eXXXotica 2014 Video Review

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKMApgvMnjg?rel=0]

The video posted above took a lot longer than expected. It took a couple of weeks to compile the footage for my eXXXotica review and edit it all up with the voice over and now it’s finally done. It felt like it took forever because I wound up sitting at my computer editing every night and dozing off! That’s what happens when you have to work a day job and wake up super early to begin the long commute. Things have been pretty busy around here and may only get busier in the next month or so, but I will always return and begin posting again. It may take me a few extra days to churn stuff like this out, but I’m usually always working on something for the site in one way or another. I hope you enjoy the video especially if you’ve never been to an eXXXotica expo, this will hopefully give you some insight to what it’s like to be at one. I appreciate you stopping by! Follow us on Twitter @sexyarmpit

eXXXotica eXpo 2014 Comes to Atlantic City April 11th – 13th!!!

If you’ve been coming to The Sexy Armpit for a while, you’ve probably seen my coverage of various comic and horror cons at one point or another, but I’ve also covered a “Love and Sex” Expo several times that caught on like wildfire called eXXXotica. If porn stars and sex toys are not your bag, then you probably won’t be heading to the event at the Taj Mahal April 11th – 13th, but I will be. Out of all the eXXXotica installments I’ve attended, this will mark the first time that I’ll be at the Atlantic City version of the expo and my excitement is growing
The eXXXotica Expo and New Jersey have been in a long, erratic love affair for years now. Early on, the promoters of eXXXotica experienced some push back from not only the people of Secaucus, but also the city of Edison. Eventually, the event soldiered on and it’s been going strong for several years. Not only do they host the event in Edison, but also right on the boardwalk in Atlantic City, which is an awesome backdrop. The upcoming expo marks their 2nd year at the Taj Mahal. We may not be as cool as the west coast, but it’s obvious that New Jersey has plenty of perfect locations for hosting such naughty spectacles.
What is eXXXotica all about? One of the main attractions that gets people to come…to the expo is the fact that you can meet and talk to your favorite porn stars. This really is the Monster Mania Convention of the porn industry. For many, getting to rub…elbows with their favorite adult film icons is a huge selling point, but there really is so much more to it.
In addition to the adult film stars (over 150 of them but Kristina Rose, Jynx Maze, and Alexis Texas to name a few), eXXXotica also offers competitions, awards, seminars, concerts, exhibitor tables with new products, live performances, giveaways and after parties.
Plus, if you’re not familiar with it, it’s not just for guys, in fact it’s tailored for men, women, and couples – but those straight laced couples are gonna need to loosen up a little first!
Ladies are FREE on Friday!!!

Taryn Thomas is January’s Garden State Playmate!

taryn thomas,porn star,new jersey

Porn mirrors pop culture. Porn doesn’t just provide a diversion for legions of horny people, and dictates what home video format we’ll be purchasing for the next 10 years, but also grabs its influences from what’s hot on TV and in the movies. Joining the ranks of porn parodies like Casabangca, Edward Penishands, and Muffy the Vampire Layer, is Jersey Shore XXX starring Jersey born adult film actress Taryn Thomas.

Photobucket

Taryn Thomas, the dirtiest girl in porn, will be playing Snooki in the upcoming adult version of MTV’s New Jersey based reality show. Even though it may be a departure from her role in Evil Angels Vault of Whores and The Cream Team 2, Taryn’s bountiful skills will easily make any guy she’s in a scene with rise to the occasion.

Photobucket

Seeking to have more creative control over her projects, Taryn grabbed the shaft by the balls and started her own production company called Taryn It Up Entertainment. I admire her gusto and of course…her busto. Rimshot! In addition to her extensive work in the adult film industry, Taryn has studied cosmetology, has a pharmacy technician license, and even went to real estate school! That is what I call versatile. After she bangs you six ways from Sunday she’ll do your guyliner, prescribe you some allergy meds, and then bring you to a snazzy open house. What a girl!

taryn thomas,porn star,new jersey
After discussing her Jersey roots at the eXXXotica convention in Edison, NJ

If you’re like Paul Rudd’s character, David, in 40 Year Old Virgin, and you have a compilation like Boner Jamz ’03, adding Jersey Shore XXX to Boner Jamz 2010 is a must! Check out the trailer:

Photobucket

eXXXotica 2009 at The NJ Expo Hall in Edison, NJ

In case you weren’t able to be at Exxxotica this year I’ve captured my experience and edited it into a montage for you. Much of the footage was taken hours before the place became mobbed.

The 2nd annual Exxxotica convention took place on Friday September 25th and The Sexy Armpit was lucky enough to be there sandwiched between all the vibrators, ceramic dongs, and of course tons of adult film stars! It was my first Exxxotica convention and I was honestly impressed with the reverence it paid to an industry constantly faced with adversity. Censorship in the United States relegates anything, even semi explicit material, into the taboo category. You could imagaine the crusade that it took the organizers of the Exxxotica convention to actually bring it to the public. After getting ousted from Secaucus, New Jersey, whether they liked it or not, Edison, New Jersey became home to Exxxotica 2009. Now for my blow by blow account.

Whether you’re into Comic Books, Star Wars, Buffy, or even Twilight, there’s an expo hall somewhere in the country hosting a convention for your pastime. If your pastime is sex and adult films, don’t you feel left out? It’s not so bad if you live on the west coast, especially Los Angeles and Vegas since running into a porn star is way more likely there. Exxxotica also brings their show to Miami so it’s only logical to hold another leg of the convention only miles away from New York City. It’s about damn time that a sexpo not just for industry folk came to the Northeast. The opportunity to rub implants or elbows with girls (or guys) you’ve only fantasized about on the computer or in magazines is pretty special regardless your views on sex. If people can dress up as a Klingon, go to a Trek convention, and stand on line for Nimoys autograph, then why the hell not have a sex convention where you meet tons of your favorite porn stars and have the chance to preview and purchase the latest sex products?

You don’t have to be a sex addict to enjoy this convention. The NJ Expo Hall transformed into a pink playground of sexual fantasies. The eye candy sent me into overload. Girls dressed in sexy pink and black lingerie roamed the floor posing for pictures and flirting with the attendees. It was no different than taking pictures with a guy in a Captain America costume at the Marvel comics kiosk at the NY Comic Con. When I wasn’t distracted by all the hot ass, I was scoping out the scene for my favorite porn stars. From Jenna Haze to the girls from Burning Angel, everyone was at Exxxotica.

Photobucket

Next year make sure you get 2 tickets, and bring your boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s the best time you’ll ever have in Edison, New Jersey.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 9: Bikinis or Wife Beaters?

Photobucket

Male Sexy Armpit readers will most likely cast their vote for BIKINIS, but don’t count Wife Beaters out so quickly in this match up. Sure it’s a nice visual to think about a blazing hot day at the Jersey shore watching a smoking hot Jersey girl make her way out of the crystal blue water, OK maybe not so much crystal blue as it is murky green, but you catch my drift. Of course it’s not like watching Ursula Andress slither out of the water in Dr. No, but it’s the closest we come to that kind of sex appeal here in a state blanketed with toxic waste. It’s a miracle all the girls at the shore aren’t popping out of the water looking like mutated 3-eyed zombies. Perhaps it’s the fact that we have some decent women in this state that they’re all so proud of themselves that they’re “Jersey girls?” Instead of bragging about being Jersey girls why don’t they just say “Yay! we’re not mutants!” that’s what the t-shirts should be saying.

Without hesitation the choice between Bikinis and Wife Beaters would be a no brainer, but once you disassociate the wife beater from the greasy fat guy on the couch eating chicken, then we have ourselves a contest. Believe it or not, the Guinea Tee or A-Shirt as it’s known, can also look good on a woman! No shit you say? Just erase all the bad memories of hairy backed slimeballs who have given these useless styled undershirts a bad name. Hell, they gave these shirts such a bad name that their inclination for domestic abuse snowballed into becoming a widely accepted nickname for the shirts. So before you completely lose all hope for the regulation jersey for men who beat their wives, think about the lovely, doting wife with big boobs posing ever so innocently in a semi-see-through wife beater for their cold, uncaring husband. Her headlights are on and all they want is some attention, can’t we just give them that? Ahh, Who the f–k am I kidding? BIKINIS!!!

This week, the fine T-shirts pictured above are available through BurnTees.com where they offer all kinds of funny and sarcastic New Jersey themed shirts in addition to a host of others. Check them out!

Foreign Objects Protruding From New Jersey!

Now that I’m apparently splitting my time between New Jersey and Las Vegas, I figured you wouldn’t miss me too much if I went to Vegas again. In anticipation of my next trip out there this weekend, I post for your investigation 2 photos that I snapped that I can’t seem to figure out.

Photobucket
Hanging from the ceiling of the restaurant America, in New York, New York in Las Vegas (who coincidentally had an awesome veggie burger with fresh avocado strips on it) was a model of the entire United States. Each state had a miniature trademark, for instance, Pennsylvania featured the Liberty Bell, New York City had skyscrapers, and upstate New York had apples.
What perplexed me for the entire trip was the enigmatic objects that were jammed into New Jersey. 

Photobucket
Dammit, Jersey gets so much flack all the time and now I discover THIS! Why is everyone always shitting all over New Jersey? 

Photobucket
What in the hell is that shit on NJ? Obviously anyone in their right mind can see that there’s a slot machine there to signify Atlantic City, but what about the other crap?  Up north there’s some sort of Leaning Tower of Pisa. I haven’t the slightest clue what it’s supposed to be. Down in south Jersey, what I can see with the best of my ability is some weird looking roasted red pepper. There’s no chance that’s what it is, but I’ll be damned if someone tries to convince me it’s The Jersey Devil or something. If that’s what it’s supposed to be it’s the shittiest likeness of The Jersey Devil in the history of ceiling hung models of the U.S. Where the fuck is the Franklin Mint when you need them? Damn their veggie burgers are kickass but their version of New Jersey is all out of whack. Sure New York, New York gets it’s own state right but they f–k New Jersey up royally. Why don’t they give up this stupid grudge already?
I couldn’t resist adding this picture I took of the exterior of some cheesy stores on the Vegas strip. Notice the airbrushed t-shirts on the left. 

Photobucket
The first shirt is classic: I Love to Fart a.k.a I Heart to Fart! Oh man, this is the best valentine’s day gift for a person who loves to fart. I’m pretty sure there’s others in the high fashion line such as “I love to take toxic dumps” and I Love “I Heart” Shirts. Watch out because Mark Ecko and Ed Hardy will be releasing their own versions of these pretty soon. Get these originals while you can since the designer brands will be $150 a pop.
If it’s possible, the shirts grow more tasteless from left to right, but let’s be honest…Vegas isn’t the classiest place in the country. 
This next shirt features a stick figure going down on another stick figure. It reads: Warning: Choking Hazard! Package contains large parts Keep out of reach of small women.
Last and finally not least, the Warner Brother’s logo has been paid the ultimate tribute. If you see ‘da police Warn a Brother!

Best Posts of 2008

The hustle and bustle of the Christmas season impaired my blog consistency. Between Christmas shopping and work I nearly wanted to vomit when I thought of creating quality posts in the last few weeks. I don’t know how some bloggers can post up to 6 times a day when I feel like it’s a fairly big deal to create just ONE well put together post. Well, here’s another classic copout of a blog post: THE BEST POSTS OF 2008! The following is an exhaustively egotistical look at all of my favorite posts I wrote throughout the year, which somehow translates to the “Best Posts.” If you enjoy coming to this site, I appreciate it very much! For new visitors and long time friends, New Jersey is still a mess of swamps, toxic waste, and a ton of pop culture garbage, so have no fear, 2009 will not let you down! 































Wonder if Wonder Woman Spits or Swallows? Wonder No More…

Photobucket

I had no idea that Wonder Woman was such a filthy, whorish, slutbag. Sitting comically on a shelf at the nearest Five Below, Wonder Woman takes the form of some sort of bath foam. For that extra shot of perversity, Wonder Woman squirts, spurts, and regurgitates “crazy foam” in a completely blatant display of nerdcore porn. This isn’t the first time we’ve seen foamy soaps done superhero style, but in this case, we can place Wonder Woman “Crazy Foam” at the top of the peak of all children’s bath foam canisters. In a glaring contrast, I’m pulling for the KISS camp to license a Gene Simmons can that spews red shave gel. It may actually make me look forward to shaving and unlike this Wonder Woman can, it would be highly appropriate.

Don’t you wonder who over at DC Comics was responsible for the Wonder Woman Crazy Foam Canister getting a huge green AUTHORIZED stamp? While drunk at the DC licensing party, I wonder if some of the hornier employees approved the proposal for a Fleshlight “Wonder Woman’s Mouth” special edition. Some lonely guys out there would probably kill for one. Picture Princess Diana’s head on this canister about 10 times the size and I think you’ll be in business. Notice she has a big hole shot through the back of her head?

Here’s the trailer for DC Comic’s upcoming Wonder Woman Animated movie: