PURPLE STUFF PODCAST EP. 42: COOL CARS FROM POP CULTURE!

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Have you ever fantasized about having a real badass car? I know I have. Although it wouldn’t be much fun sitting in the never ending New Jersey traffic. That’s where the Purple Stuff Podcast comes in. In our new episode, Matt and I count down some of the coolest cars in pop culture!

It may sound like an offbeat theme for us, but it’s totally not a stretch. Think about it, we all know what kind of wheels we’d like to be whizzing around town in. Realistically, we can’t really drive around in a car that looks like a dinosaur-corvette hybrid, or a 4×4 with animal paw wheels. Many people require something more practical. Our imaginations ran wild here, fully ignoring gas saving techniques, speed limits, and pedestrian safety.

It’s another nostalgia packed episode. You’ll hear about our memories of cars from our youth, and my affinity for the girlfriend of a mysterious ghost driver with a sleek indestructible car. Fun times. Buckle up, this is going to be a crazy ride! Thanks for listening!

*A PSA: The Halloween Season is almost upon us!

10 Treasures Found at Dollar Store on Atlantic City Boardwalk

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Mysterious isn’t the most appropriate word to describe dollar stores on the Atlantic City boardwalk. Nope. I think the word that best sums them up is “obnoxious.” But, let me take that back, we found one of them on New Years Day and it was sort of magical.

While walking the A.C boardwalk on the brisk, but sunny first day of the year with Dinosaur Dracula, we came across a 99 cent store that Matt said he’d like to stop at. I’m so jaded by these stores that my expectations of its contents were at the aboslute rock bottom. Through my black sunglasses I took one last look around the boardwalk. The sun blasted my face with fire as the blue sky soothed it. I admit, I was dazed for a second, but give me a break, there was some New Years debauchery that I needed to shake off. After a giant seagull stared down at me ominously from atop the adjacent boardwalk Psychic building, I heard him say “What are you looking at, go the frig inside already you weird bastard!”

We ventured in. We made like Miracles and shopped around.

After about 40 minutes of being in the 99 cent zone, I could hear Rod Serling in my mind introduce our own Twilight Zone episode “…To many, what they held in their hands was merely junk, but to these two young Frog Brothers wannabes, it might as well be heaven.” Maybe it was too much Twilight Zone Marathon.

After another good half hour at least, we still had yet to do a complete revolution around the store. We soldiered on and continued for another half hour at least. During a few long stops at some end caps to smell outdated WWE air fresheners, and test out gadgets that would give Randy Peltzer an uncomfortably lengthy Viagra boner, we walked further back into the seemingly never-ending abyss of aisles. At that moment, we thought, “how could there possibly be more?” Then we wound up in the housewares sections, and I use that term loosely. Then into the children’s wear section, and finally ending up in a section dedicated to mid ’80s telephone number organizers. F*ck this was such a great place.

The best way to describe it to you is this: It’s the Vendredi’s Antiques from Friday the 13th The Series, of the Atlantic City Boardwalk dollar store scene. It’s maybe too specific to have its own scene, but I don’t want to limit it to the label of “a good store,” because that would in no way be accurate.

By the way, you can never go there. Not only do I forbid you, but I warn you that it’s not your store to shop in. A mystical energy force field will repel you from it if you ever try to take one step inside of it. It’s mine, all mine dammit! It’s my treasure store, MWAHAHAHA! Well, it’s not all mine really. Dinosaur Dracula discovered it, and yes, I reaped half of the schlockiest, um…most glorious benefits.

It was as if Matt discovered gold and realized he had to split it. Because he’s such a good guy, he didn’t kill me over it in a fittingly Boardwalk Empire-like fashion, but he actually let me get a piece of some of it. Kindness must be a characteristic of the hybrid Reptile-Nosferatu, scientific name, Dinosaurus Draculus. Motherf*ckerus this is fun. I guess just add “us” at the end of the word.

I prefer to believe 99 cent EVERYTHING 99 cent has 100 million items, not 10,000 and it’s possibly the real mecca of the Atlantic City Boardwalk. Don’t get me wrong, Boardwalk Hall is an institution, and the Beatles played there, but can you buy a Skeleton Clicker Licker there? Most certainly not.

Yes, it’s full of outdated, unloved bric-a-brac, chachkies, and doohickies, and all the other more elaborate words my mom used to use when she couldn’t think of the word “junk,” but shopping here will actually save you from losing all your money in A.C. Here’s how: if you gamble the entire time you are “Doing A.C,” then you will surely lose your money, maybe even your home. But, if you opt to shop in 99 Cent Everything 99 Cent, you may only spend a measly $8.74 cents like I did, AND wind up going home with all the luxury items below.

As George Carlin once so eloquently stated, “A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.” Stuff is certainly what I don’t need more of. Unless it’s 1985’s “The Stuff,” that I’ll watch all the time. So, I made it a point to be more organized in 2014. I really shit the bed. Here it goes…

10. MY MR. MIDDLE FINGER

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If you know me, you know that it was only a matter of time before I actually owned this beautifully sculpted statue. It’s been a fascination of mine ever since the first time I stepped foot on the boardwalk with Miss Sexy Armpit. For only a dollar, the value was tremendous considering it’s made of pure ivory. In comparison to the classics, I put “My Mr. Middle Finger” (I just named him that) on par with The Thinker or Venus DeMilo. It’s hard to put into words, but this piece of fine art perfectly epitomizes what Jersey is all about.

Next time you have your boss and his wife over for drinks, make sure you keep this displayed as prominent in your home as Darrin McGavin did with his leg lamp. Mark my words, no item you find in Homegoods will ever evoke more style, class, and refined beauty as “My Mr. Middle Finger.” TM yo.

I can’t speak for other boardwalks or shore communities, but if you visit the Atlantic City boardwalk and you feel like buying someone an authentic souvenir and you feel a little bit more generous then picking them up some salt water taffy, this might be THE perfect thing. It’s been a staple of these dollar stores for probably 15 years or more. That makes it not quite as old as the Renaissance period, but it does trace back way longer than the dumb t-shirts you see in those stores that spell out Jersey Shore like this:

JER
SEY
SHO
RE

If there’s a true generation gap, please submit that as prime anecdotal evidence.

9. DENNIS THE MENACE PINBALL GAME

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Dennis the Menace. Damn him and his posssibly mid to late ’80s pinball…and his A.D.D. Fitting that he’s the spokesperson for a pinball machine that makes your head spin cause that little bastard used to make Mr. Wilson’s head spin for sure. You may have never heard about it, but the poor old man died of a massive heart attack. Autopsy report confirmed that his arteries weren’t clogged and he seemed to be in perfect health. You know what that means, right? Dennis killed Mr. Wilson. He literally annoyed the living shit out of him. I suppose that if it keeps him occupied for more than a few minutes, this cheap ass pinball game is worth it. More of a selling point for me is the packaging. If this mint-on-card pinball game ever manned up and f*cked a mid-20s Hot Topic employee, their spawn would be this exquisitely trashy and gorgeous packaging. I think Brutus Beefcake wore the same spandex pant print before he became “The Barber.”

8. BON JOVI CASSETTE SINGLE

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I couldn’t walk the boardwalk and not pick up something for Miss Sexy Armpit. In fact, you get an exclusive, she doesn’t even know about this yet. Since she loves Bon Jovi, I picked her up a cassette single from Bon Jovi. “This Ain’t a Love Song” is a song about his love affair with himself from the discarded album titled “Portrait of a Megalomaniac.” I know, real scathing. Do you really care though? Didn’t think so. I know you want to hear about the Blood Ball key chain. Patience young Padawan!

This cassette single was originally on the shelves of The Wiz – an electronic store which was big in the NJ/NY area. Word at the time was that Nobody could actually beat The Wiz, but they eventually gave up and filed for bankruptcy in 1998. *PC Richards runs a sub-site using The Wiz’ name and logo.

7. TOTALLY ADORABLE DINOSAUR TATTOOS

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MORE TATTOOS! Possibly the most adorable dinos I’ve ever seen. It includes the cutest, most ass backwards Stegosaurus ever and the little scamp at the bottom right. Matt tells me his name might be the good old galactic squidhead “Tailosaurus,” but that really hasn’t been scientifically proven. Either way, I’m through gushing.

6. WOW, ATLANTIC CITY POSTCARD

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This poor guy. 

Who really needs the whole “DO AC” campaign when there’s an entire branding bonanza on the front of this WOW! ATLANTIC CITY postcard? In all the years I spent roaming around the boardwalk in A.C, this is one that passed me right by. I guess I was never an avid “rotating postcard display rotater.” When I saw this one, confusion hit me instantly. Was this a modern post card meant to be ironic? Or was this just a really weird and f*cked up serious post card from an era when every damn thing in the world had its own postcard? When the process of buying and sending a postcard was still an activity people actually involved themselves in. More importantly WHO IS THIS GUY? AND WHY WOW? Even though I missed out on this joke when it first started popping up in stores along the boardwalk, I can still appreciate it. Wow.

5. CLICKER STICKER HALLOWEEN CANDY AND WHISTLE

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMCl73nh1-4?rel=0]

Super awesome looking skeleton bashing himself in his skull incessantly AND it’s joyously annoying as hell! At one time in the distant past, this was a blue raspberry candy, now it is completely green and really disgusting looking. How the hell do they actually get away with selling this stuff? The whistle doesn’t work. Oh no, wait, that’s not it. I don’t want to put my mouth on this thing that’s been sitting in a dollar store for 12 years.

4. SHITTY ASS DVDS

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Moon Stalker and Time Chasers DVDs. Low budget late 90s horror and sci-fi. Avid dollar store goers might already know these films, but they are completely new to me. I am familiar with the sub-par DVDs sold cheaply without a plastic snap case, but I’m not familiar with these two who were so sub par that they were produced somewhere deep within the mantle of the earth and outfitted with fancy cardboard sleeves. I can foresee this getting a special enhanced Blu-Ray edition within the next 6-8 months. Who’s bringing the multi-colored popcorn? Even though both of these are most likely to blow chunks, Moon Stalker looks more appealing to me, mainly because of the subtle power of the movie’s log line, “Campfire Stories can be Deadly.” F*CK YEAH THEY CAN!

As I’ve made clear in this post, I often like to come home with, fine, museum quality pieces at bargain basement prices…

3. NUDE FEMALE TORSO SHAKER 

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The beauty of this nude female porcelain torso isn’t the virtuoso sculptor behind this piece, it’s the versatility. You can shake salt OR pepper out of it, or why not combine both into one to save time and cop a feel AT THE SAME TIME! I’m thinking about buying some Red Robin seasoning to fill it up with, then I can instruct house guests to shake my boobs onto their burger if they want. Ah hell, who am I kidding? It would only be a bun.

What’s not really sinking into my mind is the fact that I actually bought this. When I first saw it out of the corner of my eye, I literally thought to myself “WHO THE F*CK WOULD BUY THIS?” Then, of course, I buy the damn thing. But, that’s not even the worst part. People MUST buy this. A lot of people MUST buy this fairly frequently. You can’t buy a nude female torso salt and pepper shaker made of high quality porcelain WITH a bonus stamp indicating that this is authentic from ATLANTIC CITY at just any local store.

Do YOU own one of these? I can’t wrap my head around it. If you are one of “these” people, I need to know who you are. I need to talk to you. Seriously. We need to converse, possibly discussing what size baseball bat you were hit in the head with when you were a kid and you need to give me a very detailed verbal tour of your home.

2. McDONALD’S ERASABLE WHITE BOARD (for the anal retentive Happy Meal kid)

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Getting organized is high on my list of new years resolutions. In fact, it’s on there every year and I never seem to fully succeed at it. I really need to stop buying more stuff, but there is hope. Without a doubt, this McDonald’s dry-erase To-Do list is my only hope. I’m looking for it to be the spiritual shove in the right direction, that performance enhancing drug, that surge of adrenaline that’s gonna catapult my organizational dreams. It even has a spot for a check mark for each day of the week. I don’t really understand how to use this, but I feel it’s an efficiency booster nonetheless.

The fact that the week starts on Sunday makes me want to tear my eyelids off and stomp them. I know technically Sunday is the first day of the week, but Monday is the start of the work week, and this calendar is made to look like the weekend is only one day. Screw that. And screw McDonalds.

1. BLOOD BALL KEYCHAIN

Ohh yes. I say that in the closest I can sound like Paul Bearer as possible. The blood ball is a severed fingertip inside a ball of goo. On a key chain. That is all.

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Now be sure to read about the amazing crap that Dinosaur Dracula put in his treasure basket! From Garfield to Ghostbusters 2, he ran into some serious finds!

Thank you for reading, the soundtrack to this post has been:
“Ooh Heaven is a Place on Earth” by Belinda Carlisle

Shamrock Shakedown Giveaway!

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2 FREE Shamrock Shake cards that have been provided by McDonald’s will go out to 2 Random winners!
TO ENTER:
subject: SHAMROCK
If you are chosen we will reach out to you for your mailing address
WINNERS ANNOUNCED ON 3/7/12

Many folks in New Jersey are pissed off that the St. Patrick’s Day parade in Hoboken is cancelled this year. Things usually get pretty out of hand so the city is taking a break from it. I don’t get involved in parades because they bore the shit out of me. Drinking tons of beer is of course fun, but not with thousands of other drunken boozers roaming the streets and getting behind the wheel. Aside from eating a bowl of me Lucky Charms, I have other plans this St.Patrick’s Day.

I don’t really participate in the yearly resurgence of corned beef and cabbage, but I need MINT in my life constantly. Usually the one time of year that everything becomes MINT is in March because St. Patrick’s Day turns everything green and green often means MINT! There’s no better mint offering than mint ice cream! And since I’m obsessed with using straws, The Shamrock Shake is like a magic pot of gold for me.

In addition to consistently bringing back the McRib, McDonald’s has been keeping it real with their classic Shamrock Shake as well. The best part: they are now available nationwide, not just in select mystery locations. Just as I write this, as the Irish say, I’m really gummin’ for a Shamrock Shake. The only thing that would make the shake experience even better is if McD’s was offering this green delicacy in  Uncle O’Grimacey collector cups! Now, REMEMBER, you only have until MARCH 25th before the Shamrock Shakes disappear, so get your arses to McD’s to enjoy one!

Ad Jerseum 12: More McDonald’s Billboards

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Michelle Obama recently hailed McDonald’s efforts to make Happy Meals healthier. The Sexy Armpit has also hailed McD’s recently for it’s regional “Toast Your Town” marketing campaign. Although the last McDonald’s billboard I spotted was a bit convoluted (read this link), the two latest McDonald’s Toast Your Town billboards I found are pretty damn cool.

New Jersey’s coastline stretches for nearly 130 miles, but The Garden State is far from tropical. It’s safe to say that any palm tree you see is either of the cheesy fiber optic variety, a blow up pool decoration, or imported from a warmer state. Considering that we constantly get pummeled with blizzards in the winter, the idea of a drink that can make us feel more tropical or exotic here in NJ is welcome. All I have to do to feel tropical is buy a fruity drink from McDonalds? Will the Mango Pineapple Fruit Smoothie automatically transport me to an exotic island? Obviously a mere smoothie won’t whisk you away on a $10,000 dollar getaway to Hawaii, but perhaps Long Beach Island will be in your future? I bet they also recommend the tanning salon for the full effect.
I have to hand it to the McDonald’s marketing team for utilizing the localized ad concept. It’s an effective way to reach groups of people in specific regions. Most of the nationwide McDonalds ads are fairly generic and aren’t very impressive, so these are at least more entertaining. They must be, especially since I felt they were worth a follow up blog post.

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The “pumping fists not gas” line has previously appeared on t-shirts and bumper stickers.

 A large iced coffee at McDonalds probably would make me want to pump my fists, but not because I want to be mistaken for a guido, more because I would be insanely hopped up on caffeine.

If you read the last installment of Ad Jerseum, you will probably agree that despite whatever controversy exists between New York and New Jersey, The Statue of Liberty is simply not a symbol of New Jersey. People associate Lady Liberty with New York and naturally, the entire United States. I would say more people think of guidos when they hear “New Jersey” mentioned. It’s unfortunate that thanks to MTV’s hard-on for guidos, New Jersey may never overcome that association. Regardless of it being a negative association or not, I’ll admit that the second I saw the words “fist pump” the ad had my attention. I can’t believe fist pumping is as part of New Jersey as plastic surgery is to California. Yay stereotypes!

Ad Jerseum 11: McDonald’s Toast To Jersey Girls

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McDonald’s Billboard after exit 12 on 287 North in NJ


“Toast Your Town” hardly sounds like a slogan to promote Big Macs. That’s because this time, Mcdonald’s isn’t pushing their burgers and fries. They are promoting their various “McCafe” specialty drinks and shakes via an ad campaign popping up throughout the Tri-State area. I’ve seen billboards from this campaign on major highways in New Jersey while there are also other local minded “Toast Your Town” ads around New York and New Jersey.

I pulled over and snapped a picture of this ad with the iPhone while driving on 287 Northbound. The billboard ad shows a hand holding a Frozen Strawberry Lemonade and toasting to “The Original Jersey Girl.” Perhaps I’m reading to deeply into it, but it seems to be attempting to appeal to the girls who lived in Jersey with big hair and listened to Bon Jovi and Skid Row in the ’80s. Oh wait, that was all of them. What I mean is, McDonald’s knows that many Jerseyans are fed up with shows like Jersey Shore featuring a couple of cast members who aren’t even from Jersey. How authentic! Now, if McD’s wanted to be really authentic they would start offering a Lime Rickey, a drink that’s become synonymous with Wildwood, NJ.

With a closer look you’ll notice there is a faint picture of the Statue of Liberty who is apparently the original Jersey Girl they are alluding to. Unfortunately, I have to put the kabosh on this whole idea because even after the hullabaloo that the island she sits on belongs to New Jersey, Miss Liberty is still technically a New Yorker.

As we learn in Anchorman, milk is a bad choice to drink on a hot summer day, so I’m sure the Frozen Strawberry Lemonade that McD’s is touting in the billboard pictured above, is slightly better. It’s not my drink of choice, but it may be yours, so keep in mind that it packs in 250 calories and 65 grams of sugar, but also offers a whopping 154 mgs of Vitamin C.

What do you think? Are advertisements geared to your own home state or city more effective than those that aren’t? Does this make you want to rush out and buy a drink at McDonald’s?

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 43: St. Patrick’s Day in Hoboken

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Limited Edition St. Patty’s Day in Hoboken 2010 T-Shirt available at Solid Threads

Every day in Hoboken is a big drunkfest, so I bet Hoboken will transform into one big geyser of puke on St. Patrick’s Day. It was that exact reason why I did not attend The St. Patrick’s Parade in Hoboken on March 6th. There’s too many people acting like idiots and I have a feeling I would have wound up getting angry and turning green like The Incredible Hulk. Where do you think we are, Cancun? Join me as I suck the life out of St.Patrick’s Day.

The St. Patty’s day parade in Hoboken and St.Patrick’s Day in general is another excuse to drink heavily and wear my least favorite color. I don’t care if I sound like a party pooper, but the holiday never appealed to me. When I was a kid I was fond of the Main Street Electrical Parade in Disneyland, but, for the most part, I’m not really a fan of parades unless they involve The Joker and free money. Maybe if Lucky the Leprechaun personally knocked on my door with a few of his green string bikini clad leperhoe’s bearing gifts such as a lifetime supply of Lucky Charms awaiting me in an 18 wheeler outside then perhaps I would have more of an affinity towards the 17th of March. By the way, did I mention that a 16 oz. Shamrock Shake at McDonald’s contains 550 calories and 50 milligrams of cholesterol? When they concoct a healthier version maybe I’ll get excited for the perennial frozen treat.

It seems that the St. Patty’s parade in Hoboken is held just so the city can collect money. It’s another occasion for buzzkillers, err, I mean cops to hand out tons of tickets. An NJ.com article, 555 ticketed in Hoboken, 25 arrested St.Pat’s Day, was published a week after the parade took place and details the huge monetary loss from hosting the event. According to the story written by Mark G.Maurer, the cost of the parade “exceeded $125,000.”

Sure, public safety is paramount, but recouping at least a percentage of the wads of cash was also high on the city’s priority list. The entire police force was on duty as they awarded 476 summonses, some for open containers, jaywalking, disorderly house parties, and 41 of the instances were for public urination! Why do I even want to go to a parade where the streets are filled with walking disasters who are puking and pissing all over the streets? No wonder New Jersey gets made fun of all the time.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 15: Mickey Mouse Chillin’ in Jersey

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Unfortunately, this isn’t another practical joke, Mickey won’t actually be chillin’ in Jersey anytime soon. Even if he was, he’d need the proper attire. Here he’s looking more like he was auditioning to be an extra in a McDonaldland commercial. Mick would have looked more appropriate rocking a pair of stone washed jeans and a wife beater, but he got the sunglasses right though! If the folks at Disney animation weren’t so uptight about their squeaky clean image, maybe we’d get an animated short called Mickey’s Sopranos attached to the beginning of The Princess and the Frog? If I was Mickey, I think I’d pick Jiminy Cricket as my consigliere.
If we had it our way here in Jersey, we would’ve had a nice gigantic Disney Theme Park in place of Xanadu, the debacle that’s presently taking up space in the Meadowlands complex. Until then, we can fantasize about how cool it would be to see racks at the gift shops filled with these t-shirts at Disney World: New Jersey.

Recently, eBay Seller VintageCandee1 featured this ’80s Disney T-Shirt with Mickey on the front leaning against the words “New Jersey.” At the bottom of the graphic, the fine print reads “The Walt Disney Company by Velva Sheen.”

Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead!

Nudity, Lesbians, Chicken, and Zombies! My review is over, that was easy!

Get Poultrygeist on DVD!

Some folks are simple and don’t require elaborate explanations “cocked” with flowery, persuasive language. For those who DO require more, read on!
Troma Films’ Lloyd Kaufman not only directs, but also makes a cameo appearance in his latest and greatest film Poultrygeist. If you’re the type of lame-o who doesn’t appreciate Troma films then you’re probably the one sitting like a bump on a log at parties also. If you’re going to watch Poultrygeist, first you’ll need to lighten up a bit. Did Gary and Wyatt from Weird Science have any fun wearing their jeans into the shower with Lisa? Hell no! Just like Lloyd Kaufman whipped up his wondrous special recipe when making Poultrygeist, The Sexy Armpit has it’s own special technique on how to enjoy Poultrygeist at the most optimum level.

1) Pick up Lloyd Kaufman’s gory, sexually explicit, social commentary Poultrygeist (available NOW on DVD at finer stores everywhere)
2) Head to the nearest fast food joint and order some of their cheap, gut busting, hormone infused, secret sauce swimming fare…TO GO!
3) Get comfortable, take those jeans off if you have to! Boxers are optional of course.
4) Have plenty of napkins/and or paper towels in close proximity….(cause the food will make your hands greasy, douche! what were you thinking?)
5) Think long and hard about what you’re about to do. You may want to go to confession before watching Poultrygeist. You may also want to reconsider ingesting this food. Ah, f–k it.
6) Make sure your hands aren’t greasy and then insert the Poultrygeist DVD. Before insertion, make sure the disc is in correctly to avoid it coming out too quickly.
7) Push start on the DVD player. Proceed to laugh, vomit, and spray shit from your ass like it’s coming out of a whale’s blowhole.
I’m known for my occassional overuse of the “C” word. There are even times I call my mom the “C” word. I know how it is to get angry and scream “Mama Weer All CRAZEE Now” as in the Slade/Quiet Riot song. Although, when I’m not using the word “Crazee” I use the acronym C.L.A.M, which stands for Collegiate Lesbians Against Megaconglomerates. C.L.A.M is a group of “left wing lipstick lesbos” protesting the fast food joint The American Chicken Bunker. This particular Bunker franchise in Tromaville is accused of cruelty to animals, and to make matters worse, it’s also built on an ancient Indian burial ground. Lloyd Kaufman is the only director in the world who could fry up a masterpiece with that kind of plot.
After some cemetery sex with her, Arbie, our main man, learns that his girlfriend Wendy has turned lesbian. She’s now hooking up with Micki (named for McDonald’s perhaps?) who’s the A #1 C.L.A.M. In retaliation, Arbie decides to take a job as a lowly employee at the American Chicken Bunker in order to win Wendy back from the clutches of C.L.A.M. In the meantime, there’s ooey-gooey zombie chicken eggs hatching out of people’s asses! Zombie chickens are hatching and attempting to maul anything in their path. They begin to terrorize Tromaville, and more specifically, the Chicken Bunker that resides on the ancient Tromahawk cemetery.
Poultrygeist includes more fast food references than you can shake a BK chicken fry at. In addition to Arbie and Wendy, the other employees at the American Chicken Bunker are named after fast food joints also. There’s Denny, Paco Bell, and Carl Jr, who basically shoves his dong into an uncooked chicken carcass and makes sweet love to the filthy beast. While the scene lacks the Eugene Levy-whimsy of the kitchen masturbation scene in American Pie, Carl Jr would easily rip Jason Biggs testicles right off if he knew he was banging warm apple pies instead of indulging his little piece into the wild, untamed world of cold, uncooked, chicken coitus.
I couldn’t believe I was watching the first ever musical, fast food, horror-romance unfold before my eyes. Poultrygeist is a disturbing but delicious marriage of movies like Fast Food Nation and Night of the Living Dead. SEE IT, for the sole reason that it will leave you with an indelible, unrepairable, artery clogging, strange sensation…and it may also make you want to puke. For the best in Zombie chicken orgies, over the top humor, gore, blood spurting decapitation, and disembowelment, see Poultrygeist! You’ll never look at a guy in a chicken costume in the same way again.