NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 43: St. Patrick’s Day in Hoboken

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Limited Edition St. Patty’s Day in Hoboken 2010 T-Shirt available at Solid Threads

Every day in Hoboken is a big drunkfest, so I bet Hoboken will transform into one big geyser of puke on St. Patrick’s Day. It was that exact reason why I did not attend The St. Patrick’s Parade in Hoboken on March 6th. There’s too many people acting like idiots and I have a feeling I would have wound up getting angry and turning green like The Incredible Hulk. Where do you think we are, Cancun? Join me as I suck the life out of St.Patrick’s Day.

The St. Patty’s day parade in Hoboken and St.Patrick’s Day in general is another excuse to drink heavily and wear my least favorite color. I don’t care if I sound like a party pooper, but the holiday never appealed to me. When I was a kid I was fond of the Main Street Electrical Parade in Disneyland, but, for the most part, I’m not really a fan of parades unless they involve The Joker and free money. Maybe if Lucky the Leprechaun personally knocked on my door with a few of his green string bikini clad leperhoe’s bearing gifts such as a lifetime supply of Lucky Charms awaiting me in an 18 wheeler outside then perhaps I would have more of an affinity towards the 17th of March. By the way, did I mention that a 16 oz. Shamrock Shake at McDonald’s contains 550 calories and 50 milligrams of cholesterol? When they concoct a healthier version maybe I’ll get excited for the perennial frozen treat.

It seems that the St. Patty’s parade in Hoboken is held just so the city can collect money. It’s another occasion for buzzkillers, err, I mean cops to hand out tons of tickets. An NJ.com article, 555 ticketed in Hoboken, 25 arrested St.Pat’s Day, was published a week after the parade took place and details the huge monetary loss from hosting the event. According to the story written by Mark G.Maurer, the cost of the parade “exceeded $125,000.”

Sure, public safety is paramount, but recouping at least a percentage of the wads of cash was also high on the city’s priority list. The entire police force was on duty as they awarded 476 summonses, some for open containers, jaywalking, disorderly house parties, and 41 of the instances were for public urination! Why do I even want to go to a parade where the streets are filled with walking disasters who are puking and pissing all over the streets? No wonder New Jersey gets made fun of all the time.

The Avaricious Elephant & The Splendorous Sonic Drive-In

Lucy Elephant Sonic Drive In
I spent the weekend in Atlantic City and Wildwood or “The Wildwoods” as they’re apparently also known as, and I felt the need to report back to you with an account of my experiences.

She’s an icon and she always has people going inside her. No, I’m not talking about Tera Patrick, it’s Lucy the Elephant! For years, I’ve meant to visit this local oddity, but I suppose visiting an inanimate 65-foot elephant doesn’t take precedence over seeing Motley Crue or watching old episodes of Super Powers Team: Galactic Guardians (A man needs to have priorities). While heading home on the Garden State Parkway, I thought “Why not stop in Margate and see Lucy the Elephant?” Not the greatest idea of mine, believe it or not.
After taking the Margate exit, I awoke the voice of William Daniels by firing up my Knight Rider GPS, and he informed us that there would be a toll road in our future. Confused, I wondered why there would be ANOTHER toll since we already exited the Parkway? We began to see signs for a toll coming up as we drove through a swampy dock area. After rolling over a short bridge we officially entered Margate City and we were greeted by a toll exchange that only had room for 3 or 4 cars to go through at a time. I couldn’t believe we were getting soaked for ANOTHER toll! Usually on the Garden State Parkway the toll fees range from $0.50 to $1.00, but this toll was $1.50! Forget appalled, I was downrightsupermuthaf-cking PISSED!!!
Once we arrived at Lucy’s chill zone, the sight of her was exactly what I expected. If you’ve seen pictures of Lucy then that’s all you’ll ever really need. A tour of Lucy’s innards is available, but I assure you it’s nothing like Body Wars. Go ahead and have your girl take silly pictures of you standing under Lucy’s bunghole, it’s all fun and games until 2 1/2 minutes later when you realize you’ve exhausted all activities with the wood and tin behemoth. When it’s time to go, make sure you scrounge up as much change from your pockets as you can, because you’ll have to cough up that $1.50 toll when LEAVING Margate also! The balls on these people! The country is in a terrible economic crisis and they’re charging $3.00 to enter and leave a town to see a f-cking elephant?!?! It’s not like we’re going to get to interact with an animatronic Snuffleupagus!
That $3.00 could have gone to much better use at Sonic.
Rio Grande, NJ’s Sonic Drive-In was the absolute best fast food experience I ever had the pleasure of enjoying. You might think that’s an embellishment because my Sonic cherry has been popped so recently, but it’s every bit as good as their commercials make it seem. For years, Sonic has advertised in the Tri-State area via TV commercials, magazine ads, and billboards, but there’s only one or two locations in New Jersey, and they are not around the corner. We noticed a Sonic billboard while driving into Wildwood and vowed to finally eat there on the way home.
At first, we didn’t realize that Sonic was exclusively a drive in. I figured it was just part of the gimmick and that there must be an option to sit inside and eat, but that’s not the case. When I noticed the patio furniture we opted to sit outside since it was sunny and cool. Did I mention that it was only 10:00 AM? This meal had to serve as my breakfast, lunch, and keep me fueled for the entire monotonous drive home. I ordered a cheeseburger, fries, and a Watermelon Creamslush. All were superb and exceeded my expectations in the taste and quality department.
I shouldn’t have, but my curiosity forced me to check out the nutritional information that’s published on the Sonic website. How could they do this to me? I might as well blow up right now like Violet Beauregarde in Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory. I’d really love to have a Sonic closer to where I live because I’d be there everyday trying a new Creamslush. I know it’s for the better, otherwise they would need a crane to remove me from my bedroom.
If you’re also a Sonic Drive-In virgin, then you might want to take a trip to their Howell, NJ or Hasbrouck Heights, NJ locations to experience it for yourself.

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 15: Mickey Mouse Chillin’ in Jersey

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Unfortunately, this isn’t another practical joke, Mickey won’t actually be chillin’ in Jersey anytime soon. Even if he was, he’d need the proper attire. Here he’s looking more like he was auditioning to be an extra in a McDonaldland commercial. Mick would have looked more appropriate rocking a pair of stone washed jeans and a wife beater, but he got the sunglasses right though! If the folks at Disney animation weren’t so uptight about their squeaky clean image, maybe we’d get an animated short called Mickey’s Sopranos attached to the beginning of The Princess and the Frog? If I was Mickey, I think I’d pick Jiminy Cricket as my consigliere.
If we had it our way here in Jersey, we would’ve had a nice gigantic Disney Theme Park in place of Xanadu, the debacle that’s presently taking up space in the Meadowlands complex. Until then, we can fantasize about how cool it would be to see racks at the gift shops filled with these t-shirts at Disney World: New Jersey.

Recently, eBay Seller VintageCandee1 featured this ’80s Disney T-Shirt with Mickey on the front leaning against the words “New Jersey.” At the bottom of the graphic, the fine print reads “The Walt Disney Company by Velva Sheen.”

The Perfect Age of Rock and Roll Review

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“Nobody Leaves This Place Without Singing The Blues.”

– Albert Collins, Adventures in Babysitting
This isn’ the f–king Partridge Family. That’s what crossed my mind as the screen was ignited by The Perfect Age of Rock and Roll, the next classic rock and roll road film and winner of Outstanding Achievement in Filmmaking at the 2009 Newport Beach Film Festival. I was honored to have been present at a private screening of the film where I sat with the director and writer Scott Rosenbaum, producer Joseph White, and cast members including blues legends Hubert Sumlin and Sugar Blue. Their presence made the night unforgettable as the film affirms that rock and roll is merely the bastard child of the blues.

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It’s the early ’90s and Spyder is the lead singer of The Lost Soulz, a mega famous rock band. Their first album was made up of songs Spyder stole from his best friend Eric who he left in the dust and moved out to L.A in search of fame. Without his songs, the second Soulz album tanked. The bands 15 minutes has almost ran out, but they have one last chance to redeem themselves. Oh, but there’s one thing, Lando Calrissian is their record producer! “How you doing, you old pirate? This contract is getting worse all the time!” OK, so, Billy Dee’s not actually Lando, he’s Ace Millstone and he’s not messing around. He wants the third Soulz record completed on time or they’ll be dropped from the label and vanish into obscurity. They can sure as hell forget being inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, although they probably wouldn’t be eligible anyway since they stole all their hits songs. Sucks for them, that’s some predicament.
Forcing legs into leather pants can usually be quite a challenge, but Kevin Zegers (Dawn of the Dead, TransAmerica) slips into Spyder’s pair with remarkable ease. In a moment of desperation, Spyder, a Gerard Way looking dude with more mental issues than Brian Wilson watching Donnie Darko, sucks up his pride and flies back home to Long Island to visit his eternal best friend and former band mate, Eric. Son of a legendary deceased rocker, Eric is a shabby music teacher played by Jason Ritter (Freddy vs. Jason, W.). Spyder proposes that Eric join the band as their guitarist and they put the misty mountain of songs that he’s written to good use. After the hard sell, Eric reluctantly accepts under one condition, they drive cross country back to L.A while getting their kicks on the legendary Route 66.
Since Eric’s dream of touring the country and experiencing the rock and roll lifestyle was ripped away from him, he’s making this chance count. We’re invited along for the ride in a tin lizzie of a tour bus, which is one step above the Wagon Queen Family Truckster. As the Soulz pass through the states rolling down the highway, they encounter sex, drugs, booze, and even a lesson in the blues from Sugar Blue and Hubert Sumlin.

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If you’re planning on taking the whole band cross country, Peter Fonda is YOUR bus driver! In an amalgamation of many of his classic roles, Fonda’s Auggie West acts as a mentor to The Lost Soulz. Auggie’s been down this road before and attempts to steer Eric and Spyder clear of drugs and band breakups. Fonda’s comedic ability is impressive as a timeworn hippie stoner attempting to nurture a new generation of counterculture. While navigating Route 66, Auggie frequently displayed his world of musical knowledge by challenging the band and their manager Rose (Taryn Manning), to “name that tune.” It was goofy fun, but also his inherit shot at enriching the band’s musical prowess.
To illustrate the erratic Axl/Slash relationship between Spyder and Eric, Rosenbaum intertwines classic rock songs with striking visuals. The Lost Soulz tracks were created for the film by members of The New York Dolls and composer Andrew Hollander. Zegers and Ritter actually sing on these tracks. In addition to classic rock songs, you’ll hear old blues classics that have later been covered by modern bands. The filmmakers captured several intense scenes depicting the temptation, allure, and consequences of the rock and roll lifestyle which are accentuated through vivid camerawork, sharp editing, and the carefully chosen soundtrack. Rock films often succumb to looking awash in colored filters, fuzzy effects, and nausea inducing jump cuts, but thankfully, this is not one of them.
The musically adept cast bring the scenes to life like they’re strumming a Strat. Taryn Manning (Crossroads, 8 Mile) is the Soulz manager Rose, and Lukas Haas (Lady in White, Mars Attacks) stars as Clifton, a writer for Revolver magazine. Manning is in a band called Boomkat and has starred in Butch Walker’s “The Weight of Her” video, while Haas has appeared in music videos by My Chem and Death Cab, and also plays drums in a band called The Rogues. The onscreen rhythm section of The Lost Soulz consists of bassist Bixx played by Jasin Cadic, co-writer of the screenplay, Edison NJ native, and musician in the band Handful of Dust. Drummer Bonzo, is actually Marty E. of The Dirty Pearls, the reigning kings of NYC’s rock scene. Director Scott Rosenbaum, also a drummer, told me about Marty’s key role in the film, “There is nothing worse than a movie performance of a band where the actors can’t hold their instruments and the drummer looks like he’s mixing a cake. It’s obvious and it sucks. Marty kicked ass.”
Being a New Jersey aficionado, I was thrilled to discover that many scenes in P.A.R.R were filmed here. The production company set up their H.Q in Rahway and used several locations around the state including Burlington County, Marlboro, Montclair, Newark, Westfield, and Cadic’s Grandmother’s house in Edison. “Montgomery Township was awesome to us! The mayor even came down to the set!” said Producer Joseph White. The Starland Ballroom in Sayreville and The Colorado Cafe in Watchung also served as backdrops for Soulz concert scenes.
P.A.R.R is the inspiration of its writer and director Scott Rosenbaum. He’s crafted an intrepid film that, as of press time, is seeking a distributor. Producer Joseph White indicated that the distributor “should care as much about rock and roll and the blues as we do.” It’s clear that the filmmakers are music buffs thanks to various references strategically planted in the film like hidden Mickeys at Disney World. Even the title of the film alludes to the “27 club,” a list of musicians who died at 27. The closing credits feature vintage clips of some of its members like Morrison, Joplin, and Cobain.
The film left me with the impression that our video game culture controlled by plastic wireless instruments is in dire need to be versed in the feelings that incited musicians to create Rock and Roll in the first place. If you’ve ever stood in front of a Marshall stack and “let the sound take you away” or “played until your fingers bled,” then this movie was made for you.
Music from Nirvana, Bob Dylan, Alice in Chains, Jane’s Addiction, Iggy & The Stooges, and more. For more, visit: www.ThePerfectAgeofRockNRoll.com
Jay Amabile, www.TheSexyArmpit.com

Cinderella’s Golden Carrousel from Maplewood, NJ

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You don’t need EZ-Pass to go on this ride, and probably not even a Fast-Pass. The handmade golden carrousel actually spent close to 40 years in New Jersey before becoming dedicated to Cinderella as part of the Magic Kingdom theme park in Florida’s Walt Disney World. **The above excerpt was scanned from The Walt Disney World Trivia Book Vol.1: Secrets, History, & Fun Facts Behind the Magic by Louis A. Mongello.

On Halloween I Dressed To Kill

I’m back from Disney World and I’ll definitely fill you in on the details of the trip within the next few days or so! I hope everyone enjoyed their Halloween extravaganzas! I must say, I had a lot of fun this year doing the countdown and getting my costume together. Thanks to everyone who stopped by and to all the awesome bloggers out there who put up killer posts throughout the entire month!

I’ve dressed up as Gene Simmons from KISS many times in the past, but this year I decided to get the group together and do a Dressed to Kill album cover theme. It’s always fun to dress up as The Demon because the women LOVE it and it’s pretty bad ass. Most of all, it’s fun because people are in awe and even a bit scared at the same time. If you aren’t familiar with KISS then the makeup is pretty menacing. The group went to terrorize The Breakfast Club in Old Bridge, NJ. Here are some pics taken on Halloween night:

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Elvira’s Superstition Ride

A BIG thank you to Jamdin at Moongem Comics for keeping me entertained this Halloween season with his killer Elvira posts all throughout the month! For me Elvira always =’s good times.

I’m a yearly Six Flags season pass holder and this season I made it to Great Adventure only a handful of times. Every time I go it seems like there’s over an hour wait on all of my favorite rides! What the hell is that crap? There’s only one way around that and I refuse to give them MORE money to buy a Flash Pass. If they are free at Disney World, they should be free in Jackson, N.J. Despite those disappointments, I still get a season pass and try to make it to Fright Fest even though it doesn’t feel half as fun as it used to. I wonder if it’s just that I’m getting older or if it’s actually getting suckier?

One attraction that I still refer to as the Mach 1 Adventure (cause I’m old school) transforms into the Elvira Superstition ride during Fright Fest. Every time I pass the big Elvira banner I get excited and it’s the one attraction I hope Great Adventure will offer during Fright Fest each year. Elvira is the one true icon of Halloween aside from all the classic movie monsters and killers and the thought of her fills me with the Halloween spirit. Elvira to Halloween is basically what Santa Claus is to Christmas, or better yet…some really hot playboy playmate dressed as one of Santa’s sexy helpers.

Superstition is a fun attraction, although I wish your coaster car wound up rolling into the Haunted House at the end and getting to see the interior more in depth. This You Tube video features Elvira’s ride in its entirety. First you’ll see the pre-show video, and then the ride! Buckle up.

Blood Manor New York City’s Premier Haunted Attraction

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Zombie Girl: Come see me later and I’ll give you a Brazilian on your head.
Jay: No, I’m gonna give you a Brazilian!
Zombie Girl: Too late!

This was an exchange I had with just one of the many wickedly costumed dwellers of Blood Manor whom I encountered as they lurked about at Home the swank club/lounge underneath the haunted attraction. I’ve heard of New York City’s Blood Manor before but I never experienced it. While at the Monster Mania Con I noticed a bunch of postcards ads for it on a vendor table. The Sexy Armpit was lucky enough to enjoy the special press preview of Blood Manor. The building is closer to Penn Station than I realized and it only took about 10-15 minutes to walk there from MSG. (542 W. 27th Street) I have to hand it to the organizers of this attraction since they truly built up my anticipation and curiosity as to what kind of terror I’d find within the walls of Blood Manor. If you’re saying to yourself “But Jay, it’s a haunted house, if you’ve been in one, you’ve been in them all.” Then you simply have not experienced the better ones. Blood Manor is one of the best I’ve been through.

For a Thursday night this was a formidable graveyard smash. Filing in were the super cool hip and trendy group of TV, radio, and print folks with their ultra fashionable messenger bags. (I packed light a cell phone and ice breakers) We all assembled in the sleek Home lounge while enjoying drinks from the bar and watching scenes from horror films on the large drop down screen. It was like a Disney character breakfast except for it being evil, twisted, in the evening, lacking breakfast food, and no shortage of Vodka. That’s smart, give your visitors a bunch of cocktails and then let them loose in a haunted house where they’ll no doubt be so scared and disoriented that they’ll piss themselves. I love it when a plan comes together! The bartender thought he was Ashton Kutcher and he even had one of those plastic hair bands holding his long hair back. You need to remember, this is New York we’re talking about…everyone wishes they lived in L.A but they’re all really from Jersey.

My friend Steve and I were about to sit down on a leather bench until the moment we realized we wouldn’t be doing much relaxing. All of a sudden a freaky fellow welcomed the crew to Blood Manor and began rapping “The Blood Manor Theme Song” which was actually an awesome song with a hip hop vibe to it. It definitely begs to be a part of the Halloween playlist on my iPod. Just as the song started blaring, Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers, Leatherface, Samara, and a host of other characters made their presence known by greeting each and every person in the lounge by scaring the bejesus out of them. Freddy Krueger kept clinking the blades of his gloves together by my ears and telling me in that slithery voice of his that I was an easy target, which was a correct assumption since he successfully startled me numerous times throughout the night. Later, a little gothic girl who reminded me of one of those living dead dolls came over and stared at us with her huge innocent eyes as if she was confused as to why we just murdered her entire family. We actually didn’t murder her fam but she sure as hell made it seem like we did! The actors did not break character once and their costumes and makeup were exceptional. The oddities continued haunting us until the first group was let into the elevator and finally brought into Blood Manor.

Going into too much detail about the specific rooms inside of Blood Manor would spoil your experience. But I’m feeling generous so I’ll give you a few teasers: The Electrocution is sickeningly realistic, you also may want to reconsider your appointment for that makeover at the beauty parlor, you’ll feel like you’re in another world in the 3-D room with surreal blacklight murals all over the walls, then there’s the Saw room, and of course the boiler room. There are some genuinely unsettling parts of the walk through. The actors do a helluva job of freaking you out without touching you or doing anything crazy. If you’re like me, you’ll probably be more taken aback by some of the unexpected scares rather than the blatant ones. Some of the most fun moments come when you’re unsure of where you’re going in complete darkness. I must say that the finale is the best part. If you make it that far…

Once you’re out of Blood Manor alive, it feels like it didn’t take very long to get through. This might be the “I had so much fun effect” where you’re having such a good time that you had no concept of time or it’s just over too quickly (insert sex joke here). Infusing some good old fashioned carnival simplicity might do the trick. One way the attraction could improve is by possibly adding in a few different transitional areas without actors in between the main rooms. Doing that would make the ride longer as well as calm your senses a bit before you get the shit scared out of you by some of the actors again. These rooms could be just for viewing only and they don’t need to be elaborate. Another aspect that Blood Manor and other haunted houses lack is the presence of ghosts. With all the concentration on such iconic and recognizable horror movie characters, a simple eerie light show projecting some apparitions might work perfectly. Not everything has to be so “in your face.” Ghosts are spooky, just think back to the first time you saw one sitting in your cart the first time you went on the Haunted Mansion ride in Disney.

Blood Manor capped off an amusing night filled with scares, adult beverages, and me almost breaking my nose. In addition to it’s proximity to Penn Station, Blood Manor will not take a big chunk out of your night. Go ahead, plan a night out in New York but if I were you, I’d make Blood Manor you’re first destination rather than you’re last mwahahahaha!!!

Six Flags Dark Knight Coaster: A HUGE LETDOWN

If you’re into the whole brevity thing and you simply can’t stand my never-ending tangents, then here’s the short version: I’ve had more exciting rides on a compact John Deere Gator. Better yet…I’ve taken my life in my hands on numerous occasions reaching speeds 30 to 40 times faster than the Dark Knight Coaster on my Mongoose BMX bike. And yes, you CAN ride on my pegs.

A new ride at a local amusement park is usually pretty damn exciting. It gives us even more motivation to flock to the park and shell out zillions on season passes, parking passes, hopper passes, etc. This season, Six Flags Great Adventure in N.J capitalized on the popularity of the Batman Begins sequel, The Dark Knight, and threw up a dark ride in it’s honor. Naturally, like any die hard insane Bat-Fan, I needed to ride it.

I got there before the park opened because I knew I wasn’t going to want to stay in line for an hour and a half to ride it. Even though it was the Dark Knight, I don’t have the patience that I used to. Waiting for Kingda Ka was the biggest letdown because we must’ve waited 2 hours for a ride that seemed to last 7 seconds. The anticipation was high judging by how fast everyone sprinted to the Dark Knight as soon as the security guards let down the rope to get into the rest of the park. Don’t you hate it when you’re in a holding pattern in an amusement park waiting for it to open and you realize people actually work there and it isn’t just a fantasy world? There’s guys filling cold cases with soda and iced tea, opening up the doors to the various memorabilia and candy stores, and others are sweeping up. I always thought that stuff was done by the amusement park fairies that live in the old Victorian house at the front gate.

For young park visitors, the Dark Knight is a fun attraction but for the majority of people expecting a thrill ride similar to the Aerosmith Rock n Roller Coaster, they’ll surely be disappointed. It’s the most boring, lame, and uneventful ride in the park. I didn’t have to wait on line, but if you do you’ll wait in what they are trying to make us believe is the Gotham City transit system. The lights are dim and the big screen is showing a press conference with Harvey Dent (actually played by Aaron Eckhart) answering questions about crime in Gotham. Then the lights get even dimmer and the Joker’s catchphrase WHY SO SERIOUS comes on the screen while random Jokeresque quotes scrawled on the walls illuminate. There was a short montage with jolts of James Cagney and melting celluloid that for some reason got me so pumped. We boarded the ride, and not soon after I was deflated. I realized that we rode the majority of the ride and I kept saying “I’m sure it hasn’t even kicked in yet.” Was I wrong! The ride was over and nothing happened.

The Dark Knight “coaster” as it’s called is far from a coaster. It felt like it went about 5 mph!! There’s nothing even going on inside while you’re in you’re little 4 person train. You see some blacklit/florescent markings on the walls to make you think Joker is around, and you hear someone who sounds like Heath Ledger trying to spook you out, but other than that there’s really nothing to the ride.

Leave it to Six Flags to make a shitty ride. They can work wonders with their roller coasters but when it comes to other rides and attractions they suck. They rarely show any creativity and it usually seems like they don’t want to offer a variety of attractions. If they wanted to create a throwback dark ride, why didn’t they make a haunted house? At one time Great Adventure had a haunted house but it burned down in ’84. Check out this great article at Dark in the Park about the old Six Flags haunted castle. I haven’t been to a good haunted house since Castle Dracula.

It seemed like they whipped up the Dark Knight coaster in 6 weeks so I’m sure Six Flags has the means to make the most kickass, scariest haunted house on the east coast. You’ll always hear them bragging on TV with their annoying ads about how much bigger Great Adventure is than Disneyland, and how they feature a safari. Who cares how much land they own? How about concentrating on making Great Adventure an awesome amusement park with awe inspiring rides? Isn’t that the point? Their coasters are kickass but they are seriously lacking when it comes to creating atmosphere. I want to escape when I go to a theme park. I want to be pulled into Metropolis when I wait for the Superman ride, I DON’T want to feel like I’m waiting an hour in the sweltering Jackson, N.J sun by the greasy haired kid dressed all in black, yellow converse, who’s blasting some metal song from his ruby red Razr phone.

With Six Flags association with the WB and DC characters, it’s a shame that they can’t get a grasp on the rides in their parks. How about a Marvin the Martian Space Mission? A Gossamer Funhouse? A Wonder Woman Invisible Jet ride? C’mon people…this is off the cuff here! Imagine what I could do if I really put my mind to it!

I love going on rides like Nitro (my favorite), El Toro, Superman, and The Scream Machine, but they don’t offer much personality. The rides themselves are awesome but what I value is the atmosphere. Six Flags chinces out and they don’t take the opportunity to sweep you into a different world as you’re waiting to go on the ride. That long wait is sometimes excruciating and could be made a lot more interesting. You know what I mean if you’ve been on any ride in Disney World and Universal like Spider Man, and Star Tours in MGM. I want to be transported and be so distracted that the greasy haired kid won’t even make it into my brain because I‘m seriously convincing myself into thinking that I‘m about to rocket into space. Maybe the people who run Great Adventure could go take a ride on Space Mountain, Tower of Terror, or even one of the awesome rides in Universal’s Islands of Adventure. They could learn a thing or two.

Have you gone on any terrible rides? If so, tell us about it!

Mike Spade’s Haunted House

Last week my girlfriend told me that I had to check out this house that was all done up for Halloween. My first reaction was, “How cool can a house be?” I figured it was done by some run of the mill obsessive decorator, like Clark Griswold in Christmas Vacation. You know how neighbors are always trying to one up each other. Well, I’ll be damned, because I was dead wrong about this one!

Mike Spade, a local magician, has the most kickass Halloween setup and he told me he’s been doing it for about 19 years. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t heard about this and I lived in the area my entire life! It’s obvious that Mike genuinely loves putting his Haunted front yard up year after year. The amount of work that goes into his display and the details that you can pick out are spectacular. After checking it out on a cold October night, it was outrageous.

I’ve been to a ton of haunted houses. I’ve visited independent walk throughs, Disneyland, big sponsored haunted ordeals, and I can tell you that nothing can compare to one man’s quest to scare the shit out of people. Mike basically put a dark ride in his front yard sans the boats. What’s most surprising is that he does this all because he loves it and he doesn’t charge people, he only puts out a donation box.

Mike’s Halloween setup has been featured in Weird NJ. For those who aren’t aware, Weird NJ is a magazine that began as a small fanzine type newsletter featuring oddities around the state and now it’s gotten so popular that the publishers Mark and Mark have hosted their own show on History Channel and now also publish books about oddities in other states.

There’s only one day left but you should definitely check out “Mike’s Haunted House.”

Pictured above are some of my favorite moments from the display. You’ll see Samara from The Ring crawled out of a television set and is climbing up a tree. There were some glowing ghosts that moved so gracefully, exactly how I picture a real ghost. Mike also built an old fashioned hearse with a coffin inside that won’t stay closed because of that damned skeleton in there! Coming out of the ground are some ghouls that clearly want to come and join you while your taking your spooky stroll through Mike’s haunted house. For more info about Mike and video of the display click here.