Trenton Punk Rock Flea Market Yields a Terrifying Trinket!

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Trenton’s Punk Rock Flea Market has endless vendor tables selling everything ranging from original art and toys to random knickknacks and vinyl record collections. On Sunday August 3rd, we were on our way back from Atlantic City for the KISS show and I’m glad we decided to stop into this array of randomness. Read on to see what I came home with!

The PRFM takes place inside the nationally registered historic Roebling Machine Shop, which was built in 1890 and is dusty, sort of decrepit, and chock full of charm. There’s no better place for this type of event, unless there’s another available historic machine shop in New Jersey that’s twice the size and offers air conditioning. Doubt it. It was quite steamy in this place, and the incredible turnout of people only made it feel warmer. I felt like Janosz Poha in Ghosbusters 2, only I was drippingz with sweat, not goo, but judging by the photo below, you can see why we toughed it out.

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Attracting a ton of people into Trenton who may not normally venture into the city, the PRFM has become a hotbed for people to buy and sell STUFF. I had a blast just gazing around at aisles upon aisles of it all… the stuff that is. As enticing as it was, and with Monster Mania coming up in matter of weeks, I promised myself I would keep my purchases to a minimum. Thankfully, I stuck to my guns.

Out of all the old records, posters, jewelry, comics, and toys, the only thing my eyes locked onto was a small Dracula figure. I was mesmerized by it for a few seconds, but instead of being overzealous, I waited on it because I had no idea what I’d find at the rest of the tables. What if I blew my minimal amount of cash on this small Dracula figure and then had nothing left if I ran into the Holy Grail item to end all Punk Rock Flea Markets?

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The Art of Bob Burke!

It was right around this moment that I actually stopped in my tracks as I noticed one table full of glow in the dark canvases of horror art. What really got me was the homemade Halloween 3 TV setup behind their table! Talk about eye candy! My eyes were salivating over all these amazing pieces that were based on everything I like including Joker, Orko, Skeletor, Frankenstein, Fright Night, Dark Helmet, Jack Torrance, The Misfits, and Cobra. Every character and movie I’ve ever liked was here at this table and it was INSANE. Who is this mysterious incandescent artist you ask? His name is Bob Burke and he’s without question one of the coolest artists I’ve ever met.

 My new glowing Halloween 3 art by Bob Burke!

I couldn’t leave without this beautiful Halloween 3 piece. It will be perfect hanging in my place just in time for Halloween and beyond! Check out Bob Burke’s Facebook page and give him a LIKE! and Follow him on Instagram http://instagram.com/bobburkeart

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Without forgetting my little vampire figurine from earlier, I kept him in the back of my mind as we made our way to the rest of the vendor tables. Miss Sexy Armpit picked up an NJ tank top from True Jersey, and she also got me the Jersey Batman T-shirt that I’ve had my eye on for a long time. Thanks to Miss Sexy Armpit for adding to my massive t-shirt collection! I’ll get a lot of wear out of it that’s for sure. True Jersey is a shop that I usually just hand my bank account number over to every time I see them at an event like this. When I pass their setup at Monster Mania I’ll have to put my head down and move along or else I’ll go bankrupt!

At this point we were getting a little antsy from the heat and we needed some food. Headed toward the front, I navigated over to the vendor that had the little old vampire guy. He was still there waiting for me. I inspected him further and noticed he was dusty, and far from mint condition. I also saw that he had a button and a battery compartment in the bottom, but he wasn’t working. “How much for this?” I asked the young girl behind the table. “I’m asking $10.” Seemed a bit steep of a price for a small figure with dead batteries that was in shabby condition, yet I had exactly $10 dollars left. Typically, I would’ve asked to go a little bit lower, and the girl even offered to go lower, but with two fives in my hand, I just felt it was meant to be. I exchanged the cash for the Drac and we swiftly made our way toward the exit.

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from Instagram.com/sexyarmpit

Just before leaving, I ran into Robert Bruce who you may know from AMC’s Comic Book Men. I busted his chops because he still has my heli-pad from my Kenner Hall of Justice that I got from him a while back. While bullshitting, he gave me the inside scoop that, the week before, Comic Book Men had been filming a show guest starring KISS when they were in the area playing a show at the PNC Bank Arts Center in Holmdel, NJ. Shh…exclusive info for the 4th season!

There were about 5 or 6 different food trucks and the lines for each one were pretty intense. We got tired of waiting, and it was hot and humid out, so Miss Sexy Armpit suggested we try this little restaurant adjacent to the machine shop. Our impatient asses walked a few steps over to Mario’s Bar & Grill. Despite missing out on the food truck cuisine, we went home happy and with full stomachs.

There were some Mexican entrees featured in the menu, and although I didn’t see them listed I asked the waitress if they had empanadas. She said they aren’t on the menu, but they could certainly make them for me. So the secret super special unlisted empanadas were a GO! They were delicious and the entire bill for the both of us cost less than $20 dollars.

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Photo on the Left from eBay and photo on the right via Monster In My Pocket Wikia

Immediately after getting back home I had to consult with eBay and a Google image search to find out more about this unusually creepy looking Dracula figure. Most likely, there are many toy crazed maniacs out there who recognized this guy in .2 milliseconds, but I hadn’t the slightest clue what line he was from. The girl who sold it to me mentioned it was a Monster in My Pocket, but I thought that was odd because all I remembered about that line was that the figures were all M.U.S.C.L.E sized and each one was painted a different bright color. This guy was more detailed and had a different look than the Monster in My Pockets that I recall, and those crazy sinister eyes!

My reservations about her accuracy were debunked as soon as the Google Image search results returned (Approximately 0.41 seconds, in case you’re keeping track). He wasn’t Dracula technically, he was simply “Vampire,” and was indeed part of a 1992 offshoot series of Monster in My Pocket called Super Scary Howlers. This series of 4 figures featured Vampire, Wolfman, Swamp Beast, and Monster, each with eerie light up eyes and scary monstrous sounds!

Of course, I wish I had the packaging, but even if I did buy it Mint on Card, I probably would’ve taken it out, no matter how sacrilegious that sounds.

No idea how I missed this one when it was out, but according to at least a couple of sites that I perused, this line has become pretty rare, and a working set is even harder to come by. Presently, there’s a Mint on Card Vampire going for $44 dollars on eBay, which is obviously much more than what I spent on this loose version. Even better, a loose complete set of 4 is selling for $175 U.S dollars on eBay. That said, I’m already looking into financing my Master’s Degree in Ufology based solely off of what I make from selling this guy. Shit, I’m totally not serious about selling him. Way serious about the Ufology though.

This was an unexpectedly cool pickup! If you were wondering, I placed an order for LR batteries on Amazon so I can check to see if this baby works. If it does, he will be my official buddy for the 2014 Halloween season. Keep you posted on Twitter: @sexyarmpit.

Let’s break it down in case there’s a pop quiz. I brought home a glowing piece of Halloween 3 art from my favorite shot in the film, a Batman style Jersey t-shirt, got the inside scoop on an upcoming Comic Book Men episode, and have added a 22-year old light up Vampire figure to my collection. As you can see, the Trenton Punk Rock Flea Market was an overwhelming success, and if you can get there, I totally recommend going to the next one!

Is The Hollywood Horror Cafe a Gamble for Atlantic City?

Horror Themed Restaurant New Jersey

The Press of Atlantic City.com, Shock Til You Drop, and Dread Central have all previously reported that a horror themed restaurant and wax museum may be coming to Atlantic City!

I want to be elated about this news, but there’s something that really burns my ass about it. We have had a complete drought of any haunted/horror attractions in The Garden State for decades. For those of us who were lucky enough to experience them, we had the luxury of Castle Dracula in Wildwood, The Haunted Castle in Six Flags Great Adventure, and The Spookhouse in Keansburg – which is still there! But for some reason our theme parks and our boardwalks have ignored horror themed attractions for a long time most likely because it might scare the kids. That is such bullshit. Kids need to get the crap scared out of them once in a while, it’s good for them! Personally, even as a kid, being scared was my favorite feeling. I craved horror movies and I longed to go back to Disneyland just to go into the Haunted Mansion. Over the years you could imagine how my hunger for horror has increased since then.

It seems to me that, aside from bloggers, indie filmmakers, and a select handful of others, that the renewed love for the horror and Gothic genres is due to the fake vampire/werewolf craze that Twilight started. It makes me want to puke. The only way we can get wax museums full of monsters and haunted restaurants in New Jersey is if developers see dollar signs. If Twilight does happen to be one of the driving forces behind this new attraction, then I’m fine with it because I’ll take what I can get. I spent too many hours traveling to Manhattan to go to Jekyll and Hyde’s as a punk kid not to mention too much money on their damn food as well.

Attorney Bela Lugosi Jr. is lending his legal help to the project while both he and Sara Karloff are assisting with procuring licensing agreements through their industry contacts. The Hollywood Horror Cafe is only one of the working names for the restaurant. The other possible names are The Gothic Grille and and Frank-N-Stein Bar and Grille.

Don’t hold your breath on this new horror themed attraction. Developers love to stir up the pot but never actually serve the brew. Luckily you have another option. Not far from Atlantic City you can visit Elaine’s Haunted House and Dinner Theater in Cape May NJ, especially during October!

Halloween House Display in Woodbridge, NJ

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On the ride home last night I swear I noticed Dracula on someones lawn. The Frog Brother in me told me that I needed to pull over and check it out. I wouldn’t want any blood sucking house invasions taking place in a nice town like this! When we pulled up to the house I let out a sigh of relief because the vampire wasn’t real, it was all part of a killer Halloween display that the good folks of the house have been putting up every year for the last 9 years!

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The display, which takes up their entire lawn, steps, and porch, includes Frankenstein, skeltons escaping from the ground, and glowing window characters. The setup was well done and exceptionally scary! One of the best things about Halloween and Christmas is that you never know what kinds of unbelievable decorations you’ll see when driving around. So many people put forth much effort into their lawn displays and they need to be appreciated!

Halloween Simplicity in 1987

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October 31st, 1987

Every year for Halloween I wanted to go as Dracula. It was actually beneficial for my mom since it made the whole “getting a costume” process fairly simple. I told her that I would make the medallion to hang around my neck, and do my own makeup. She held up her end of the bargain by getting me those crazy Dracula teeth and a cape. If my memory serves me correctly I milked the Dracula thing for a few years. In the years between I dressed as He-Man, Don Mattingly of the Yankees, and Indiana Jones. As a kid, I never felt the need to have an elaborate costume that took a month to plan and execute. I never had the patience or the motivation for that. Halloween was supposed to be fun and spooky, I wasn’t training to be a costume designer on a Luc Besson film! Halloween should be about watching horror movies, and eating candy…plain and simple!   
As a ninja, my friend Greg (on the left) had an even easier time with his costume than me. But again, it didn’t matter because we had fun every year prowling around the entire neighborhood. From after school until it was dark, we wrung the town dry of all it’s candy.  
Also check out: Halloween 1981

Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein at The Union County Arts Center 1998

I’m definitely on board with the whole nostalgia fascination, but I have to say…it’s making me feel so damn old! Digging back into The Sexy Archives has really made me start to think that I need to reserve my space at the senior citizens home. I guess that’s what I get for keeping old stuff.

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Here’s my ticket to a special Halloween showing of Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein on October 29th, 1998 at the Union County Arts Center in Rahway, NJ.  The Union County Arts Center is the former Rahway Theater which was an old silent movie palace built in 1928 that has been fully restored. The theater is listed on the National and State Registers of Historic Places. 

It was free to get in to see the film since it was sponsored by AMC’s Monsterfest House of Horrors.  Every year AMC is known for showing a shitload of great horror movies during the month of October. Earlier today during an exciting fun filled weekend of doing laundry, I was lucky enough to catch AMC’s marathon of Halloween films! When a movie is airing on TV, I’m more inclined to watch than if I have to dig into the vast abyss of my DVD collection to find the specific film. For this year’s lineup you can check out AMC’s Fear Fest schedule.

Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948) has always been a favorite film of mine, especially as a kid during Halloween. My father showed me a bunch of the Abbott and Costello films and I always enjoyed their brand of humor. This film was the ultimate meeting of humor and horror. The universal horror icons, Dracula, Frankenstein, and Wolfman (and perhaps another special guest!) were all weaved into the plot in an ingenious way. What makes the film stand out as a classic film, not just a horror film or comedy, was its atmosphere. There were some genuinely spooky parts of the film that always attracted me to watching it, but there were also a slew of really funny moments. The typical Abbott and Costello hijinks are present and the “funny” seems to be intensified since they were both experts at acting scared out of their minds.
From Wikipedia:
– In 2001, the United States Library of Congress deemed this film “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant” and selected it for preservation in the National Film Registry

– In September 2007, Reader’s Digest selected the movie as one of the top 100 funniest films of all time. 
I’m glad I got a chance to see Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein in a classic movie house. It’s disappointing because there aren’t too many opportunities in the NY/NJ area to get to see classic films on the big screen. It’s a treat to visit The Landmark Loews Jersey Theater when they have film festivals, and it’s rare but Radio City Music Hall has them once in a while as well. I wish there was a theater that was dedicated to showing only horror movies old and new. That’s an idea that would rake in the dough. I know I’d be there at least once a week! 

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Check out Denizens of Darkness who has a great original piece of artwork inspired by a scene from the film.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.11: The Misfits Form in Lodi, NJ

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I’m always amused when I see people’s reaction the first time they hear a KISS song. Throughout my entire life of being a KISS fan, everyone has always said “Oh I can’t listen to KISS, that’s like death metal.” Many people who have only seen KISS think their sound is more in line with their look. Aside from their typical “Rock and Roll all Nite” fare, take a listen to songs like “Hard Luck Woman,” “I Still Love You,” and “See You In You Dreams,” and you’ll hear that Kiss is the furthest thing from death metal. On the other hand, while they’re not death metal in the least, unlike Kiss, The Misfits sound is more in line with their image.

In 1977, The Misfits came together in Lodi, New Jersey. Named after a Marilyn Monroe film, their ghoulish, macabre makeup was attention grabbing and even more sinister than that of KISS and Alice Cooper. At first listen, their music sounds like simple guttural punk, yet it somehow perfectly evokes the nostalgic and eerie feeling of old horror movies. 30 years after the bands inception, The Misfits are credited as being the innovators of “Horror punk.”

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A slew of bands cite The Misfits as one of their influences such as Metallica, and My Chemical Romance. Their skull logo can be seen everywhere, even if the kids wearing it don’t know what it stands for. It’s the MISFITS muthatruckas! Even with the departure of Glenn Danzig and various lineup changes, The Misfits are still terrorizing the country. Check out their tour dates to see when they’ll be in your neighborhood.

Now check out a few Misfit facts:

– Bassist, vocalist, and former WCW wrestler extraordinaire Jerry Only is known for inventing the “devilock” hairstyle seen here (2nd in from the left):

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– The Misfits named their legion of fans “Fiends.” Their fiend club is their equivalent of the Kiss Army.

– This bit of interesting info comes courtesy of The Misfits website (www.misfits.com):

“The Misfits and their “Fiend Club” also became instrumental in petitioning for the release of the U.S. Classic Movie Monster Stamp series which, among other of their heroes, featured Bela Lugosi Sr., as Dracula, Ben Chapman as the Creature from the Black Lagoon, and of course, Boris Karloff as Frankenstein.”

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– Here’s probably the most interesting thing I found about the Misfits:
The Misfits operate out of North Jersey where they own a machine shop and a knife factory. Not only do they make their own instruments but also their amps, studded straps and spiked leather jackets! The Misfits also fashion their very own stage sets and props!

– George Romero directed this Misfits video for “Scream” in exchange for letting Romero use 2 of their songs in his film Bruiser.

Video for “American Psycho” with an awesome intro:

Here you can see the craziness of a 1981 Misfits show as they perform one of their signature songs “Halloween”:

Here’s a really cool homemade video for their song “Vampira”:

Man on a Marshmallow Mission: Pumpkins and Pals Beware!

When you hear the term “Man on a Mission,” I’m 99.9% sure that the former WWF trio of Mabel, Oscar, and Mo doesn’t spring immediately to your mind. A man on a mission is ME when I’m in the grocery store, or any store for that matter.

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“I have no respect for people with no shopping agenda”
Shannon Hamilton (Ben Affleck) “The Asshole from Fashionable Male” – Mallrats

I’d hate to fall into the category of a person who is respected by Shannon from Mallrats, but, yes I usually have a shopping agenda. I don’t quite live in a bustling city like Manhattan, but the traffic and headaches here are sometimes just as easy to come by. Going to some of the grocery stores and superstores like Target and Wal-Mart drives me nuts. It’s rarely a pleasant experience even though I’d like it to be. On one occasion, I drove to Wal-Mart for a poster frame and then realized there’s no good parking spots, carts are banging into cars, and when I finally got a spot, someone tried starting shit with me saying it was their spot. This isn’t even the holidays!

Once in the store, I become the Terminator and set my infrared sights to pinpoint exactly what I came to get. Oh, who am I kidding? I get sidetracked so easily. Seeing Batman Underoos stops me in my tracks. I think if I had the money I’d just buy anything with my favorite characters on it. After spending an hour and probably somewhere in the range of $100, I realize I need to get the fuck out or suffer more monetary and mental damage. I’m sure I also had some irreparable damage to my ear drums considering it’s so damn loud in these stores with all of the screaming, crying, whiny kids. I love kids, truthfully, but they go ballistic if you don’t tell them you’ll buy them every thing in the store.

Even when I’m at a higher level store like Wegmans, difficulties still hinder me from shopping with ease. When the hell are grocery stores going to hire a traffic cop and build shopping cart highways? So many people have no idea how to handle a shopping cart. Some folks are actual adults and senior citizens believe it or not! You’d think they’d be experts at handling themselves in a store after shopping for 40 some odd years. People don’t move when they see others trying to get through, and certain people think that NO ONE IS EVER BEHIND THEM! Go a little bit faster people! You don’t have to run the New York City Marathon or anything, but damn, not everyone is retired and taking leisurely strolls through stores “just to see what pops out at them.” Remember, get out of my way…I’m on a mission!

When I actually made my way through all the congestion and literally cursed my way through the fresh baked bread line, I finally attempted check out. This part is the biggest joke ever. Not only have I actually seen a person almost get kicked out of the store because they went to the 10 items or less line with well over 10 items, but a middle aged angry woman cut in front of me in line and then yelled at me saying “I was next…you can’t cut in front of me!” Just get me out of this hellish place! These people are out of their minds. I just need to buy my Marshmallow Monsters, and a couple of friggin’ chocolate pumpkins and get my ass out of here!

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A few days ago I finally decided to try Hershey’s milk chocolate covered marshmallow pumpkin. I think I had a brainfart because when I got home I realized I thought I bought the Reese’s pumpkins, but I was happy I didn’t…at least my health was. These Hershey’s pumpkins aren’t that bad for you so you won’t feel too guilty indulging. Even us “adults” need to relish in some Halloween candy once in a while. I haven’t trick or treated in about 16 years so this will have to suffice. Making it through the store excursions alive was scary enough.

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I tore open the package to see a hunk of chocolate that did not resemble a pumpkin, more like a half a fig covered in chocolate. It didn’t matter though, because once my teeth ripped into the soft marshmallow center I was sold. The pumpkin was tasty, I must say. The marshmallow filling was actually quite smooth and more on the creamy side. It wasn’t that styrofoamy type of marshmallow you get in a Moon Pie or Scooter Pie, this had substance. The texture and taste was pretty close to that of Fluff.

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If you are the type of person who watches what they eat, then I highly recommend the Hershey’s marshmallow pumpkin as treat for Halloween. I didn’t see a dark chocolate version in the store, which I would’ve rather had but with 3.5 grams of fat and NO cholesterol, you won’t feel too guilty.

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Hand made Marshmallow Pals are my new best friends! I don’t remember seeing a package of “hand made” candy in a long time. I picked these up at a $5 Below store, who always seem to have tons of candy. As it turns out, there was several different varieties of “hand made” candy in the store but the Marshmallow Pals really caught my eye. They had that special something. At first glance I knew these were going to be mine. Inside the individually wrapped packages were Frankenstein, Dracula, The Witch, and we’ll call him Mr. Pumpkin. They were all happy to finally get a breath of fresh air after spending so much time wrapped in their cellophane.

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They looked so appetizing, especially Dracula and Frankenstein for some reason. I was impressed by the details like the semi-hard icing that made up the hair on the witch and Drac, Frankie’s bolts, and the pumpkin’s vine. Admiring those details didn’t last very long since I beheaded all of them! The Marshmallow Pals basically tasted like Peeps but these seemed a bit sweeter, possibly from the aforementioned hard icing.

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Sorry I ate you my little mavericky Marshmallow Pals! And now that I can’t hear, I have no money, and my eyes are crossing thanks to all the bright lights and cool shit…it’s finally time to go home and enjoy the rest of my booty.

Lost Boys: The Tribe: Movie Sucks, Corey Feldman Wins, and Film References Galore!

“Better late than never” movie sequels seem to be the latest trend in Hollywood. In the past couple of years we’ve had to deal with sequels to movies like Rocky, and Indiana Jones, both of which were 15 years tardy. It’s not to say these films aren’t without merit. Personally I get excited when a film gets released after its franchise has been missing from theaters for close to a score. You can imagine the hefty amount of anticipation that builds up. What if the movie sucks after this huge gap of time? All that anticipation morphs together into one huge glowing energy ball and launches itself out of my stomach and rips right through the movie screen. Well, not exactly but it would actually be better if the ball traveled to the movie studios and knocked these stupid film producers right on their asses. They have no sense sometimes.

Did you ever think you were going to see a sequel to Better off Dead? Probably not, right? Well 23 years after the film was in theaters is a better time than any I’d say. Why not a sequel to The Secret of My Success (1987) while we’re at it? Or Real Genius? Any movie is fair game. The big wigs in Hollywood are so asinine that they think a lame unrelated sequel to an old school franchise is automatically going to be successful. That unfortunately isn’t the case and I’ll speak for the greater population while I say that we’d all like some new and refreshing plots and engaging films. Did you ever think of how scared movie producers are to invest their money? A smart way to sell them an original script is by saying they could package their movie as “Wes Craven Presents” or as “The Lost Boys: The Tribe” like today’s shameful example. The film was 21 years too late but lucky for us it only sucked about 90 minutes of our time away from our lives. Shit, I almost became a vampire by watching it because it sucked so much life out of me. Oh yeah…and it just sucked in general.

I’m a loyal fan of the first Lost Boys, and seeing it in theaters when it was released really had an impact on me. I would say that regardless of how many Universal horror films and Dracula movies I watched as a kid, that The Lost Boys started my fascination with vampires. That’s a heavy load to carry…a load that smells like Frog juice (for those of you with a wet bar: mix raw egg, garlic, and holy water).

Lost Boys: The Tribe was a lame excuse for a sequel. It basically just used the name “Lost Boys” and the character of Edgar Frog played by Corey Feldman. The rest of it is “The O.C meets The Lost Boys.” The characters, especially the villains, get killed off quickly and we don’t even get much of a chance to love them or hate them. The introduction of Edgar Frog seems uneven in the film. Personally I think the script was written as a typical vampire film and then reworked after the producers lured The Feldster back in the mix. Well who cares, as long as Corey Feldman is back! He’s the man in this film and the highlight of the entire movie. He looks like he’s having a lot of fun playing Edgar Frog again and it’s a damn shame that he doesn’t have, at the very least, the success of his Goonies counterpart Sean Astin.

Speaking of The Goonies, utter suckyness aside, Lost Boys the Tribe spent a lot of time referencing a bunch of films. The blatant references became ridiculous at times. It seemed like the filmmakers wanted to name drop movies to be cool with the hipsters. You know those people…the ones who latch onto things way too late but they think they discovered something new.

Here’s a list of movie references from Lost Boys: The Tribe

10:12 Yes, The Tribe references…wait for it…The Lost Boys! There’s a short montage reminiscent of one in the original where various “strange” people around town are shown. This guy is clearly supposed to represent how Tim Cappello’s (greased up sax player singing “I Still Believe”) character would look 20 years later. The Tribe only wishes they had something as cool as a greased up WWE looking sax player singing that badass song. It would’ve worked wonders. If The Tribe is a hideous zit, then greasy Tim Cappello is the Clearasil.

13:23 “…Yes leave our address at the creepy Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer, it’s a good plan”
17:11 Besides Corey Feldman’s flawless performance, this reference is the films only saving grace: “You mean to say the two of you have never heard of The Goonies? You are in for a very serious treat.” Truer words were never spoken! Maybe 17 minutes into the film the DVD player actually just starts playing The Goonies instead and Lost Boys The Tribe was actually all a big joke! That’s marketing genius. Let’s sell more copies of The Goonies! I wonder if the same people who made Vice Versa and Trading Places feel like making “Edgar Frog meets Clark “Mouth” Devereaux?” If so then I’m offering to direct it.
18:48 “…ties the whole room together kinda like that rug in The Big Lebowski
1:00:39 You don’t get much more blatant than this: “Warriors! Come out to Play-ay!”
1:10:12 While it’s not really a movie, I had to throw it in: “That’s still something I can see on my Girls Gone Wild Box Set…”

All the movie references in the world wouldn’t have saved this piece of trash, even Haim’s bizarre appearance in an alternate ending. Please, someone important hire Corey Feldman so he can finally get his due! And get all of us who watched Lost Boys: The Tribe a mind wipe from that Haitian guy on Heroes so we won’t have to remember sitting through it.