Kip Winger Thursday: The Greatest Kip Winger Story Ever Told!!!

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For those of you who aren’t familiar with Kip Winger Thursday, it’s a day that can alleviate some of the tension from the stresses of the economic crisis, the soaring unemployment rate, and terrible atrocities like Lady Gaga. It’s a day when all we have to do is fondly recall the more carefree atmosphere of the days of ’80s hairbands. When the sunset strip was crawling with bands like Motley Crue and Guns N Roses and all was right in the world…well, my world at least. I think Stevie Rachelle said it best “When Def Leppard rocked and Skid Row Ruled,” in his song “American Hairband.” Grunge came in like a lion but it totally went out like a lamb. Nowadays who really cares about grunge anyway? Life is challenging, and depressing as it is so why would we want our music to make us even more angry and morose? Don’t you want to have fun and party?

During last week’s ’80s hard rock extravaganza aptly known as Rocklahoma, party is exactly what they did. For 4 days in Pryor, Oklahoma, fans of the genre relived the hairband glory days. It’s an opportunity to see your favorites from the era, as well as new bands who keep the scene alive like Wildstreet and Bang Camaro. Some of the classic bands that appeared this year were Anthrax, Overkill, RATT, Danger Danger, Kix, Nelson, Lizzy Borden, Skid Row, and Twisted Sister to name a few. The festival has been going on since 2007, and has been building up steam each year. The true fans show up hardcore, front and center for all 4 days! I happen to know one of those fans.

A friend of mine, Elise, wouldn’t miss Rocklahoma for the world. She takes her love of these bands to the next level.

On July 11th, 2009 at 1:04 AM, I received this text message from her:

“I just told Kip about u and KWT!!!!”

Apparently, Kip Winger was hanging out at the show and Elise had the chance to slyly slip in a mention for my ongoing Thursday meme dedicated to Kip Winger. To join in the fun, go to www.twitter.com/sexyarmpit. Kip was even in New Jersey a few weeks back and I had the opportunity to go to the show, but the idea of someone else telling Kip about Kip Winger Thursday felt so much cooler to me, especially coming from a girl who he was clearly digging! A BIG thanks from The Sexy Armpit, Elise!

Also, Bring Back Glam has an abundance of info on Rocklahoma and the reasons why it sucked this year, so head over and check out Allyson’s awesome blog.

Top 10 Reasons to Watch The Wrestler on Blu-Ray

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I may never get to own Randy The Ram’s extremely collectible ($300) action figure that rests on his dashboard, but there are other ways I’m able to relive the movie. I merely have to crank up Accept’s “Balls to the Wall” in my car if I want to get pumped up like Randy the Ram did en route to his comeback match. But think about this…”Balls to the Wall” in BLU-RAY!!! That doesn’t necessarily mean that if you don’t experience The Wrestler on Blu-Ray you’ll have to put your Blu-balls to the wall, but you will be missing out in a HUGE way. 


And now, coming down the aisle, from The Armpit of NJ, weighing in at 10 entries long, here’s the Top 10 Reasons to Watch The Wrestler on Blu-Ray!
1) You can witness Marisa Tomei’s boobs in all their blu ray glory. At 45 years old, Tomei looks way sexier than all the old, washed up, strippers who nobody buys dances from. Strip clubs throughout NJ would benefit from having employees look as good as she does in The Wrestler. What’s even cooler is that she’s a stripper who’s all into ’80s hard rock:

Cassidy: Fuckin’ 80’s man, best shit ever!

Randy: Bet your ass man, Guns N’ Roses rules.
Cassidy: Crue!
Randy: Yeah!
Cassidy: Def Lep!
Randy: Then that Cobain pussy had to come around and ruin it all.
Cassidy: Like there’s something wrong with just wanting to have a good time?
She’s a girl after my own heart.
2) If you have a good sound system at home, turn this one up to 11! The Wrestler features awesome headbanging tracks from GNR, Quiet Riot, RATT, Slaughter, Firehouse, and The Scorpions. Also, listen up for Slash’s guitar work on the musical score, and of course Bruce Springsteen’s brilliant title track. Pay a visit to Gears of Rock for more on the music featured in the film.

3) Watch Randy do the RAM JAM off the top rope right into your living room! It’s one of the coolest fictional finishing moves.

4) Find yourself in awe of genius casting. Judah Friedlander kills his role as Scott Brumberg, an indy wrestling promoter/convention organizer. The only way Aronofsky could’ve made this role more authentic is if he grabbed a real indy promoter from an east coast show and put him in the film. Go to a wrestling convention like Legends of the Ring or Signamania and you’ll see what I mean! Check out his Trenton Devils jersey! While it may seem subtle, or just an average cameo to some people, Friedlander’s performance is truly uncanny.

5) Listen closely for the roll call before the matches and you’ll hear the name of local NJ wrestler, and Sexy Armpit ally, Rob Eckos.

6) Among the bevy of independent wrestlers who appear in the film, JIM POWERS, formerly of the tag team The Young Stallions shows up! His Wikipedia entry claims he now resides in East Rutherford, NJ.

7) Soak up the gorgeous NJ locales. Here are some of the towns in NJ The Wrestler was filmed in: Elizabeth, Linden, Rahway, Roselle Park, Asbury Park, Garfield, Keansburg, Lake Hiawatha, Hasbrouck Heights, Dover, and a Bayonne supermarket.

8) The Bloody Deli Meat slicer from HELL! That thing had a mind of it’s own! “Hey lady, you want some fucking cheese? Get your own fucking cheese!” Damn straight.
9) Randy the Ram’s cocaine fueled banging of a blonde bimbo in the bathroom will be even MORE amusing this time around…

10) There’s nothing quite like watching a guy staple a $5 dollar bill into his own forehead in high definition.

Most Romantic Moments Heard on my iPod Part 2

Valentine’s Day is one of the cheesiest days of the year. Boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives are supposed to be good to their significant others all year round, but for the past oh…let’s say 200 years, thanks to Valentine’s Day, we’re only contractually obligated to be nice once a year. I look at V-day simply as an unecessary occasion where men have to buy overpriced flowers and candy for their lady.

If you love someone, you should profess your love often, and in a variety of different ways. One way is to make a playlist on your lovers iPod or go old school and make them an actual mix CD. For hints on some of the best musical expressions of love, here’s part 2 of the most romantic songs heard on my iPod. If you are a completist and would like to read the first installment, then click here!

I want you, in a vinyl suit, I want you bad
The Offspring – I Want You Bad
I know you’re hungry I can see it in your eyes
She’s lookin at me like I’m a side of fries
I wanna take your chubby ass back to my place
And squirt my baby gravy all over your face
Steel Panther – Fat Girl

She took a lightsaber to my heart
And she picked my brain with a pocket knife
Marvelous 3 – Cold as Hell

You got a body like the devil and you smell like sex
I can tell you’re trouble but I’m still obsessed
Because you know you’re so hot, I want to get you alone
So hot, I wanna get you stoned
So hot, I don’t want to be your friend
I want to fuck you like I’m never gonna see you again
Kid Rock – So Hott

She calls and I come runnin’ back, I call, she never calls me back
What’s wrong with me I’m so addicted to you…
and you’re such a dick to me
Lit – Addicted

Don’t come hangin’ around my door

Don’t wanna see your face no more
I don’t need your war machines
I don’t need your ghetto scenes
The Guess Who – American Woman

The plaster’s gettin’ harder and my love is perfection
A token of my love for her collection

And my love is the plaster
And yeah, shes the collector
She wants me all the time to inject her

KISS – Plaster Caster

Put your hand in my pocket
Grab onto my rocket
KISS – Take Me

You know I thug ’em, fuck ’em, love ’em, leave ’em
Cause I don’t fuckin’ need ’em
Jay Z – Big Pimpin’

I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I knew I’d miss her
So I had to keep her
She’s buried right in my backyard
Guns N Roses – I Used To Love Her

Girls Don’t Like Boys, Girls Like Cars And Money
Boys Will Laugh At Girls When They’re Not Funny
Good Charlotte – Boys and Girls

Need your love 1,2,3
Stop starin’ at my D cup

Don’t waste time, just give it to me
C’mon baby, just feel me up
The Donnas – Take It Off

Hey! You’re a crazy bitch,

but you fuck so good I’m on top of it.
When I dream I’m doing you all night,
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on.
Buckcherry – Crazy Bitch

You say you’re cried a thousand rivers
And now you’re swimming for the shore
You left me drowning in my tears
And you won’t save me anymore
Bon Jovi – I’ll Be There For You

You let me violate you, You let me desecrate you, You let me penetrate you
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
Nine Inch Nails – Closer

She dashed by me in painted on jeans
And all heads turned ’cause she was the dream
In the blink of an eye I knew her number and her name
Ah she said I was the tiger she wanted to tame
Billy Ocean – Carribbean Queen
I hope she’ll say, “Hey me and you should hit the hay!”
I asked her out she said, “No way!”
The Beastie Boys – Girls

One more thing before you go
would you please give me my records back
My Bloody Valentine, The Pixies, Cheap Trick and Back In Black
You can keep the dog we bought but you can’t go near the Standard Bar
Don’t hang around, don’t call my friends, They won’t know who you are!

American Hi-Fi – The Breakup Song

I don’t drink tea
Or white chablis
I sit around and watch tv
Don’t send flowers
Or take showers
But I’ll be there to pull your weeds

Alice Cooper – Fantasy Man

I know you’d like to thank your shit don’t stank
But lean a little bit closer
See that roses really smell like poo-oo-ooo
Yeah, roses really smell like poo-oo-ooo
Caroline! See she’s the reason for the word “bitch”
I hope she’s speeding on the way to the club
Trying to hurry up to get to some
Baller or singer or somebody like that
And try to put on her makeup in the mirror
And crash, crash, crash.. into a ditch! (Just Playing!)
Outkast – Roses

But it all was bullshit.
It was a goddam joke.
And when I think of you Linda,
I hope you fucking choke.
Adam Sandler – Somebody Kill Me Please

I try to love you but sometimes it’s just a pain in the ass
RATT – I Want a Woman

We Wish You a Metal Xmas and a Headbanging New Year CD

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Silly me for trying to resist getting into the Christmas spirit so soon. Thanks to my brand spankin’ new copy of We Wish You A Metal Xmas and a Headbanging New Year, the Christmas spirit was just jammed through my ear canals with devil horns. 

Twisted Sister’s Christmas album kicks ass, but this one brings the meaning of Metal Christmas to a whole new level! I’m listening to Lemmy, Billy Gibbons, and Dave Grohl on “Run Run Rudolph”!!?? Am I really hearing this? I’m in sheer amazement at this instantly classic CD. I would wager to say that most fans of metal will certainly cringe and/or vomit when listening to these songs, but not me! This CD was made for me because I thrive on this kind of crap. I don’t have the words to describe my feeling of utter elation upon my first listen to Stephen Pearcy singing “Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer.” Also featured on the track are Tracii Guns and Billy Sheehan. Moments of such musical bliss haven’t occured since the days of Mozart, Bach, Handel, and hell…even Wham’s “Careless Whisper.” Joe Lynn Turner seriously does a bang up job singing “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” which sonically may be the best on the album. The track also features the brothers Kulick, Rudy Sarzo, and Simon Wright. 
It takes a little suspension of disbelief to realize that Dio IS actually belting out “God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman.” Perhaps the most unimaginable track belongs to Alice Cooper. He takes a break from singing about spiders and Frankenstein to croon “Santa Claws is Coming To Town.” There’s no doubt about it, these songs will definitely NOT show up on Phil Spector’s Christmas Gift to You Part 2, but they are still AWESOME. If you’re a Christmas music geek like me, then We Wish You a Metal Xmas should be a required part of your holiday iPod playlist! Nothing like a little METAL to inject you with holiday spirit! Check out my Christmas playlists from ’05, and ’07: