Buyin’ Bonanza at Bed Bath and Beyond

For me, Bed Bath and Beyond has always merely been a punchline. Let’s face it, if you’re a dude, whenever you’re significant other even utters the name of the store, you probably reflexively reply aloud or to yourself internally, “I don’t know if we’ll have time.” Will Ferrell’s legendary line in Old School pretty much summed up my thoughts on Triple B. I had no reason being there, yet, every damn time I’ve been there I saw about 50 different items that I thought I desperately needed to own. In this post, I’ll bring you along with me as I explain how I dropped some hard earned cash on that exact kind of nonsense over the weekend.

First, some luscious back story. Last year, I bought myself the Starbucks Verismo. Now, I could’ve been normal and went with the flow and just bought a Keurig coffee maker like everyone in America seems to own and love, but of course not! This time I wasn’t just being an oddball, I felt like “why the hell wouldn’t I want the name recognition of Starbucks emblazoned on my coffee maker?” If they lent this machine their seal of approval, there’s no reason why this coffee shouldn’t taste like it came directly from the tap of Starbucks machine at one of the bazillion locations throughout the country. So that left me with the added task of buying the specific pods for the Verismo. Here was the dilemma: Nobody carries these silly ass things. Triple B to the rescue.

On a lark, soon after I bought the Verismo, I stopped at Triple B to see if they carried the pods. Sure as shit, they carried every single variety. Not only was I able to drive a half a mile away to get coffee, but I was also able to use the coupons they send me all the time. Things were looking up, but the savings backfired. Yes, I saved money on the coffee pods, but I still had to walk all the way to the back of the store which exposed my vulnerable purchasing senses.

In other words, I conned myself into buying a bunch of other crap.

Cruising around Bed, Bath, and Beyond is overwhelming. Some people probably walk into that place and feel they NEED every single item they see. I walk in and feel I need at least 30% of all of it. I usually can hold back from getting out of hand with the spending, but during this latest visit, I couldn’t help myself.

The location I went to was newly renovated and very enticing. Their market section reminded me of Trader Joe’s with all kinds of specialty foods, drinks, and sauces. Beverages are my weakness. I noticed they were now carrying single glass bottles of various sodas – some that I had only read about or heard about from friends. Different stores around the country stock different soft drinks, but here in Jersey, it’s the same typical crap. Coke, Pepsi, and your other familiar varieties.

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It was like walking through the Arkham Asylum of soft drinks. From left to right: Dublin’s Cherry Limeade, Bubble Up, Victoria’s Kitchen Almond Water, Argo Mojitea, Cheerwine, and Moxie.

I figured I’d tell you about how my taste test of these beverages went down. First, we’ll see if these drinks live up to their near legendary status and after that I’ll tell you about a few non-liquid items I picked up.

Dublin’s Cherry Limeade –  Pleasing color. Decent taste overall, enjoyable, but the cherry and lime flavors weren’t prominent enough for me. I think the flavor may be a bit too mellow, needs a bigger kick of lime to tip the scales. Considering that Cherry is intended to be the dominant flavor it’s pretty weak in the cherry front as well. So, more cherry with a back end zing of lime. Too much to think about.

Bubble Up – Sadly, this one is pretty much indecipherable from 7-Up or Sprite, but this one it’s made with cane sugar. At the end of the day it’s another serviceable citrus soda.

Victoria’s Kitchen Almond Water – Sounds odd at first, right? The label could be a little more appealing, but I suppose they aren’t marketing almond water to tweens. The best word to describe this drink is unexpectedly delightful. It’s refreshing, lightly sweetened, and has a mellow and smooth almond finish. If this wasn’t so damn expensive I could see myself buying it often. Since it’s really just flavored water, it doesn’t have the harshness that soda has or the syrupy mouthfeel that some other drinks seem to have. This is how you know it’s awesome: an actual ingredient is: a lot of LOVE.

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Argo Mojitea – I’ve tasted Argo’s line of iced teas previously, but this Mint-Lime Mojito flavor was brand new to me. Originally, I found other flavors at a local Walgreen’s and I enjoyed 1 out of 2. They tout their all natural ingredients which is definitely a good selling point for me. Sometimes I think a lot of people forget that food and drinks could still taste good even if they aren’t made from a bevy of chemicals and artificial flavors. The Mojito flavor was a total bust for me though. The citrus overpowers the mint. I always felt that two strong flavors like mint and lime shouldn’t really be battling with each other in the first place, but, a lot of people love it. Unfortunately, this is exactly what I imagine Iced Pine-Sol would taste like.

Cheerwine – The biggest WIN of this post. I’ve always heard great things about Cheerwine from guys like my friend Paxton Holley over at Cavalcade of Awesome, but I had no idea that it would wind up going right up there in the upper echelon of best sodas I’ve ever tasted (Dr. pepper, Fanta Kolita, and Boylan’s Creamy Red Birch Beer are my all time favorites). Cheerwine is a wild cherry flavored cola and it’s everything Cherry Coke wishes it could be. It’s smooth, fruity, and doesn’t give me that sting in my sinuses and nostrils that Coke sometimes gives me. Cheerwine is made with natural flavors and cane sugar. If you can find it at a store near you, I highly recommend picking it up.

Moxie – The “official soft drink of Maine” is one of those sodas that I’ve heard of since I was very young, but never tasted. Some family members used to reference Moxie as being a soda they drank back in the day. My mind running wild and the passing of time has built Moxie up to be the stuff of legend. I always imagined it to be some sort of whacked out Coca-Cola high on opium floating on a cloud, but it’s a cloud made of white and fluffy voluptuous marshmallows that sometimes stunt doubles for Elvira’s beelzeboobs. After finally sampling some Moxie, the flavor wasn’t quite so exciting.

I’ve discovered that Moxie is the one of the few sodas that you could deliberate on with soda snobs much like wine and beer snobs pour over the details of what’s swishing around in their mouths. After a few sips and really concentrating on the taste, I noticed a wide range of flavors. It’s probably the most complex tasting soda I’ve ever had. It’s interesting because its ingredient, gentian root, gives it a bitter flavor, while its other flavors are vague as it finishes with a sort of spicy kick. I’m not looking for my soda to be some outrageous Mountain Dew flavor, but Moxie didn’t quite reach the pinnacle that I thought it would for me.

I also picked up a few snacks that fall into the dessert category.

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Continuing my tradition of reviewing Marshmallow filled things, I bought a Valentine’s Day themed dark chocolate Peep heart with raspberry marshmallow filling. The prevalent raspberry flavor blended well with the dark chocolate, but, unfortunately, the marshmallow wasn’t as soft and moist as it seemed to be with the mint version that I reviewed here. The firmness didn’t bother me, it was just a tiny bit more chewy. In the end, I felt it was too damn sweet and the sweetness overpowered the actual flavors. The color of the marshmallow filling was the best part.

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Dr. Pepper “Candy Twists” a.k.a what I like t o call Dr. Pepper flavored Twizzlers. Not made by Twizzlers, but that’s the most comparable candy. As I ripped the bag open I noticed they smelled just like Dr. Pepper, which was encouraging. After I devoured a few, I noticed that the flavor was ridiculously good and extremely accurate to the 23 flavors of Dr. Pepper, but holy shit they were chewy. It was like trying to chew up a delicious garden hose that was irrigating Willy Wonka’s soft drink cascade. They’re one level tougher to chew than your typical Twizzler, but that didn’t stop me from eating the entire bag though. Now I feel gross.

Sheila G’s Mint Chocolate Brownie Brittle – These “cookies” were excellent. Although I’m not a fan of really crunchy things for dessert, these didn’t break my teeth that much. Typically, if I were to have a cookie, I prefer a soft one, and if it’s not soft, I submerge it in milk forever until becomes a complete mess. Couldn’t do that with these though. Their crunch was at near-Biscotti levels. The mint chocolate chip flavor was superb. Be careful though – it’s very easy to eat the entire bag of these.

I feel like the fattest fuck right now. 

Great Geek Gorge #9: Pumpkin Everything

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 photo starbuckspumpkin01_zps432eec38.jpgOn Twitter a lot of my friends have been tweeting photos of stuff they are seeing in stores like Fall themed snack cakes and Monster cereals. Every year all I remember is saying to myself “Halloween, already? It’s still summertime!” Usually stores are overzealous and jump the gun by a few weeks. I’ve been to every damn grocery store around here and haven’t seen much of anything reflecting Halloween yet, aside from candy. At the time of this post, none of my local stores have Monster cereals on the shelves, while it seems like mostly everyone I know in other parts of the country has already been bragging about having multiple boxes of them for at least a week. Maybe we are jumping the gun? Ah, f*ck no. It’s never too early to start celebrating Halloween or the Fall season in general. It’s the best time of the year. Christmas is great and all, but it’s too damn cold up here in Jerz. The Halloween season is perfect and I’m hoping we get it’s weather and it’s goods sooner than later.

If you follow me on Instagram you know what I had this weekend. I waited all year for it and damn did it taste good! It was my first sip of pumpkin coffee from Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts this season. I indulged in both over the weekend. The Starbucks Pumpkin Latte is so far ahead of Dunkin Donuts’ Pumpkin coffee in terms of flavor. Starbucks pumpkin tastes like pumpkin pie and I don’t know if they’re actually murdering pumpkins out back to make this stuff or what, but it tastes awesome. I still feel a bit too anxious for fall to arrive though. The gross heat, humidity, and sick thunderstorms we’ve had here in Jersey this weekend makes Fall feel like it’s so far away.

I’ll be showing you a couple of things I did manage to find in a moment, but first, something I DIDN’T buy. Usually I buy two of everything regardless of knowing if it’s good or not. That’s a complete mistake because more than half the time, it usually sucks. I’m an easy target for gimmicky shit and limited edition crap, but this time I didn’t let myself get suckered.

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Take pumpkin spice M&Ms for example. It’s not like I don’t enjoy M&M’s because, what’s not to like? They’re little pellets of chocolate covered in a colorful candy shell. They come alive as wide-eyed candy mascots on TV too. All I’m saying is that I wouldn’t ordinarily go out to purchase a bag of M&Ms. On a rare occasion I might get a craving for a fun sized pack of peanut M&Ms at a vending machine, but I’ve been burned many times on the full sized gimmick bags too many times.

Any time a new variety comes out like Peanut Butter or Coconut M&Ms, I’m usually disappointed. I wasn’t going to be seduced by a cute orange M&M dressed up like a pumpkin on the front of the bag leering at me in Target. As I picked up a bag of Pumpkin Spice M&Ms excitedly, I was overcome by dejavu, and then I threw them back on the shelf, and walked away proudly. Not before taking a picture of course. I’m sure they’re delicious, but I’ll never know because they don’t sell packs of just 3 M&Ms just for tasting purposes.

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My best purchase so far isn’t what you’d think. When it comes to beer I don’t have expensive taste. I always prefer the middle of the road beers. I don’t enjoy ales or trendy microbrews. That said, I’ve spent the last few fall seasons buying literally cases of beer that went to waste because I wound up hating it. This year I was on an A-Team style mission. I visited all of my local liquor stores to find a pumpkin beer that I would enjoy the taste of and would bring to mind the flavors of the season. I realize that a lot of the seasonal pumpkin beers really work for many of you, they just aren’t for me. Drinking an ale makes me feel like I’m drinking bitter muddy water.

Since my taste preference is for the basic type of beer, I looked for a pumpkin lager, not an ale or IPA anything else that might exist. During a trip to the local Joe Canal’s, I found a 6-pack of Lakefront Pumpkin Lager and I was really excited. I brought it home and chilled it for a while. Later I cracked one open and was immediately smitten with the taste. It was exactly the pumpkin beer I was looking for, but where has it been all my life?

A little further investigation lead me to find out via the Lakefront Brewing website that it’s the ONLY pumpkin lager brewed in the WORLD. How the hell is this possible? If the highest selling beers in the country are the most basic beers that exist, why wouldn’t the pumpkin beers get a wide release in that same style? Who cares, I finally found what I was looking for, but what were the chances? If I never found this I would’ve kept looking for one seasonal style of beer that is nearly non-existent.

Miss Sexy Armpit and I each enjoyed one last night. The lager is brewed with pumpkin and spices and it’s definitely apparent. The consistency is smooth, and almost creamy for a lager. There’s not much effervescence and the head is minimal, but the aftertaste is amazing. It left a resounding pumpkin pie and spice flavor in my mouth. It’s one of the most enjoyable beers I’ve ever had. Snotty beer connoisseurs would scoff at this. Keep in mind that I am used to drinking typical lagers and pilsners, so if you are like me, then you’ll LOVE this. Now, onward!

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Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts wasted NO time hitting store shelves. In fact, they were my first purchase for the Halloween season several weeks ago along with candy corn and mellocreme pumpkins. To me, Pop-Tarts are rarely bad unless they are some zany variety like Wildlicious Wild Berry, and yes that’s actually a real flavor. These have a decent pumpkin flavor and they come through to fill the void in your breakfast portion of your fall lineup. I’ve yet to try them toasted, but I imagine they would be even better. Some people think toasting a Pop-Tart is grounds for the death penalty, but not me. I reserve toasting for special occasions though, and by special occasions I mean when I’m not being too lazy to get the toaster out.

Next up, we have the Tazo Pumpkin Spice Chai Latte. Tazo is now a division of Starbucks and this one of their pre-made mix cartons that you can serve either hot or cold. I prefer to have it cold, which is not only tastier to me, but also easier to prepare. Just pour equal parts milk and the latte mix over ice and whammo – you have a cold Pumpkin Spice Latte. Definitely a nice addition to the barrage of pumpkin stuff hitting stores.

Out of all this stuff I’d easily say the Lakefront Pumpkin Lager was my favorite purchase and I recommend it to you. Thanks for stopping by and come back to The Sexy Armpit soon for more of the Halloween countdown festivities!

New Jersey Runs On Dunkin’!

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D&D’s Limited Edition New Jersey DDestinations Collection Mug
The weather was so beautiful yesterday that I decided to take the back roads home from work. I even got really crazy and opened the sunroof. Something was missing though.

I felt like getting a pumpkin iced coffee from D&D. As it turns out, there’s no shortage of Dunkin’ Donuts locations in New Jersey, but what that actually means is that there’s one every 400 feet. I was near the Fanwood, NJ location so I pulled in. Whoa, long line! Usually the line is long for the breakfast rush, but at 5pm? Something told me not to jump in line right away.
Before I staked my claim on line behind the teenage girls that just got out of dance class, and the three stoner kids pooling their change together to buy vanilla bean Coolattas, I happened to notice a shelf with mugs to the right of the cash register, so I waltzed over to browse. As I got closer, I saw a bunch of ceramic mugs that said “New Jersey” on them. At first, I was in disbelief that D&D would offer a state branded mug, but it was real and it was begging me to bring it home.

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The packaging that housed the mug clued me in that it’s part of D&D’s limited edition “DDestinations” mug collection. $5.99 was a fair price considering it’s a gigantic mug, well let me rephrase that, it’s actually more of a VAT. I won’t have to go back for refills with this one, especially since I also use mugs for other random beverages. The graphics on the ceramic mug are FAR from mind blowing, but the idea is still pretty neat. The colors are in line with D&D branding and the graphics feel like they are straight out of the ’70s or ’80s. These mugs are already popping up on eBay for $20 bucks, so if this kind of memorabilia appeals to you, then grab your state’s mug in-store while you can.
Most of the locations and points of interest depicted on the mug were easily identifiable, but I had a hell of a time attempting to figure out what the tall building was in the photo posted on the top right. After a lot of Google image searching and help from a friend we determined it’s a really poor interpretation of Goldman Sachs Tower in Jersey City, NJ.
In addition to Goldman Sachs Tower, the other points of interest were easy to figure out. You can see Ellis Island Immigration Station, Absecon Light House, Lucy The Elephant, a few acres of farmland, Atlantic City, and possibly Branchbrook Park in Newark which is known for the largest collection of Cherry Blossom trees in the U.S. I can’t officially say that’s what those trees are intended to represent, but I’m relatively certain. Can’t wait to fill this up with some D&D pumpkin or toasted almond coffee.

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.58: Toy Story 3

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Woody, Mr. Pricklepants, Buttercup, and Trixie in Toy Story 3
WOODY: “…Hey guys look I don’t know where I am!”
TRIXIE: “We’re either in a cafe in Paris or a coffee shop in New Jersey…”

I’m all for a company who milks their properties for all they are worth. Sometimes though, Disney really scrounges. For instance, I had no idea there was a third installment of Cinderella, let alone a sequel! Yes indeed, you can look it up for yourself, Cinderella 3: A Twist in Time went straight to DVD, and so did Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea. There’s also a Little Mermaid prequel, Peter Pan 2, Fox and the Hound 2, Lilo and Stitch 2, Tarzan 2, Mulan 2, Lady and the Tramp 2, Pocahontas 2, 101 Dalmations 2, and perhaps the most baffling…The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2. Seriously? Journeying into Pixar territory we have Cars 2, and today’s movie: Toy Story 3.

When the original Toy Story was released in 1995, I thought it was an incredibly imaginative film, and I still do. The Toy Story franchise is one of those Godfather type instances where the sequel may actually be better than the original, or at least funnier. I never thought I’d see a follow up to TS2 10 years after the sequel was released, but leave it to Disney! While I still love TS2, part 3 was pretty friggin’ great also. 
Although I thought it was released too long after Toy Story 2, there were a couple of things I loved about Toy Story 3. First, the story continued in a perfect way. In case you haven’t seen it I won’t spoil too much, but I identified with the film because when I was a kid my Dad broke it to me that I was growing up and I needed to part with my toys because I wasn’t a kid anymore. We gave a lot of my toys and action figures to the local day camp – a catastrophic event that I’m sure a lot kids endured. It was pretty frigging devastating for me, but as we see in Toy Story 3, it’s more devastating for the toys! 
The casting of Michael Keaton as the Ken doll scored major points with me. The world always needs more Michael Keaton. I miss seeing him star in movies and we need him back in a big way. His voice role as Ken allowed him to go back to his comedy roots and really do what he does best. When I first watched the movie I wasn’t even aware that Keaton was going to be the voice of Ken so it was a cool surprise. There’s nothing like hearing Michael Keaton play one of the most famous dolls of all time. He plays Ken very vain, but with a wink. He brags about his dream house having an entire room just for trying on clothes and compliments Barbie on how much he loves her legwarmers. I’ll tell you one thing: Taylor Lautner couldn’t have pulled that off!

Toy Story 3 is streaming on Netflix now!

Dunkin’ Donuts in NJ Goes All Out for Halloween!

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Dunkin’ Donuts: get your medium coffee and the shit scared out of you! Many of the Dunkin’ Donuts locations in New Jersey decorate for Halloween, but a relatively small D&D in Perth Amboy, NJ went beyond hanging a few cobwebs and the face of a cardboard witch, they transformed into a virtual haunted house! It’s awesome when the Halloween spirit even spreads to store owners. Enjoy some of the pictures I was able to snap!

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these dudes clearly didn’t get their coffee this morning

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the snake slithering down from the vent was really creepy!

Peculiar Food Habits

Most of us have our little food quirks. What better a day to discuss these eccentricities than on Thanksgiving? After you’re finished jamming the various courses into your stomach, please share with us some of your favorite weird, wacky food combos!
Some people I know can’t eat a meal if the food on their plate touches the other food. For instance if the broccoli hits the mashed potatoes in even the slightest way, or the potatoes got onto the steak they’ll freak the F out. Might as well throw the entire plate of food out! C’MON! I don’t mind if the food on my plate gets intermingled because of that old cliche “It all goes to the same place.” 
There’s also the folks that are obsessed with certain combinations of food. It’s not like they are just throwing different food or drinks together for the hell of it either. These are the type of people who have been creating these specific concoctions for their entire lives. Look at how popular Iced Tea & Lemonade has become! Shit, my Dad even created his own drink in the ’80s called Pep-Tea. Of course it sounded like some sort of gastric medication but I laughed my ass off after he purposely poured the remaining liquid at the bottom of a Pepsi bottle into his half full glass of iced tea. “Hey Jay, It’s Pep-Tea!” It was a one of a kind moment because he was genuinely proud of his comical creation. If it wasn’t violating tons of copyrights and infringing on trademarks, he would’ve marketed that shit. When I was a kid, while eating lunch at his house, my friend Greg dipped pretzels into strawberry ice cream. He asked if I wanted to try it and I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it, it just came completely out of left field to me. That reminds me of the outrageous practice of dipping french fries into a Wendy’s Frosty. That just seems like the work of Satan to me. Have you ever done that? As gross as I can get, I still won’t cross that line.
I have an abundant amount of food habits as well, but most of them consist of combining my food into a sort of witches brew. If I happen to be eating meatloaf and mashed potatoes I usually just mash the meat and some ketchup into the mashed potatoes into something similar to what KFC now sells as a “Famous Bowl.” In this instance, I feel like they’re pulling the old “let’s put water in bottles and sell it!” scheme. If someone ever told me that my cauldron of ketchup infused meaty mashed potatoes actually looked good, then I may have had a great idea on my hands. Of course, not one person ever said “Hey, that looks good!” or “I do that with meatloaf too!” I do the same thing if I’m eating Oreos which is super rare. I think it just seems more efficient rather than twisting the Oreo open and wasting time licking the creme. After that I’d have to dunk and wait until the cookie gets mushy, so I bypass all that and go for the gusto.  I’ll get a glass or a bowl of milk and just let the Oreos chill in there for a bit and then just eat them all soggy with a spoon as if it’s Oreo soup. Uh-oh…Oreo soup, get on it Nabisco!
There are also people that eat stuff that I just think is totally weird. Recently at work, I overheard a guy talking about how he enjoys eating pigs feet. He claims they taste “just like a juicy piece of steak.” The same guy says pickled eggs are great also. To me, these are fairly disgusting things to be putting in or around my mouth. Today especially, you’ll notice some of your friends or relatives eating the actual bones of turkey or chicken, and eating the marrow. Total barbarians!
Another whacked out concoction I’ve dabbled in occasionally when I was younger is Milk and Pepsi. At the time I had no idea that it was a favorite of Laverne’s from Laverne & Shirley. I used to watch reruns of it when I was very young but I never made the connection. My mother pointed it out one day and she got a kick out of it. Years later this lead me to try making a creamsicle type drink by mixing orange soda with milk. It may sound disgusting to some, but it’s actually pretty good. I’m actually not a straight milk drinker unless there’s some sort of dessert involved. I’ll never understand the Milk with Dinner abomination. Forget about coffee with lunch or dinner, that’s out of the question. Coffee is for breakfast or after a meal only!
It’s possible that I’m just lazy when it comes to food or I actually like tasting all the leftovers together at the same time. Sometimes I’ll take 3 different leftovers and throw them into one bowl, mix it all up, microwave it, and then throw some sauce on it (BBQ, ketchup, honey mustard etc). The less work I have to do to eat the better. I’m not passed throwing everything into a blender and drinking my meal either. My friend Steve used to make fun of my odd blending obsession by asking me “What are you drinking…a Meat smoothie?” I would never take part in ingesting something that disgusting, but if we can get closer to becoming the Jetsons in this world I’d be happy. I’d like to pop a “lunch” pill with all the important nutrients, vitamins, and protein my body needs to be operating at an optimum level. Think of how easy food shopping would become! We could probably just have a few bottles of tablets shipped to us.
Happy Thanksgiving! Let us know some of your weird food habits: