ve only caught bits and pieces on Comedy Central at 3am once because you were bombed out of your mind, and the TV was already tuned to Comedy Central when you flipped the TV on. That’s even more feeble than completely not having seen it at all. With that said, if you are from Jersey you’ll greatly appreciate the NJ references, specifically the T-Shirts!

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McKinley (Michael Ian Black) dons an awesome Clifton High School Track ringer T-Shirt throughout the film, while Gary (A.D Miles) rocks a Betty Jane Tavern Tee, which used to be an actual bar that existed in Lake Hopatcong, NJ. Both of these shirts are available at Found Item Clothing.

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Pictured above is Caped Boy, a possible precursor to Augie in Role Models. This is his studly attempt at enticing the girls at camp: “Excuse me, ladies. You may remember me as the guy who came to dinner a few weeks ago with underwear on my head. My name is Keith Stat from Millburn, New Jersey. State bird, the mosquito. And as you may have heard, I am recently a crowned class B dungeon master. So, if any of you would like to play D&D today, please speak now or forever hold your peace.”
Here’s a few more reasons why NJ is so prevalent in a film that’s supposed to take place in Maine:
Paul Rudd = born in Passaic, NJ
Janeane Garofalo = born in Newton, NJ
Michael Showalter = born in Princeton, NJ
and one of my all time favorites,

Michael Ian Black = moved to Hillsborough, NJ when he was young!
If you enjoyed Role Models, then you’ll definitely laugh your ass off at this one. Also look out for one of Bradley Cooper’s early roles, you know…that guy from Wedding Crashers…and that other one you may have heard of…The Hangover.
For an awesome blog dedicated to the coolest T-Shirts head over to Preshrunk.org.

Bon Jovi: Free Concert in Central Park Review

Bon Jovi has done pretty much everything a band can do but they didn’t play Central Park until Saturday July 12th. In honor of the MLB’s all-star week Bon Jovi decided to put on a free concert on the Great Lawn in New York City’s Central Park. It was rumored that there’d be close to 60,000 fans in attendance so I knew we’d have a hell of a time getting into the park. I’m not one who enjoys hassle or complications. I enjoy being laid back rather than rushing from Penn Station to hop on the subway to Central Park. Then from there we had to get checked, scanned, and frisked several times and wait in numerous lines. By the time we got into the audience area there weren’t too many people there but the ones that were there were relaxing on towels they brought. I didn’t think to bring a towel or a blanket and neither did anyone I went with. That was the least of my problems. It was only 3:00 pm, so we had another 5 hours to wait until Bon Jovi took the stage. I was betting on them not starting on time but they were in a public park so the rules were a little bit more tight. Go on at 8 and get off the stage at 10 pm you New Jersey rebel rousers!

By 7:45 the place was mobbed with people and the towels were getting rolled up and people started sneaking closer and closer to the barricades. After hearing representatives from Central Park, Major League Baseball, and Bank of America there was another short wait and then Bon Jovi took the stage on this beautiful summer night in NYC. Bank of America had such a damn presence at the show that they may as well have set up portable teller stands where people could do their banking. Their logo was all over the place, I really thought Jon would have worn a Bank of America jersey. Thankfully he didn’t and nor did he wear a Philadelphia Soul jersey either. And gee…all this talk of “jerseys” where the hell is New Jersey in this picture? He’s an owner of a Philadelphia Arena Football team, he’s doing concerts in Central Park and MSG so where does his home state of N.J fit in? They’re always singing “Who Says You Can’t Go Home?” so I guess apparently Jon himself is saying they can’t.

As for the setlist for the night, you can’t expect much of a departure when you go to see Bon Jovi. They kicked things off with “Livin’ on a Prayer” and “You Give Love a Bad Name.” After “Born to Be My Baby” they rocked with “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead” which ended with their version of “Twist and Shout” which is always a fun song. Of course, I prefer it when Matthew Broderick is singing it on a float in a parade. “Whole Lotta Leavin’ Goin’ On” their latest single, made me realize that they should just change the title of the song to “Not a Whole Lot of Rock Going On” because the song makes people want to go country line dancing. Aside from “..Whole Lotta Leavin” they also performed “Lost Highway,” and “We Got it Goin On” from Lost Highway. While still managing to wow the massive audience with his guitar riffs, Richie stirred the crowd with his rendition of “I’ll Be There for You.” We also got to hear (not in this order) “It’s My Life,” “In These Arms,” “Have a Nice Day,” “Keep The Faith,” and “Bad Medicine.”

The band said goodnight but came back for an encore of “Always,” “Wanted Dead or Alive,” and “I Love This Town.” For a full set list check out my friend Anthony at The Screen Door. From there it was time to hop back on the subway and then find out what NJ Transit track we’d be on. Isn’t the train ride home always the best? Lots of obnoxious people, you get whipped around, and you’re just trying to sleep for a minute since you’ve been on a 9 hour Bon Jovi retreat.

I’m looking forward to the Madison Square Garden shows because the sound seemed to get lost in such an enormous outdoor area. There was a good amount of delay between the sound way up in front and the sound coming out of the speakers that were in the middle of the audience. That was natural, it just got annoying at times. I kept thinking “what song is Tico drumming to?…that isn’t part of the song.” Actually it WAS part of the song…just 3 seconds before. Regardless of those minor details it was a welcome feeling to have attended a Bon Jovi concert where they sounded excellent as usual and I didn’t pay $200 to get in.

This Message Will Self Destruct

Chief Quimby has a message from Jay to the readers of The Sexy Armpit:

I’m just finishing my lunch and chomping on some Sun Chips. I wanted to tell you there’s a few great articles on the way at The Sexy Armpit.com. Check back this weekend for an update. I’ve been sulking because everyone cool in L.A got to see the premiere of The Dark Knight and we in Jersey still have to wait until the 7/18. In the mean time, please pay a visit to some of the link sites on the right side of the page. They are all quality blogs! (www.supercycles.org hint…hint…)

– Also, Motley Crue’s new CD The Saints of Los Angeles came out on Tuesday and if you are into Crue then this is a MUST BUY! Motley is coming to the PNC Bank Arts center in Holmdel in August and I’ll be there as well.

– In classic Jersey style, I’m going to check out Bon Jovi at MSG on 7/14. So you can expect a review on that also. As usual Bon Jovi tickets were so overpriced that my condo was foreclosed on after I bought them. Trash the Goondocks…and they can get their balls out.

– I hope everyone is enjoying their summer, it’s hot and humid here in the Armpit of New Jersey. Oh and remember that The Miss Sexy Armpit contest is coming soon. The pictures will be up later this summer.

– Has anyone watched the new season of The Two Corey’s? It’s not as wacky as the last season. It’s taken a serious tone which I’m not as into but it’s still good. Haim is going to be in the Crank sequel and The Lost Boys sequel is going to straight to DVD soon.

– Anyone doing anything good this summer? Taking any trips? I need something exciting to do this summer. I know I’ll be checking out Wall-E. What else do you think I should do?

A Very Sexy, Sexy Armpit Summer Excursion

It’s the end of the summer and I figured I’d recap all that happened but then I realized, not all that much happened. At one point during the summer I got fed up with typical outings like movies and restaurants and sought out some off the wall things to occupy our rare free time. I picked one place to write about in particular that my girlfriend and I visited called Grounds for Sculpture in Hamilton N.J.

Grounds for Sculpture is basically an enormous sculpture park. It wasn’t a trip to Six Flags but it was original to say the least. It was a deadly hot day as we walked around the fields and paths looking for objects that might have been a sculpture that we were supposed to be on the lookout for. Occasionally we would be discussing the finer points of a large tree only to find out that it was actually only just a tree and not a sculpture. I can’t tell you how many times I uttered the phrase “Is this a sculpture?” It was probably more times than I’ll ever say that phrase again in my life. Every time my girlfriend saw a flower she had to examine it to see if it was real and each time it was. What kind of nickle an dime operation is this? They called this a sculpture park? The amount of actual sculptures paled in comparison to the ones that weren’t!

I felt kind of uncomfortable at times because of the random nude sculptures complete with bush and all. These sculptors have no shame! Most of the time we were looking at sculpts that reminded me of something Delia Deetz from Beetlejuice made. There was even one sculpture of a human form that paralyzed me for a moment. I walked around a corner and looked straight ahead down a walkway to see this human sculpture. I felt like I was in the Shining when Torrance walked into room #237 and saw the lady rising up from the bathtub. It was pretty frightening for a moment. Being in such surreal surrounding, it made me think I was in an alternate dimension or the Overlook for a second.

Of course, there were no shortage of silly “Hey look I’m part of the sculpture” photo ops to lighten the mood. It was a fun and odd excursion and if you’re ever just feel in the mood to see some freakin‘ sculptures then definitely pay them a visit. You never know, you might see that clay UFO that you made in pre-school!