The Sexy Armpit’s Christmas Excursion Into The Ice Caverns

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It seems like the post Halloween blues affect me longer with each passing year. I get into a weird lackadaisical funk where I have no energy or motivation for anything. Who knows, it could be seasonal affective disorder or it’s just the fact that my favorite time of the year has come to an end only to make way for frigid temperatures and darkness before 5pm. Winter sucks…except for Christmas, of course. Yet, as deeply immersed as I always get into the holidays, sometimes my Christmas spirit needs a little kick in the ass. I’m sure you can relate. Around here, there’s so many opportunities to send a surge of cheer into my veins, and after some minimal research online, I found a place that I knew would make me feel like I just visited Kris Kringle’s condo in the North Pole.

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“Home of the Christmas Ice Caverns”
It’s clearly their bread and butter because I don’t know how many people 
are clamoring for King Neptune statues nowadays.

I couldn’t go this one alone because I had a feeling it would be too good not to share with friends. Dinosaur Dracula happened to be in the mood for a cup of cheer (a.k.a Tequila), so we brought the ladies and I drove up to Fairfield, NJ. We were all going into this blind. None of us had been to The Ice Caverns before, nor did we even know much about it. I had read stuff about it online for the past couple of years, but considering it was inside of a place called Jody’s Silk Florist and Patio Center, I had my doubts and never made it out for it. To my surprise, this has been a well known Christmas tradition around the state since 1967, but by the time I muster up the motivation for excursions like this, Christmas is usually over.

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After having to pull a couple of u-turns on Route 46, we parked and took in the surroundings. The exterior was interesting to say the least and we knew we were in for a real treat. The building looked like it was from the ’70s. Between the Christmas tree and shrub emporium next door, and the crazy statues all around, it all looked like a giant mish-mosh of retro insanity adorned in Christmas lights. Man, I already want to go back.

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We didn’t even enter the building yet and Matt and I were already calling dibs on what quarter ride-on machines we were each going to spotlight. My intensity and the guttural noises emanating from my body regarding the Flintmobile seen here were not only obnoxious and loud, but made everyone shy away from me like I was a crazy person.

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Maximum mark-out for the Flintmobile. After spending $250 dollars on what I thought was a simple trip for an oil change earlier that day, I had a bunch of other stuff I needed done and situations like that make me fantasize about riding to work in a car that absolutely cannot break down unless stepped on by a dinosaur and that vehicle is definitely The Flintmobile. Plus, if I had one I could quit my gym because I’d be getting a badass workout at the same time, but I’d show up at work like a sweaty disgusting mess. Scratch that idea, I’ll just snap the picture.

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Making our way inside, our brains were bombarded with a bevy of Christmas decorations, trees, ornaments, dolls, and knick-knacks of all kinds spread over 10,000 square feet. That was all good, but just like in The Goonies, I felt like yelling “Where’s the gold Mikey!” I wasted no time asking the cashier impatiently “Which way to the Ice Caverns?” I was getting such a good feeling about what we were in for. It almost felt like the moments before going on an old rickety dark ride that is so classic it can’t be beat, even by todays standards.

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Admission was reasonable, only about $3 bucks per person, a bargain in New Jersey. Even with that kind of pricing I still found their giant reprinted old school style Christmas coloring books to be way overpriced at nearly $20 bucks!

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Originally, upon reading about a store that featured an intricate Christmas display, what I pictured in my mind was puny in comparison to the enchanting, vintage scenes they conjured up here at the Ice Caverns. Think old school department store windows, but made into a Christmas walk through attraction that will infuse you with more Christmas vibes than you can ever ask for. It’s basically an orgy of vintage Christmas ambiance, animatronics, lights, and Santa isn’t even the kicker! There’s one ultra-amazing window in particular that nunchucked its way into our hearts.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjVO85jK4jU?list=UUumnVDwF5g2FwPBXlebEUIg]

There’s a group of pizza loving amphibious creatures that live down in the sewer and know some fancy ninja moves, you know who I’m talkin’ about, right? That’s right, our friends the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had their very own custom made Christmas themed window scene, and folks, it was incredible. They called it a “Cowabunga Christmas.” In the scene, The Turtles all had Santa hats on and were set up in a sewer lair scene and were decorating for Christmas. Raph is dressed as Santa while Michelangelo balanced a pizza on top of his head. This was truly a Christmas miracle.

On the way to get some food afterwards, I commented on how the Turtles looked homemade and Matt made the good point that they had to have been leftovers from back in the early ’90s because they definitely looked like they were based off the movie Turtles. Either way they looked fantastic.

There were other awesome things about the Ice Caverns and our other exploits that night and I’m fairly certain you’ll be hearing about a few of the key ones over at Dinosaur Dracula very soon!

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This is one of those quirky places that New Jersey is known for. We have so many of them that it’s easy to let them slip through your fingers. Hell, I didn’t even know about this place until recently and I’ve lived here my whole life. There are about 100 other obscure places like this around our state and thanks to blogs and podcasts they are getting a lot more buzz than ever. People like us, the nostalgia buffs and the pop culture freaks, we feed on places like this. This is the perfect day trip for kids as well as adult kids like me. The Ice Caverns will surely make you drool, but your drool will taste like peppermint of course and you’ll go home with your Christmas spirit jacked up to the highest degree.

The Ice Caverns are located inside of:
Jody’s Silk Florist and Patio Center in Fairfield, NJ
http://www.jodyssilkflorist.com/thechristmasstore.html

Coin-Op Flintmobile in Berlin, New Jersey!

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Go for a ride on the coin-op Flintmobile in Berlin, NJ

The Flintstones is one of my all time favorite cartoons and the show turns 50 years old today! Thanks to Waymarking.com I found this awesome coin operated ride-on Flintmobile! The Flintmobile is The Flintstones method of transportation since they didn’t have Ford Explorers back in The Stone Age. It’s located in front of the K-Mart on South White Horse Pike in Berlin, New Jersey. Thanks to Waymarking user Monkeys4ever for posting this! Children aren’t the only ones who dig these rides, personally I’d like to have a ride-on Flintmobile in my condo. Something tells me having a whirl on The Flintmobile would ease my tension at the end of a stressful day. Plus, with this one you don’t have to use your feet!

Jane Krakowski is March’s Garden State Playmate

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In my world, before her success as Jenna Maroney on 30 Rock, Jane Krakowski’s most notable role was in National Lampoon’s Vacation. The amount of times myself or someone I was speaking to has quoted Cousin Vicki’s notorious line has reached infinity by now. Say it with me:

COUSIN VICKI: “I’m going steady…and I french kiss…”
AUDREY: “So, everybody does that…”
COUSIN VICKI: “Yeah, but daddy says I’m the best at it…”

Match that little sliver of dialogue with Jane Krakowski’s superb white trash delivery and it solidified her as one of the most talented comedic actresses. Sure, her list of films since Vacation in 1983 has not been spectacular, but she has done steady work, especially in television. Her roles in shows like Ally McBeal and 30 Rock have gained her Golden Globes, SAG awards, and Primetime Emmys.

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Presently, Krakowski’s star status is credible and has made mostly everyone forget about how she had to play Betty O’Shale in the prequel, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas. And, if you are a horror buff like me, IMDB lets us in on the tidbit that Krakowski was originally cast in the original Sleepaway Camp as Judy, but dropped out because she felt her death scene was too violent. I don’t think that role would have swayed the direction of her career either way, but if she had been offered the role of Angela, now that decision would have made an impact. Some of Krakowski’s other film roles include Fatal Attraction, Go, Ice Age, Surf’s Up, The Rocker, and Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant.

In addition to her TV and film credits, Krakowski is a singer and has appeared in several Broadway productions such as Grand Hotel, Once Upon a Mattress, and won a Tony Award for her performance in Nine. She also appeared in the 2005 version of Guys and Dolls in London starring Ewan McGregor.

New Jersey,30 Rock

The Parsippany, New Jersey born actress receives extra points for starring in A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa, which is one of the better Muppets TV movies, as well as an episode of…The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles!