Classic WWF/WWE Event Cards from New Jersey #1

Welcome to ringside folks! It’s a slobberknocker here at The Sexy Armpit where we’re taking a look at the FIRST in a series of Classic WWF/WWE Event cards. An event card is the rundown of all the matches that take place at a house show, Live TV taping, or a Pay Per View. These cards are from events that I actually attended, and as we get into later posts in this series you’ll notice the quality of the cards diminish greatly. Nowadays you don’t see these match listings as much, since so many storylines change at the last minute, and occasionally a wrestler slated to appear gets replaced due to injury. But for now, let’s enjoy the classic days of the WWF as we take you down to Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura!

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It’s Monday June 8th, 1987 and the WWF Superstars have come to the arena formerly known as The Brendan Byrne, what is now known as The Izod Center. In possibly the shittiest main event in WWF history, former referee “Dangerous” Danny Davis took on George “The Animal” Steele as their feud continued. Could you imagine if it went the full hour time limit? George would have devoured all 4 turnbuckles by that time! Looking back, I have difficulty categorizing this as even a mid-card bout. It didn’t bother me because the excitement of being able to go to a live WWF event was overwhelming. When I was a kid I’d be happy watching two jobbers wrestle in the main event just as long as I was at an actual WWF show. I don’t think I realized I was getting ripped off, but I was still upset that I wasn’t able to see some of my favorites like Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage. Not all the matches were specifically detailed but there was sure to be “other all star bouts” happening that night. It’s possible even they didn’t know what else was going to happen. “Who’s around? Do we have Hacksaw Jim Duggan? Throw him out there against Barry Horowitz STAT!”

The Sexy Armpit Has Joined The WWE Fan Nation!

Sunday was the 20th edition of WWE’s Summerslam Pay Per View. I can’t believe that the first ever Summerslam event is already 20 years old! Damn, I may as well check myself into an old age home! Summerslam ’88 was an awesome event packed with classic WWE moments. Most notably, when Miss Elizabeth ripped away her skirt to leave Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase, and everyone else in the arena stunned. This made way for the Mega Powers to score the victory at Madison Square Garden in New York City. The Mega Powers, the greatest force known to man, paired “The Madness with The Mania.” When Hulk Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage were together on-screen sparks always flew. They always put on great matches together and cut even better promos. ‘Til this day, no WWE superstar has come close to exuding the outrageous amount of charisma that these two superstars did.

20 years later, after watching Summerslam ’08, I can’t say that the WWE talent quality is at the exact same level but the WWE is still putting on top notch entertainment. The enthralling and dramatic montages WWE creates grab you right off of your couch and suck you right into the story lines. Today’s WWE climate is different, it’s less of a traveling carnival and more of an actual late night soap for guys AND girls, but mostly for kids. The themes WWE hits on are bold, topical, and often times…actually groundbreaking. For example, Chris Jericho is really gonna get his ass beat after accidentally popping Shawn Michaels’ pretty wife right in the mouth. But Shawn didn’t retaliate!?!?!? Now we’re dealing with psyche and morals, not just piledrivers and atomic drops. You might go through your days thinking “Damn, I forgot to pay the electric bill!” while I go through my day thinking “I can’t wait to see Shawn lose his shit and go ballistic on Jericho!” I’m pretty sure that means they’re doing a great job.

You won’t hear many TV critics or pop culture gurus giving any props to Vince McMahon and the WWE. It’ll probably continue like that until Vince McMahon kicks the bucket, and I mean for real this time! Not like the time he got into his limo and it exploded. They struck that from the record, so you should too! Just go with it, don’t ask too many questions. Let yourself be entertained. Stop being so pretentious. We’re all very similar in our makeup and WWE puts on a show that everyone can enjoy. Well, maybe not through the entire RAW broadcast, but at least when Santino Marella is out there. And Cody Rhodes! And if you can’t enjoy the hot looking WWE Divas, you’re out of your mind.

WWE has had some exciting developments. Recently they welcomed actor Freddie Prinze Jr. to their writing staff and they also unveiled their new social networking site called THE WWE FAN NATION. For a few months I’ve been hearing about this site during RAW and SMACKDOWN. Like all new Internet gimmicks my first instinct was to ignore it, but like the thought of Miss Elizabeth tearing away her skirt for my 8 year old eyes to see, it enticed me. If you’re a WWE fan, F–K Twitter, why not join the WWE Fan Nation? It’s basically WWE’s answer to MySpace. Click here to check out The Sexy Armpit’s slice of it.

Don’t feel like joining the Fan Nation? Well then, here’s a choose your own Sexy Armpit Adventure:

My “coverage” of last year’s Summerslam blogging from my cell phone live from the Continental Airlines Arena (now the Izod Center) in East Rutherford, New Jersey.

Here’s the Main Event from Summerslam ’88 which I found on You Tube. For all of you impatient, horny Miss Elizabeth fans out there, fast forward to 6:42!

CRUSH! A Tribute

CRUSH!
When you used to turn my head into mush
When you used to make all the girls blush
CRUSH!
When you were the third member of Demolition
When you kicked more ass than Men on a Mission
CRUSH!
When you lacerated Savage’s tongue
When he put you in a rope and you hung
CRUSH!
When it was falls count anywhere
When you felt sexy cause you used Nair
CRUSH!
When you fought the Repo Man
When the business was so bad it made a new FCC ban
CRUSH!
When Mr. Fuji turned you heel
When we weren’t friends anymore, what was the deal?
CRUSH!
When you led the DOA
When I said to you, GOOD DAY!
When she said me and you should hit the hay.
When the event was over it was $50 bucks that I still had to pay?
What else do I have to say?
CRUSH!
When you were Savage’s bodyguard
When you were in charge like Commadant Lassard
When, hold on, I have to fard
When no one said I was the Bard
CRUSH!
When you hailed from Kona
When I refused to let you use my phona
When your printer ran out of tona
When you banged that red haired cougar named Mona
CRUSH!