Dania Ramirez is August’s Garden State Playmate!

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Did you know there was a made for TV prequel to Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion? Well, Dania Ramirez did because she was in it, proving that actors have to take the crap roles to get to the better ones. Now, this Dominican dame can look back and laugh at some of the movies she starred in like Romy and Michele: In the Beginning and Fat Albert.

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I first saw Ramirez as A.J’s Dominican girlfriend Bianca in The Sopranos and was surprised to find out that she went to college in New Jersey. Ramirez graduated Montclair State University in 1999 where she was a standout volleyball player. During that time she continued pursuing her dream of becoming an actress and model. Before gaining mainstream notoriety, Ramirez appeared in several music videos including ones from Jay-Z and LL Cool J.

Early in her career Ramirez appeared in the film 25th Hour starring Ed Norton which lead to several larger roles. Eventually, she became well known with fanboys/girls when she played Caridad in the last season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Callisto in X-Men: The Last Stand, and Maya on NBC’s Heroes. Also, if you’re a fan of HBO’s Entourage you will recognize her as Alex, Turtle’s girlfriend.

It looks like Hollywood’s next craze will be late ’90s and early 2000’s nostalgia flicks. What makes me think that? Well, next for Ramirez is a part in the next NOT straight to DVD installment of American Pie: American Reunion.

Tawny Cypress is August’s Garden State Playmate

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When I first noticed Tawny Cypress on Heroes a few years ago, all I could think of was “There’s ANOTHER Tawny out there besides Tawny Kitaen?” Yes, it’s unfortunate, but I seriously thought that. Why should we all become more acquainted with Tawny Cypress? Unlike Kitaen, a typical California girl, Cypress hails from Point Pleasant, New Jersey and she’s appeared in an episode of one of the funniest shows ever, Stella. Perhaps she’s not as well known as Kitaen, but Cypress is exceedingly more sophisticated than a glorified hair metal groupie who made a habit of dancing on hoods of cars.

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Cypress has built up a strong TV background starring in All My Children, Third Watch, Law & Order: SVU, and recently Rescue Me, while Kitaen has had a publicized cocaine habit and an affinity for domestic violence. Possibly working against Cypress is the fact that she doesn’t have an ’80s classic starring Tom Hanks on her list of credits, (Bachelor Party!) Now raise your hands if you remember The NEW WKRP in Cincinnati? Great! All 2 of you remember that show! Ironically, Tawny Kitaen played Mona, the smarty pants nighttime DJ. Cypress may not be a future Nobel Prize nominee like Kitaen, but she can back up her habit of snagging intellectual roles since she’s studied at Boston University, Westminster Choir College in Princeton, and Mason Gross at Rutgers University.

Tawny Cypress’ character Simone did her damnedest to get her boyfriend Isaac Mendez into rehab for his heroin addiction in the first season of Heroes while Tawny Kitaen appeared on the 2nd season of VH1’s Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. And once again, The Sexy Armpit poses the age old question to you, which are the more appealing qualities: class, sensuousness, and talent or starring in a RATT video and being a former love interest of O.J Simpson? You decide!

The Sexy Armpit appreciates Tawny Cypress for representing New Jersey! Not to take anything away from the lovely actress, but her brother is an accomplished comic book artist who has worked on Image Comics’ Jersey Gods! You can view his art right here at his blogspot page: http://tobycypress.blogspot.com

Ali Larter is April’s Garden State Playmate!

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Don’t read this post and start thinking that ALL Jersey girls look like Ali Larter, because unfortunately that just isn’t true. What IS true is that many of the characters she plays possess traits of a Jersey girl. For Larter, a native of Cherry Hill, NJ, acting like a badass seems to come naturally.

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Her resume has caused many a geek to cream their pants. Back around ’99, those same geeks might have also asked their girlfriends to wear whip cream underwear. If you weren’t aware of the spray on bra and panties that Larter redi-whipped onto herself in Varsity Blues, then you must’ve been buried under falling rocks in the Batcave during a cataclysmic earthquake. You’re forgiven if you have that clause in your movie watching contract that prohibits your eyelids from opening if there’s a movie or TV show with James Van Der Beek on. I don’t expect anyone to cop to knowing that the name of her Dawson’s Creek character was Kristy Livingstone, but I bet all the loose change in my BK ROTJ glass that you know Niki Sanders, her split personality psycho bitch from Heroes. If you missed her other roles that have made fanboys’ dreams come true all over the world, here’s some of the other films she’s starred in: Final Destination 1 and 2, Resident Evil: Vegas Vacation (Extinction), and my personal favorite Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

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It’s a good sign that Larter is already into her 30s and still looking sexy. Hollywood usually kicks you out of town when you hit 27. Is hotness enough to help Larter’s career continue to thrive? Recently, Larter starred in Obsessed, a film in the vein of Fatal Attraction. For an indication on how good this movie is, just try to comprehend that even Peter Travers of Rolling Stone gave the film a zero. I’m sure the reviews aren’t any worse than those for her magnum opus National Lampoon’s The Stoned Age a.k.a Homo Erectus.

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No bad reviews for Ali Larter here at The Sexy Armpit, only adulation. Not only does she freely admit she’s from New Jersey, but Larter is also quoted on her profile on IMDB as saying, “I hate pretty-looking boys. I’d rather have a guy with a potbelly than one who’s in the gym all the time and watches what he eats.” Who cares if she’s made some stinkers, her stock just skyrocketed!

Lost Boys: The Tribe: Movie Sucks, Corey Feldman Wins, and Film References Galore!

“Better late than never” movie sequels seem to be the latest trend in Hollywood. In the past couple of years we’ve had to deal with sequels to movies like Rocky, and Indiana Jones, both of which were 15 years tardy. It’s not to say these films aren’t without merit. Personally I get excited when a film gets released after its franchise has been missing from theaters for close to a score. You can imagine the hefty amount of anticipation that builds up. What if the movie sucks after this huge gap of time? All that anticipation morphs together into one huge glowing energy ball and launches itself out of my stomach and rips right through the movie screen. Well, not exactly but it would actually be better if the ball traveled to the movie studios and knocked these stupid film producers right on their asses. They have no sense sometimes.

Did you ever think you were going to see a sequel to Better off Dead? Probably not, right? Well 23 years after the film was in theaters is a better time than any I’d say. Why not a sequel to The Secret of My Success (1987) while we’re at it? Or Real Genius? Any movie is fair game. The big wigs in Hollywood are so asinine that they think a lame unrelated sequel to an old school franchise is automatically going to be successful. That unfortunately isn’t the case and I’ll speak for the greater population while I say that we’d all like some new and refreshing plots and engaging films. Did you ever think of how scared movie producers are to invest their money? A smart way to sell them an original script is by saying they could package their movie as “Wes Craven Presents” or as “The Lost Boys: The Tribe” like today’s shameful example. The film was 21 years too late but lucky for us it only sucked about 90 minutes of our time away from our lives. Shit, I almost became a vampire by watching it because it sucked so much life out of me. Oh yeah…and it just sucked in general.

I’m a loyal fan of the first Lost Boys, and seeing it in theaters when it was released really had an impact on me. I would say that regardless of how many Universal horror films and Dracula movies I watched as a kid, that The Lost Boys started my fascination with vampires. That’s a heavy load to carry…a load that smells like Frog juice (for those of you with a wet bar: mix raw egg, garlic, and holy water).

Lost Boys: The Tribe was a lame excuse for a sequel. It basically just used the name “Lost Boys” and the character of Edgar Frog played by Corey Feldman. The rest of it is “The O.C meets The Lost Boys.” The characters, especially the villains, get killed off quickly and we don’t even get much of a chance to love them or hate them. The introduction of Edgar Frog seems uneven in the film. Personally I think the script was written as a typical vampire film and then reworked after the producers lured The Feldster back in the mix. Well who cares, as long as Corey Feldman is back! He’s the man in this film and the highlight of the entire movie. He looks like he’s having a lot of fun playing Edgar Frog again and it’s a damn shame that he doesn’t have, at the very least, the success of his Goonies counterpart Sean Astin.

Speaking of The Goonies, utter suckyness aside, Lost Boys the Tribe spent a lot of time referencing a bunch of films. The blatant references became ridiculous at times. It seemed like the filmmakers wanted to name drop movies to be cool with the hipsters. You know those people…the ones who latch onto things way too late but they think they discovered something new.

Here’s a list of movie references from Lost Boys: The Tribe

10:12 Yes, The Tribe references…wait for it…The Lost Boys! There’s a short montage reminiscent of one in the original where various “strange” people around town are shown. This guy is clearly supposed to represent how Tim Cappello’s (greased up sax player singing “I Still Believe”) character would look 20 years later. The Tribe only wishes they had something as cool as a greased up WWE looking sax player singing that badass song. It would’ve worked wonders. If The Tribe is a hideous zit, then greasy Tim Cappello is the Clearasil.

13:23 “…Yes leave our address at the creepy Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer, it’s a good plan”
17:11 Besides Corey Feldman’s flawless performance, this reference is the films only saving grace: “You mean to say the two of you have never heard of The Goonies? You are in for a very serious treat.” Truer words were never spoken! Maybe 17 minutes into the film the DVD player actually just starts playing The Goonies instead and Lost Boys The Tribe was actually all a big joke! That’s marketing genius. Let’s sell more copies of The Goonies! I wonder if the same people who made Vice Versa and Trading Places feel like making “Edgar Frog meets Clark “Mouth” Devereaux?” If so then I’m offering to direct it.
18:48 “…ties the whole room together kinda like that rug in The Big Lebowski
1:00:39 You don’t get much more blatant than this: “Warriors! Come out to Play-ay!”
1:10:12 While it’s not really a movie, I had to throw it in: “That’s still something I can see on my Girls Gone Wild Box Set…”

All the movie references in the world wouldn’t have saved this piece of trash, even Haim’s bizarre appearance in an alternate ending. Please, someone important hire Corey Feldman so he can finally get his due! And get all of us who watched Lost Boys: The Tribe a mind wipe from that Haitian guy on Heroes so we won’t have to remember sitting through it.

Plans for ’07

I don’t really have any mind blowing plans for ‘07. I’m not gonna be like all the trendy people and say “world domination” is on my list of things to do. I never aim that high.

I thought about writing some really off the wall stuff describing my plans for ’07 but in all honesty I never think of a new year as any different than a few days from now. Let’s be honest how much do things really change? We get older, more cranky. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna keep doing the same things I’ve been doing.

New Jersey will still be known as a shithole. I bet I’ll still watch lame Nicole Eggert movies, usually starring Corey Haim as well. Most likely Gwen Stefani will still be on my iPod. I’ll still be reading comics, eating eggplant parm., and being claustrophobic. WWE, 30 Rock, and Heroes will still be on the top of my list of shows to watch. The wait time for the next Batman movie will dwindle down to 1 year. As you can see, things won’t drastically change. I do wish for MTV to become as cool as they were when I was a kid, minus the reality crap.

Other than the previously stated items, I’ve been having quite a hard time pronouncing the word “brewery.” I don’t know that I have much of a necessity to say “brewery” all that often but I’ll need to get better at saying it anyway.

There’s also no doubt that I’ll keep berating all of you with my blog because I have such a good time doing it. Even if the new year doesn’t bring much change I’m still looking forward it. Happy New Year everyone!

Blue lights on the trees?

There was a great commercial that aired during the kickass episode of Heroes on Monday. I must give props to Cingular and Motorola who produced an homage of A Christmas Story to promote their latest phone deal.

I find it quite amazing that A Charlie Brown Christmas is already airing on television right at this second on ABC. What’s even nuttier is that the Christmas Tree lighting in Rockefeller Center seems like it’s being scheduled earlier and earlier each year. Next thing you know, Halloween will be cancelled and replaced by a new holiday called “Countdown to Christmas.”

Tomorrow is the tree lighting and to me it’s pretty exciting. I’m looking forward to going to see the tree because it’s one of the last real traditions we have in the tri-state area. Traditions are awesome and make Christmas one of the most highly anticipated holidays. From the holiday music to the classic movies, it’s fun to relive them each year. Even though the holiday season has the most anticipation of any tradition, (next to the Super Bowl of course!) the more miniscule ones are still important. To many people, watching Monday Night Football (or Raw in my case) is one of the feelings that makes living life so awesome. If you don’t have traditions in your life, I recommend starting a brand new one up and then see if you can make it catch on with other people. Oh wait, George Costanza’s father tried that on Seinfeld (fesitvus) and Seth tried to on The O.C (Chrismakuh) and they both didn’t work out. It’s worth a shot anyway. I’ve always wanted to make a horror movie night with some friends where we all got together and watched a different horror movie every week or so. To me that is a great tradition.

Finally, it’s important to note that the town has decorated the trees on Main St. They put these weird blueish/purple lights on the trees! Usually red and green is more festive, or even colorless lights are better. I can’t get into lavendar, it’s not traditional enough dammit! Even silver and gold would be better.

Teleporting with Pepe the Prawn to watch the Luchagors…

NBC’s Heroes is definitely the best show on TV. I’m totally pumped right now for the next episode. I wish I had a super power. I suppose I’d like to have Hiro’s teleportation power. He can basically stop time and travel into the past and future. That’s a nifty thing to be able to do, but I know what you’re saying. Why wouldn’t I pick flying? I’d love to fly to and from work because it would cut down on the commute but the teleportation is way more intruiging. Hiro’s power kinda makes flying obsolete because you could just concentrate and then you’d be at work. Aside from the great powers it’s an awesome show and I recommend watching it if you aren’t hooked already.

Let’s hope that Jersey girl Ali Larter doesn’t jump ship if Resident Evil Extinction is a big hit. The odds are stacked against it especially because Ashanti apparently has a role in it. Let’s not forget her masterful role in The Muppets Wizard of Oz – probably one of the worst things to ever happen in Muppet history. The saving grace, Pepe the prawn, is one friggin’ hysterical Muppet…mmmkkkk.

And for anyone who is a WWE fan:
I watched the video of a live performance of Lita’s band the Luchagors. Man it wasn’t good at all. What makes wrestlers think they are cool enough to be rock stars? I understand that Fozzy has a cult following and I have no explanation for that but Lita in a punk band? Listen up for their banter in between songs it was the epitome of wit. If you’ve ever heard “When I get you alone” from the WWE Originals CD you have an idea of the depth of suckyness I am describing to you. Hell, don’t get me wrong I’ve always thought Lita was quite a hot piece of ass but lately she hasn’t been caring to much about her appearance and obviously not much about her career aspirations either. Contrast Lita with Mickie James and you can see why Mickie won the title last night on RAW.

The new Bond movie is gonna be great and I’d still like to see Borat among other movies.

I feel nauseous.

Kelly Kelly is so hot.