Judith Light is February’s Garden State Playmate

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“ANGELA!” In my head I can hear Tony Danza’s rough voice ascend into a higher register as he replies to his boss with some mildly comedic response. I grew up watching Who’s The Boss and Judith Light played the uptight, ’80s yuppie Angela Bower to perfection. There were times when I lost a dream or two, but I found the trail and at the end was February’s Garden State Playmate, Judith Light!

Born in Trenton, NJ, Judith Light was starring in TV shows well before she broke out with Who’s the Boss. In fact, all throughout the late ’70s and ’80s you could catch her on TV pretty much any day of the week. She appeared on One Life to Live, St. Elsewhere, Remington Steele, Kojak, and Family Ties.

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One of her most well received performances was in the 1989 made-for-TV movie The Ryan White Story, about a 13 year old hemophiliac who contracted AIDS. In 1999, Light bravely took on the role in the off-Broadway show Wit where she shaved her head completely as she played a “literary academic dying of ovarian cancer” according to IMDB.

More recently, Light has appeared on Law and Order SVU, Ugly Betty, Nurse Jackie, and now you can catch her on one of my favorites…DALLAS! In the TNT reboot of the long running show, she plays Judith Ryland, the rotten and controlling mother (mother? really?) of the 2nd season’s villain.

*She attended St. Mary’s Hall in Burlington, NJ. (IMDB)

Chiller Theatre Recap Fall 2012

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In the midst of the “Frankenstorm” hysteria, nothing could stop the bi-annual Chiller Theatre convention. The guest list was more jam-packed than usual this year, which was a good way to usher in the new Chiller venue. For those of you who have stayed away from Chiller for various reasons, this recap will explain why you may want to reconsider and check out the Spring installment.

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A castle themed exterior seemed fitting for Chiller Theatre. The expo’s relocation to the Sheraton in Parsippany turned out to be positive on all levels. Lines were still long, but not as long and cramped as they were previously. Forget about parking at the hotel, even if you got there early you still had to park across the street. That’s not even a bad thing for a couple of reasons. Parking was free no matter where you parked and at least there WAS parking available. So in some respects this was a positive step forward. If they decide to move again it will have to be to some place really big like Metlife Stadium. (That is sarcasm in case you didn’t sense it.)

Chiller has grown to become such a huge iconic event. I’ve been going since I was a kid and it really has become a mega-con. While Monster Mania keeps with the horror theme, Chiller is more of a pop culture event. All kinds of stars came out this year including Joan Collins, Andrew McCarthy, and Samantha Fox. Dustin “Screech” Diamond was even there. There were rockers, wrestlers, pinup models, and artists, although I was only there to meet one guest in particular this year.

I didn’t think anything could top last year’s Chiller. You might remember when I was sandwiched in between Deb and Hilly from Weird Science. Basically my dream come true since 1985! This year was no exception. Star of Dallas and A Chorus Line, Audrey Landers, announced to yours truly on Twitter that she’d be in New Jersey for the Chiller convention this Fall. I was super excited because she’s one of my main celebrity crushes of all time. Getting the chance to meet her sounded great to me, and of course shopping around the dealer tables is always my idea of a good time.

Once she arrived at her table, Audrey looked literally dazzling in a green sequin dress. She was sociable and looking as radiant as ever. Of course what impressed me more was that she saw my Sexy Armpit T-Shirt and recognized me right away “Hey I know you from Twitter!” she said. Very good memory on her! After taking a photo, we chatted about her having a role in the new Dallas series on TNT, the big Halloween parties she has back home, and the hurricane that’s threatening the area. From there, it was time to do some shopping.

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Director of Mary Horror, NJ’s own Ryan Scott Weber with Kristen Accardi, a star of 
the sequel to Mary Horror, Sheriff Tom vs. The Zombies

I made it into the dealer rooms and met up with Jess Rajs from Gorgeous and Gory. The brand new zombie pinup calendar is OUT NOW! The theme this year is mermaids! Get yourself one HERE. Also, the official launch party is at Roxy & Dukes in Dunnellen NJ on November 2nd so we will see you there! It was also awesome to finally meet New Jersey’s own Ryan Scott Weber the director of 2011’s MARY HORROR, which was showing at midnight on Friday and Saturday at Chiller. Review of this cool horror movie is on it’s way here at The Sexy Armpit, so be on the lookout!

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No Chiller Recap is complete without a run-down of what I picked up. My “shopping cart” wasn’t too full this year actually – I only bought one thing. I actually bought the first thing that caught my eye which was a Lily Munster T-Shirt. I’d never seen this particular one and I wanted it immediately! It was coincidental because my DVR at home was recording the underwhelming Mockingbird Lane at the same time.

That was the Fall installment of Chiller for me. I had a good time with @exiledinNJ and the new venue was cool. If prior Chiller’s left a bad taste in your mouth, I say give it another go in the Spring time. It’s definitely improved on some of it’s flaws.  

GREAT GEEK GORGE #5

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It’s A Living
If you’re a movie freak like me you probably have a fantasy list of movies that you wish were properly released on DVD. Sure, lots of movies and shows can be attained by buying bootleg versions on the Internet, but most of them have questionable quality and simply lack the sheen of an official release. As silly as it may sound, numero uno on my list is ’80s TV series It’s A Living starring Ann Jillian. At some point during the rest of my life, I want to be able to own the complete series on DVD. As mentioned by Gail Edwards, one of the shows stars on her website, the DVD may never come out because there are around 300+ songs used that the release company would have to pay to use. So, it looks like I won’t be getting my fill of my favorite waitresses unless people miraculously read this and start clamoring for the DVD, which is highly unlikely. Oh well, I still have the memories. Play it for me Sonny!
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Doritos Dinamita Nacho Picoso and Wheat Thins Spicy Buffalo
In the first edition of GGG I mentioned how I wasn’t impressed at all by the new Doritos Jacked chips. Over the summer I did find a new version of Doritos called Dinamita at Walmart that made up for them a little bit. The chip is rolled up like a taquito and is a few levels spicier and packs a bit more heat than usual. The question I find myself asking – why can’t they just keep making the few flavors of traditional Doritos? Why keep screwing with a good thing? What I enjoyed more than both of these Doritos versions were Wheat Thins Spicy Buffalo. I love these so much. Definitely try them if you are a fan of both Wheat Thins and buffalo flavor.

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Monster High Skull Shores
Frankie Stein Doll

Monster High Skull Shores
My shall we say fondness for Monster High dolls is about as well kept a secret as our former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevy being gay. Hiding the fact that I love these macabre looking dolls is futile. I was immediately drawn to them when they came out 2 years ago. They are a perfect way to slyly incorporate the Universal Monsters into a kids toy line. They were released at the most perfect time too – I was actually thinking of starting to buy a few Living Dead Dolls at Monster Mania and Chiller to add to the collection, but luckily these came along. At first I tried to get my niece into them, but she didn’t seem too crazy about them. At this point I don’t own more than a few, but the latest one I picked up a few months back is my absolute favorite. In fact, if I had to part with the others that I have, this black and white Frankie Stein Skull Shores edition is quite enough for me.

Twitter
Certain things make people geek out. For me, it’s usually the little things that make me flip. As a kid all that needed to happen for me to go ballistic was getting an action figure that I always wanted and couldn’t seem to find. Back then it was a $3 dollar piece of plastic or rubber and I was a happy camper. Now my elation is even cheaper – it’s FREE! It comes in the form of a simple re-tweet or reply on Twitter from people I have basically idolized or have had a crushes on. Sure I’ve had retweets/replies from a ton of cool people, but over the summer 2 retweets managed to make my whole year. 
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Audrey Landers
Probably one of the longest crushes I’ve had on a celebrity is with Audrey Landers of Dallas fame and the film version of A Chorus Line. Ever since I was a kid I’ve been crazy about her. She replied to me after I sent her out a tweet saying that the new Dallas on TNT should have her back on the show. After a nice “thank you” reply I asked her if she would ever consider appearing at Chiller Theatre con in NJ and well what do you know? She and her sister will be at Chiller in October! Hopefully I’ll make it to her table without having my heart beat right out of my chest.

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King Kong Bundy
Getting retweeted by the walking condominium himself King Kong Bundy was a real avalanche into the turnbuckle. The legendary wrestling heel, Bundy, hails from Atlantic City, NJ. As a little wrestling fan in the ’80s, Bundy was one scary mofo in my eyes. He had a huge dominant presence and was one of the few guys who could legitimately scare people. After headlining Wrestlemania 2 and popping up in a memorable mixed tag match in Wrestlemania 3, Bundy returned to WWE in ’94. I was always a big fan of his and a retweet from him is something I’d love to go back in time and tell my young self about. Bundy retweeted the Instagram of me posted above in my King Kong Bundy T-Shirt standing on the Atlantic City boardwalk, the site of Wrestlemanias 4 and 5.

GREAT GEEK GORGE #3

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1. After the first sneak preview episode of Green Lantern The Animated Series premiered, I admit that I wasn’t sold on it. It only took another episode or two before I was completely hooked. Considering I’m one of the few supporters of the feature film with Ryan Reynolds you would think I just accept whatever DC and WB regurgitates to me. That’s not the case at all, I am a life-long DC fan and I’m just glad other characters like GL are finally getting some damn exposure. I’ll take what I can get since fans like me have waited a lifetime to get movies and shows that don’t feature Batman and Superman. The GL animated series just keeps getting better with each show. Now I’ll get to my point: here’s a list of characters that I’d like to see action figures made of based on the GL animated series (in no particular order) – 1) Bleez 2) Aya and 3) Star Sapphire. (Notice they are all women, aside from a female robot.) I also want a Zilius Zox figure and I’m fully aware that there’s a DCU Action League Figure of him, but I fear if I get him I will want to start collecting all of them.

Carrot Cake Ice Cream2. Cake doesn’t really appeal to me all that much. The saying “Let them eat cake” falls on deaf ears in my world, that is unless it’s Carrot Cake! Carrot Cake has always been one of my favorite desserts and for some reason it seems so much more prevalent nowadays. I see it at the buffet at Harrah’s in Atlantic City and on menus all the time. It took a while, but Carrot Cake is finally getting it’s due. The mark of it’s official “arrival”on the dessert scene is that it now has it’s own ice cream from Blue Bunny. I have conflicting feelings about this. On one hand I lost my mind with excitement when I saw the commercial for Carrot Cake ice cream, but on the other hand I am pissed off beyond belief because it’s only available in stores more than 20 miles away. I really want to try it so I’ll probably be taking that ride soon! Check it out here at the Blue Bunny site. Next, I hope they have Sexy Armpit Cake flavor.

3. The less than stellar reviews are not going to keep me from going to see Dark Shadows at some point this weekend. I know Tim Burton seems to make the same movie every time and Johnny Depp is as over the top as ever, but that’s the sort of stuff I like. Nowadays Burton really seems like a one trick Pony and to an extent so does Depp, but ultimately what they create onscreen never fails to entertain and that’s really the point. A nice light gothic diversion will do the trick.

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4. Even though I’m a Jersey boy through and through, I’m going to be a super happy camper on Wednesday June 13th. At 9 PM that night, the continuation of DALLAS on TNT will premiere. If you think it’s just some old cheesy night time soap opera, think again. Naysayers probably never even watched it. It’s my favorite show of all time and I rewatched all the episodes on DVD as they were released. When I was a kid, DALLAS was event television. Life stopped when DALLAS was on. From the early reviews posted on Ultimate Dallas, it may be just as awesome as it used to be. If you’re a female reading this and you are going to check it out, there’s Josh Henderson and Jesse Metcalf for you to look at and for the dudes, there’s Jordana Brewster and Julie Gonzalo to drool over. Everybody wins. Plus, there’s lots of cameos from original cast members…now that calls for a bourbon and branch!

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5. I’m a sucker for Roller Derby and coming up on June 9th at Asbury Park Convention Hall, The Jersey Shore Roller Girls have a bout referred to as DERBY WARS! It’s like Star Wars, but with Roller Derby. Actually, it’s not just an excuse to use the Star Wars font on their poster, they are actually having real live Stormtroopers at this bout! At this event you’ll see the Murder Beach Militia take on the Right Coast Rollers. It’s a really fun night out and the girls hang and take pictures with everyone after the bout. For more information go to www.JerseyShoreRollerGirls.net.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween 2010

I took this picture last night at the Chiller Theatre convention in Parsippany, NJ. There was a host of celebrities there for autograph signings and I was able to meet with stars from Dallas, which might sound odd to you, but was awesome for me! I also spent way too much money but got a lot of cool stuff though.

I hope you all enjoy your Halloween weekend. I’ll be posting pictures of my costume tomorrow which has been kept a secret to everyone I know thus far. I’ll be headed to Asbury Lanes for the Disco of the Damned party. It should be a fun time! From there it will be back to regularly scheduled programming here at The Sexy Armpit. If you have stopped by throughout the month for the Countdown to Halloween, I greatly appreciate it. The Sexy Armpit has had record hits this month and it’s because of your continued readership. Thank you so much!

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.39: Dallas

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Dallas spent 13 years on the air and in its 14 seasons, New Jersey was mentioned only once. Regardless of being mostly Jersey-less, it’s still one of my favorite TV shows of all time. One NJ namedropping seems like one too many since The Garden State is probably the furthest thing from the wheelin’ and dealin’ of a Texas oil company. In Season 13, Sasha Mitchell (Cody on Step by StepKickboxer sequels, and Slammed) joined the cast as James Beaumont, J.R’s illegitimate son. In this scene he reveals a bit of his past to J.R’s assisstant, Sly Lovegren, just after applying suntan lotion on her back.

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“Are you sure you don’t want to take this off?” 
– Good ‘ol James – always worried about those tan lines!

JAMES: “I was kicked out of 3 different schools in 3 different countries.”

SLY: “You don’t sound very European.”
JAMES: “No, when I was 10 my parents sent me to a military school in New Jersey…”

*Just in case you want to model your kid after James Beaumont from Dallas, two of the most popular military schools in New Jersey are The U.S Military Academy Prep School at Fort Monmouth aka West Point Prep, and Cedar Bridge Military Academy in Toms River, NJ.

Dallas: The Gathering Comic Mini Series

I’m not afraid to admit that I’m still a crazed Dallas fan, even though I live 1,500 miles away and the TV series ended close to 20 years ago. Thanks to the show’s massive popularity, it’s legacy continues.

Courtesy of UltimateDallas.com, here’s the online comic mini series Dallas: The Gathering, based on a script by Bryan J. Kinnaird. The online comic continues where the series and TV movies left off, and just like the classic episodes, it boasts a shocking cliffhanger! You’ll enjoy the comic’s realistic artwork and its page viewer has a smooth, seamless interface.

The Sexy Armpit’s Review of The CW’s 90210

I’ve admitted so much embarrassing stuff about myself on this blog that relaying my anticipation for the new 90210 rehash wouldn’t make things any worse. Earlier tonight the new 90210 hit the CW airwaves and it would be wrong if I didn’t share my thoughts on the show with you.

Sequels and spin offs have made entertainment their bitch. This 90210 redux could have easily been the CW’s new generic teen drama for the fall season, but with a few tweaks and script changes, presto changeo…we have 90210. Again. Obviously I’m not opposed to seeing the famed characters I grew up watching like Brenda and Kelly return. One might consider them milfs at this point but I’m pretty sure they were just thrown in to grab the old school viewers of the original series. For those who were on board in the ’90s, the show uses a new recording of the same theme song, Kelly has evolved organically into a guidance counselor, and Nat still runs the Peach Pit.

The Wilson’s are a family who have moved from Kansas to Beverly Hills so Dad (played by Silk Stalkings Rob Estes) could take a principal job. Puhlease! If the girls I knew in high school had been in school with a principal who looked like Estes they’d all be mastering the art of getting called into the principals office so they could play the naughty little school girl. It seems unrealistic to me, but this is Beverly Hills we’re dealing with. Rob Estes is married to Lori Loughlin who is a fine woman and I’ll leave it at that, I’ll keep my comments to myself since she’s still ignoring my calls. Loughlin is a bit stiff in this role and I’m hoping she’ll loosen up a little as the season unfolds. Let’s face it, no wife in her right mind would be as calm and collected as Lori Loughlin was after finding out the secret that her husband has a grown child from a previous relationship.

The family lives with Rob Estes’ mom, a former Hollywood actress played by Jessica Walter of Arrested Development. Her role isn’t that much different from that of Lucille Bluth in Arrested Development. As Tabitha, she’s a Long Island Iced Tea lovin‘ grandmother. She loves to tell anecdotes about her days as an actress, specifically one about the time when Ricardo Montalbon cracked an egg on her ass.

Shenae Grimes plays Annie, the main character. She looks exactly how I’d picture the daughter of Estes and Loughlin to look so the casting was brilliant there. Annie isn’t the hottest chick ever so it’s more believable as she stands out from the rest of the girls in Beverly Hills, (you know the old adage that girls from Kansas can’t be as hot as those in California.) Coming from Kansas you’d think Annie’s mom would be just a little bit happy that she has adjusted at Barry Allen speed. But no! Let’s get all up in arms about our daughter meeting a rich guy and having him take her out to an expensive restaurant that happens to be far away in his own JET. That’s every mother’s dream and Loughlin is all angry about it. Come on Lori, stop being Rebecca! I wonder if she’d like it better if Annie wound up dating a creepy rapist?

There’s no badass guys like Steve Sanders or Dylan Mckay, but we do have Ethan the manwhore played by Dustin Milligan. He got head in his car even though he’s got a girlfriend, and he tried to make up for it by giving his girlfriend a limp rose. What an asshole! Milligan reminds me of a young John Travolta mixed with the pothead from Road Trip. And guess who plays his grandmother? Linda Gray, SUE ELLEN FROM DALLAS! Seeing that surprise was possibly the highlight of the entire 2 hour premiere. Anyway, I command you to bring back Ian Ziering or Luke Perry! Absent are the badass guys that I used to look up to like the Dylans of the world. These f’n new guys are all apologizing and emotional and in touch with their feelings! What happened to all the west coast assholes? Grow some balls 90210! We need some danger!

Gushing about this 90210 rehash is not what I’m here to do. I did have a few complaints. First, there were a few moments where the “California talk” was played up a little in the dialogue. These kids just moved from Kansas and you would never know it. They were from Kansas? If there’s a Beverly Hills in Kansas then I’d believe it! Yeah totally…to the max! Also, the show seems to be playing to a younger crowd than it’s predecessor. With shenanigans like copying book reports, not making the lacrosse team, and letting pigs loose onto the football field, I wonder what other kind of wacky Saved By The Bell hijinks will be happening in future episodes? Why not get Screech in on this while we’re at it? Hopefully the drama gets trumped up a little because there’s some stiff competition with shows like Gossip Girl. Might I say that The O.C blows all of these shows out of the water in terms of acting, and dialogue? Yes I might.

Apparently I don’t wish they all could be California girls anymore. It seemed like Brenda was thrown in as an afterthought even though she was pretty much the main character in the original series. In one scene of the premiere, call me crazy, but Brenda appears to have horrible teeth and long sideburns. And blogger extraordinaire Silver played by Jessica Stroup looks ridiculously emaciated. Can we get her an In and Out Burger or something? I thought girls in Southern California were smart enough to know that anorexia isn’t healthy nor cool? I could see it now…on a very special 90210…

Judging by the premiere, 90210 wasn’t so bad and I’m definitely going to give it a few more episodes to work out it’s kinks. But if the sound keeps cutting out on my Comcast HDTV I’m going to freaking blow the set top box up cause they f—ing suck ass. I love paying close to $200 bucks for shitty cable service. I should be swimming in the Wilson’s pool in Beverly Hills, that’s how good my cable service should be for that kind of money!

My Attention Diverted

Are you in the mood to hear unbelievable story? I thought so. Who cares if it’s 8 in the morning, or 8 at night even?
OK, OK…so let me tell about this kid I knew. One time he got so excited and jerked off on some old fat lady who wore a red and white striped shirt, you remember her…the one who was actually a man with a dark, rough beard…but her smooth legs were amazing! After she…uhh..I mean he….or no…I was right the first time – she was naked, drunk and wearing nothing but the grease and bones from the HOT wings she got from Cluck-U. Then I ran down the steps to see her and we sped off for our date at the otologist. We laughed and laughed because they told us “we’re both so deaf.” She/he replied to the doctor: “you really think I’m mos def?” I laughed at her to make her/it feel better and told her “that’s what I thought the doctor said too honey.”

As soon as we got back I went to get a drink of drink and then I found her in my den talking to my father who was reading the want ads looking for some more antelopes. He wasn’t paying much attention. He doesn’t really pay well as a matter of fact, that’s why I didn’t take the job. Except that tree’s very similar to Glimmer from She-Ra. “Those are really big boobs” my father said. She…HE….said “You really like them” in a grotesquely husky damp voice as he/she was checking the firmness of his/her’s ridiculously round for a fat person breast implants. Plus they were hairy like flagella. He said “No, I was watching the TV,” blunt…monotone, my dad wasn’t the best at small talk. Her/his eyes rolled up to the ceiling why he/she began to twirl a curl of its newly permed hair. Bwallfff. That’s my throw up sound. Bwallffff. Haha. She went to sit down on the couch next to him and with the fireplace projecting little solid gold dancers all over his/her fair pimply skin I almost envisioned us prancing through the forest naked together but then as I had one of those epiphany type moments, you know the ones, like when you realize you figured the mystery of life out and it’s totally about how many licks does it take to bite into the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie pop.

So as I gazed at her cold, white, slimy bumpy, arm I noticed her Warhammer baby tee. I couldn’t help myself to keep looking as my head slowly followed her preposterous appearance downward. As I completed looking at the entire shirt and then I realized she/he was wearing no pants or it took them off at some point at which I couldn’t possibly have been paying attention since Mary Hart was going to commercials on Entertainment Tonight and I got distracted by the preview for this week’s brand new episode of Dallas. Pour the Tomato sauce onto the spaghetti or I’ll hit you… with a rendition of “Youth Gone Wild” by Skid Row. Fuck yeah.

The enormous white mound came over to congratulate his lover after he won the Sweepstakes Olympics. It’s a breathtaking moment when Ed McMahon presents you with the Gold medal for that event. Tupperware opens and inside the people begin to climb out. First it was Brooke Langton, then I really couldn’t believe this one…it was Vincent Shiavelli. It wouldn’t surprise me if the steak was made out of shitmeat, because that’s what it tasted like. The day they invented lasers became the same day millions of regular guns all gathered together for a mass suicide. How can they shoot themselves? Big ups to Al Harrington. How many pull ups can you do?
If there’s ever a time I spontaneously combust inside a bubble that was made by a chicklit please let it be the same day I vomit inside of the gum’s bubble that way the person chewing it will actually be chewing bubble gum that I vomited in. fuck yeah, titty bitch. Chick lit. Chick lit is the horrendousest.

Whoo hoo, you know the song from Blur. Yoo hoo, flavor nicey smooth, Choo Choo come on ride that train and ride it. Marshmallows and Mallory that’s all there is. Tom Kazanski was only popular because he was a big dork who bleached his hair and only became cool and confident when he decided to get into flying. He was really nothing before that. He only had a few Sega Genesis games and the one he used to play all the time was Echo the Dolphin. ? He had no direction, or self identity and he was pretty lame with the women. I remember one time he gave this girl a flower he picked up as they were walking down the sidewalk a few feet in front of me. He picked up this flimsy weak yellow flower that might as well have been a limp penis and then he pressed it to his lips and gave it a kiss before he gave it to her. What a freaking homosexual. C’mon there’s no sense in dishonoring the entire population of males on the entire planet just to try and get into one girls pants who was mediocre at best.

Going ape shit on a really enormous bed is awesome. It’s not awesome when you have to leave. Not to mention the 18 bucks I got back from income tax. If it comes up, it comes up. I know! I don’t want her saying anything to me because she’s always stolen all of my girlfriends so it serves her right! Who cares for lips that have implants? Hampton hurled hippos over the house of horny hogs he then yelled heave ho as he hobbled away hurriedly listening to Halford. What the fuck? I told her…no. I said “I’m just a little boy!”….no I mean the kid I used to know said that to him…uhh…I mean her. Don’t try to figure this out because Drago says… “you will lose.”