10 Treasures Found at Dollar Store on Atlantic City Boardwalk

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Mysterious isn’t the most appropriate word to describe dollar stores on the Atlantic City boardwalk. Nope. I think the word that best sums them up is “obnoxious.” But, let me take that back, we found one of them on New Years Day and it was sort of magical.

While walking the A.C boardwalk on the brisk, but sunny first day of the year with Dinosaur Dracula, we came across a 99 cent store that Matt said he’d like to stop at. I’m so jaded by these stores that my expectations of its contents were at the aboslute rock bottom. Through my black sunglasses I took one last look around the boardwalk. The sun blasted my face with fire as the blue sky soothed it. I admit, I was dazed for a second, but give me a break, there was some New Years debauchery that I needed to shake off. After a giant seagull stared down at me ominously from atop the adjacent boardwalk Psychic building, I heard him say “What are you looking at, go the frig inside already you weird bastard!”

We ventured in. We made like Miracles and shopped around.

After about 40 minutes of being in the 99 cent zone, I could hear Rod Serling in my mind introduce our own Twilight Zone episode “…To many, what they held in their hands was merely junk, but to these two young Frog Brothers wannabes, it might as well be heaven.” Maybe it was too much Twilight Zone Marathon.

After another good half hour at least, we still had yet to do a complete revolution around the store. We soldiered on and continued for another half hour at least. During a few long stops at some end caps to smell outdated WWE air fresheners, and test out gadgets that would give Randy Peltzer an uncomfortably lengthy Viagra boner, we walked further back into the seemingly never-ending abyss of aisles. At that moment, we thought, “how could there possibly be more?” Then we wound up in the housewares sections, and I use that term loosely. Then into the children’s wear section, and finally ending up in a section dedicated to mid ’80s telephone number organizers. F*ck this was such a great place.

The best way to describe it to you is this: It’s the Vendredi’s Antiques from Friday the 13th The Series, of the Atlantic City Boardwalk dollar store scene. It’s maybe too specific to have its own scene, but I don’t want to limit it to the label of “a good store,” because that would in no way be accurate.

By the way, you can never go there. Not only do I forbid you, but I warn you that it’s not your store to shop in. A mystical energy force field will repel you from it if you ever try to take one step inside of it. It’s mine, all mine dammit! It’s my treasure store, MWAHAHAHA! Well, it’s not all mine really. Dinosaur Dracula discovered it, and yes, I reaped half of the schlockiest, um…most glorious benefits.

It was as if Matt discovered gold and realized he had to split it. Because he’s such a good guy, he didn’t kill me over it in a fittingly Boardwalk Empire-like fashion, but he actually let me get a piece of some of it. Kindness must be a characteristic of the hybrid Reptile-Nosferatu, scientific name, Dinosaurus Draculus. Motherf*ckerus this is fun. I guess just add “us” at the end of the word.

I prefer to believe 99 cent EVERYTHING 99 cent has 100 million items, not 10,000 and it’s possibly the real mecca of the Atlantic City Boardwalk. Don’t get me wrong, Boardwalk Hall is an institution, and the Beatles played there, but can you buy a Skeleton Clicker Licker there? Most certainly not.

Yes, it’s full of outdated, unloved bric-a-brac, chachkies, and doohickies, and all the other more elaborate words my mom used to use when she couldn’t think of the word “junk,” but shopping here will actually save you from losing all your money in A.C. Here’s how: if you gamble the entire time you are “Doing A.C,” then you will surely lose your money, maybe even your home. But, if you opt to shop in 99 Cent Everything 99 Cent, you may only spend a measly $8.74 cents like I did, AND wind up going home with all the luxury items below.

As George Carlin once so eloquently stated, “A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.” Stuff is certainly what I don’t need more of. Unless it’s 1985’s “The Stuff,” that I’ll watch all the time. So, I made it a point to be more organized in 2014. I really shit the bed. Here it goes…

10. MY MR. MIDDLE FINGER

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If you know me, you know that it was only a matter of time before I actually owned this beautifully sculpted statue. It’s been a fascination of mine ever since the first time I stepped foot on the boardwalk with Miss Sexy Armpit. For only a dollar, the value was tremendous considering it’s made of pure ivory. In comparison to the classics, I put “My Mr. Middle Finger” (I just named him that) on par with The Thinker or Venus DeMilo. It’s hard to put into words, but this piece of fine art perfectly epitomizes what Jersey is all about.

Next time you have your boss and his wife over for drinks, make sure you keep this displayed as prominent in your home as Darrin McGavin did with his leg lamp. Mark my words, no item you find in Homegoods will ever evoke more style, class, and refined beauty as “My Mr. Middle Finger.” TM yo.

I can’t speak for other boardwalks or shore communities, but if you visit the Atlantic City boardwalk and you feel like buying someone an authentic souvenir and you feel a little bit more generous then picking them up some salt water taffy, this might be THE perfect thing. It’s been a staple of these dollar stores for probably 15 years or more. That makes it not quite as old as the Renaissance period, but it does trace back way longer than the dumb t-shirts you see in those stores that spell out Jersey Shore like this:

JER
SEY
SHO
RE

If there’s a true generation gap, please submit that as prime anecdotal evidence.

9. DENNIS THE MENACE PINBALL GAME

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Dennis the Menace. Damn him and his posssibly mid to late ’80s pinball…and his A.D.D. Fitting that he’s the spokesperson for a pinball machine that makes your head spin cause that little bastard used to make Mr. Wilson’s head spin for sure. You may have never heard about it, but the poor old man died of a massive heart attack. Autopsy report confirmed that his arteries weren’t clogged and he seemed to be in perfect health. You know what that means, right? Dennis killed Mr. Wilson. He literally annoyed the living shit out of him. I suppose that if it keeps him occupied for more than a few minutes, this cheap ass pinball game is worth it. More of a selling point for me is the packaging. If this mint-on-card pinball game ever manned up and f*cked a mid-20s Hot Topic employee, their spawn would be this exquisitely trashy and gorgeous packaging. I think Brutus Beefcake wore the same spandex pant print before he became “The Barber.”

8. BON JOVI CASSETTE SINGLE

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I couldn’t walk the boardwalk and not pick up something for Miss Sexy Armpit. In fact, you get an exclusive, she doesn’t even know about this yet. Since she loves Bon Jovi, I picked her up a cassette single from Bon Jovi. “This Ain’t a Love Song” is a song about his love affair with himself from the discarded album titled “Portrait of a Megalomaniac.” I know, real scathing. Do you really care though? Didn’t think so. I know you want to hear about the Blood Ball key chain. Patience young Padawan!

This cassette single was originally on the shelves of The Wiz – an electronic store which was big in the NJ/NY area. Word at the time was that Nobody could actually beat The Wiz, but they eventually gave up and filed for bankruptcy in 1998. *PC Richards runs a sub-site using The Wiz’ name and logo.

7. TOTALLY ADORABLE DINOSAUR TATTOOS

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MORE TATTOOS! Possibly the most adorable dinos I’ve ever seen. It includes the cutest, most ass backwards Stegosaurus ever and the little scamp at the bottom right. Matt tells me his name might be the good old galactic squidhead “Tailosaurus,” but that really hasn’t been scientifically proven. Either way, I’m through gushing.

6. WOW, ATLANTIC CITY POSTCARD

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This poor guy. 

Who really needs the whole “DO AC” campaign when there’s an entire branding bonanza on the front of this WOW! ATLANTIC CITY postcard? In all the years I spent roaming around the boardwalk in A.C, this is one that passed me right by. I guess I was never an avid “rotating postcard display rotater.” When I saw this one, confusion hit me instantly. Was this a modern post card meant to be ironic? Or was this just a really weird and f*cked up serious post card from an era when every damn thing in the world had its own postcard? When the process of buying and sending a postcard was still an activity people actually involved themselves in. More importantly WHO IS THIS GUY? AND WHY WOW? Even though I missed out on this joke when it first started popping up in stores along the boardwalk, I can still appreciate it. Wow.

5. CLICKER STICKER HALLOWEEN CANDY AND WHISTLE

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Super awesome looking skeleton bashing himself in his skull incessantly AND it’s joyously annoying as hell! At one time in the distant past, this was a blue raspberry candy, now it is completely green and really disgusting looking. How the hell do they actually get away with selling this stuff? The whistle doesn’t work. Oh no, wait, that’s not it. I don’t want to put my mouth on this thing that’s been sitting in a dollar store for 12 years.

4. SHITTY ASS DVDS

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Moon Stalker and Time Chasers DVDs. Low budget late 90s horror and sci-fi. Avid dollar store goers might already know these films, but they are completely new to me. I am familiar with the sub-par DVDs sold cheaply without a plastic snap case, but I’m not familiar with these two who were so sub par that they were produced somewhere deep within the mantle of the earth and outfitted with fancy cardboard sleeves. I can foresee this getting a special enhanced Blu-Ray edition within the next 6-8 months. Who’s bringing the multi-colored popcorn? Even though both of these are most likely to blow chunks, Moon Stalker looks more appealing to me, mainly because of the subtle power of the movie’s log line, “Campfire Stories can be Deadly.” F*CK YEAH THEY CAN!

As I’ve made clear in this post, I often like to come home with, fine, museum quality pieces at bargain basement prices…

3. NUDE FEMALE TORSO SHAKER 

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The beauty of this nude female porcelain torso isn’t the virtuoso sculptor behind this piece, it’s the versatility. You can shake salt OR pepper out of it, or why not combine both into one to save time and cop a feel AT THE SAME TIME! I’m thinking about buying some Red Robin seasoning to fill it up with, then I can instruct house guests to shake my boobs onto their burger if they want. Ah hell, who am I kidding? It would only be a bun.

What’s not really sinking into my mind is the fact that I actually bought this. When I first saw it out of the corner of my eye, I literally thought to myself “WHO THE F*CK WOULD BUY THIS?” Then, of course, I buy the damn thing. But, that’s not even the worst part. People MUST buy this. A lot of people MUST buy this fairly frequently. You can’t buy a nude female torso salt and pepper shaker made of high quality porcelain WITH a bonus stamp indicating that this is authentic from ATLANTIC CITY at just any local store.

Do YOU own one of these? I can’t wrap my head around it. If you are one of “these” people, I need to know who you are. I need to talk to you. Seriously. We need to converse, possibly discussing what size baseball bat you were hit in the head with when you were a kid and you need to give me a very detailed verbal tour of your home.

2. McDONALD’S ERASABLE WHITE BOARD (for the anal retentive Happy Meal kid)

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Getting organized is high on my list of new years resolutions. In fact, it’s on there every year and I never seem to fully succeed at it. I really need to stop buying more stuff, but there is hope. Without a doubt, this McDonald’s dry-erase To-Do list is my only hope. I’m looking for it to be the spiritual shove in the right direction, that performance enhancing drug, that surge of adrenaline that’s gonna catapult my organizational dreams. It even has a spot for a check mark for each day of the week. I don’t really understand how to use this, but I feel it’s an efficiency booster nonetheless.

The fact that the week starts on Sunday makes me want to tear my eyelids off and stomp them. I know technically Sunday is the first day of the week, but Monday is the start of the work week, and this calendar is made to look like the weekend is only one day. Screw that. And screw McDonalds.

1. BLOOD BALL KEYCHAIN

Ohh yes. I say that in the closest I can sound like Paul Bearer as possible. The blood ball is a severed fingertip inside a ball of goo. On a key chain. That is all.

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Now be sure to read about the amazing crap that Dinosaur Dracula put in his treasure basket! From Garfield to Ghostbusters 2, he ran into some serious finds!

Thank you for reading, the soundtrack to this post has been:
“Ooh Heaven is a Place on Earth” by Belinda Carlisle

Politan Points Out Casey Anthony’s Puppies

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Casey Anthony is being released from jail today. Regardless of being found not guilty, Anthony is still a low life for not reporting her child missing for such a long span of time and judging by how she treated her parents on the phone conversations and how she changed her stories constantly, she’s a scumbag in my book.

And because of her, our yearly 4th of July getaway consisted of being holed up in a hotel room glued to the TV. While the summer was officially in full swing my girlfriend and I deferred the typical activities such as fun in the sun and outdoor barbecues in order to be crazy glued to the old school CRT television in the hotel room. Not sure what we would’ve done if they didn’t have HLN network in the room. Previous to the case, I had no idea that Headline News streamlined to “HLN” for the past several years until Miss Sexy Armpit and her mom got me hooked on watching coverage of the Casey Anthony trial.

It was easy to get sucked into the case, especially when there’s nothing quite as riveting showing elsewhere on TV except for Regular Show on Cartoon Network. So there was a span of nearly 4 days where the most traveling I did was walk over to the bathroom and in an extreme case, down the hallway to get some ice. The rest of the time was spent sacked out on the bed watching live trial coverage and analysis from the various anchors on HLN.

The only good thing about this despicable bitch is that she actually was bestowed with a fairly bountiful chestal region. And should the media have faulted CNN’s Vinnie Politan for pointing that fact out when he was merely stating the truth? During coverage of the case on 5/31, Casey Anthony was asked to stand up in court. Politan commented “Only thing they’re gonna see now are her boobs sticking out today,” and it became a big controversy as if Politan didn’t know he was on mic. I say big f’n deal! Politan didn’t say anything wrong or offensive, he was commenting on the fact that her defense team is letting her dress like the skank that she is and her goods were on display.

Maybe the defense was hoping to get the lonely single guys in the jury on their side? Let’s be honest here, if Casey Anthony was a very masculine, overweight, and unattractive 25 year old female, this case would not be the media blitz it became. Politan was right in pointing out this aspect of the trial since as much as people were trashing her for being slutty, that was part of the cases mass appeal. America loves schlock! It was a soap opera, albeit an unscripted one.

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One of the shows I enjoyed watching the most was HLN’s Special Report hosted by former attorney and journalist Vinnie Politan. I wasn’t surprised when my girlfriend told me he’s from Jersey. I could smell my own, what can I say? Here’s the run down on Politan:
  • Graduated West Orange High School
  • Law Degree from Seton Hall
  • Former district attorney in Bergen County NJ
  • Former anchor Channel 10 News in NJ

Click HERE to read Vinnie Politan’s official bio at CNN

New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol.54: Hatchet

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Samuel Barrat a.k.a Shapiro Driver’s License in HATCHET

In Hatchet (2006), the character of the pseudo filmmaker scumbag Shapiro (Joel Murray) was somewhat of a genius if you ask me! Shapiro went around with a video camera recording hot “Girls Gone Wild” type exploits of Misty and Jenna who frequently flashed their goods to the camera.

Shapiro convinced airhead girls that he was a film producer so he could amass his own little porn collection. He was basically a hornball whose name really wasn’t Shapiro after all. There’s nothing worse than a guy who goes around calling himself a filmmaker when he’s actually never worked on an actual film before, but I guess I can let it slide since low budget porn does actually count.

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“So he really didn’t work for Bayou Beavers?” – Misty

In this quick scene, Ben (Joel Moore) finds Shapiro’s wallet. Inside there was an American Excess credit card, $10 bucks, a condom, and a couple of business cards. Ben also pulls out his drivers license to discover that he’s really Samuel Barrat from Newark NJ! He must have been pretty desperate for girls to film if he had to travel all the way down to New Orleans. We also find out that Barrat is a senior marketing manager for Whitman Diagnostics located in Hoboken, NJ. Of course, that was before Victor Crowley made him a headless marketing manager.

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Northeastern areas of NJ have the (201) area code

Susan Sarandon is October’s Garden State Playmate!

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Can you imagine that much of the younger generation knows Susan Sarandon from SNL’s “Mother Lover” sketch? I wonder if those same kids would be surprised that she was also quite a hot little number back in her day. Back in her day started about 40 years ago in 1970’s Joe, her first film role. Since then, out of the long list of movies Susan Sarandon has starred in, her performance as the innocent, yet sexy Janet Weiss in 1975’s The Rocky Horror Picture Show is still one of her most memorable.

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Casting Sarandon in “Mother Lover” was fitting, since she definitely is a MILF. Are MILF’s allowed to be named Garden State Playmates, you ask? Of course they are! I also chose Susan Saradon to be October’s GSP because even though she was born in New York, she grew up in Edison, NJ and graduated from Edison High School.

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Sarandon has had many standout performances and coincidentally, one of her most notable is actually linked with New Jersey. Her role in 1980’s Atlantic City gained her an Academy Award nomination for Best Actress. Sarandon’s film choice is not always predictable or safe which is apparent when scanning her filmography. She’s starred in films such as The Hunger, The Witches of Eastwick, and Thelma and Louise. In the pop culture department, Sarandon starred as Queen Narissa, a badass witch in Disney’s Enchanted, as well as The Simpsons, the live action Speed Racer, and as a guest on Sesame Street.

As you can see, Susan Sarandon certainly has had an impressive career thus far, but she’s most notorious for her knockers, and you can admit it, we’re amongst friends here, you know you want to touch-a, touch-a, touch-a, touch them! So, here’s to you Susan Sarandon! Who the hell needs a lifetime achievement award when you have the honor of being October’s Garden State Playmate?!?!

Taryn Thomas is January’s Garden State Playmate!

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Porn mirrors pop culture. Porn doesn’t just provide a diversion for legions of horny people, and dictates what home video format we’ll be purchasing for the next 10 years, but also grabs its influences from what’s hot on TV and in the movies. Joining the ranks of porn parodies like Casabangca, Edward Penishands, and Muffy the Vampire Layer, is Jersey Shore XXX starring Jersey born adult film actress Taryn Thomas.

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Taryn Thomas, the dirtiest girl in porn, will be playing Snooki in the upcoming adult version of MTV’s New Jersey based reality show. Even though it may be a departure from her role in Evil Angels Vault of Whores and The Cream Team 2, Taryn’s bountiful skills will easily make any guy she’s in a scene with rise to the occasion.

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Seeking to have more creative control over her projects, Taryn grabbed the shaft by the balls and started her own production company called Taryn It Up Entertainment. I admire her gusto and of course…her busto. Rimshot! In addition to her extensive work in the adult film industry, Taryn has studied cosmetology, has a pharmacy technician license, and even went to real estate school! That is what I call versatile. After she bangs you six ways from Sunday she’ll do your guyliner, prescribe you some allergy meds, and then bring you to a snazzy open house. What a girl!

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After discussing her Jersey roots at the eXXXotica convention in Edison, NJ

If you’re like Paul Rudd’s character, David, in 40 Year Old Virgin, and you have a compilation like Boner Jamz ’03, adding Jersey Shore XXX to Boner Jamz 2010 is a must! Check out the trailer:

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New Jersey’s Great Pop Culture Moments Vol. 32: The Secret of the Ooze

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If you’re looking for toxic sludge in order to transform a wolf and a turtle into two monstrous mutants, then look no further than Bayonne, NJ! There’s plenty of ooze here thanks to the work of Techno Global Research Industries, or TGRI, a company who, for 15 years, has been dumping their noxious waste in Jersey no less. I guess they figured, “Why not dump it in Jersey? Oh sure, the state is filled with garbage anyway, so bury it over there!”

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“…Reporting live from Bayonne, New Jersey, this is April O’Neil, Channel 3 News, back to you…”

This wasn’t just any ordinary waste, it was chemical ooze that could mutate anything into a jumbo version of itself. Unlike all the spam e-mails you get, this stuff could actually work miracles for a certain male appendage or even females with negative A cups. The only drawback is that after you lather up in it, you’d probably have to live the rest of your life ridiculously ripped and grow to 10 or 11 feet tall. If you’re cool with that and you have some sort of Guiness Book of World Records freak fetish, then by all means, go to Bayonne and find yourself some ooze! Just a warning though, you may have to dig through some of the alien carcasses that appeared in 2005’s War of the Worlds.

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In an attempt to improve the company’s public image, TGRI tries to clean up much of the waste they have buried through the years of ecological incompetence. This ruise is not much different than some campaigns rolled out by many high profile companies in the last several years to “go green.” It’s common for companies to exploit the angle that they are being conscious of the environment to cover up a lot of their other shady operations. Just think, without this ooze, yeah maybe we wouldn’t have the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but more importantly, we wouldn’t have Tokka and Rahzar!

At one point, as he’s being in interviewed by April O’Neil, Professor Jordan Perry (David Warner) even claims the sludge was non toxic! Oh yeah…of course. It was as non toxic as Crayola crayons! I don’t think so! Can you ever trust the man known as the voice of Ra’s al Ghul? I think not Detective…

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Mutated giant dandelions, now do you understand why we’re called The Garden State?
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Someone Will Get This Tonight…

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Is this classy, or what? This is how we do it in Jersey.

I’m basically a hermit, so asking me to go to your gift swapping party is almost like asking me to venture into the massive crowd in Times Square on New Year’s Eve. I wouldn’t say I have a case of social anxiety, but I’m definitely the polar opposite of Randal Graves in Clerks, who hates people but loves gatherings.
What you see above is The Sexy Armpit’s “Beat The Meat” gift basket, and one unsuspecting guest will tear open a ghetto looking package wrapped in A Christmas Story paper, only to see that this is their gift. I’m seriously hoping some random middle aged woman with a reindeer sweater winds up being the recipient of this, the ultimate gift basket.
The BTM gift basket’s versatility proves to be the mark of just how amazing this gift really is. If a dude is lucky enough to pick the number and rip into this one, he’ll most likely be ecstatic. If a chick opens this, she’ll most likely say “Oh my gawd…I’ve been meaning to buy a meat tenduhryza!” (That’s apparently how we talk here in Jersey) and be genuinely excited to have another kitchen utensil to add to their collection. But then there’s other girls who will nonchalantly mumble a raunchy comment about how they could take the entire summer sausage with no problems, and then, naturally, saying “I’m just kidding!…” but they aren’t. If an older woman gets the basket, they’ll most likely be fairly disgusted at how smutty of an idea this was and whoever came up with it should burn in hell, even in this time of joy and peace. Ahh well, they’ll make the sign of the cross and then it’ll be done with, all the while remembering fondly their college days when they were able to take 2 of those summer sausages with ease. If an older guy gets the BTM gift basket, without hesitation, he’ll be making his way to the DVD player as soon as the other people start concentrating on the next person opening their gift. After that, he’s in the bathroom doing himself dirty. Finally, I just hope there’s no kids opening presents tonight, but their parents have probably been meaning to give them “the talk,” and they’ll be seeing it sooner or later anyway.
So, if you go to any gift swapping parties this year, remember to give the gift of meat and breasts this holiday season with The Sexy Armpit’s “Beat The Meat” gift basket.

EXXXOTICA NY comes to The NJ Expo Center 9/25 – 9/27!!!

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EXXXOTICA, the biggest and best adult event and consumer show will be coming to the New Jersey Expo Center in Edison, NJ. Last year the people of Secaucus wouldn’t allow such a “smutty” event in their fair city. Yep, the Meadowlands Expo Center dropped the butt plugs on this one. Luckily, Edison picked up the butt plugs and will be ramming them into the NJ Expo Center in just a few weeks. The Sexy Armpit.com will be in attendance at the 2nd annual EXXXOTICA expo and so should you!
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Over 100 of your favorite Porn stars, Suicide Girls, Burning Angel Girls, and more will be at EXXXOTICA. It’s a who’s who of the adult entertainment industry and there’s much fun to be had. To add to your spontaneous combustion after you read the list of appearances, there will be adult products featured, stage shows, seminars, meet and greets, live performances, and Q&A panels. I’m sure by Saturday night, you’ll be ready to POP THAT COOCHIE because 2 Live Crew will be in the house performing 2 sets for all in attendance! If you miss out on 2 Live Crew, don’t worry because there’s also going to be DJ’s spinning music, the Ms. Exxxotica competition, fashion shows, sexy game shows, and tons more.

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Unlike the intimate experiences you share with your laptop, EXXXOTICA gives you the opportunity to meet the girls you lust after face to face, and in the flesh! Here’s a SMALL sample of the stars appearing at EXXXOTICA: Tera Patrick, Sasha Grey, Jenna Haze, Joanna Angel, Bree Olson, Eva Angelina, Teagen Presley, Kayden Kross, Ron Jeremy, Sean Michaels, Seka, and Tabitha Stevens. There’s so many more so check out the complete list at the official site.
For ticket information click here. Oh and FREE F’N PARKING!!! WOOO-HOOO!!!
eXXXotica NY
September 25th – 27th
NJ Expo Center
97 Sunfield Avenue
Edison, NJ 08837

NJ T-Shirt Tuesday 14: The New Jersey Giants

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Courtesy of XL3 Vintage Clothing

Last night the New York Giants won their first pre-season game against the Carolina Panthers at Giants Stadium. Depression sets in every time I watch a Giants game and I’m forced to fixate on that silly “NY” logo on the players’ helmets. Growing up in the ’80s, the Giants helmets simply read “GIANTS.” It was sleek and concentrated on the team name without any implication of geographical ownership. It’s a simple fact of life that the Giants will never change their name to the NY/NJ Giants, regardless of the fact that everyone in the country knows that their official headquarters, training facility, and home stadium are in East Rutherford, New Jersey. In a non-sports related argument, there’s no reason why a New York/New Jersey feud should even exist since their relationship is symbiotic. There’s no way the Giants would even exist without New Jersey, and their new stadium affirms that they’ll be sticking around for quite a long time.

During the ’80s and ’90s (and I’m sure it’s probably still happening) there were many bootleg “New Jersey Giants” shirts printed up. If you bought or wore one of these throughout the years, your fake boobs or juiced pecs were clinging to a lie. Wearing a shirt or an illegally created jersey that purported the Giants to be a New Jersey team was like falling in love with a girl who was already married. It’s a fruitless affair. New Jersey doesn’t want the Giants to be ours exclusively, we’re happy sharing Big Blue, but hell, we just want some credit! What’s the sense of having a fierce custody battle when we know that the Giants have lived in the swamps of New Jersey since ’76? I wonder how it would pan out if the Boston Red Sox stadium was actually in Rhode Island? The Rhode Island Red Sox has a better ring to it…and so does the Jersey Giants!!!

This shirt is a small, and it’s from the ’80s when everyone was the size of Napoleon, so I’d bet it’s only going to fit small children and girls without much in the boob department. Regardless, this sporty slice of retro heaven is ideal for those who love the G-Men, AND New Jersey!

To check out the listing click here: XL3VintageClothing.net