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Many folks in New Jersey are pissed off that the St. Patrick’s Day parade in Hoboken is cancelled this year. Things usually get pretty out of hand so the city is taking a break from it. I don’t get involved in parades because they bore the shit out of me. Drinking tons of beer is of course fun, but not with thousands of other drunken boozers roaming the streets and getting behind the wheel. Aside from eating a bowl of me Lucky Charms, I have other plans this St.Patrick’s Day.
I don’t really participate in the yearly resurgence of corned beef and cabbage, but I need MINT in my life constantly. Usually the one time of year that everything becomes MINT is in March because St. Patrick’s Day turns everything green and green often means MINT! There’s no better mint offering than mint ice cream! And since I’m obsessed with using straws, The Shamrock Shake is like a magic pot of gold for me.
In addition to consistently bringing back the McRib, McDonald’s has been keeping it real with their classic Shamrock Shake as well. The best part: they are now available nationwide, not just in select mystery locations. Just as I write this, as the Irish say, I’m really gummin’ for a Shamrock Shake. The only thing that would make the shake experience even better is if McD’s was offering this green delicacy in Uncle O’Grimacey collector cups! Now, REMEMBER, you only have until MARCH 25th before the Shamrock Shakes disappear, so get your arses to McD’s to enjoy one!
Can’t decide what to wear for St. Patrick’s Day? Is your Leprechaun costume still getting dry cleaned? Look no further than our T-Shirt selections to wear on St. Patrick’s Day this year.
Christmas, Halloween, and Valentine’s Day all get accused of being too commercialized, but what about St.Patrick’s Day? It’s just another reason to sell green decorations and candy and plaster everything with shamrocks. Instead of just wearing St.Paddy’s themed t-shirts, the wearing of the green has been blown completely out of proportion since people also spray their hair and skin green as well.
St. Patrick’s Day is getting out of hand. If any holiday deserves to be even more commercialized than it already is it’s Halloween, the most fun time of the year for kids and adults alike. St. Patrick’s day is supposed to be a religious celebration yet it’s become mostly about going out and getting trashed. This may be fun for those of legal drinking age, but what about the kids? At least there’s the Shamrock Shakes at McDonald’s because without those St. Patrick’s Day sucks for kids.
Since the beginning of the month, all over New Jersey there have been St.Patrick’s Day parades rolling through main streets of towns. The earliest St. Patrick’s day parade in New Jersey took place in Morristown in 1780, and since then, the whole thing has snowballed from there. The celebration is now a month long event rather than just one weekend. In case you miss a parade in one town, you can go to another town’s parade the next weekend.
All right, so maybe I’m a humbug, but all St. Patrick’s Day seems to be about is getting shitfaced in bars from green beer. The parades create tons of traffic, and the excessive drinking makes people puke green behind every corner. There’s also cops everywhere you turn looking to hand out tickets for public intoxication with their “zero tolerance” policy. Instead of getting caught up in all that, maybe I’ll pick up some mint chocolate chip ice cream, turn on Weezer’s Green Album and have a Sexy Armpit style St. Patrick’s Day celebration. Hopefully I’ll get a visit from my green friends, The Great Gazoo, Slimer, and Sludgey, The Sexy Armpit mascot.
Every day in Hoboken is a big drunkfest, so I bet Hoboken will transform into one big geyser of puke on St. Patrick’s Day. It was that exact reason why I did not attend The St. Patrick’s Parade in Hoboken on March 6th. There’s too many people acting like idiots and I have a feeling I would have wound up getting angry and turning green like The Incredible Hulk. Where do you think we are, Cancun? Join me as I suck the life out of St.Patrick’s Day.
The St. Patty’s day parade in Hoboken and St.Patrick’s Day in general is another excuse to drink heavily and wear my least favorite color. I don’t care if I sound like a party pooper, but the holiday never appealed to me. When I was a kid I was fond of the Main Street Electrical Parade in Disneyland, but, for the most part, I’m not really a fan of parades unless they involve The Joker and free money. Maybe if Lucky the Leprechaun personally knocked on my door with a few of his green string bikini clad leperhoe’s bearing gifts such as a lifetime supply of Lucky Charms awaiting me in an 18 wheeler outside then perhaps I would have more of an affinity towards the 17th of March. By the way, did I mention that a 16 oz. Shamrock Shake at McDonald’s contains 550 calories and 50 milligrams of cholesterol? When they concoct a healthier version maybe I’ll get excited for the perennial frozen treat.
It seems that the St. Patty’s parade in Hoboken is held just so the city can collect money. It’s another occasion for buzzkillers, err, I mean cops to hand out tons of tickets. An NJ.com article, 555 ticketed in Hoboken, 25 arrested St.Pat’s Day, was published a week after the parade took place and details the huge monetary loss from hosting the event. According to the story written by Mark G.Maurer, the cost of the parade “exceeded $125,000.”
Sure, public safety is paramount, but recouping at least a percentage of the wads of cash was also high on the city’s priority list. The entire police force was on duty as they awarded 476 summonses, some for open containers, jaywalking, disorderly house parties, and 41 of the instances were for public urination! Why do I even want to go to a parade where the streets are filled with walking disasters who are puking and pissing all over the streets? No wonder New Jersey gets made fun of all the time.